A Talk

Morning came fair and warm, the wind beginning to turn westward over the Anduin. It could be called a beautiful, lovely morning in fact; that is, if you hadn't been sitting on a cold bench in a secluded corner of Minas Tirith, still mulling over the numb shock one had felt when realising they had romantic feelings for someone for the first time in their six-thousand five-hundred year odd life span. Unfortunately someone was doing that, and that someone happened to be me.

I was not one to leap to conclusions, and this time had been no exception. For several months on end now I had been stewing over my strange emotions, several times coming upon the conclusion I had now- that I was in love. Previously though, I had dismissed it as stress and such, screwing with my head and my heart. But now I could no longer deny it; I doubted that I would ever tell anybody- Fangorn maybe but no-one else. The sheer knowledge that I now had a solid fact about my emotions gave me comfort- but with it, it also brought pain with the knowledge and doubt that a relationship would ever work. And so all night I had sat on the cold bench thinking of nothing, clearing my mind so that I wouldn't slip up and hiding things in the caverns of my soul but bringing the things I wanted to be shown to light.

The morning was still early, the sounds of a waking city filling the air and the wafting smell of breakfast foodstuffs being cooked. Some smelled so good it made even my stomach growl yet others gave me the feeling of wanting to puke. Even with a nose like mine I couldn't tell what the fetid, offensive substance had originally been over the smell of burning acid. I sent a silent prayer to the Valar that whoever found that food upon their plate was blessed with a strong stomach and no tastebuds.

I was unsure of what I was to do with myself that morn, so I decided to find the elf and dwarf twosome and see what they were up to. The very thought of Legolas sent off butterflies that finally had a meaning but I hid any signs of them in the depths of my disposition. I found them outside the doors of the throne room, standing by the white tree of Gondor. How did I know it was white- I didn't, that's just what it was called and henceforth what colour I assumed it to be.

They were discussing whether to visit the Hobbit duo, both sounding quite eager to get a conversation out of them. Although we had met them before we had none of us had gotten the chance to talk with them privately as close friends like us tended to wish. We rapidly agreed to visit them immediately and made our way down to the lower levels of the city. "It is good to know that they are still alive," said Gimli "for they cost us a lot of pain in our march over Rohan, and I would not like to have such pains wasted." Legolas and I mutually agreed.

Together we entered the main city and I could feel the stares of marvel directed at us. It was undoubtedly an unusual site to see and elf a dwarf and a woman walking through the streets, Legolas singing a elven-song in a clear voice, Gimli raspily stroking his beard and I humming along to Legolas's tune. Not singing- I would have been paid to shut up if I did. "There is some good stonework here," Gimli remarked "but also some that is less good and streets that could be better contrived. When Aragorn comes into his own I shall offer him the service of stonewrights of Erebor, and we will make this a town to be proud of- not that there isn't anything to already be proud of, of course." He added hastily so that no-one overhearing would be offended.

"They need more gardens." Legolas added. "The houses are dead, and there is too little here that grows and is glad. If Aragorn comes into his own, the people of Greenwood shall bring him trees that never die." If; the awful uncertainty of who would survive this war and who wouldn't; or if anyone would.

I affably agreed with the elf. "They do need more life here; though perhaps not just in plants. If Aragorn comes to power I will get Treebeard to herd some songbirds over this-a-way so there are sounds other than the babble of people."

We continued to walk, although I began to feel quite uncomfortable with the amount of eyes falling upon us. But as we walked I heard a noble begin to come in our direction; and eventually we came across him and hailed him. On the other side of Gimli, Legolas bowed low- well I highly doubt it was a curtsey in any case- for he saw someone with elven blood in his veins. "Hail lord Imrahil!" he said "It has been a long time since the people of Nimrodel left the wood of Lorien, and still it can be seen that not all sailed from Amroth's haven over the water."

"So it is said in the lore of my land," the other prince said "yet never have one of the fair folk been seen there for years beyond count. I marvel at seeing two in the midst of sorrow and war. Why are you here?" Imrahil finished speaking.

Wait, two elves? I almost let out a groan, silently doing it all the same. My ribbon and hood…. I had forgotten to flick them on.

"I am one of the companions who set out with Mithrandir from Imladris." Legolas replied. "With Gimli and Darke here," he introduced us "we are going to see our friends Meriadoc and Peregrin; we've been told that they are in your keeping in the Houses of Healing, but I'm afraid we seem to have lost our way." I then realised he was correct- we had indeed lost themselves. Actually with some good remembering I could probably get us there, but that would take effort.

"You will indeed find them in the Houses of Healing, I will lead you thither." The prince of Belfalas replied.

"It will be enough if you send someone to guide us Lord," said Legolas "for Aragorn sends you this message. He does not wish to enter the city again at this time, yet there is need for the captains to hold council at once- he prays that you, and Eomer and Eowyn of Rohan will come down to his tents as soon as possible. Mithrandir is already there." Legolas and Gimli must have been abroad incredibly early to have already spoken to Aragorn. But then, constant waking at dawn does that to people.

"We will come." Replied Imrahil. "I wish you and your fair lady well; same goes to you dwarf." I felt the tips of my ears go red- fair lady, that was new. Let alone he thought I was Legolas's lady, which just served to worsen things- but then again he thought I was an elf so that undeniably would have added onto matters. Thankfully Legolas took the matter in his own hands.

"She is not my lady," Legolas chortled good-naturedly after a brief pause " and I doubt she ever will be, brilliant as she is." I felt my ear-tips go redder and prayed to the Valar, to Illuvatar himself that no-one would notice.

"Not the one for you, eh?" Imrahil laughed alongside us at his own mistake. "Sorry about that by the way. But really women; it is difficult to find the right one. My father lined me up with what must have been thousands, before I ended up marrying a kitchen maid!"

"It certainly is." Legolas replied. We shared a little chortle. I had actually been in Belfalas at the time the prince was looking for a wife; I had decided to stay there a while longer than I thought I would, his father's efforts causing me amusement to no end.

We parted from the prince with courteous words, the prince saying he would send someone to meet us on one of the roads. However, any hopes I thought I had a chance with Legolas were dashed. He was correct- typically it was hard to find the correct partner in life, and I doubted Legolas was any exception. I could almost guarantee myself that I was not that partner. I fell quiet.

"That is a fair lord and a great captain of men." Legolas said as we parted ways. "If Gondor still has such men in these fading days, its glory must have been great in the days of its rising."

"And doubtless the good stone-work is of the old days and was wrought in the first buildings." Gimli added. "It is that way with the things men begin; there is a frost in Spring, or a blight in Summer, and they fail of their promise."

"Yet seldom do they fail of their seed. And it will lie in the dust and rot to spring up again in the times and places unlooked for. The deeds of men will outlast us Gimli." Legolas said.

"Yet they may come in the end to naught but might-have-beens, I guess." Said Gimli.

"To what end may it come, the elves have no answer." We fell into a solemn silence.


We came upon the prince's servant, who led us in the right direction. But instead of leading us through the front door he led us into the gardens. There we found Merry and Pippin, and we soon became light-hearted. For a long while we walked and talked, taking the peace as an opportunity to briefly rejoice. We recited a few stories and poems, many of which I was new to- I myself shared a little about the antics of Ents, surprising everybody but Merry and Pippin in particular, at the fact that Ent's could (in their own words at that) 'gamble and frolic once in a while'. I recounted when I was first learning to fly and they would take turns throwing me into the air to see how high I could flap; before getting a Huorn to catch me before I broke any bones. It was like a catching game over several hundred meters. The memory of flight made me sombre, along with making my side twinge at the thought of flapping. I participated in little talk after that.

Eventually Merry's sickness made him grow weary so we went and sat upon the wall with the Houses of Healing behind us. I could hear the Anduin in the distance as it flowed away, even out of sight of elves. A soft breeze blew, tousling my hair and making my cloak flap. There were the soft flaps of bird wings coming up the river. If I could see, it would have made quite a peaceful picture. The others talked as I half listened. Legolas too fell silent, though what he was thinking of I didn't know. I felt his eyes rest on me for a moment, before moving off and coming to rest on something else.

"Look!" He cried softly "Gulls! They are flying far inland. They are… wonderful. But they trouble my heart." He sounded in such awe, yet in such sorrow. His voice grew ever softer. "Never in my life had I met them, until we came to Pelargir where I heard them crying as we battled the ships." Pelargir had been the name of the place where we had fought the Cosair's, though the name had escaped me at the time. Legolas continued. "I stood still, forgetting the war in Middle-earth; their voices instead told me of the sea. I have not yet beheld it, but deep in the hearts of all my kindred lies the sea-longing, a peril to stir. Alas these Gulls! I doubt I shall have peace again, under sun or star."

My heart grew heavy at his words. It was cruel that my friend would never again be away from the urge for the sea. But also for more selfish reasons I did not want him to leave any time soon; my sentiments would most likely make me go across the sea with him. I had been to the sea many times, and had never felt the sea-longing despite the fact I had been turned into an elf. It had either been banished when I was experimented on, or something that was deeper than physical and mental levels. I believed it was the latter. I wanted to object to him, but I was not sure what to say. Thankfully Gimli spoke for me.

"Do not say so!" Gimli rumbled. "There are countless things that are still to be seen in Middle-earth , and great works to do. But if all the fair-folk went to the Havens it would be a duller world for those who are doomed to stay."

"Dull and dreary indeed!" Merry agreed. "You must not go to the Havens Legolas. There will always be some folk, big or little, even just a few wise dwarves like Gimli who need you… well at least I hope. Though I somehow feel the worst of this war is yet to come. I wish it was over and well!" I felt gloom settle across our little group. Even happy carefree creatures like Hobbit's were aching for this war to be over. We fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Don't be so gloomy!" voiced Pippin at last. "The sun is shining, and here we are together for a day or two at least. I want to hear more about you all. Come Gimli! You Darke and Legolas have mentioned your strange journey with Strider about a dozen times already this morning, but haven't told us anything about it."

Gimli and I shivered. "The sun may shine here," he said "but there are memories of that road that I do not wish to recall out of the darkness. Had I known what was before me I wouldn't have gone for any friendship and taken the paths of the dead."

"The paths of the dead?" Pippin inquired "I heard Aragorn say that, and I wondered what he could mean. Won't you tell us some more?"

"Not willingly." Gimli said stubbornly. "On that road I was put to shame; Gimli Gloin's son, who had deemed himself more tough than men and hardier under earth than any elf. Neither did I prove; I only held to the road by the will of Aragorn." He shivered again, as did I.

"I couldn't agree with Gimli more." I told them. "It was the singular most terrifying moment of my life- and let me remind you I have a pretty unique life story." Gimli clasped my shoulder for support and I clasped his. Call it improper, but comfort was needed at any recollection of an experience like that.

The two Hobbit's begged but Gimli and I only replied "No! We will not speak of that journey." We fell silent, but Merry and Pippin were so eager for the news that they jumped up and down and begged and begged. They only stopped bouncing when Merry bounced in my lap almost causing me to fall off the edge of the wall. Still though they continued to plead the three of us. At last Legolas agreed to tell them of it, but only enough to give them peace; for somehow he did not fear the shadows of men and deemed them frail.


Gimli and I decided to walk away a little to stop the memories resurfacing. Due to my excellent hearing I still caught every word they said, but he recounted the tale swiftly. He briefly went over the haunted road and the great ride to Pelargir in the Anduin. He spoke more of Aragorn's speech to the dead, and so on anon.

Gimli and I sat a way away by a bush full of flowers; they were roses I think from the smell, but a little known fact is that roses smell quite similar to many other flower species. With my specialised nose I could of course usually tell the difference- but it always helped to have something to compare it too. "Darke," Gimli said at last, breaking the silence "have you been feeling quite well?" I involuntarily turned my head toward Gimli, surprised at the question.

"What would make you ask that?"

"You haven't seemed to be-how do I phrase this- quite yourself today. You are quieter than usual, and seem to act as if something is weighing down on your shoulders. Is there something you wish to tell us?" The dwarf asked. Many a time Gimli had been underestimated- just that dwarf, a bit hot- tempered and fond of his axe. But let it be known that Gimli is wise and very, very perceptive. He was after all, my friend for a reason.

I stayed mute for a moment, unsure of what to say. Thankfully Gimli gave me a suggestion that also gave me enough time to formulate an answer. "Has your wound been troubling you?" He asked softly, a bit like a father in fact.

"Yes." I said, lying a little. My wound did trouble me- it troubled me a lot. Every time a bird flew past I would get envious, and every time I recalled those moments- those attacks- my side would begin to twinge. "Yes, my wound has been bothering me."

"Look at me."

"You know I can't."

"Just do it so I know you understand what I'm saying." Albeit reluctantly, I obliged. I could feel the dwarfs eyes looking straight at my face. Well one eye looking at a part of my face, the other either looking directly into my eye or somewhere else- either way, one of his eyes was slightly off centre. I wondered if it were noticeable when someone looked at him.

The dwarf put a hand on my shoulder. "You are old- far older than any of us, and you have it in your knowledge and your experience." I nodded. He was telling the truth. "However," he continued "you are also very young. It has come to my attention that you don't have much experience," air was displaced as he waved an arm around "with people. You act quite normal around them, and you get on fine with people. But every time you're placed in a social situation I can practically see the cogs in your brain whirling, trying to figure out what is going on." I nodded again, wondering where he was going with this. "Especially when the situation requires a high level of emotional understanding or feeling. You have never really needed to have a great range of emotion have you?"

I hesitated before replying. "No." I eventually and honestly replied. "No, I haven't ever needed much emotion. Sometimes I used to wonder what race I would count as if I didn't have my wings, or my skin and so on. Because don't all races laugh and cry, and crave the company of others? I hadn't done such things for periods of up to four-thousand years at a time. I used to wonder sometimes if I even really had emotion at all."

"Well you certainly do." Gimli reassured me. "And to answer you inquiries for these past thousands of years, I think you would be an elf. You've got the pointy ears!" I could literally hear his voice coming from a weak smile as he tried to lighten the mood a little. "Anyway," he continued with the previous topic. "as you just said you haven't. And when you get complicated emotional issues you appear to get a bit confused and disorientated." I nodded. "Now honestly, I don't think you're that bad off. You seem to understand most everything fine even if it does take you a few more seconds than most to process. But I would just like to let you know; if you need the help, I'm here."

It was a kind offer and unique. To be completely forthright I was downright touched to the very depths of my heart and soul at the offer. I actually gave him a very brief hug. "Thank-you."

"That's alright lass. Just wouldn't want you getting too confused in the middle of a battle about something that happened last week." He chortled. "No harm done."

Then he stopped for a moment and grew more serious. "Talking about high levels of emotions," Gimli continued. "and forgive me if I'm wrong; but is it possible that you feel something a bit more than friendship towards Legolas?"

It took all my effort to stop myself from blanching then blushing. Had he seen my emotions that easily? This was why I wore the eye ribbon- to stop people from seeing into my soul. They were meant to be metaphorical 'windows' after all. "I don't know." I lied. "It is possible, but I doubt it." Better to tell a part truth than a complete falsehood.

"That's alright then." Gimli replied. "It's just you've seemed to be rather quieter than usual around him lately. And when Lord Imrahil mistook you for his wife this morning," Gimli barked with laughter "I was the only one who noticed, I think, but the tips of your ears were bright red. I don't blame you though; quite embarrassing that must have been." I nodded, thankful he was brushing it off as nothing more than embarrassment. A soft music wafted over to my ears.

"Talking about elf-boy," Gimli said, "your ears are undoubtedly better than mine, but I believe he has finished talking about those blasted ghosts. Shall we go back?"

"Yes."

We got up from our bench and walked back to the wall, Gimli's short paces somehow keeping up with my strides. "By the way," He said as we approached the wall "If you want something for that side of yours, go to the healers here. They'll give you something wonderful for it. Stopped my headaches- I got a bash on the noggin at Helm's Deep if you didn't know."

"Right. I'll go there."

We climbed back onto our places on the wall. I was on the end next to Pippin, with Gimli on the opposite end next to Legolas. He was singing softly a beautiful yet simple lay;

"Silver flow the streams from Celos to Erui
In the green fields of Lebennin!
Tall grows the grass there, in the wind from the sea
The white Lily's sway,
And the golden bells are shaken of Mallos and Alfirin
In the green fields of Lebbenin,
In the wind from the sea!"

He spoke so softly he was hardly speaking at all. "The fields are green in the songs of my people; but they were dark then, grey wastes in the blackness facing us. We hunted our foes day and night, trampling the grass beneath our feet without heed until we came to the Great River.
Then I thought in my heart as we grew near the sea; the water was wide in the darkness and innumerable sea birds cried on the shores. Didn't the lady Galadriel tell me to beware of them? And now I cannot forget." I understood how he felt. Many curse forgetfulness, but that is not what should be cursed; what should be is the inability to forget.

Gimli and Legolas continued our tale, now talking about the Cosiar's and how we travelled to their ships and fought them. "In that hour I looked at Aragorn and though how great and terrible he might have become in the strength of his will, had he taken the rig for himself. Mordor fears him for a reason. But his spirit is nobler than the understanding of Sauron; he is of the children of Luthien. That line shall never fail, though the years may lengthen beyond count."

Aragorn had indeed been fearsome at that moment the Cosiar's but putty in his hands, his strength and will unmatched. No-one sane would have dared crossed his path, and we had all felt glad we were on his side.

"Beyond the eyes of the dwarves are such foretelling's," replied Gimli "but Aragorn was indeed mighty that day. The black fleet was in his hands, and he took the greatest ship as his own. And later as we sailed down the river, Darke could hear a great gathering of men in Ethir coming to aid the heir of Isildur; for rumour of that name had spread like fire in the dark, though how is unknown to us." Huh, maybe rumours did have some use. Without them we wouldn't have had Imrahil on our side; they were still irritating though.

Gimli began to end our tale. "And that is near the end of our tale," he said "for during the evening and night the four of us manned the ships and set forth. It seems long ago now, but it was just yesterday morning, the sixth day since we rode from Dunharrow. But still Aragorn was driven by fear that time was too short; and when we saw a red glow under cloud, Aragorn said 'Minas Tirith is burning.
But at midnight our hope was born anew; Darke informed us of a fresh wind coming from behind us, so we adjusted our sails and our speed grew until foam spat up from our prows."

"It was nothing," I replied, a little embarrassed by the attention "It was bugging me, telling me to take it." That was true; sometimes I felt as if the wind was egging me on to take to it or to take certain currents. More likely than not, it was instinct. Gimli finalised the tale.

"Now as you know, on the third hour of the morning, the sun unveiled, we charged into battle. It was a great day and a great hour, whatever may come after." We all agreed with him.

"Some will certainly remember," I assured them "deeds such as that area not easily forgotten."

"Yes," Legolas agreed with me, his voice warm and comforting. "whatever may follow, the deeds are not lessened in worth. It was a great deed riding the Paths of the Dead and great it shall remain, though none in Gondor may be left to sing of it in the days that are to follow." The atmosphere grew grim and sober, the earnestness of the time coming back to us.

"That may well befall. The faces of Aragorn and Gandalf are grave. I wonder a lot about the councils that take place in the tents below us. For my part, like Merry, I wish that with our victory the war was now over. But whatever is left to be done I wish to have a part in it, for the honour of the folk of the lonely mountain." Gimli announced to us.

"And I for the people of the Great Wood." Legolas affirmed.

I knew I should say something, but what I wasn't sure of. I had no people to represent, and the Ents did not need me to represent them. They had already played their part in this war, and the trees would bring them news far swifter than I could. "I have no people," I eventually decided to say "but if I survive this, I wish to make sure tales of this war are never forgotten."

And for perhaps an hour we sat in pensive silence, thinking about many things or perhaps nothing. I could not read minds. As the breeze tousled my hair and lightly pulled at the edges of my clothing I felt in relative peace; it felt like the long hours I spent gliding on air currents, letting them take me where-ever they deemed fit.

Eventually the two Hobbits grew restless and tired. The sun was beginning to set; for the first time in months a large portion of our fellowship had spent a full day in each other's company. It made us feel as if there was possibly a chance in this war. "Well Merry and I shall be going now." Pippin said. "It has been nice talking to you all once again; but now I think what Merry and I need is a good meal and a sit down on a chair. Fare-thee-well!" And with that our two Hobbit companions clambered down the wall and into the Houses of Healing.

"I think I will follow them," Gimli said after they had left "they always seem to know where the best bread and meat is found." And he too toddled off.

Now it was just Legolas and I sitting alone atop the wall. Unconsciously I felt my hand slide closer to where his lay. Wait had his just slid a little closer to mine? No, it must just be hopeful fantasy. The probability of him returning my feelings was virtually zero, wasn't it? He let out a sad sigh. "Darke," he asked. My heart jumped to my throat in surprise.

"Yes?"
"Have you ever been to the sea?"

I was unsure of what to say to him in return, hoping upon hope he wasn't planning on sailing any time soon. "Many times." I decided to tell him. It was the truth after all. "Millennia ago I witnessed Beleriand sink beneath the waves never to be seen again. And a total of fourteen times the wind has taken me to the ocean. I flew across the bay of Belfalas once; from Pinnach Gelin to the Cosiar city, then back around through Mordor; which turned out to be quite a bad idea, because I got captured." I joked. "But yes, I have been to the sea many times."

"What is it like?" Legolas asked wistfully.

I thought for a moment before deciding my answer. "Beautiful. It can be calm and rolling- you can just skim the surface of the waves without worry because the never break. Then it can be fierce and stormy, all hell breaking loose. The waves rear up to great heights and you constantly get splashed with sea-spray. It can also be choppy, the skies calm but the wind blowing small waves up in all directions. It is always different, but always beautiful to behold."

"It sounds beautiful indeed." Legolas said, pausing for a moment. "As are yo…" he broke off coughing. "Pollen" he wheezed "sets me off." I could not help but laugh and grin at that. Somehow only he could do it. The power of love I think they call it.

"The prince of the Woodland Realm, allergic to pollen!" I cried "What a thought! How do you survive your own home?" He let out one final cough before recovering.

"The leaves greatly outnumber the flowers."

I shook my head in mock sadness, patting his shoulder. "There there, it will be alright. But what were you saying?"

"Nothing of importance." He brushed it off, leaving the matter behind. We sat in quiet for a moment. "The sea calls me," he said at last "but I do not believe I am ready to sail just yet."

"Hmmm."

We sat together for a little longer before Legolas decided that he too would take his leave. "I shall go now as well," he said. "I will see if Aragorn is finished in his councils yet, and possibly see if there is any fresh fruit in this city." He gave a little chortle, before hopping off the wall. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I think I will just stay here for the night; the air is cool and there are few people here."
"Sounds like a plan. See you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."

His light footsteps retreated from the wall. I heard the creak of a door as he left the Gardens of Healing for places uncertain. I had come so close to telling him then. The sadness in his voice- it made me want to just spill my emotions out to him, as if letting him know would make him forget the gulls and keep him in Middle-earth forevermore. But alas, that was not the way things worked, and even if I thought he did reciprocate I lacked the courage. So close. So close, yet so very far. So for the rest of the evening I stayed put on that wall feeling the breeze wash under my cloak through my feathers and letting it flutter my eyelids. For some unknown reason I did not want to put the ribbon back on. But it almost felt as if I were flying again; flying away from the world and all its problems.