Joy and Sorrow
Love is pain. It is the truth- laughter, loving, living is pain. Joy is love. Love is pain. The two come together, and neither comes without the other.
That is exactly what I was experiencing. Sauron was defeated! His end was over! The joy and mirth formed a bubble inside me and I laughed, and laughed in joy. It was so foreign yet so familiar, and it felt… right. It was amazing.
But of course, love is pain, and once again my side began to trouble me. A searing, burning, freezing, wrenching, aching, stinging pain came right where my old wound was and expelled all the breath from me. Tears streamed from my eyes it hurt so much, and I let out a short shriek as the breath was expelled from me and I began to fall. Yet I continued to silently laugh, even though the tears tasted salty on my tongue.
Then, my sudden outpour of emotions ended as I landed with a thump on something feathery and moving. "That was close, young one." Gwaihir said. I just lay flat on his back until the pain subsided and I could breathe again. "Yes, it was." I managed to hiss out before the silence became overly awkward. Everything about me hurt, from my cut and burnt feet, to my side, to my wings from the extreme muscle exertion of the past few days. I could just lay down and sleep.. finally sleep…it was calling me. I felt my eyes begin to close shut, despite the deafening noise of the eagles wingbeats and the cheers of the men below.
"Soon you may rest," announced Gwaihir, "but now is the time. Prepare to land." With a slowing down and a slight jolt we landed. I stiffly slid off Gwaihir's back and managed to land on all fours; attempting to look at the positives, I allowed myself a smirk that at least I had not fallen in a heap. And wasn't dead.
I still heard the noise of the armies coming from below. I concluded that we were on a hill, most likely a high one, but nothing to the scale of a mountain. There was a heavy breathing other than my own struggling up the hill, a pattern that I recognised. Gandalf was coming. However, as I heard him near us his breathing evened out until he stood proud and tall by my side facing Gwaihir and the eagles. "Twice you have born me Gwaihir my brother." he addressed. "Thrice shall pay for all if you are willing. You will not find me a burden greater than at Zirakzigil, where my old life burned away."
"I would bear you, wherever you will, even if you were made of stone." It was amazing to witness, the bond between these maia. I had not known that it was so strong, despite that I had known them both for centuries. They were like- brothers almost. That's what it felt like, in any case. But the air did not last for more than a few seconds.
"Then come with you swiftest!" Gandalf replied. "We have need of speed greater than that of the wind."
"The north wind blows, but we shall outfly it."
I was confused, but my pride did not let me admit it. Why were we going into Mordor? Was it not all over? Frodo had succeeded. Now was a time to celebrate and help the wounded, not to sail over the ruins of Mordor.
Frodo. I wanted to kick myself and tear my hair out for being so selfish and forgetful and blind, although not in the literal sense. Frodo and Sam were still in there. No doubt they would be half dead if they were not already burnt or buried beneath the lava. They could not be expected to swim through the rivers and trudge across the ruins after what they had done. They deserved to be treated like gods for what they had done for Arda; even though I had a feeling that they would not want that. I was selfish, a complete ennas (b*tch) for forgetting.
"Darke," I heard Gandalf say from Gwaihirs back, "we may require you. Are you up to fly on your own or do you need assistance?" His words snapped me out of my thoughts. Common sense also took over my pride: I quickly scrambled onto Landroval's back, Gwaihir's brother whom I was quite well acquainted with. "Away! To find Frodo!" I said after a slightly awkward silence, realising that I was still meant to be calling the eagle's movements. Why me? I still wondered. What have I done to earn the Valar's trust?, but pushed all those thoughts to the back of my mind as we took off.
Gwaihir had not lied when he said that the north wind would be outflown. The speed that the eagles flew at was not just incredible, it was godly, otherworldly. Within seconds we were in what once was Mordor, passing the gates that had once been. The eagles brilliant sight peered through the dust as we entered deeper, their massive wingbeats stirring the air.
Deeper and deeper we flew, and the heat grew until even the eagles began to sweat. The dust and ash clouds created by the fire mountain also grew thicker and the pops and crackles of lava sounded below us, sometimes even scarily near. Very soon the eagles began having to weave and duck from flying rocks and shrapnel that whistled toward us. I shied away to the side as I heard a piece come directly toward me- alas, it still made a mark on my arm, but thankfully hit a hard region of my skin. It would leave nothing but a bruise.
The roar of molten rock loudened even more as the thick rock dust enfolded us, and I began to cough. With every cough I inhaled more which lead me to cough more, and the vicious cycle repeated itself. The pain in my side began to flare, and yet I focused on ignoring it. There was only one thing taking hold in my mind. Find the hobbits: bring them back safely. Surely we were drawing close to them now. The mountain was but a few hundred meters away.
Suddenly the eagles stopped and flapped in mid-air. "What's going on?" Gandalf roared over my coughing.
"The dust is too thick. We can no longer see our way." One of the eagles-Meneldor I think- replied.
"Frodo should only be a few hundred meters away!" Gandalf cried. "Surely you can see some of the way!"
"It is too thick."
All this way. We came all the way into the crumbling ruins of Mordor to get the heroes back, alive and safe. Only to be stopped by some dust. Sauron even mocked us in his demise by doing such a thing! There was a unified feeling of sorrow- all of it because of some dust. Frodo and Sam to be left for their deaths because of some stupid powdered rock. I could not stand it. It was not standable. Why would Eru allow such a thing to happen? I could hear the two of them murmuring just three-hundred odd meters to our left.
I could hear them.
I was an idiot.
I could guide them there. "Landroval, take the lead." I whispered close to his ear. "Go about four meters to the left and eight forward." Since his lord had put me in charge, Landroval did as I asked although I could sense a questioning aura radiating from him. "Follow me!" I raised my voice as we got to the front. "I know where they are."
There was no discussion about it. The situation was too dire to begin to ask questions. I called out directions and distances in between bouts of coughing, clutching at my side, and listening for the hobbits voices. The muttering was slowing now. I had a feeling that they were passing out: that or we were too late. But we did not give up hope.
"Disperse!" I shouted as best as I could when I heard a particularly large rock come toward us. "Collect." "Straight on for the next twenty meters, wait, to the left four! Flying rock." "Back straight." "Now veer slowly to the right."
That is along the lines of what I told the eagles to do, in between coughs and pauses to listen. The positive things were that the flying rocks coming from the mountain top were becoming less frequent. The worse news was that the eagles pace had significantly slowed down. It seemed like they were far more- hesitant, I believe may be the correct word- to go anywhere now that their sight had been taken from them.
But it was working. I could hear Frodo and Sam's voices naught but thirty meters away, although I could not yet pinpoint their exact coordinates. And their voices were becoming slower, more thick and slurred with longer gaps in between. I heard a few weak coughs and splutters coming from them; smoke inhalation most likely.
"…someone, it would've been her." I heard Sam sobbing. "It would've been her."
Then Frodo spoke, in between gasps and chokes. "I'm glad to be with you Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things."
And then the breathing stopped. Was cut off, so that I could no longer hear it. Panic flared within me- we were too late! They had died for the noblest cause of them all, and would be remembered as heroes forever.
Then anger flared within me, anger that I do not remember feeling for many a year. If there was still a chance that they were alive, I would take it. And if not, I would get their bodies borne back on eagles wings, for all to see how their greatness had been repaid. No joy was without sorrow.
Everything seemed to become slow motion, or perhaps the rage of the mountain had simply calmed. I could not tell which; but what I could tell was that there was a massive rock exactly where Sam and Frodo's voices had been coming from, surrounded by torrents of lava. "Veer West. Slowly." I commanded the eagles. I felt sunlight warm my wings and my back. Maybe there was some hope.
"We see them!" Gwaihir suddenly cried. "The sun has shone, and we can now see them!"
"Get there as swiftly as you can!" I cried to them, excitement beginning to bubble. Finally, some luck.
Within seconds the eagles were hovering above the rock. Gandalf and I had dismounted, and were gently lifting the Hobbits onto the eagle's backs. I would have to try and make it out alone- but according to Landroval, the smoke was clearing. Slowly I scooped my hands under Sam's limp body and tried to lift him- he felt lighter than he should be. But I felt a pulse coursing through his veins. He was alive. They both were.
I felt my foot hit something, similar to a glass vial by the way it rolled. I stuffed it somewhere on my personage, not quite knowing why. I did the same with a little box it happened to hit. Climbing aboard Meneldor's back, Gandalf said farewell and the eagles left with their precious load leaving me alone. Standing on a rock amongst torrents of lava in the middle of what was once Mordor, feet scorching and the sun shining upon my face. And I let out a bark of laughter and began to grin like a maniac. All was well.
A/N- Well, I did it! I finally managed to get something up after...2 months? Give or take? I'm really sorry guys, life has just decided to give me a work overload, so I'll hopefully be updating every 2 weeks(translates to-whenever I get a free 5min). Thanks for keeping reading though, and don't forget to review:)
