Tara POV
Opie sat next to me on the top of the faded red picnic table as the other guys followed Adam to grab helmets.
"You sure you don't wanna take a few swings?" I asked him.
"Naw, I'm good. Never really cared for that shit anyway."
"It's a great way to get out your aggression," I added.
Opie laughed loudly. "I'm not the one that had to take anger management classes, remember?"
I flipped him off in response.
That just made him laugh louder. "My point exactly."
"The classes were part of the probation, asshole," I informed him. "I didn't really need them."
"Sure you didn't, Rocky."
I gave him a hard shove.
"Help! Security! This girl over here is abusing me!" he yelled jokingly.
"You sure you want to ruin your reputation by telling people a girl beat you up?"
Opie shook his head laughing. "I don't think anyone would think less of me if they knew it was you doing the beating," he smirked.
"Fuck you," I laughed.
I heard the guys coming back before I saw them. All their loud hooting and hollering was probably scaring the little teeball kids and their parents. A laugh escaped me as Frankie pushed Ryan into a ball cart, spilling bright yellow softballs everywhere. I wondered if Adam's manager would give him a hard time about our little group excursion later.
Adam palmed a helmet and set it lightly on my head. "Hold this for a sec," he said as he moved to unlock one of the cages.
Jax was a few steps away taking practice swings but stopped mid-swing and looked at me. "That's a good look on you, Knowles."
I rolled my eyes and repositioned the helmet so it wasn't covering my eyes.
Adam got them situated and walked back over to me, taking the oversized helmet from my head.
"You gonna take a few swings?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"What, you worried we're gonna laugh at you?" Opie asked.
"Um, you mean worried you'll be jealous of me?" I asked with a snarky grin.
Adam laughed. "You should take a turn," he told me. "It would be good for you," he added knowingly.
I bit my tongue but shot him an annoyed look. I didn't like talking about my feelings but somehow Adam had squeezed a little out of me during our nightly talks and right now I was cursing myself for it. Talking about it then was one thing, but it was another bringing it up elsewhere… or bringing it up at all really unless I did so first.
Obviously sensing my annoyance, he gently grabbed the ticklish spot on my rib and kissed the crown of my head. "It'd be good for you," he reiterated. "I have a few things I have to take care of. I'll check back on you guys in a little bit," he said.
Opie placed his palms on the table top for support and leaned back, staring ahead at the guys getting setup. He stole a quick glance at me from the corner of his eye.
"What was that about?" he asked.
"What was what about?" I replied innocently. Opie was the same as me when it came to showing emotions, preferring to internalize and detach rather than express, and I hoped that my dismissal of the question would be enough for him to drop it.
"That 'I'm going to cut your balls off' look you just gave your boyfriend."
I shrugged and leaned forward, not saying anything. Opie and I were cool with comfortable silences. It's probably why he didn't mind me hanging around, unlike most of the other girls that waltzed in and out of the guys' lives. Unfortunately for me, he seemed to be in a talkative mood today.
"Something happen with your dad?" he asked. It was more of a grunt, but he knew this was dangerous territory and I assumed he wanted to make sure no one heard the question but me.
I sighed and looked over to him. He wasn't looking at me, probably hoping that allowing me that tiny bit of privacy made up for the weight of his question. I turned back to staring at the cages.
"What hasn't happened with my dad, Ope?" I asked lightly, not really having the energy or the words for a conversation about my feelings.
The table creaked as he shifted his weight slightly. "You know what I mean, Tara."
I fidgeted uncomfortably, rubbing at the anxiety razing against my forearms.
"Same ol' same ol'. Nothing to worry about."
Opie cleared his throat, equally uncomfortable with the conversation but still pressing for some ungodly reason.
"I know the anniversary is coming up…"
I felt myself take a sharp breath as a rush of adrenaline threatened to burst through every vein in my body.
"You really wanna do this right now?" I asked, annoyed.
Opie shrugged, still not looking at me.
"Let's try this," I offered tactically. "How are your parents doing?"
He laughed a cynical laugh.
"Alright fine, you don't have to talk about it. Don't get mad at me though. Your boytoy's the one that brought it up," he reminded me. "I just figured he did it on purpose. Maybe he wanted you to talk to someone else about it."
An unbecoming huff escaped me, knowing he was probably right.
"You guys seem pretty happy. Well, besides the wanting to cut his balls off thing," he observed.
"That's it," I said, shifting abruptly to square up with him. "Whatever alien race abducted you and replaced you with some gossipy alien girl, I'm going to need to talk to them about bringing my chill friend Opie back."
He held up his hands defensively. "Just making conversation."
"Mm hmm, somehow I find that hard to believe."
We sat silently for a moment watching Jax connect with some solid hits.
I took a deep breath to settle myself.
"We are happy, I think." I conceded after a few more minutes of silence.
"You think?" he asked. "Seems like a normal person would have a more affirmative answer than that."
I let out a short snort. "Not sure anyone's ever described me as 'normal', Ope."
"Still," he added.
"I don't know, Ope. I mean he's cool. He treats me nice. Seems like he might actually give a shit about me," I explained.
His face hardened as though I'd pained him. "A lot of people give a shit about you, Tara."
"I know, Ope. That's not what I mean. I guess… I don't know... It's just kind of nice having someone want to look out for me for once."
Opie leaned forward so he could look me directly in the eyes.
"We look out for you."
I pressed my lips together tightly, trying to form my thoughts into suitable words.
"I'm not trying to be mean and please don't take this the wrong way. I love hanging out with you guys again. I really do love the shit out of yall; you, Ryan, Jax, hell… even fucking Frankie. But let's be real for a minute. Where were you guys when shit went south with me and Jax last year? Where were you when I was in juvie? In alternative school? On house arrest? Face it, Ope. Jax got custody of the friends in our split."
He opened his mouth to defend himself but I cut him off.
"And I don't blame you. I really don't. I understand. I get it. You've been friends with Jax since you were in diapers. You're always going to choose him. And I get that. I do. I guess what I mean is, at the end of the day, if push comes to shove…. I don't know, Ope. Who do I have really? When shit goes sideways, when lines get drawn, who's standing on my side of the line?"
I didn't expect an answer from him. I meant what I said about understanding why it went down the way it went down. But I also hoped that he could understand my side. Ever since my mom died, the only person who had ever unequivocally had my back had been Kristina. And it had felt good these last couple of months thinking that maybe Adam had my back too.
Opie stayed quiet for a long time. Kids squealed off in the distance. A steady crack sounded from the guys' cage in front of us. I almost thought he'd dropped it when I finally spoke again.
"That's not gonna happen again, Tara."
I sighed. "Of course it's not, Ope. That situation won't present itself again. But as much as you guys are my friends, you're each other's friends first. That's just the way it is. I'm not mad about it. It doesn't bother me…. Dammit Ope, this is why I don't talk about shit like this! I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to say… Fuck. I don't even know what I'm trying to say."
"I know what you're trying to say, Tara. And I'm telling you you're wrong. That might be how you felt, but that's not how it was and that's not how it is. You're family. Whether you accept it or not, you are part of this fucked up dysfunctional family now and I promise you that we always have your back; me, Ryan, Jax – we have your back Tara. Always."
My throat constricted a little as I tried to contain my emotions. As much as I wanted his words to be true, and as much as I knew he thought he meant it, I knew that that just wasn't how things worked. I don't know what hurt worse, the fact that he really thought he meant it or the fact that I really wished he did. So I just smiled.
"I know you don't believe it, Tara, but when Adam hurts you or when you take another backslide, we're gonna be there for you."
I scoffed a little. "When he hurts me?"
He pulled out a cigarette and lit it before offering me one.
"Yeah, when. Nobody's perfect, Tara. And when that happens, we'll still be here, whether you want us to or not," he replied before taking a deep drag.
My fingers shook ever so slightly as I lit mine. "You don't sound so optimistic about me staying on the straight and narrow either."
He laughed. "And you are? Honestly, I'll be surprised if we all make it to 25."
"Well, that's a little morbid, dude. We can at least make it to 27," I retorted.
We resumed our easy silence as we finished our cigarettes. Nerves still shot from the twist our conversation had taken, I dug through my bag until I found my menthols and immediately lit another. Opie did the same. Yeah, we definitely weren't good at dealing with emotions.
After a while, Jax made his way over to us and took a seat on the bench below us, twisting and turning side to side to stretch.
"You guys done?" Opie asked hopefully.
"You wish, bro. Can I bum one?" he asked Opie.
Jax lit his cigarette and ran a hand through his long blonde locks.
"Frankie bet Ryan he can out swing him. It was supposed to be just one round, then best out of three. But you know Ryan's a sore loser. I lost interest when they made it best out of five." He waved his hands to indicate that's why he was with us now.
The three of us sat bullshitting as the sun dropped lower and lower in the sky. Adam checked in here and there but apparently the little leaguers were tearing shit up and it was all hands on deck to take care of them. The sky had shifted into bright purples and pinks before Ryan and Frankie finally wandered back over to us.
"Jesus, dude. What did that end up being? Best out of 10?" Jax asked.
Ryan flipped him off.
"I don't know," said Frankie. "I lost count. I beat him every time though. Gotta give the little pecker credit, he's persistent."
"Not everytime, asshole. I won a few," Ryan pouted.
Frankie rolled his eyes. "Sure you did. You guys ready to roll?"
"Let me go say bye to Adam real quick and then we can go."
"We're not gonna wait around while you go make out with your boyfriend," Frankie yelled after me. Ryan started pretending to make out with the air. Idiot.
"Fuck you!" I yelled, throwing my middle finger up as I walked to the opposite row of cages.
I found Adam in one of the cages messing with a housing unit for the pitching machine. I leaned up against the fence just watching him for a minute. He was so intently focused, I was glad he had something he could lose himself in, if only for a little while.
He finally looked up and noticed me and smiled.
"You guys heading out?"
"Yeah, Ryan got his pride hurt and I think the rest of the guys were over it awhile ago."
Adam laughed. "Of course he did… fuckin' Ryan." He shook his head and pushed off the ground to meet me. "You end up hitting anything?"
"No, I decided I didn't want to get between a good bet," I lied.
"Damn. Well, I guess I'll just have to bring you up here some other time without all the distractions," he said mischievously, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Mmmmm," I mumbled into his neck. "Some distractions are good, ya' know." I informed him lustfully.
I could've sworn I heard his breath hitch slightly. "You're trouble, T. Anyone ever told you that?"
"I might've heard it once or twice."
Adam shook his head and pulled back slightly, putting a little distance between the fantasy and reality.
"I'm not sure what time I'm getting out of here. Text you when I get home?" he asked.
"Yeah, that works," I smiled. "Don't work too hard," I told him as I stood on my tip toes to kiss him.
"Yeah, thanks," he replied sarcastically. "Don't let those guys keep you out too late," he joked warmly.
"Come on, you know I run that shit," I told him with a wink.
"Oh, I know," he agreed. "I'll text you later."
I gave him a small wave and headed toward the parking lot.
