Chapter Three: Who Ya Gonna Call?

As Wordy clicked the pocket-watch open, there was a flash of white light that seared its way across Ed's vision. He yelled, bringing one arm up to shield his eyes.

"Eddie?" Greg demanded, his voice rising above the other Team One members. "What happened? You two okay?"

Ed blinked hard, trying to get his vision back. Behind the counter, Wordy was blinking too and looking around with an odd expression. His eyes had gone much harder than usual and Ed thought he could see a hairline scar running below his friend's left eye. A chill of foreboding swept through Ed.

"Wordy? You okay?" Ed asked.

"Wordy? That's Kevin to you, Edward," Wordy snapped, glaring at Ed as if Ed using his nickname was suddenly a mortal insult.

Ed stared at his best friend for a moment, then looked down at Wordy's empty hands. "Where's the pocket-watch?"

Wordy arched a brow, "What pocket-watch, Edward? I don't see a pocket-watch."

"Well, you had it, you're the one who opened it," Ed retorted.

"Is that so?" Wordy drawled, still looking around, insolence radiating from his posture and expression.

Ed restrained his annoyance over Wordy's flippant and dismissive attitude. Greg's voice sounded in his ear. "Eddie, we can't hear Wordy on the comm."

"Wordy, which channel are you on?" Ed demanded.

"As if you care. And it's Kevin, you idiot," Wordy sneered. At Ed's intensifying glare, he relented. "Okay, fine. Channel five."

Five, not two. A second chill of something being wrong crawled up Ed's spine. He examined the counter-top again, searching for the still missing watch, and came to a decision. "Sarge, how close are Spike and Lou?"

Wordy's eyes all but bugged out. "Lou? Are you nuts, Edward? He's dead!"

Ed looked back at Wordy, suspicion growing by the millisecond. "No he's not, Wor…Kevin."

"We're on our way, man," Lou called. "One minute, maybe two."

"Copy that," Ed replied.

Wordy started backing away. "You're crazy if you think Lou's alive. I'm outta here."

Ed moved so he was between Wordy and the door. "Lou, hurry up, something's wrong with Wordy."

Lou's "Copy" was overlaid with Spike's, "We're here, Ed."

Ed stayed where he was until Lou and Spike entered; then moved to cut off access to the back exit. He needn't have bothered; Wordy was staring at Lou as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Lou?!" Wordy blurted, shock, awe, and more than a touch of fear in his voice; he looked as if he wanted nothing more than to back away – or run.

Lou looked unnerved, but kept his tone even. "Hey, man."

Spike looked around the trashed store. "Wow, Ed, you sure know how to throw a party," he teased, trying to break the meter thick tension.

Wordy's attention snapped to Spike and he actually growled. "That's Constable Lane to you, geek-boy!"

"Wordy!" Ed rebuked, angry at the unexpected insult and hostility.

Wordy spun toward Ed and stalked toward him, fear vanishing as anger and what looked like hate rose; Ed forced himself not to back away from his friend. "I told you to stop calling me that, Edward. Only the Sarge gets to call me that."

Spike gasped, drawing attention back to him. "Ed," he started, his voice quivering a little, "his patch, look at his patch."

"Spike?" Lou questioned, confused.

Ed though, Ed looked at the SRU patch on Wordy's arm. Below the familiar letters, a barbarian helmet over a swastika leapt out at him. Oh. My. Gawd. Ed looked up into Wordy's, no, Kevin's eyes. No wonder he was acting off; he wasn't Wordy at all. The team leader edged backward and pulled a slightly confused Kevin's attention back to him. "Come on, Wordy," Ed goaded, "Tell me why only Parker gets to call you that." He could not, would not, call Kevin's drunken, corrupt Sergeant 'Sarge' or 'Boss' or even 'Greg'.

Kevin snarled and stepped toward the team leader, rage growing in his eyes. Ed drew him back, out from behind the counter, and moved sideways to get Kevin's back to Spike and Lou. Spike was already alert, concern and worry carving lines in the normally cheerful face. Ed watched Kevin's position and then, "Spike, now."

Spike sprang forward, tackling Kevin. Ed moved an instant later, using Kevin's surprise to kick the other man's right leg out from under him. With Spike on his back and no balance, Kevin crashed to the ground and was flattened by the two SRU officers.

"Lou, zip tie," Spike yelled, struggling to keep Kevin from squirming out from under them.

Kevin bucked hard, swearing loudly and viciously, forcing both SRU officers on top of him to wrestle to keep him from wriggling free. Ed twisted, snarling, "Spike, move!"

Spike let go, just long enough for Ed to slam Kevin into the nearby counter, stunning him just enough that the two cops could keep him under control long enough to adjust their positions. Spike landed his weight on Kevin's torso, digging one knee into the back of Kevin's right knee to keep him off balance. Ed shifted so he could slam Kevin down again if need be, his own knee pressing down on Kevin's upper back. The team leader's eyes were narrow, angry, and afraid for his missing best friend.

Though unnerved and confused, Lou pulled a zip tie out and tossed it to Ed, the only one with a free hand. Ed and Spike wrestled Kevin's hands behind his back and into first one loop, then the other loop. Spike used his teeth to pull the loops tight.

Kevin kept struggling until Ed, rising to his feet, snapped, "Stay down, Kevin."

"You and geek-boy are going to pay for this," Kevin threatened, hate twisting his features. "Just wait till Sarge gets here!"

"Oh, I think you'll be surprised," Ed grumbled as he moved away from the vividly swearing man. Ed tapped his comm and added, "Sarge, I think we need the whole team here. We've got a big problem."

"Eddie?" Greg questioned.

"Just get here, Sarge, I don't know how much time we've got." Ed cut the comm and looked back at Spike. The bomb tech was pale, his gaze darting between Lou and Kevin. Ed suppressed a few choice words of his own. The fate of the other Lou had haunted Spike for weeks, even when they'd both believed it little more than a dream. And the idea of Wordy, their Wordy, trapped in that nightmare of a world, alone and without backup…

We've got to get him back. Fast.


"What do you mean he's in another world?" Sam demanded, staring at Kevin and more than a tad skeptical. Kevin sneered in Sam's direction, his disdain clear, and returned his attention to Greg, his gaze expectant and very impatient.

Ed sucked in another breath to try, for the third time, to explain. "We came in, cleared the place, and there was no one here." He looked around, checking to see that everyone was following so far. "There was this silver pocket-watch on the counter, right in the center." The team leader pointed to where they'd found the watch. "Wordy picked it up, checked it out, and said whoever left it might have had something on the inside. Like a photo or something, I think. Soon as he opened it up, there was a really bright white flash; that's when I yelled, Sarge; and afterwards, this guy was here," Ed finished as he gestured to Kevin.

"Looks like Wordy to me," Jules pointed out. Kevin glared resentfully at her, but said nothing as he watched the proceedings.

"Shoulda been here to hear him call me 'geek-boy'," Spike put in, grim and quiet.

"And stare at me like he'd seen a ghost," Lou added, glancing between Kevin and Spike, his expression concerned at how quiet Spike was being.

Greg frowned and turned his attention to Kevin. "Wordy?" he asked gently.

"Hey, Sarge," Kevin responded, tossing a triumphant look in Ed's direction. Clearly, he expected Greg to order him cut loose.

Greg disappointed him by asking, "What do you say happened?"

Kevin gaped a moment, staring at Greg. Greg tilted his head, waiting. For a long minute, the two stared at each other, one incredulous and the other still waiting patiently. Then Kevin's face turned spiteful and he lashed out. "What's the matter, Sarge, not drunk enough yet?"

Everyone, even Ed and Spike, froze, staring at Kevin.

"What?" Greg managed, his hands trembling ever so slightly; Ed understood, his boss hadn't touched a drink in a decade and here, suddenly, was a member of his team that was treating him like being drunk was an everyday occurrence. That had to hurt, especially since Ed doubted his boss had believed them…well, before Kevin spouted off at any rate; Boss probably believed them now.

"Well, I can't figure out why you even care what Edward and Scarlatti think when you don't even trust them anyway," Kevin sneered loudly. "After all, Edward's trying to get you fired and everyone knows Scarlatti got Lou killed. So, what, you suddenly decide to dry up and play nice with them?"

Spike jumped as Lou's hand came down on his shoulder, the less-lethal specialist reminding his best friend that he was still alive. Sam and Jules exchanged looks of utter horror; completely on board with Ed's theory of evil twins and alternate worlds now. Ed felt his heart contract; to hear such venom from a man who looked like Wordy, but had none of his heart was like a physical blow.

And to think that the real Wordy was, right at this moment, surrounded by a Team One that closely resembled this man, was a punch to the gut, followed by a roundhouse swing at his jaw. Ed forced himself to keep his eyes open, instead of closing in hurt and grief; forced himself to stay tense and alert for trouble.

Greg Parker's jaw worked for several moments as he stared at Kevin. Anger smoldered in the depths of his eyes and he did not respond to Kevin's jeers, though Ed suspected it was a near thing; Greg tended to be a bit…touchy…about his alcoholic past. Instead, he looked at Ed. "Can we get him back?"

Ed felt his eyes drop a bit; involuntarily, he winced. "I don't know boss. Spike and I got back but," he and Spike exchanged grim looks. "This is almost like some kind of weird swap. One Kevin Wordsworth for another Kevin Wordsworth."

Greg considered his team leader, then nodded. "Okay, guys. Let's get Kevin here back to headquarters. Sam, Jules, you take him. I don't want Ed driving alone with him."

"Copy that," Sam said softly as Jules nodded.


Commander Holleran blew out a breath and sat back in his chair. The tall black man with brown eyes and glasses rubbed at what was left of his hair, gray and white peeking out between his fingers. His round jaw tightened in thought. Greg and Ed waited, painfully aware that this situation was completely out of their control and sounded absolutely, completely, and utterly insane. Finally Holleran looked up at the pair. "Let me get this straight. You," he indicated Ed, "and Constable Wordsworth were clearing a store and you found a silver pocket-watch."

Ed nodded.

"Constable Wordsworth opened this pocket-watch and has been replaced with an evil twin?"

"Yes, sir," Ed confirmed.

Holleran's gaze shifted to Greg. "You concur, Sergeant Parker?"

"Yes, sir, I do. So does the rest of Team One," Greg replied.

Holleran heaved another sigh. "Sergeant Parker, get your team and Constable Wordsworth in here. Leave the cuffs on Wordsworth."

"Copy that," Greg confirmed and left.

"What are we going to do, sir?" Ed asked, trying to hide his fear and failing miserably.

Holleran surveyed the SRU Team Leader and a tiny smile worked its way across his face. He reached for the phone and quipped, "Who ya gonna call?"

Ed blinked in confusion as Holleran picked up his phone and dialed. It rang twice then, "Janine Melnitz? Norm Holleran. I'm a cousin of Winston's."

Holleran listened a moment and chuckled. "Sure, you can ask Winston, I need to talk to him anyway."

Ed tilted his head as Holleran waited a minute. "Winston? Norm Holleran, I don't know if you remember me…"

Winston obviously did, judging by the pleased look in Holleran's eyes. "Well, I'd love to hear all about the family, but I'm afraid I'm calling on business." Pause. "No, we don't have a ghost but we do have a problem up here."

The pieces fell together at the word 'ghost' and Ed restrained his incredulity. The Ghostbusters? We're gonna call in those flim-flam artists to save Wordy?

As Holleran spoke with Winston, Greg, Kevin, and the rest of Team One entered. Kevin's gaze traveled around the neat office and he finished by sneering a bit in Ed's direction. Clearly, Ed was not forgiven for the zip tie, nor the cuffs Sarge had replaced the tie with.

Holleran looked over the entire group, eyebrows rising as he looked Kevin over. "Winston, I'm going to put my phone on speaker. I have Team One in my office now."

The speaker clicked on and Winston's voice filled the room. "That's fine, m'man, I'm gonna do the same." There was a pause, a distant yell, and then the Ghostbusters' phone clicked its own speaker on.

"So, exactly what kind of problem do you have, Commander Holleran?" a precise, formal tone inquired.

"Constable Lane," Holleran ordered.

Ed nodded. "Yes, sir." He summed up what had happened, keeping his gaze away from Kevin as he spoke.

He'd hardly finished before, "Oh, wow! That's amazing," came from the phone.

"Ray, Ray, Ray, let's not get too enthusiastic here," another Ghostbuster chided.

The formal Ghostbuster took over, "Quite right, Peter. Constable, could you describe this pocket-watch? As much detail as you remember please."

Ed swallowed his indignation over the enthusiastic Ghostbuster and replied, "Looked like it was silver. Wordy's the one who picked it up, so I never got a close look, but Wordy said it had engraving on it. Not English; Wordy couldn't read it."

There was a slightly reproachful "Peter" from the formal Ghostbuster before he asked, "And the device activated upon Constable Wordsworth opening it?"

Something in the man's tone made Ed and Greg exchange looks. The Ghostbuster knew far more than he was saying.

"Yes," Ed confirmed.

"You've seen this before, haven't you," Greg remarked.

There was an awkward silence and then the chiding Ghostbuster spoke up. "Nice catch there," he praised. Not waiting for a reply, he continued, "Yeah, we've seen a pocket-watch like this before. Ray even tried booking a round trip with it."

"Peter!" the enthusiastic Ghostbuster protested at once.

"Then it does go both ways?" Greg pressed.

"Well," 'Ray' started, "It can, but it doesn't work right away once you arrive. The first guy who used it didn't get back for a week…"

Team One exchanged horrified looks at this.

"…but he kept trying the watch and that probably made it take longer to recharge. I was going to try after a day, but the Mirror Ghostbusters figured out I wasn't their 'Ray' and tried to take the watch away. When I grabbed for it back, it broke."

Broke? Ed swallowed hard, but couldn't get the words out.

"How did you get back?" Greg intervened.

"The guys managed to find a way to use the trans-dimensional portal to boost the packs and bring me back," Ray concluded cheerfully.

"However," the formal Ghostbuster broke in, "Such a method is contingent upon the individual from our reality retaining the pocket-watch. We do not have readings detailed enough for independent retrieval."

" 'Contingent', Egon?" Peter teased in the background.

Sam ignored the banter. "How do we know Wordy still has the watch?"

"We do not know," Egon replied. "Therefore, our best option is to move as quickly as possible. The longer we delay, the more likely your constable will lose the watch. How soon can you be in New York?"

"Wouldn't here be better?" Greg countered at once, though his immediate paling at the mention of traveling to New York meant he didn't fool his team at all. "After all, Toronto, regardless of which reality, is where Wordy will be."

The so far silent Kevin spoke up, "What's the matter, Sarge? Still afraid of flying?" His gaze was disdainful, but Ed noted that he gave several frightened looks toward the phone. Okay…wonder what his problem is?

Aside from a murmured "Interesting, identical phobias" from the other side of the phone, neither group gave Kevin a reaction. The Ghostbusters moved away from the phone to confer, then returned. "You raise a good point…"

"Sergeant Parker," Greg offered.

"…Sergeant. Where Raymond was still in New York and was, in fact, inside Ghostbuster Headquarters, your constable is quite a distance from our location. Therefore, it may behoove us…"

" 'Behoove', Egon?" Peter put in from the background again, drawing a few weak chuckles from Team One.

Egon ignored the interruption. "It may behoove us to travel to Toronto, ensuring that the process does not fail due to the entirely controllable factor of distance. We shall arrive as quickly as we are able."

"Wordy will know that the watch caused the transition," Ed pointed out. "He's not likely to leave it lying around. What are you worried about?"

Egon cleared his throat and there was a soft, scraping sound, as if the Ghostbuster was suddenly polishing his glasses. Ray took over. "Gosh, we picked up that something happened today on our meters. We just weren't sure where it happened or what happened till you called."

"If we detected the dimensional transfer, then it follows that our counterparts will have also detected the transfer," Egon explained. "Pure luck kept them from detecting Raymond's initial transfer, however, I am loathe to depend on luck to protect your constable. Should the Mirror Ghostbusters locate your constable, my counterpart will relieve him of the watch, by force if necessary. And that would be disastrous, both for your constable as well as our entire reality."

Kevin sidled away from the phone as Egon spoke, drawing a warning glare from Lou. He shuddered at the attention and stopped. Once Lou's attention returned to the phone, he started moving again.

"By force?" Jules asked.

"Indeed. He took the watch Raymond had with the intention of studying it, duplicating it if possible. Raymond's actions, which broke the watch, were intended to protect our reality even if the result was being stranded. Having been denied the first watch, my counterpart will be intent on retrieving a second."

"Wait a sec, my team's gonna have to deal with the Ghostbusters?" Kevin half-demanded, half-yelped. "I'm gonna have to deal with Ghostbusters?" Fear had turned into terror and only now did Ed realize that Kevin had managed to maneuver himself into the corner furthest from the phone. And that Kevin was almost literally shaking in his boots as he stared at all of them, eyes wide and so afraid that Ed wondered if Wordy's 'twin' had ever encountered the Mirror Ghostbusters.

"Problem?" Greg inquired placidly, hiking a brow.

It was, ironically, Peter who responded. "Yeah, I bet. From what Ray and his twin told us, the Mirror Ghostbusters have quite the rep in his world. Stantz was even part of a couple of satanic groups. Guess it's not surprising that your guy's twin has heard of 'em. Or that he's scared of them…it's a dog-eat-dog, everyone-for-himself kinda place."

"All of which confirms that we must arrive in Toronto as quickly as possible, Peter," Egon pointed out. Team One exchanged startled looks as Egon and Ray moved away from the phone, already discussing their equipment and travel plans.

The speaker on the Ghostbusters' phone clicked off and Winston came back on briefly to say farewell to his cousin. Then he hung up.

Holleran surveyed Team One. "Greg, what are you planning to tell Shelley?"

"Do we have to tell her anything for now?" Ed asked. "It's not like we can fix this ourselves so all she can do is worry."

"Wouldn't you want Sophie to know?" Jules challenged.

"Tell Sophie that I was trapped in a hellish alternate reality? Not a chance, Jules."

"You never did tell her, did you, Eddie?" Greg remarked quietly.

"Wordy talked me into thinking it was just a dream, so why would I?" Ed retorted.

Greg considered. "Okay, okay. We'll keep it from her for now, but if it goes longer than two days, we'll have to tell her. Eddie, you go call her. After that, you can go home. The rest of us will draw for who gets to keep our 'friend' company tonight."

"I'm not leaving, Greg. Not while he's missing," Ed snapped.

Greg surrendered and turned to the rest of Team One. They all gave him mulish expressions and Spike put it best. "We're not leaving, Sarge. Wordy wouldn't leave if it were one of us missing."

"He's right," Sam agreed.

"I'm in," Lou said firmly.

"Same here," Jules piped up.

"How sweet," Kevin sneered from his corner; his fear seemed to have evaporated as soon as the phone was hung up. "Do we get to sing Kumbaya now? Maybe a little hair braiding to go along with the sappy stuff? Dibs on the first s'more at the evening bonfire, by the way."

"You have s'mores?" Spike asked, taken aback. "I'd have thought those were too sweet for your universe."

"Don't be stupid, geek-boy," Kevin snapped, looking offended. "Of course we have s'mores…chili pepper, dark chocolate, saltine crackers, and Matcha (1) marshmallows are the best."

Spike made a face. "Ugh, no thanks," he muttered, a sentiment his teammates completely agreed with.

Greg ignored the brief discussion as he frowned to himself and silently planned out the first shift. "Spike, Lou, get him outta here. Pick a briefing room and keep him there." The two started to haul Kevin out and Greg lifted a hand. "Spike, once you get him in there, get him something to eat."

Greg wasn't about to starve the Mirror Wordsworth, but making him stay alone – and cuffed – in a room with Lou; well, Greg wasn't so virtuous that he wouldn't find another way to get even for the drunk cracks Kevin had tossed at him earlier.


[1] Green tea that apparently makes for a rather bitter taste in marshmallows