Tara POV
The air was chilly, even for December. I quickly lit a cigarette and stuffed my free arm inside my hoodie. When I finished my cigarette, Adam still wasn't there. I cursed and lit another one, bouncing my legs to keep warm. I heard the familiar rumble of a motorcycle in the distance. My mind instantly went to Jax, wondering what he was up to. The wonder soon turned to worry about whether or not he was mad at me for earlier. I puffed harder on the cigarette. The effects of the ecstasy were nearly gone but the thought of him was enough to tighten the heartstrings in my chest.
I shook my head to clear it. Adam. I needed to focus on Adam.
I knew what Kris had said earlier rang true, but I couldn't bring myself to fully believe it. Were things really over with Adam? I didn't want to believe so. I wanted to hope that there was still a small chance that things would turn around. The difference between who he was three months ago and now was glaring. He was obviously hurting, spiraling. I knew better than anyone what facing that alone was like. But was that why I'd been holding things together? I really didn't know.
If we did call it quits, what then? I'd come to appreciate having someone around, someone to funnel my energy into. Not that I needed a guy in my life, but I'd come to appreciate the reprieve from my solitude.
While thoughts of Jax and I fluttered on the edges of my mind, I tried my best to keep them at bay, refusing to let them seep deeper. Jax and I were dangerous together - inexplicable trouble. Of course we had a connection; our wayward souls ignited in ways that was both exhilarating and homicidal. It was impossible to harness our emotions with each other and many a times hot headed passion had won when cooler, leveler heads should have prevailed. It didn't matter what either of us felt, one of us had to be smart, had to be practical. We couldn't live our lives in a constant inferno and Jax and I together were exactly that.
I snuffed out the remains of my cigarette just as the headlights of a motorcycle turned down the street. It came to a stop at the end of the driveway. The figure took off his helmet and my jaw dropped.
Adam.
He swept a tuft of hair from his eyes and climbed off his bike. I stood slowly, certain my eyes were deceiving me. Was he wearing a cut?
He made his way toward me and opened his arms expectantly. I went to him and reflexively leaned in, pressing my cheek to the cool leather on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. When I pulled back, he wore a huge grin.
I tried to smile in return but I was too confused.
"What's going on?" I asked hesitantly, looking between him and the motorcycle.
Even in the dark, I could see the excitement in his eyes.
"Early Christmas gift. Gemma's idea. You like?"
The hard effects of my high had long since worn off but I still seemed to be processing things a little slowly.
Motorcycle. Christmas gift. Gemma.
Once again, my mind drifted to Jax and how insanely pissed he was going to be.
When my words faltered, he continued quickly. "Remember that bike I told you they were having me restore? They one they picked up out in Lodi?"
I blinked in response.
"Well, they decided to have me do all the work and then gave it to me," he explained with a satisfied smile.
I realized Adam was still waiting for me to respond.
"Um, yeah. That's amazing," I replied in shock. "Wow."
I squinted my eyes and pinched at the leather on his chest.
"And the cut?"
"Clay's idea."
"Clay?" I asked, even more confused. I knew Jury had offered to sponsor him, but Adam hardly knew Clay and I had gotten the feeling John didn't want Adam to prospect.
"Yeah, babe. Clay's gonna sponsor me. Said it would give me more time at the garage to pick up hours and, once I patch in, I can make some extra cash on the side."
I flinched at the thought of what he might have to do for that extra cash.
He leaned in and slipped his fingers through mine, bringing them to his lips.
"This is good, T. No more worrying about how to keep the lights on or scrapping for grocery money. This makes all that shit go away. Even if I can't keep the house, I'll have a place to lay my head, food to eat…"
He eyed me imploringly.
"Say something, T."
There was such unfettered excitement in his eyes, I didn't know what to say. A few months ago, this was the last thing he had wanted. After everything that had happened, after all his confliction with the club… now he was going to prospect for them?
It wasn't that I was against the idea in theory – for a lot of other people it would've been the perfect choice. But the total 180, the hardening of his disposition over the last few months… it just didn't sit right. It took a certain kind of steel to be part of SAMCRO, a harsh steel; a steel I had yet to identify with Adam.
But when I looked at him, there was something of the old Adam in his face; the steady ease that I'd come to miss was practically leaping out at me. My gut told me it was the wrong answer, but the remnants of the X melded with the remnants of the Adam I had fallen for and I didn't have the heart to bring him off his high.
So instead, I smiled. "That's great, Adam. That's really great. I'm glad it's going to work out for you."
My words sounded hollow but he was too ecstatic to notice. A huge smile broke across his face.
"Not just me, Tara. Us. This is good for both of us. I mean, Gemma and John have always considered you family. But now, all of SAMCRO is our family. Things are going to be different."
I bit my lip to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Things were going to be different all right, but I wasn't so sure that was a good thing.
