-Silence-
The shudder of the ship's reversion to real space wakes Jaina. She rises from the bed and leaves the cabin, making her way down the short corridor to the flight deck, where Kyp sits at the controls. Outside the viewport stretches a brilliant nebula, the gases bright and richly coloured. The ship's sensors chime a warning that the area is highly radioactive, the gases "hot".
Her husband sits staring at it, in silence, face stony.
"This isn't Shedu Maad," she says. "It's pretty, though. I don't think I've ever seen this particular nebula. Where are we?"
"Just off the Perlemian Route," he replies after a moment. "It was the fastest hyperspace lane back. We need to refuel at the waystation ahead, but you'll need to handle it."
"Why? You do something to tick off the locals?"
He looks down at the controls, a muscle in his jaw jumping. "You could say that. This is the Carida Nebula."
Jaina sits in the co-pilot's seat with a thump, throat suddenly tight. "Oh."
Kyp guides the ship around the edge of the nebula with deft hands, his Force presence drawn in and his whole manner quiet. Jaina has never seen him like this, that she could recall.
She can't say she's surprised, though.
When they're hailed by the station, Jaina identifies herself, making no mention of him. She arranges for the fuel and then closes the channel.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asks softly.
"Not at the moment."
"Okay."
When they dock, Kyp hands her the controls and retreats to their cabin. Jaina has to go out to the station itself to handle payment. She leaves Kyp brooding on the ship, wishing she could help and knowing there's absolutely nothing she can do.
"We don't get Jedi out here much," the station master tells her, after hooking the hose up to the transport. He's an ugly little Ugnaught, shorter than her with a squished face and a surly attitude. He's the only one she's ever met to speak Basic, and that's done through a voice modulator embedded in his chest. "Guess you lot don't like being reminded of your failures, huh?"
Jaina eyes him. "Does anyone?"
"I guess that's true. Say, aren't you the Jaina Solo who was married to the Empire's new head honcho?"
"I was," she admits. "I didn't like his politics."
"Guess that's one thing we can thank Durron for," the Ugnaught says after a moment. "Took out a big chunk of the Remnant's forces when he blew up this system, cleared the way for the Republic to get control of this whole sector. Still think the Huttslime got off too easy, though. Twenty-five million dead, and he's a free man."
Not as free as everyone thinks, she muses to herself.
"Yeah, well, the woman who ordered the construction of the weapon that did it got to be Chief of State, so, you know, unfairness everywhere." Jaina hands over the credits for the fuel. It takes everything she has not to push his nose the rest of the way into his skull... with her fist.
She confines herself to using a trick Kyp taught her years ago, modifying the horrid Ugnaught's memory-even if official records might show otherwise-to remove her visit and replace it with a vague recollection of being visited by "Zeth and Jan Fost". An abuse of power? Definitely. Does she care? Not as much as she probably should. She's irritated and pregnant, and it saves his annoying little life.
When the refuelling's done, Jaina boards the ship and starts it up. She realises that her hands are shaking and flexes them, trying to let go of her anger. The Ugnaught doesn't know Kyp, hadn't seen the look on her husband's face earlier, hasn't held him in the night when he wakes from nightmares about being possessed, about killing his family.
Too many share the Ugnaught's view. The "I was possessed" defense, if they're even aware, doesn't hold much water for a lot of the galaxy's citizens. You can't blame a ghost for something; you can convict the breathing. Kyp doesn't deserve to be called a monster. Not the sweet, funny, sharply intelligent man she's married.
When they're away from the station, Kyp returns. He takes the co-pilot seat without a word.
"You come out here often?" she asks, trying to keep her tone light.
He stares out the viewport. "I try to visit once a year. I try to make the anniversary. Mostly for Zeth, but also… for the others."
She turns to look at him, searching his face. He's still drawn in on himself, but what manages to escape makes her heart ache for him. Guilt, sadness, loneliness.
"I did this," he whispers. "I killed twenty-five million people, including my own brother. I can never make up for it, no matter how many I save."
She slows the ship to a stop, essentially parking it at the edge of the nebula. It's too dangerous to actually go inside it, the supernova too recent, the gases too volatile. In the timeline of the cosmos, it happened virtually yesterday. And for Kyp, it probably feels like it did, even if over three decades have passed.
Jaina moves from her seat and into his lap, wrapping her arms around him.
"I know you," she tells him softly. "And you are a good person. You did a horrible thing while under the control of a very bad person. But you would never have chosen to do this on your own, Kyp. That's not who you are. I know you. And I know a thing or two about having someone else in your head, making you do things. You are not a bad person. I don't care what anyone else says. If they knew you like I do, they wouldn't think it, either."
Kyp hugs her tightly, burying his face in her hair. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything that I have. By rights, they should have executed me for it."
She shakes her head, makes him look at her, palms gentle on his stubbled cheeks. "If they had, Kyp, I wouldn't be here. A lot of people wouldn't. Our baby wouldn't. I can only be grateful they granted you clemency. Even if I'd somehow survived without you, I don't know who I'd be."
Jaina leans her forehead against his. "I'm sorry about Zeth."
He heaves a sigh, but doesn't speak.
She turns in his arms and for several minutes, neither of them say anything, just looking out at the remains of Carida, lost in their own thoughts. At least, she thinks, it's pretty. Alderaan's an asteroid belt now.
Finally, he says, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Coming with me. I know I didn't give you a choice, but…"
Jaina kisses him lovingly. "Thank you for bringing me."
She runs her fingers through his hair. "Let's go home now."
