Chapter 9: First Kiss
I DO NOT own T.U.F.F. Puppy at all. I'm sorry this took so long. Each chapter seems harder to write than the rest. In this one, we meet Maria's mortal enemies. That's right, she has enemies. Plus, it features the song "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga/ Haha. It also features lines from "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen and Lady Gaga/Haha's "Speechless." It's long and filled with romance and fighting. And Lady-Salem, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind my portrayal of Jack.
Maria walked alone through the alley. It seemed like a slasher movie cliché, but she had other things on her mind. She had just taken her motorcycle to the shop, though Mario had begged her to let him try to fix it.
And there was her mother's news: Maria and Mario would receive a new sibling! How could it be so? At her age! Sure, she didn't consider her mom really old yet, but this kind of thing wasn't usual. Unusual, yet obviously not impossible.
And then there was the biggest thing on her mind. The Chameleon. He was her best friend, yes, but she sensed she had other feelings for him, feelings she never had for anyone else. Could she love him? In a way different from the way she loved Mario and her parents? Maybe.
Something grabbed her from behind and pinned her to the wall. She couldn't tell who it was. The figure was tall and all dressed in black. She screamed and tried to escape. "I wouldn't put up a fight if I were you, missy," said a muffled male voice with a British accent. Now he seemed a little familiar. "If you cooperate, I promise you won't be hurt that badly."
Maria still struggled. "Help me! Chameleon! HELP!"
She was cuffed on the head. "Shut up. The Chameleon can't help you. No one can."
"Wanna bet?" A skinny yet powerful figure with bulging eyes ran toward her. It was the Chameleon, of course. He pointed at the figure in black menacingly. "Let her go!"
"Not going to happen, Chameleon." Maria's attacker took off his hood, revealing two long ears.
"Jack Rabbit! What do you want with Maria?"
"Isn't it obvious?" sneered the ex- T.U.F.F. Agent. "Her father is filthy rich. If I held her hostage, I could get a very large ransom! I bet he would give anything to get his precious daughter back. I might even take his entire fortune! Bwahahahaha!"
The Chameleon grabbed Maria's arm and tried to shield her. "No, you won't! I'll stop you!"
"I'd like to see you try," said Jack.
"Chameleon, look out!" cried Maria.
He turned around to see a drooling coyote in a leather jacket charging at him. He got out of the way just in time and the coyote crashed into a dumpster. "He's-" started Maria.
"I can introduce myself, rich girl," interrupted the coyote. "I'm Gerald Howler. But everyone calls me Jerry. And I'm going to kill Maria Foxxy."
"Oh no you're not!" said the Chameleon.
"He's right," said Jack. "I told you, she's more valuable alive."
"Aw, man! I totally disagree! The boys and I have been wanting her dead for, like, ever!"
"You and your friends will do as you are told."
Maria groaned. "Oh, why did you have to hire those morons?"
"Morons?" said the Chameleon. "I only see one and his employer."
"Jerry's two best friends, both as stupid as he is, must be on their way. The three of them are my mortal enemies."
"I can't believe someone as nice as you has enemies."
"Well, believe it, because here come Idiotas Dos and Tres right now." Something oddly shaped was flying in their direction. It was a gerbil riding on a parrot. "Jose Green and Rafael Long-tail."
The two dumbbells crash-landed next to Jerry. Jose was a big green parrot with an eye-patch over one of his orange eyes for no reason. Rafael was a gerbil, shorter than his friends, and he wore several rings. All three of them wore black leather and had several scars.
"Hiya, Red," said Rafael.
"Miss us much?" said Jose. The three cretins shared a murderous look as they moved towards Maria.
Maria stomped on Jack's foot. He yelled and grabbed his foot in pain. The Chameleon and Maria started running away.
"Don't let them get away!" said Jack. "And I don't care what you do to the Chameleon, but I want Maria alive!"
"Whatever, boss man!" said Rafael. He and his pals began to chase their targets.
Panting, the Chameleon asked Maria, "So why do those three hate you so much?"
"Actually, Jerry asked me out once and I turned him down."
"Oh, really?"
"I just didn't like him even then. It drove him crazier than he already was, and Jose and Rafael pretty much do whatever he does. All three of them are pretty dumb, but they're also ruthless fighters."
They stopped. Maria was out of breath. She collapsed against the Chameleon. "I think the coast is clear," he said.
"Ever get tired of being wrong, you dork?" It was Jerry. He grinned, and his mouth full of large, sharp, crooked teeth. He lunged and tried to bite Maria. The Chameleon managed to push him away.
Jose and Rafael rushed over to them, followed by Jack. "You're can't escape me, Maria," said Jack. He pointed a knife at her.
"I thought you said you wanted me alive?"
"I do. I'm not going to kill you with this knife. Just maybe take something away if you don't surrender. Your tail, perhaps?" Maria looked horrified. "And if I have no other option. . . well, we can't always get what we want, can we? Anyway, use your brain, girl. You're hopelessly outnumbered. Even with your second-rate villain of a friend. Four against two!"
"Well, try four against four!" Dudley and Kitty appeared out of nowhere, pointing their blasters at Jack. "Let Maria go, Jack!" said Kitty.
"What about me?" said the Chameleon.
"What do you mean? Aren't you working with Jack?" said Dudley.
"Stop accusing me of things, Agent Puppy! Yesterday, you think I was working with Birdbrain, and now you think I'm working with Jack? No, those three mangy, stupid, slobbering thugs are working for Jack. I'm just here to protect Maria."
"Why do you care so much about her, anyway?" said Jack.
"Well, um, she's my best friend. And by best, I mean only."
Maria smiled. "And you're my best friend too. And by best, I also mean only."
"Oh, please," said Jack, ignoring her. "The fact is, Chameleon, no one likes you, no one has ever liked you, and no one will ever like you!"
One of Malcolm Foxxy's patented boomerang knives nearly nailed Jack's ear before returning to Maria's hand. "He's not a second-rate criminal! Or a second-rate friend!""
Jerry laughed. "You're ugly, lizard man!" he blurted. "U-G-G-L-E-E!"
"First off, Jerry," said Maria, "You're a lousy speller, and secondly, the Chameleon is the handsomest man I've ever known!"
Jack grabbed Maria by her neck. "Don't be a fool, girl. You can't trust that crazy cold-blooded creep. He's a villain just like me."
The Chameleon knocked Jack aside and tried to shield Maria. "You're wrong, Jack! I would never hurt Maria! She's the best thing that ever happened to me!"
"And why do you care?" said Jack.
"Well, uh, sh-she's my. . .friend."
"More than friends?"
"What?"
"Do you like her more than a friend?"
The Chameleon gulped. His hands were shaking. "Yes."
"Louder."
"Yes! Maria is the nicest, prettiest, most talented, and overall perfect person I've ever met, and I know I don't deserve to be with her, and the fact that she wants to spend with me anyway makes her that much more wonderful!"
Maria looked at her friend. Could he really feel that way about her? It seemed to good to be true."Oh, Chameleon," she said. "Is that true?" He nodded. "I can't believe it. You really think you're not good enough?" He nodded again. "Well, you're wrong. You have to see yourself the way I do." She cleared her throat and sang:
"My mama told me when I was young,
We are all born superstars.
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on,
In the glass of her boudoir.
There's nothing wrong with loving who you are,
She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe.
So, hold your head up, boy, and you'll go far.
Listen to me when I say.
You're beautiful in your way,
Cause God makes no mistakes,
You're on the right track, baby,
You were born this way.
Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set,
You're on the right track, baby,
You were born this way."
Then she walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that."
Everyone else was disgusted. The Chameleon fainted. "Are you OK?" said Maria.
"Oh, Maria Claire," he said. "You've left me speechless, so, speechless, yeah." He was on cloud nine.
"Get the girl, you dolts!" ordered Jack. Jerry, Jose, and Rafael grabbed her and took off with their leader, and Dudley and Kitty followed. The Chameleon was still laying on the floor, dazed. "Come on, lover boy!" taunted Jack. "Don't you want to save your girlfriend?" His laugh echoed/
"Huh?" said the Chameleon. He came to his senses. "Oh no, Maria's still in trouble!" He went to save her.
Dudley and Kitty were focusing on Jack while Maria took on all three of his hired thugs. The Chameleon briefly turned into a cheetah to catch up. "Don't worry, Maria, I'm coming to save you and nothing will stop m- Ooh, silverfish! Where was I? Oh, right! Hold on!"
"You're doomed, rich girl!" said Jerry. Maria slapped him across the face. She kicked him in the shin and made him yelp. Then she flipped Rafael, put him in a trash can, and rolled him away.
Unfortunately for her, Jose knew she was afraid of heights. He also remembered he could fly. (This is something he forgets often. Yes, he and his friends are that dumb!) He grabbed her with his talons and soared. Maria let out a scream fit for MJ Watson. "How high, Maria? Let me know so I know when to drop you. Heh heh heh!"
A large, menacing hawk slammed into Jose and snatched Maria from him. The panicking parrot flew into a building. At first Maria became even more scared. But then the hawk gently glided back to the ground and she was in the Chameleon's arms. She sighed, relieved. "So, you kissed me?" said her savior, not sure what to say.
"Uh, yeah. It was my first kiss. Was it yours?"
"No, but I think it was the best."
"Thanks. I was pretty nervous. I mean, I like you and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, and it was my first."
"Well, are you nervous about your second?" Maria's eyes widened and then closed in bliss as the Chameleon kissed her on the lips.
Then Jerry seized Maria and bowled over the Chameleon. Maria stomped on the the coyote's paw. Then she pretended to to talk on a cellphone. "Hello? OK, I'll tell him, doctor." She looked at her nemesis, eyes shining. "Jerry, that was your doctor. He was going over the X-rays of your head. They didn't find anything."
Both she and her- boyfriend?- laughed. But then she covered her mouth in embarrassment. "What?" said the Chameleon.
"I don't really like my laugh. Some people find it disturbing."
"Are you kidding? I think it's the most adorable sound in the world."
"Do you have any paper?"
"Well, I have this grocery list. Why?"
She took it and wrote something. "This is crazy. But here's my number. So call me, maybe."
"I will, maybe."
Jerry threw her into the sewer and she did another Mary Jane scream. But then she was saved when her scaly protector became a ladder. She climbed out and shook in his arms.
"You troublesome girl!" cried Jack, struggling in Kitty's grasp. He pulled out his gun and fired at her, deciding to forget taking her alive. But it was all in vain, for now she had a green and black shield. Dudley threw a puppy punch and Jack was out cold.
"Wanna leave?" asked the Chameleon.
She nodded. "Too bad I had to take my motorcycle to the shop."
"Well, that's not going to stop us." In his place there was a shiny green and black motorcycle.
Maria squealed in delight, putting on her helmet and mounting her new ride. "The Red Baron rides again!" She hit Jack, who had regained consciousness and was in handcuffs. "If you thought would get away with it, you didn't know jack!"
"That's clever!"
Then the Red Baron started towards Jack's accomplices. They screamed and tried to run away. But then Jerry growled and started to run toward her! (He cannot be underestimated.) "Who's laughing now, boys?" said Maria. Unfortunately for her, Jose remembered he could fly, grabbed his pals, and flew away. Now all three of them were laughing. "They're getting away," moaned Maria. "Oh well, we'll worry about them later."
"Those three are fired!" said Jack as he was dragged away.
"So are you two dating?" said Kitty.
"I don't know," said Maria as she rode into the sunset. And she was telling the truth. "Oh Chameleon, you're my hero."
"Well, I've never really done anything heroic before. I had no idea it would feel so great."
"Can you change back to your normal self for a minute? There's something I have to tell you."
He did. "What is it?" She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately on the lips. This was probably the best one yet.
She pulled away smiling. "I think three is a lucky number."
Well, I'll end here. This is one of my favorite chapters. Please review, and there is much more on the way. Adios!
