Chapter 15: The Disastrous Date
Disclaimer: Broken record. I don't own jack, and I don't think I'm going to have anymore of these things. This chapter may or may not be the big obstacle for Marileon I mentioned at the end of the last chapter. I hope you like it anyway.
"However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you. I will always love you." "Lovesong," The Cure.
Christmas was drawing nearer and nearer. Almost everyone in the city of Petropolis, CA was feeling pretty good.
The Chameleon and his lovely girlfriend Maria Claire Foxxy were on a date at the Owlive Garden. The two of them were at a table in the back. There were candles burning and a vase with three red roses in the middle. Maria had taken off her coat and wore one of her nicest red dresses.
The waitress, a raven named Anita, asked what they wanted to drink. The Chameleon said, "Anything you want, Angel. Price is nothing to me tonight. I could buy you a bottle of their finest wine if you asked."
Maria looked a little embarassed. "Er . . . I'm not old enough to drink yet, babe."
"Oh. Heh. I forgot. You're so mature for your age."
She consulted the menu. "I'll have a Bella Limonata."
"Excellent choice, miss. And you, sir?" asked Anita, looking nervously at him. She couldn't help but feel on edge having someone like him in the place.
"Hmm. I'll just have a Cobra-Cola."
"All righty, then. I'll be right back." She hurried away to get their drinks.
"What's the occasion, Chameleon?"
"I'm celebrating."
"Celebrating what?"
"How lucky I am to have you."
"Oh, you're so romantic. How was your day?"
"It was fine. But it improved tenfold when I saw you. How was yours?"
"Oh, something BIG happened today."
"What?"
"You didn't see? Mario posted about it on Facebeak and on his blog. I quit my job."
"That's wonderful!"
"I know! Griffin was so angry! He kept ranting and raving about how I couldn't quit because I was the most popular waitress. And then Mr. Fowl threw a pie at him. That's when everyone started throwing food at him. And I rode out in style. Thanks for helping Mario fix my motorcycle."
"No problem. You know, before my criminal career really took off, I earned a degree in mechanical engineering. I used stolen money and some of my inheritance to pay for it. But I don't really want to talk about my past tonight. Some other time." Maria decided not to pry, but couldn't help but wonder about what she didn't know about the reptile she loved. He had never lied to her, yet he remained so mysterious, like a superhero. Her own personal superhero. He would probably explain more soon. She wanted to meet his parents. What would they think of her?
"What do you think I should do with my life? Do you think I could try pursuing my dream of acting? It's certainly not easy to get into."
"Whatever you choose, you'll be great at it. That I know for sure. I'll have to watch that video later. I'm sure you were at your finest." She gave him the look that melted his heart, fluttering her long, dark lashes, and rested her hand on his. He imagined what a ring would like on one of those fingers. Yes, he had decided he would marry her. He didn't know when, and he knew it was soon, but he also knew he would never find anyone else he'd ever want, no matter how hard he looked. He had decided to reform. A life of crime was no longer appealing. Not after she had brought out the goodness in him. It wasn't satisfied with the path he was on, and knew he could do better.
"Hello," said a familiar voice with an Italian accent as phony as his mustache. They looked to see who ruined the moment. Maria groaned inwardly. Malcolm may have let her go out, but she couldn't believe that he had the nerve to send a spy! As a result of a combination of bribery, threats, and blackmail, their drinks were being held by a peacock in a waiter's uniform. His name tag may have read "Pietro," but they knew at once he was James Peter Fowl. Malcolm had sent him to try to sabotage their date.
"Who had the limonata, and who had the Cobra-Cola?" said "Pietro."
"Well, the limonata is for the lady, and might I ask where Anita is?"
"Oh, Anita has a - how do you say? - family emergency and she had to step out." His accent sounded more French than Italian. It was simply insulting.
"What are you doing here, Mr. Fowl?" demanded Maria.
"How did you – I mean who ees dis Meester Fowl? I've never met such a man." Pathetic.
"Cut the garbage! Did my father send you? Did he?!"
Mr. Fowl tugged his collar. "I have no clue what you mean. May I take your orders now and end this confrontation?"
The Chameleon sighed. He wished this fool would end this charade. "Yes, you may. Pietro."
"So what will de gentleman have?"
"I'll have chicken and gnocchi soup with extra gnats."
"Excellent. And de lady?"
"I'll have the Steak Toscano."
"Very nice. I'll be back."
Maria rolled her eyes. "Oh, God. Dad, how could you?"
Her companion patted her hand. "Don't worry, Angel. Not even that maniac can ruin this night."
Their faces leaned in closer together. And then Mr. Fowl jumped in between them and said, "Are you certain you don't want any appetizers?"
"Yes!" they said to the ersatz waiter.
"So, where were we?" said Maria. Just as they clasped hands, Mr. Fowl jumped on the table and began dancing a jig while singing, "Alouette." They glared at him. He backed away.
"What is taking so long?!" shouted the Chief. He, Dudley, Kitty, and Keswick were also at the Owlive Garden that night. They were celebrating the defeat of almost every villain in Petropolis before Christmas.
"Coming!" said another unwelcome voice, as TUFF's waiter came into view carrying the tray. He was a rat who called himself Stephano. Of course it was actually Verminious Snaptrap, leader of DOOM, who was once more impersonating a waiter as part of an evil scheme.
As "Pietro" returned with a tray of his own, "Stephano" thought it would be funny to trip him. So he stuck out his foot and they both fell and dropped their trays. They ended up picking up the wrong ones.
"That isn't our tray!" said the Chief.
"Yeah, where's the lobster I ordered?" said Kitty.
"You idiot!" Snaptrap yelled at Mr. Fowl. "You made me drop the poisoned food for TUFF!" Everyone in the restaurant gasped. "Wait, let me start over!"
"Snaptrap!" said the Chameleon. "What are you doing here? You're ruining my date!"
"No, that's why I'm-" began Mr. Fowl, than stopped, what he was saying. "Wait, let me start over."
"You tr-tr-tried to poison us!" said Keswick. "Let's get him!" They ran after both of them.
But before they could, Anita appeared from nowhere. She was tied up and looked very angry. "There he is!" she cried, pointing at Mr. Fowl. "He tied me up and put me in a closet!"
"My dear, it was only temporary."
"You should be locked up!"
Mr. Fowl tugged his collar again. "You know, Miss Anita, you're very attractive. Your feathers are very shiny. Almost as shiny as mine. Very few reach that level."
Snaptrap had had enough of this foolish fowl, just like everyone else. In an attempt to divert attention away from himself, he ripped off his mustache. "You're not a real waiter!" Well, obviously.
Mr. Fowl ripped off his in return. "Neither are you!" Then he punched the rat, and then he was punched back, and before you know it they were fighting.
The Chameleon groaned. "This is a disaster. And we didn't even get our food yet. I'm never coming here again!"
The TUFF Agents went to break up the fight as the imitation waiters headed into the kitchen. And then the restaurant caught on fire. Luckily the two responsible were already in handcuffs. Keswick said, "Check, please!"
Everyone began pouring out of Owlive Garden. They were screaming, running around in circles, and trampling one another. It was an atmosphere of mass hysteria. The Chameleon desperately tried to hold onto his love's hand, but in the confusion he lost her. "Maria! Maria! Maria!" he screamed, tears flowing down.
He reached the exit, only to turn back. The TUFF Agents stared at him in confusion. "What are you doing?" said Dudley. "You'll catch on fire!"
"I don't care! I'm not going to live without my angel!" He ran back in after her. Almost everyone was already out, excluding two individuals: Maria and the Chameleon. As the firefighters arrived and put out the fire, everyone was holding their breath and wondering if they would make it out alive.
Then the Foxxy family showed up. Mario's limbs were shaking and he sobbed as he held as beloved video camera, Dolores. Marge, whose pregnancy was really starting to show, was screaming at the heavens. And Malcolm, who was actually kind of responsible for the whole mess, was beside himself. He yelled at the firefighters and tried to get past them. "My daughter's in there, you *****!" It's not clear what he called them, but it probably wasn't appropriate in church or other public places. That much is certain.
Finally, the Chameleon emerged carrying an unconscious Maria. They seemed unscathed, but he was in tears. He laid her down on the concrete and sunk to his knees. "No response. No response at all."
Dudley and Kitty went to him, worried. Despite Maria's controversial relationship, she was very well liked. "Is she alive?" sniffed Kitty.
"Yes, but I don't know if she'll make it. I hear her breathing faintly. And her heart rate is very slow." He wept, and didn't think he could go on if she slipped away. "Oh my sweet Maria, please don't die. I need you." He pressed his lips to hers in a kiss worthy of a fairy tale.
Her eyes fluttered open. She moaned softly. "Ch-chameleon? Is that you?"
"Yes, Angel, I'm here. I'm here. I thought I almost lost you."
"They ain't found a way to kill me yet, doll."
Anita walked up to them. "We are sorry for the inconvenience, and we'd be happy to give you free dessert."
"Sounds great, Anita," said Maria. The raven walked away.
As Snaptrap and Mr. Fowl were taken to jail, the Chameleon looked at the remains of the Owlive Garden and sighed. "This entire evening is ruined! I had everything all planned. It was going to be so romantic!"
Maria smiled at him. "Wherever we're together is romantic." They heard some music playing. It was "Lovesong" by the Cure.
"I always think of this song when I'm around you," he said.
"I think of it too. Wanna dance?" she asked, offering her hand. They danced among the smoldering ruins like their was no tomorrow. All that mattered was that they had each other.
Next is the long-awaited Christmas chapter. I recommend that you listen to "Lovesong," by the Cure. It's one of the most romantic songs I know.
