AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your response has been brilliant; you guys are amazing. I promised to try and get a chapter to you today and your response to the story inspired me to do it. I know the first half of this chapter is dark but I'm trying to remain true to the character and her current feelings. Let's not forget that Regina has contemplated suicide a few times on the show! But don't worry I'm not going to get that dark, this story is fundamentally a romance and most of it will be light, fluffy and full of sexual tension, I just need to touch a little on her sense of hopelessness first. Anyway, there's a little Swan Queen goodness right at the end to sweeten the deal, so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

The dungeon is cold, damp and dark. It thrives on misery and starves all hope. It drains the lives of my enemies and gives them a glimpse of my miserable life. It's proof that anyone, from anywhere, can be subjected to pain and torture.

The bleak atmosphere of the place helps me to understand that I never did anything wrong. My mother was a woman determined to see me lead the life she never could. She carved out my future, she chose my path, and she had no compassion for the abuse her ambition would rain down on me.

My power, the fear I instil on my subjects, it's cathartic. When I hear them scream, when I watch them cry, I hear my own hoarse voice in their desperation, I see my own tears in their hopelessness, and I don't feel quite as worthless anymore.

I approach the pirate's cell in quiet anticipation, pleased to find him chained to the wall like some rabid dog. His body is broken and bloody from hours of torture at the hands of my guards, and I can't help but smile at witnessing his downfall.

Yes, he survived when Robin did not, but I will relish the moment when I make him wish that it was his soul Hades obliterated so carelessly.

He coughs painfully, and a sick, twisted, satisfaction spreads throughout my body. This is retribution, a selfish man's punishment for trading the life of someone who did not deserve to die.

His bloodshot, swollen eyes peer at me through the bars and I instantaneously decide that he will not see out the day. He knows it too. Defeated, he is a man resigned to his fate, and I will enjoy of every second I spend helping him reach it.

"Do you have anything to say?" I command, gifting him the chance for a final confession despite it being far more than he deserves.

He clenches his jaw, the resolute look in his eyes refusing to belie his fear. "Only that I never intended for this to happen," He replies, "I never wanted to hurt you. I understand your pain."

I hate that he uses his last breath to offer sympathy and forgiveness. I don't want forgiveness, I want respect. Just once, I want the heroes to look at me and understand. I want them to feel what it's like to have everything you hold dear ripped away so unfairly. I want them to know what it means, to be me.

"I love Emma," He continues after a beat, "And I would have done anything it took to get back to her…"

Anger bubbles deep inside me, it's a rage so blinding that I want to scream and cry all at once. An emotion so powerful that if I don't give it an outlet, it will surely kill me. I step up to the bars, the metal gate the only thing preventing me from ripping out his throat.

"Anything!" I scream, the overwhelming grief tearing from my lungs. "Even if anything is destroying another person's happiness, a person that was trying to help you!?"

He looks ashamed then, only just realising the consequences of his selfish actions, "I'm sorry," He replies.

But sorry isn't good enough, sorry won't bring Robin back. Someone has to be held accountable for my suffering and that person is the half redeemed villain chained up in front of me.

With a wave of my hand his cell door flies open, and I swiftly enter. He presses his body against the wall, trying to get as far away from my advancing figure as possible but it's useless. I will have my revenge. I will ease this soul destroying pain that festers inside me like poison.

In the blink of an eye his expression changes, his face slipping into an emotionless mask. It's a look that I've seen before. It's the same expression I saw reflected back at me when I looked in the mirror on the morning of my wedding. Having been forced to experience it for so long, it's a silent plea that I have little sympathy for.

His biggest mistake was falling in love. Love is a weakness that only ever ends in pain, and I'm about to prove that to him now.

Without warning, I plunge my hand into his chest and grab onto his heart, giving it a rough tug. He grunts loudly, doubling over in agony, but I only feel joy at his suffering. His eyes widen but he doesn't fight back, and I can't ignore the euphoric effect it has on me. His death is the strongest painkiller, the great leveller, a reminder that despite our best intentions, sometimes life just hurts.

I imagine Emma's distraught face when she realises that her love has been stolen as cruelly as mine. I relish the victorious moment when I tell her that I was the one responsible. With his heart in the palm of my hand, I slowly start to crush it, and its destruction begins to heal my own. This is my triumph; this is the one battle I win.

As I watch him take his last, painful, breath I smile, feeling lighter, and the world suddenly doesn't seem quite so cruel….

With a shocked gasp I bolt upright, surprised to find myself on the floor of my study, my heart still in my hand. Glancing around the room, I realise that everything is exactly as I left it. The book is still resting on my chair, and my drink is still perched on the corner of my desk. I must have passed out, the recent damage to my heart too agonising to remain conscious.

My head, cloudy from sleep and the disturbing images it brought me, throbs incessantly, and in my chest I can feel the faint echo of pain. I dreamt that I killed Hook. That I was back in the Dark Castle, dressed as the Evil Queen and thriving on other people's misery. And I liked it!

For a brief, imaginary moment, victory was mine and it felt good. I wasn't the one that lost for once. I wasn't the one left behind.

The thought reverberates through every nerve in my body, the realisation that I still crave vengeance making me feel sick. That dream wasn't just a reminder of my past, but a vision of my future. The seed of hatred that my mother planted so long ago is back, and growing so strong that it's ripping my town in two.

I haven't changed. I thought I had, but I haven't. I thought I was turning into someone that my father would be proud of, that Henry would aspire too, but I'm not. I'm too damaged to ever be good, to evil to ever deserve my happy ending.

The ground begins to shake again, my discarded whiskey glass dancing across the top of my desk. I look down at my heart and watch as the tear worsens, getting longer rather than wider this time. The rumble of the Earth isn't as loud or as violent as it has been, but as my heart slowly splits open before my very eyes, I can almost see the forest floor mirroring the damage.

The product of my hatred is tied to my magic, to the very root of me, and as surely as my heart is dying in the palm of hand, so too is the town that I built.

I don't want to make any more innocent people suffer. The residents of Storybrooke are my friends and I don't want to be responsible for their untimely demise. But darkness is my oldest friend, and its voice is louder than other inside my mind. If I leave my heart out then any good that I possess will be swallowed whole and the Evil Queen will take over, but if I replace it in my chest my pain will consume me and only darkness will remain.

The shaking increases, the rumble now so loud that it sounds like an earthquake. With my heart outside my body the pain is less but damage to the town is more. Damned either way, I make my only real choice I have and press my heart against my chest.

Suffocating pain wracks my body as soon as the blackened organ returns to its rightful place. The shaking outside calms. I need to get my vault. I need to lock myself away, protect my family from the monster that I'm turning into. I have to spend the remainder of my life alone.

The pain finally begins to ebb, the shaking earth calming to a gentle rattle before stopping completely. I slowly regain my breath, my eyes darting around the room for anything I might want to take with me into solitude. A few books maybe, my cider, Robin's bow…that photo on the mantle of Henry, Emma and the Charming's taken last thanksgiving. Any inconsequential trinkets that remind me that for a short time at least, I was loved.

My attention flicks to the window and the orange hue of the setting sun. If I go now, before nightfall, no one will have the opportunity to try and stop me. No one will get the chance to convince me that I can still be saved. This is the right thing to do.

"Regina?"

I hear Emma's tentative voice and spin around to see the blonde Saviour stood in the open doorway of my study.

"What do you want?" I growl, in a voice much harder than intended. I recognise that voice, it's hers, the Evil Queens. My regression has already begun.

Emma flinches at my words, detecting the change in me, and I suddenly fear of how this conversation will end. "I came to see if you were okay," She replies, as caring as always.

My nose crinkles in distaste and I grind my teeth against the sarcastic response that I'm dying to give. I take a breath to collect myself, "Why wouldn't I be?"

The blonde's eyes dart to the window, "Well the entire town is shaking. Several buildings have collapsed and the hands have fallen off the clock tower…"

"I'm fine!"

Her gaze drifts over the room, taking in several points of interest. Robin's bow, the fairy-tale book, my half empty whiskey glass, and I know in an instant that she's assessing the situation. Searching for any visible signs of the Evil Queen. I find that it tests my patience.

"Why are you really here, Miss Swan," I demand, folding my hands across my chest in an attempt to assert what little authority I have left, "Because we both know that it's not out of concern for my wellbeing."

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and flicks back her hair. The subtle movement is a supposed show of strength, a warning that she's not to be messed with, but over the years I've come to learn that it generally means the exact opposite.

"Did you do it?" Abrupt and to the point. I have to admit that even I thought she'd be subtler in her accusations.

I smirk and offer a single nod of my head, my face a stony mask, "I did."

Her shoulders slump in disappointment, her mouth drawing into a thin line. I feel a twinge of regret pull deep in my chest and for a second I want to explain that though I'm guilty, the destruction is beyond my control, but what would be the point, they only ever see the worst in me anyway.

"Why!?"

I laugh, a dark sadistic chuckle that expresses none of the pain I feel inside, "Why not?"

"That's it?" Emma scoffs, unable to believe that 'why not' is the best explanation I have, "You're single-handedly ripping this town apart simply because you can?"

"You were expecting a different response?" I ask calmly, too calmly if I'm perfectly honest.

She shakes her head and begins to pace the large room, her frustration getting the better of her. "Oh I don't know," She bites back, "Maybe one along the lines of, 'my boyfriend just died and I'm struggling to cope…'"

A shooting pain bursts from my heart but I brace myself against it, unwilling to show her any weakness, "I'm a queen, I never struggle with anything," I reply.

She turns her head to me, green eyes fixing me to the spot. In three long strides she's across the room and invading my personal space, her nose scant inches from mine as she stares me down. "You are, aren't you, a queen?" She says, her words more a statement then a question, "Tell me she's back."

We both know who she is and the denial is on the tip of my tongue but I can't bring myself to say it. The Saviour would never believe my side of the story anyway.

"Who else do you think caused that crack to appear in the forest?" I ask, and it's all the answer she needs.

"Why?" She demands, disappointment dripping from every word. "Why revert to her? Why now, after everything we've been through together, after all the good you've done?"

The accusation in her words coupled with the demanding tone of her voice is enough to stir the beast within. Anger consumes me and I just see red. Channelling my rage to my hands, I use my magic to toss her through the air like an insignificant rag doll. She flies several feet, hitting the back wall before dropping to the floor in a crumpled heap.

The attack wasn't enough to hurt her, just enough to shock, and she quickly springs back up to her feet. I wave my hand, freezing her on the spot.

"And what has good ever done for me?" I shout, sick of these do-gooders and their contradicting opinions. "I lost Daniel saving your mother, I lost Henry saving this town, and I have now lost Robin while saving your Pirate. I am good, but only darkness brings me true happiness."

A single tear slips down my cheek, exposing my outburst for what it truly is, a cry for help. The fight leaves me instantly and I drop the spell holding the blonde captive. Her expression falls, sadness quickly replacing her disappointment as she hastily closes the distance between us.

"Gina that's not true," She's quickly replies, "You were never happy as the Evil Queen…"

I'm so lost in my own darkness that I don't even notice the tender nickname she uses.

"And you'd know this how?" I demand, my anger sparking to life once more as I roughly swipe at the tear. "You didn't know me in the Enchanted Forest. You have no idea what it's like to be me."

"No I don't," She admits gently, "But I do know what it's like to lose the man you love."

White hot hatred shoots through my body, the thought that she dares compare her temporary loss of Hook to my permanent loss of Robin, an insult that tempts me to destroy her. I lunge for her chest, intending to retrieve and crush her heart but when my hand hits her jacket, a powerful force field propels us both backwards and away from each other.

I can feel the aftereffects like an electric shock tingling up my arm. It's a warm feeling, pleasant almost, a feeling that is most unwelcome in my current state of mind.

Emma looks just as shocked, rubbing her chest as though she can feel the remnants of whatever that was, too.

"What was that?" She gasps.

I swallow sharply, flexing my fingers and unable to find an answer, "Your good magic protecting you," I lie.

Her eyes flick up to meet mine, the distance between us suddenly greater than it's ever been, "You really wanted to kill me?" She asks, unwilling to believe the events that just transpired.

The ground begins to shake, the pain in my chest increasing exponentially until I fear that my heart may burst from it. I bite my tongue, aware that this argument with my best friend is only adding to the tear threatening to rip my heart in two. I fail to tell her that my pain is the cause of this newest quake, after what just occurred she wouldn't believe me anyway. Instead, I use it to my advantage, pretending that it's my angered response at being unable to take her heart.

"I did."

Her expression hardens and she opens her mouth to usher a response, an act of war, but hesitates before she actually speaks. Her brow creases with the weight of a heavy burden, her steely gaze softening when it meets mine.

"This isn't you, Regina," She finally replies. "And I'm not about to believe that the destruction of Storybrooke is what you want. So go, scream, cry, throw things, threaten to break this town in half but don't ever, for a second, think that I'm going to believe you."

The shaking ground steadies beneath us, the pain in my chest easing to a dull ache. If Emma notices, she doesn't comment on it, just closes the distance between us once more. "You may think that the Evil Queen is all you are, all that you deserve, but I know that it's not. And if you want to get lost in her for a little while that's okay, I understand. But know this, I will come and find you before she has the chance to consume you once more. Regina, I will always find you."

Before I can reply she's gone, poofing herself away to leave me alone once more. Only this time I don't feel alone. The pain in my chest is almost gone and though the damage is done, for now at least, it has ceased getting worse.

In the bleak darkness of my heart a single, solitary candle burns. A ray of hope in the shape of Emma Swan.