Gabriel turned away. He swiped a hand over his eyes despite them being dry. Lucifer, he whispered through Angel radar, not knowing if he could reach his brother. Brother.
"I...I felt it," Dean said quietly behind him. "I felt Cas screaming inside my head. I heard what he said."
Sam shushed him, rubbing his neck and back.
"Dean. What did he say? Exact words if you can." Gabriel knelt down beside Dean who was collapse against Sam, his eyes fluttering.
"Gabe, not right now," Sam snapped.
"I need to know!"
"It's okay Sammy," Dean said softly. "I'm not helpless."
Sam smiled his trademark tight lipped smile that made dimples appear in his cheeks. "I know."
Dean turned to Gabriel. "He said help me. Help us, Dean, Amara ripped Lucifer's wings to shreds and will do the same to mine. I..I'm scared that she will take our Grace's, I'm sorry I took Lucifer, I'm sorry I didn't find another way to cure the Mark." Dean swallowed, swiping a hand across his eyes. "It was my fault, all of this, and if you don't want to save me, I couldn't blame you. I don't deserve it but you and Sam are the family I chose, above Heaven, above all the Angels, and above the world. So thank you for those years even if you leave me here."
Gabriel bit his lip. "What have you done Amara?" he hissed. "I can't zap you," he said. "I'm not fallen but I'm not at full power. I'm sorry. I used up too much already."
"Try," Dean snapped. "Try to get us there. Cedar Rapids, or at least a few hundred miles closer." Sam watched him pleadingly as Dean continued. "Your brother! Your baby brother, is being tortured and he's scared and he doesn't know what to do! He's praying to me because I'm the only thing he can pray too, because he counts on me to do this, to save him!" Dean was struggling to his feet now, leaning on both Sam and the Impala for support. "God isn't gonna save him, he gave up on that a long time ago, around the time he started believing in humans instead of the absent father. There was a time Gabriel, when I though we were similar, but now," he dropped his voice in disgust. "I could never leave my brother like you're leaving yours."
"Call Crowley," Gabriel snapped. "You think it doesn't hurt like all of Hell? To hear him in pain? I was the closest to Castiel for thousands of years, I was closest to Lucifer for millennia! When he went to Cage, I would only speak when Cas begged and cried for me to do so. I can't do it, I don't have enough in me to get two men and weapons to Cedar Rapids. Maybe your Demon friend can help." He disappeared, leaving the Winchesters staring at the spot he had vanished.
Dean collapsed against Sam, obviously exhausted. "Hey, hey," Sam said. "Stay with me now, okay? I'm calling Crowley." He opened his phone to the contacts and tapped on Crowley.
"Hello," answered the haughty British accent.
"Crowley. We have a lead on Amara, get your ass over here."
"Moose," Crowley said. "I'm sorry but I'm off limits for Amara, I want to keep my innards inside thank you."
Dean made a gesture for the phone and Sam handed it to him. "Crowley, he said, slurring slightly.
"Squirrel, don't tell me your hammered."
Dean chuckled dryly. "No, I know what's happened with Lucifer and Cas, we have a lead."
"I heard but nothing in it for me."
"I won't hunt you down and slit your throat with my knife if you come," he snapped.
"Touché," came a voice from behind them.
Sam jumped as Crowley walked forewords, ending the call. "Good to see you," Sam said. "Can you transport humans?"
"Straight to the point I see," Crowley smirked. "Blunt as ever Moose. And yes," he said before Sam could open his mouth. "I can."
"Cedar Rapids, Iowa," Dean said, dragging himself off the hood of the car. "Old abandoned hospital. We need to get there, now."
"Easy Tiger," he replied. "I will get you there but it won't do your Angel any good, you know. You look like your about to keel over dead. One rest night, then go after Amara."
"Agreeable," Sam said, nodding. "We haven't slept well in a while."
Dean looked mutinous. "Fine," he said, too tired to disagree. "Drop us off by a motel and come back bright and early tomorrow."
Crowley nodded sharply. "Of course you two. Now that little Angel's gone you need someone else to carry out your wishes."
Dean flinched. "Tomorrow. Seven am, we will be expecting you," he said, refusing to talk about Cas to Crowley.
"Of course," Crowley said sarcastically. "Always happy to help." He put a hand on both Sam and Dean's shoulders and they disappeared.
It was like being squeezed through a tube, Sam thought. Tight, air hitting and chaffing your skin. He felt Dean and Crowley pushed up against him, heard his brothers breath and Crowley's suit fabric rubbing against the flannel of Sam's jacket. He imagined it was what apparition felt like.
Where they landed was the parking lot of a roadside inn called Granny's house. It was warm out, humid and the land around them stretched flat for miles and miles. Dean staggered, evidently still drained from the prayers and pain. Sam grabbed his arm to steady him. "You good?" he asked.
Dean grunted, his face a mask of pain.
"See you tomorrow," Crowley said. "Rest up. Can't have Amara kill my Kingdom because
you two idiots were too tired to deal with her."
"Wait," Sam said, supporting Dean even more. "Why? Why did the prayer drain him like this?"
Crowley cursed. "Angel prayer. It's a last resort, to pray to a human, even if they are the Sword of Michael. Cas must be in serious trouble. Angels sap the life out of the receivers of their prayers, other than God. If Cas prayed to Dean despite knowing this would happen, I can't bear to imagine what Amara must be doing. Now, I must go. Urgent business with mother dearest." He disappeared with a flap of his jacket.
Sam wrapped an arm around Dean, helping him to the double doors of the inn. "Can you walk?" he asked.
"Not by myself," Dean said, too exhausted to even formulate a lie.
While Sam checked in, Dean watched as Crowley reappeared, the Impala next to him. Of course, he wasn't processing it but rather thinking of Cas and Lucifer and Amara. He would face her tomorrow and he would have to choose. Sam and Cas or Amara, his "deepest" desire? Dean rubbed his nose. There was no competition. Family before lust, right? But it was hard, he was drawn to her like a moth to fire, a pair of magnets. "No," he muttered out loud. "No."
"Dean," Sam called. "Hey."
Dean looked up. "Heya Sam, got rooms?"
"Yeah," he said, sliding an arm around Dean's waist. "No," he said as Dean protested. "Just let me help you, okay? You look like your about to die."
Dean let out a dry laugh. "Been there, done that."
Sam was too tired to attempt humor. He stopped and glared at his brother. "Don't even joke like that. Not now, not with Amara looming over us, because if you die who has to carry you home? Drive you back to the bunker and burn you? Me Dean, me!"
Dean flinched at the pain in Sam's voice. "Hey," he whispered. "First off, I promise I won't leave you. Second, dude lower the volume."
"Sorry," Sam said. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright, you don't have to apologize. If you had said that I would've slapped you." Dean stumbled sideways and Sam gripped him tighter.
They stumbled through the lobby, earning a few curious and concerned glances from the recipients by otherwise went unnoticed. Sam had made sure the room was on the first floor to ensure Dean would have to walk the least amount possible. Dean, who was barely conscious, was eternally grateful.
The second they reached the room, Dean sagged alarmingly against Sam. "Receiving that prayer took a lot out of you didn't it?" Sam murmured. "Come on, just a little bit further."
Dean muttered something that Sam could hardly make out. "D'you think Cas is okay?"
Sam swiped the card and the door beeped, signaling that it unlocked. He pushed it open, dragging his big brother in with him. "I don't know," he said, giving the raw truth for once. "For all we know he-"
Dean shook his head violently. "No. I would know about it Sam. He's alive."
"I'll take your word for it. Now come on, you need rest." Sam pushed Dean down so he was sitting on the bed.
"Go take a shower or something," Dean said. "I can take care of myself."
As much as Sam wanted to protest, to help his brother, he nodded and headed towards the door to get stuff from the Impala. "Try and stay awake until I get back," Sam called. "I'll bring clean clothes and food, sound good?"
"Defiantly," Dean said tiredly. He lay back, watching Sam until the door clicked behind him. Then he sighed and closed his eyes to think about the events of the day.
Cas was scared, really, truly scared. He was so terrified he would risk Dean's well being to get the message to him. He and Sam see the only people who could help him, Gabriel being nearly useless in this game. His powers were fading now that he had revealed himself to them, and they didn't know why. Great, he thought. Michael's in the cage, Lucifer is wingless, Gabriel is all but human, and Raphael's dead. Damn it, I should have said yes to Michael when I had the chance, then none of this would have happened. I could have taken Michael and Sam and I could have jumped in the cage together. Adam would be safe, the world would be safe. Damn it.
"Dean?" came Sam's voice, he sounded panicked. "Dean!"
Dean opened his eyes. "Yeah? What is it?" He felt by his belt for his knife.
Sam let out a relieved breath. "Sorry, I...its just for a second I...I couldn't see you breathing."
"I'm fine Sammy," Dean said, the phrase coming out sharper than he and meant for it to. His voice softened. "It's okay. After mom...yeah, we would get left at Bobby's and every night I would crawl into the crib with you because you were so, so small and I...I...was never sure if you were moving and all I could think was that I lost mom and I was loosing dad and I needed to make sure I kept you. That why I do everything I do for you, and I would do it again and again."
Sam blinked quickly. He turned away and in a choked voice he said, "how old were you?"
"I dunno. Four? Five? It's not a big deal Sammy. Take a shower, get some rest."
"Four?" Sam said incredulously. "God! Normal four year olds are building Legos with dad or letting their mom fawn over them, not trying to keep a baby alive."
"Yeah well, when have our lives ever been normal?"
"Good question." Sam tossed his some clothes. "Change and get some sleep. I'm taking a shower."
Dean nodded and waited for Sam to disappear and lock the door behind him before stripping off his shirt, soaked with grime and sweat. He tossed it by the closet door and caught a glimpse of himself in the full length mirror. It had been so long since he had really looked at himself but even just seeing the reflection made him notice several drastic changes.
He was thinner. The muscle outlines in his chest and arms were still finely carved but his ribs were quite a bit more visible as well as his collar and even chest bones, which he had never paid much attention to before. His eyes looked more tired, his posture was hunched as if in physical pain, and there were lines on his forehead. Small little lines, thin and almost invisible, but still there. There was also a load of darkness under his eyes, making the green look pale and sad. He looked almost like Sam while he was doing the Trials.
Dean shuddered and slipped on the grey t-shirt Sam had brought him, and the tattered jeans as they didn't have proper sleeping clothes packed. He opened the closet so that the mirror was no longer visible and lay down on the bed closest to the door. Within moments he had drifted off, praying on last time to Castiel. We're coming, okay? Hold on.
About an hour later it was Dean who woke up to Sam's tortured shouts. "Lucifer! No! Dean!"
Dean was on his feet in less that a second and by his brother side. "Hey Sammy," he whispered urgently. "It's alright. Lucifer won't hurt you, you're okay. I'm okay, everything's fine."
Sam opened his eyes blearily. "Dean..." he whispered.
"Yeah. What do you need?" Dean asked. "Anything you want?"
Sam gripes his arm tightly. "Stay. Please, I...I'm scared for tomorrow. What if Cas dies? What if you never get to tell him?"
Dean's heart twisted. Sam was having nightmares about Dean not getting to tell Cas how he felt? Wow, could you get more Winchester? "I'll stay," he said softly, unable to find it within himself to deny his brother anything, especially not when he was looking at him with those wide, exhausted and scared eyes.
"Thank you..." Sam closed his eyes as Dean settled down next to him, back pressed against Sam's, their breathing regulating.
"Anything for you Sammy."
AN: That was a little bit Wincesty. Sorry about that lol, I don't ship it btw
