Purpose

My name is Marian Hawke. Until today I didn't have a purpose.

I lived in the present- never thinking about the next week, always planning from one day to the next. I was spontaneous, happy and free, but without a guideline, a goal. The truth is, I always had a duty to perform, but I never cared so much about it until I nearly lost it.

When my father died, he made me swear I'd take care of my family- my mother and younger twin siblings. And I did. While in Lothering, I tried my best to keep them safe. I worked in the field, I seduced my way through the village, made sure they would never make us leave again. They were all depending on me, but once I lost control, I lost them all.

Sweet little Bethany - crushed by a darkspawn ogre. Stubborn Carver - who may not be dead, but has a shorter lifespawn away from us. Then Mother. How I hated the way the blamed me for everything. For letting her perfect girl get crushed and forgotten in the ruins of Lothering, for dragging Carver and forcing a cruel destinity upon him (nevermind I actually saved his life, he could've been dead if I hadn't dragged poor Anders with us). For not being the daughter she wanted, the one she needed. For being me.

Before she died, Leandra blamed me for having no purpose, no direction. And truth be told, I had none. I wasn't a hero, nor a benevolent martyr- I was just caught up in the worst situations that turned to be favorable for me. I help people for my own interests, that's how selfish I can be.

Yet on the day that I lost them all, I realised that I still had a chance for redemption, something I truly wanted, something I'd kill for.

Anders.

For three years he'd become a fascination of mine. The only person who'd refused my advances with indignation, who pushed me away for my own safety (it was usually the other way around). And the more he pushed me away, the more I wanted to blend with him, to see and touch and smell. I'd fallen for him, and we'd become each other's obsession. I knew he loved me, and he knew just how much I adored him, yet never dared to touch me. To spoil me. I always blamed Justice for keeping him away. The more I was around him, the more Anders I saw, and less 'mages' rights' here, 'mages' plight' there.

When he gave in, he became mine. My family. What's left of it, anyway.

They were the only ones who called me Marian. Hearing him call my name wakes something in me I never knew existed. A purpose.

I've known this ever since I lost my mother. But when Varric asked me what I wanted to do after we fled Kirkwall, I finally voiced it.

'First, I will get rid of Justice. Then I'll get rid of the blight', I said.

'Wait, you're talking about Blondie? So you'll just heal him magically of every damn thing?'

'Yeah, I will. Somehow.'

'What about after?'

'I hadn't planned that far ahead.'

It will take time. But I will save him. Even if he doesn't need saving.