Castiel lay on his side, breathing shallowly. His mind formed pictures of the men, the brothers. He sorted through his mind, trying to remember their names, their faces, their voices. It had been and estimated nearly three hours since the first Phase, the destruction of strength, and Cas had felt his will to fight fading rapidly. He didn't know what was happening or what was going to become of him, however he did know that these two men he loved were safe. That was all that mattered.
Who are they? he wondered. What have they done to make me love them? Did they love me?
Cas let out a broken sob. These men he couldn't even remember...he felt them missing from his being, a hole in his chest, an empty void he couldn't fill with simple memories. "Where am I?" he screamed into the emptiness around him. "What's happening to me?"
As expected he received no answer other than an shallow whistle of wind through what sounded like the skeletons of trees. Not for the first time Cas wondered if this was some Purgatory-like place. He sat up, looking around in the utter blackness, waiting and listening for something to indicate where he might possibly be.
"Phase two," rang out from seemingly nowhere, startling Cas. "Beginning now "
Cas waited, waited for the monsters to rip him apart, it would be a mercy to do so. He sat there in the darkness, imagining the fanged, blood driven beast behind him, ready to chomp it's fangs down through Cas's throat. But he saw and felt nothing. Instead he heard.
The voice was smooth but sounded like a car driving over gravel. It had a lazy drawl to it almost and a gentle underlying layer of threat. "Cas," the voice said.
Cas felt a sob lodge in his throat. It seemed like years since someone had said his name like that, with such an emotional, loving, understanding, and calming tone. He knew the voice. It belonged to one of the brothers. The blonde one. Suddenly the man's name was on the tip of his tongue.
"Dean," he breathed, feeling the four letters roll of his lips softly and brokenly.
"Castiel, you useless son of a bitch." The tone turned bitter and harsh.
Cas was confused. "What? Dean I..."
Dean's voice came closer. "You idiot! You always try and fix things but in the end you fuck up more that you fix, can't you just stay dead for once?"
The other man's voice, Sam's voice joined his jeering brother. "You were never family Cas," he snarled. "We never cared about you. We never liked you, we played you for your power and you were so whipped with Dean you never noticed."
Cas felt hands on his shoulder, large, study ones he presumed to be Sam's. Then the slightly smaller hands he knew to be Dean's. "You think I loved you?" Dean laughed. "You? A soulless creation made to yank me from Hell. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful but you. You were so naive and so stupid that you believed me. You've been useful before but now, now we don't need you."
Cas felt Dean breath on his face. "This isn't real," he whispered. "This is a test."
Dean spat in his face. "But it's true, emotions taken from the real Sam and Dean. It's all real and it's all one of your greatest fears. To not be loved, to not be accepted even after every thing you've done for them."
Sam's hand brushed his neck, ending chills down Cas's spine. He leaned down to whisper something into Cas's ear. "We never even liked you. It's better if you rot here."
"You screw up everything."
"You don't have a family."
"Who could ever even like you?"
"It's your fault the Angels fell," Sam sneered.
"I wish you had left me in Hell," Dean snarled.
I wish you had left me in Hell. Those eight words hit him hard. Out of everything he had done for the two, for Dean, he had never thought he'd here those words to form an insult. He had though they would speak of the Leviathans, of the Angels, perhaps of Purgatory, but no. This was so much worse, Dean, the very reason he had been created had been to save him was telling him that he would have rather stayed in the Inferno from which Cas had saved him.
"Tired of us yet?" Sam laughed cruelly. "Weak."
"I meant what I said, nobody cares that you're broken Cas!"
Cas tried to cover his ears but the voices sounded in his head as clear as day.
"Can't you die already?" Sam snarled. "It would be easier if you just left us, we'd only call you when we need to."
"I mean," Dean began. "It's your fault anyways."
"What is?" Cas asked, scared of the answer.
He could almost picture his colorless eyes widen. "You don't know?" he asked. "I'm dead."
Cas froze. A cry ripped from his throat. "No!" he cried. "No!"
The sneer was practically heard in Dean's voice. "I am. We went to get you from Amara- despite all your flaws I have to admit you are a decent soldier when you aren't fucking up the world. She killed me Castiel, when I was celebrating your death she stabbed me."
"You made me loose my brother," Sam said. "The only thing I had left to hold on to. We should have let you rot in that place."
Cas picked the blade up, fury rushing through his veins, he didn't think about anything other than needing to stop the relentless stream of agony pouring from the two creations he loved most in the worlds lips. "Stop!" he shouted.
"Why?" Dean teased. "I never loved you and I never could, a Righteous man love a soulless beast created to fight and obey order? How could that be?"
Cas stroked the ground blindly until his hands brushed something sharp. His blade. He lifted it, feeling the expert balance as whispers of hatred and fears slithered like a serpent around him. "Then I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "I won't hurt anyone any more." He drove the blade into his chest as the last words floated into his ears.
You don't deserve to be saved.
