Chapter 3


It was the morning on Peter's trip to Queensland. It was the beginning of two weeks, without Peter and without the guilty feeling that overcame Claire's body each day. Even if it was just for a couple of weeks, she finally felt like she could breathe again. She was standing in front of the house with her arms crossed, she was smiling at the thought of him leaving - it was an minor detail that he would be coming back, but she tried not to think about it.
The last couple of days had turned her life upside down and she was beginning to doubt, she could continue to keep up with the lies. She found comfort in the thought of her sister. At least Tess was there. Tess knew the whole truth and Claire knew she could support her, in any way possible. Claire watched Peter's car disappear down the road. She took a deep breath and made her way to the horses' ring. Her heart ached when she found it empty. Horses were her life, and training them her dream. And now she had lost it again - But an opportunity had presented itself. Peter had offered her to start working with Australian Bloodline again, and that could might as well be that spark of hope, that glimpse of light in the darkness, that she needed. She stopped for a second, overlooking the ring. She thought about when her and Peter had first started to work together, how wonderful her life had been back then. A quick thought wandered her mind. Maybe I could learn to live with Peter. Maybe, just maybe there could be a chance for us, a chance of finding happiness down the line. Maybe he was actually trying to do the right thing, maybe he did care for me - maybe he regretted what he had put me through?
She hated herself a little more for thinking those thoughts, she couldn't allow herself to fall back into his grip after all he had put her through. She shook her head and decided that pondering on what could be, would do her no good - getting started on the chores for the day would keep her mind of things and was a lot more productive. Claire was dreading the following day. Jodi had set her mind on organising her bachelorette party, but Claire wasn't in a party mood at all. Yes, work was indeed the only thing I would love to keep busy with right now.

Alex was still having mixed feelings about what had happened with Claire and their business. Had he really done the right thing? Now they didn't have the training to do, he had felt a little distance between them and that was a new feeling for him. He had got a lot more free time, and he hadn't really talked to Claire after the morning she came over - so to keep himself busy and to prevent the process of overthinking from starting, he decided to head over to Killarney after breakfast, to see if he could help Harry with something. There wasn't too much to do around Wilgul anyway, since Nick and Tess were too busy with the organic wheat.

The drive to Killarney was short, Alex hadn't even noticed that he was already pulling in front of the house. His mind had still been occupied with thoughts about Claire. C'mon Alex, get a grip! Why are you still thinking about her? She's your friend, and she deserves to be happy. But is she really happy? The other day her eyes told a complete different story from what her mouth did. Oh Claire, if only you would say that you need help! Alex wasn't liking where his thoughts were going, so he quickly made his way to the house. He had decided to go in from the back of the house since it was still early in the morning and he thought his parents were still having breakfast outside, as they always did when both Nick and him were still living at home. But he was wrong, there was no sight of Harry or Liz in the back garden, so he kept walking to the house, while he was approaching the pool, he saw that his mother was sitting there alone. He didn't think much of it, as it wasn't something of unusual, but as he got closer, he could hear her sobs. What's going on? "Mom?" Alex asked as he run the distance between him and his mother. He knelt down beside where she was sitting. "Mom? What's wrong?" He tried again, but Liz wasn't answering. It pained him to see his mother in such condition. What the hell is going on? "Would you please tell me why you are crying?" Alex inquired again, but he still hadn't received an answer. "Alex…" Said Liz weakly, if Alex hadn't been kneeling beside her, he wouldn't even have heard it. "I'm sorry." She added before bursting out in tears once again. Alex didn't understand what was going on. He got up and marched inside the house, he couldn't believe his own eyes when he saw the living room. What on earth happened here?! There were smashed plates on the floor, a food tray had been thrown against the back of a couch. It was like a tornado had just gone through the room. "Dad!" He shouted. "Dad! What happened?" Alex heard something smash in Harry's office and headed there. Harry was sitting at his desk, drinking. He seemed furious. "Dad?" Alex asked again. "Don't call me that!" Was Harry's harsh answer. Alex couldn't understand. Had he done something that he didn't know about? The last time he had seen Harry in that condition was after Nick's accident. But Nick was safe now, he had seen him only an hour ago. So what had happened? "Don't you dare call me that! I'M NOT YOUR FATHER!" Harry shouted and threw the glass he was was holding against the wall near where Alex was standing. Alex froze. He couldn't believe what he just heard. He was waiting for Harry to start laughing, to tell him he was joking. But Harry wasn't that type of man, he's not a joker. "What…" Alex tried to speak, but he had nothing to say. What was there to say? "Your mother was already pregnant when we got married. But not to me. I'm not your father, Alex." Harry said almost too calmly. Harry's words were painful for him to hear. Harry's not my father. "Alex." He heard a feminine voice behind him. He turned around and blinked fastly to clear the tears from his eyes. Liz was standing in front of him. Her eyes puffy and red, her voice hoarse from all the crying she had done. Earlier it had pained him seeing his mother cry, but now he could only feel one thing towards the woman that was standing in front of him - anger. She had lied to him, to everyone for 30 years. His whole life was a lie. Alex felt like he couldn't breath, he turned around and looked at Harry again. The man was devastated. He was a victim in this as much as Alex was. He couldn't stand being in their presence any longer. He ran outside the house and to his Ute. Angry tears were still forming in his eyes and they prevented him to see properly. But he didn't needed to see to know where he was going. He knew the road out of Killarney by heart, he had drove in it so many times. He stopped and got out of his Ute when he reached the gate. The Killarney sign caught his eyes. "H.J Ryan & Sons" Hammer in hand, he started attacking the sign. It was a lie. It was all a big lie. After he had smashed the sign, he got back in his Ute and drove off, leaving a big cloud of smoke behind himself.

Alex had been driving aimlessly for the past hour, he didn't have anywhere to go, or to better say anywhere he wanted to go. Well that wasn't exactly true, he knew where he wanted to go and who he wanted to see now. Claire. She was the only person he wanted to see right now, but he knew too well that it wasn't possible, so he just resorted in going to the Gungellan Pub to drown his sorrows in alcohol.

"Come on Claire. You are taking forever, you are going to be late for your own bachelorette party" Jodi shouted to Claire from the veggie patch. "Look, the windmill needed to get fixed - water for the animals is a bit more important than a stupid party" Claire said and dried her oily hands off in her shirt. Jodi panicked when she saw it. "No. No, tell me that just didn't happen" she said and was about to give up on the whole party. Claire looked confused at her - oh the oil. "Relax will ya'? I have plenty of other clothes to wear" Claire said and started to walk back to the house. Yes, work clothes Claire. Not party clothes. Jodi followed her back to the house. "Tess, can you please say something to her?" Jodi asked in a hopeless way and planted herself on a chair in the kitchen. They were all ready, only waiting for Claire to fix the windmill as she had insisted on doing before driving to Gungellan. A small laugh got out of Meg and Becky's mouths - they didn't know anyone who could mess up clothes like Claire.
Claire was already out of the kitchen and on her way to her room, before Tess or any of the others could say anything to her. Stupid party. I don't even want to go - but it would be good to forget about Peter for a while.
She looked through her closet and didn't find any suitable clothes for the night ahead. She only had one dress, a long beautiful red dress - she wore it when she had to attend something fancy. But the dress reminded her of Peter now, the last time she had worn it was to the Miss. Gungellan ball. Jodi had entered a year ago. Who was she kidding? She wouldn't find anything in her closet, that would fit the description of what to wear on a bachelorette party. "Tess, can you come up here?" she shouted down the stairs. She definitely needed help from her sister, if she were to find anything to wear.
Tess walked in to see a huge mess of clothes on Claire's bed. Even though her sister wasn't the girlie girl type of person, it was nice to see she had a bit of "What am I going to wear" in her. Made her look a bit more feminine. "I have nothing to wear" Claire sat and placed herself on the edge of the bed with a loud sigh. Tess got the feeling that was more to it, than Claire's lack of clothes. "You sure you okay?" she asked and placed herself beside Claire. "You've been working like crazy - more than you normally do, the past days". Claire looked at Tess with a empty look on her face. "It's really happening, isn't it?" Claire asked her sister. Tess placed a comforting hand on her leg - she didn't knew what to say, to make it better for her.
"I have the perfect dress for you" Tess said, trying to distract her sister's thoughts. She came back with a small, tight black dress. "I can't wear that" Claire said and looked a bit scared. What would people think if they saw me in something like that. "Just try it on, will you? We'll be waiting for you in the kitchen" Tess said and walked out of her room.

Claire stood a couple of minutes in front of her mirror - the dress was beautiful, but on her. She felt very insecure about it, she wasn't used to these type of dresses - or to any kind of dresses for that matter. She studied herself in the front and back. The dress stopped at the middle of her thighs, it was tight and it really showed of her body. Well, I might as well keep it on. She wasn't going to admit she looked good in it.

"Wow Claire. You look really good" Jodi said as Claire got back to the kitchen. Tess smiled, she knew Claire would wear the dress beautifully. "Come on, time to go" Jodi hurried, before some of the others could say anything.

As they got to the pub, Claire began to feel a bit overdressed. They were all staring at them, at her, when they went inside. "Maybe I should go change" Claire said to Tess. "No way, you look good" her sister answered back. They found themselves a table before Meg and Tess went to the bar, to order drinks for the group.
"Stop messing with your hair" Jodi said and gently pulled Claire's arm away. Claire leant back in the chair with arms crossed, she sure didn't like being told what to do or what she shouldn't be doing. Tess and Meg got back with drinks for them all. "Dig in" Meg said and pulled her chair out. "Shouldn't one of us be drinking water or something?" Claire asked. "Why? We have rooms for tonight" Tess said and took a huge sip of her drink. "Rooms? Are we sleeping here?" Claire hissed. She hadn't planned on spending the night here. "Come on. Lighten up will you" Tess said and studied the dancefloor. "Oh by the way. We just saw Alex, he looked pretty upset and drunk would be a good word to add as well" Meg said. Claire's eyes got big, why was he upset?

Alex had studied her from afar all night. Seeing her in that dress was doing things to him, things he wouldn't even admit to himself he was feeling for his best mate! But he couldn't help it, Claire was gorgeous in that dress, not that she wasn't every other day. He ordered another beer as he watched her chat with the others. He couldn't stand this any longer. All the emotions he was feeling before of what he had discovered just a couple of hours ago, and the things Claire was doing to him were too much. He took his bottle and unsteadily made his way outside of the pub. He found an empty bench and sat down.

Knowing that Alex was there, that he too had seen her wearing that dress, made Claire uncomfortable. She grabbed one of the drinks Meg and Tess had brought to their table and took a big sip. She needed alcohol to relax. After that first drink, the others started going down like water, and soon enough Claire felt the need of using a bathroom. She excused herself from the others and, on unsteady feet she made her way to the toilettes. On her way out of the toilettes, she saw him through the window. Alex was sitting outside alone, clutching a bottle of beer in his hands. "He looked pretty upset" Claire remembered Meg's words. I should check on him. Ignoring the calls she got from the other men in the pub, she exited the building and joined Alex on the bench. "Oi, mate" She greeted him. He looked at her but said nothing, she held his gaze and could see sadness in his eyes. "You okay?" She asked him. "It's all bullshit Claire" He said. She didn't understand what he was referring to, and as she was about to ask him, he spoke again. "It's all bullshit. None of the things in my life are real. I'm not a Ryan." Even in his state of drunkenness he could see the puzzled look on Claire's face. "Harry is not my father. Mum lied to all of us for 30 years." He explained. Claire didn't know what to say, is there a right thing to say in a situation like this? Probably not. So she decided to let actions speak for her, in an attempt of comforting Alex, she placed her hand on his knee. In response, Alex placed his hand on top of hers, squeezing it slightly, as to say that he understood what she was trying to do. They sat like that for a couple of minutes before Alex spoke again. "I love you Claire. More than the chopper." He tilted his head to look at her. An amused grin started spreading across her face and she couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped her lips seconds later. "Yeah righto" She said, she knew that Alex was drunk and that he didn't know what he was talking about. "I'm serious Claire. You are the only thing in my life that is not bullshit." He stared at before leaning in to kiss her. The kiss was short, because both of them were surprised by it. But Alex was even more surprised when Claire kissed him again. This time they both took their time in exploring each other mouths. Claire was the first one to pull away once again, what was she doing? She was kissing Alex Ryan. Her best mate. This was wrong. But it felt really good at the same time. Alex decided to take things in his own hands. He got up from the bench and helped Claire on her feet. He wanted her, but was not going to do anything in front of the whole town. Besides, he wasn't sure where Claire stood in this as well, so it took him by surprise when she told him she had a room booked. For a brief second Claire sobered up and started questioning her actions - but the soberness and logical thinking disappeared as soon as it had appeared, when Alex took her hand.
They made their way back inside the pub, that contained a lot more people now than when Claire had been inside. She draw a quick look at the table where the girls were sitting - Luckily for them no one was paying attention to the door and to the people that were coming in and out of it. They were able to sneak up to the rooms unnoticed. As soon as they were sure they were alone, Claire kissed Alex again, which resulted in some difficulties in getting the door to the room opened. As soon as they both got inside, Alex pulled Claire to his body again, craving to feel her skin under his hands, and kissed her once more. This kiss was different to the others, it was more urgent and intense, and it left Claire overwhelmed. She could feel her legs turning into jelly, and not sure they would support her much longer, she took a few steps back searching for the bed. Due to her incapability of pulling away from Alex, she took him down on top of her when she got on the bed.

Claire was passed out and he was sitting on the bed next to her. His mind was producing a million of thoughts all together, resulting in a headache. Deciding he needed fresh air, and another beer, Alex got dressed and left the room.


"Come on, up we get" she heard someone shout. Or at least it felt like that. A bright light hit her closed eyes and her head started to pound. She covered herself in the sheet, pulled it over her head and hoped for the annoying voice to disappear. "Can't you talk a little quieter?" Claire asked and peaked out from under the sheets. "Rough night?" Tess asked and jumped to her side, making her stomach twist a few times. "Where did you go last night? We didn't see you after you went to the bathroom" Tess said, still looking at Claire. Where did I go?
Claire pulled herself up from the sheet, making a face when the daylight reached her. "I can't remember much - I don't even know how I got back here" she said and looked around in the room. This was so unlike Claire, it kinda freaked her out a bit - usually she didn't drink, at least not to the point where she couldn't remember anything. "We should head home soon" Tess said and got up from the bed. "Look at you, bossing me around for a change" Claire said. Tess laughed at her sister. Claire made her way out of the bed. "I just need a quick shower, then I'm ready" she said and walked to the bathroom. She hadn't brought any other clothes so she was forced to put on the dress again, before making her way downstairs to Tess and the others.
The others had already ordered their breakfast when she joined them at the table. The smell of food made her want to throw up - maybe she shouldn't have drunk that much last night. But it was so good to get Peter of her mind, even if it was just for a couple of hours.
"You look like crap" Becky said as she saw Claire. "Feel like crap as well" Claire said and took a huge sip of the water in front of her.
After they had finished breakfast they made their way to the ute outside, it was time to get back to Drover's and catch up with the work they had missed out on. Claire looked to her left as she walked out of the pub. Alex - what was he still doing here? She remembered bumping into him last night.
"How you feeling mate?" she pushed his leg down from the bench. He woke with a startled feeling. "Claire?" he said with small eyes. "You ok?" she asked him. He looked at her, knowing she was referring to the fact Harry wasn't his father. He took a deep breath and got up - he was still unsteady on his feet, so Claire had to place a hand on his shoulder to help him find his balance. "I will be" he said and walked past her. His shoulder grazed Claire's, and a weird feeling appeared inside of her.
"Call me if you need anything" Claire shouted to his back. He lifted his hand to let her know he had heard her. Claire stood in her own thought for a moment before heading back to the ute. Something was different, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She shook the thought out of her head and smiled to the others as she approached them. "What's with him?" Meg asked. "Something with Harry" she couldn't tell them what really went on in the Ryan family. "They'll work it out with time" she said and started the ute.

"I'm so gonna need a nap" Jodi said as soon as they all were gathered in the kitchen. "Forget about that, I need you and Becky to clean the troughs" Claire said - she didn't exactly feel the best herself, but there was too much work that has to be done, there simply was no time to rest. "Besides, this was your idea." Jodi sighed and sent Claire a discontented look before walking out of the kitchen. "Right, I go check the fences then" Tess said and followed Jodi and Becky.
The phone rang in the study as Claire was on her way out. "Drover's Run, Claire speaking" her body froze when she heard his voice, it was Peter - She had managed to forget about him for a short amount of time, and it had left her with the greatest feeling inside. "Wait, what happened?" she asked in a worried voice. Meg came in sight in the doorway. "No no, stay. I understand. Yes I'll tell everyone" she said and ended the call. "What was that all about?" Meg asked. Claire looked at her, she was genuinely concerned. "It was Peter, his daughter is in the hospital" Meg's eyes got big and she took a step into the study. "Oh no. Is it serious?" Claire shook her head. "I don't really know. They wanted to keep her at the hospital a few weeks and Peter didn't feel he could leave her side" Meg sent her a comforting smile. "Does this mean you will have to postpone the wedding?". Claire nodded, didn't feel the need to answer her with words. Claire placed herself on the edge of desk and took her hand to her face - this was good news, really good news. Well apart from Nathalie being in the hospital of course. "I'm sorry Claire. But you can still get married when he is back. No need to rush anyway" Meg said. If she only knew, Claire thought to herself. "Yeah, yeah. You are right" Claire said, trying to sound confident.
Meg took another look at Claire before leaving the study. She still felt something was wrong, she was sure Claire hadn't told them everything - She was too calm about the news from Peter, she almost looked relieved.