Chapter 4
It was a beautiful morning, the sun brightened up the fields and paddocks that surrounded Drover's and the sky was clear blue. She didn't know how long she had been admiring it, before she got snapped out of her thoughts by Becky and Jodi. She looked back as she could hear them talk about Craig, on their way to the house. She closed her eyes one last time and breathed in the fresh air and let herself feel the warm from the sun on her face.
She hadn't been talking to Peter for the last week but Natalie had improved last time they spoke - but he still wasn't ready to leave her side. If everything had went according to plan, he would have been home three weeks ago, and she would have been married by now. She thanked God for putting obstacles ahead of the wedding. She couldn't bare the thought to marry him. She took a deep breath and made her way to the kitchen, she wasn't't feeling hungry - she hadn't been feeling hungry the last couple of days. But some coffee would do her good right now.
"But do you think he likes me or like like me" she heard Jodi ask. "Jodi I don't know. Why don't you just ask him?" Becky answered her in an irritated way. She had been on about Craig for a week now, driving everybody mad with questions.
"Morning all" Claire said and pulled out her usually chair by the table. They all greeted her with a morning and continued with what they were doing, before she had interrupted them. "Claire can I take the tractor to Wilgul later, Nick's is catus and we need to clear the fields for the organic wheat" Tess asked and poured herself a glass of orange juice. "Sure, knock yourself out" she said.
"Okay, food is ready" Meg said and took the sausage pan to the table. "Oh lovely" Jodi said and dug right in.
Claire suddenly felt very uncomfortable by the smell of the bacon and she could feel herself turning pale by the thought of throwing up. She took her hand to her mouth and tried to cover her nose at the same time. "Are you okay Claire?" Meg asked her with a worried voice. Claire nodded, unable to speak in the fear of feeling more sick by the smell.
"You look a bit pale" Meg continued. The others looked at her, agreeing with Meg. "I" she stopped herself and got up from the chair to get away from the smell and sight of bacon. "I just got hit by a sudden nausea" she said and took some deep breaths over the sink.
"It must be the heat" Meg said and walked to her - put a hand on her head. "You don't feel warm - it's probably just dehydration" Meg concluded. Claire nodded her head, agreeing with her. Meg kept studying Claire, there was something about her sickness - She had her thoughts about it, but wouldn't say anything in front of the others.
"Oh Claire wait a minute" Meg called her back as she was on her way out of the kitchen. The others were already gone and Claire really didn't think she had the time to waste, on talking with Meg this morning. "Make it quick. I want to round up some sheeps before it gets too hot" Claire hurried her. Meg wasn't sure on how to spill her thoughts out, she had trouble constructing an useful and meaningful sentence - Claire looked at her with a face that eagered her to hurry up. "Look, it's just. I've .." Meg stopped, wasn't really sure on how Claire would react. "Meg, I don't have time for this. Spill it out". "I've noticed you've been off your food lately" she finally said. Claire gazed at her with suspicious eyes - And so what if she had, was it really such a big deal to discuss this now?! "Yes well, there have been a lot of stuff. Peter, the wedding and his daughter in the hospital" Claire said. She knew that all that hadn't caused her any problems with eating, but it was logical to think. "I don't think it's just due to the stress" Meg finally said and walked closer to Claire and placed her hand on her arm. Claire looked at Meg's hand and then and her - She was acting really weird. "I think you may be pregnant". Her eyes got big and she shook her head like as she hadn't heard or didn't understood what Meg had just told her. She then got out a small nervous laugh. "No you are wrong, I can't be pregnant. I'm not pregnant" Claire said. Meg stroke her arm and sent her a comforting smile - "Just take a test. To be sure" Meg said and patted Claire's arm before leaving the kitchen.
Meg had left claire with a million thoughts in her head. She knew she couldn't be pregnant but she still froze by the thought of it. Impossible, I haven't slept with Peter since .. before we called it of. She didn't understand why she was getting nervous by the thought of it, she was a 100% sure she wasn't pregnant, but it couldn't hurt to take a test - could it?
Claire went on doing her work for the day, but what Meg had told her was constantly at the back of her mind. There was no way she could be pregnant, because pregnancies didn't just happen like that, without sex. And she hadn't slept with Peter - or with anyone else for that matter - in a really long time. And even when she did have had sex with Peter, they had always been careful. But then again, a pregnancy could explain the sickness she had been feeling the past couple of days, especially in the morning. She tried to set her mind back on the sheep. Damnit, Claire, get yourself together! She thought to herself. But she had to know for sure if she was expecting a child or not. So she decided that after lunch, she would drive to the town to buy a pregnancy test. The only thought of a possible child with Peter made her shiver.
She had never eaten lunch or drove to Gungellan that fast. But she was really impatient, it all seemed so absurd to her. She tentatively entered the pharmacy and, with shaking hands picked up a pregnancy test, paid for it and returned to her Ute. She couldn't wait to get back to Drover's, so she decided to find a toilet to take the test. Gungellan isn't a big city so she didn't really have a big choice in where to go. The hotel's bathrooms are cleaner. With that thought in mind she drove herself to the Gungellan Hotel and entered it. She was glad to find it rather quiet, there weren't many people in there at that time of the day. She ordered herself a drink and took place at one of the tables, waiting for her bladder to be full. The small box inside her pocket seemed so heavy, not really for it's physical weight but for what it symbolised. She got up from the chair and headed for the bathrooms. Once again she was glad to find them empty. After she had peed on the stick, the waiting game began. Why do they make them this slow? 5 minutes is an eternity!
After the 5 minutes were over, she picked the stick up from the sink she had layed it on, and took a look at it. There was a big plus staring back at her. It's positive. I am pregnant. She quickly stuffed it back in her pocket and threw away the package in the bin next to the sinks, and after washing her hands, she exited the toilets. Claire's heart was heavy. She was pregnant and she couldn't understand how it had happened. It's been months since her and Peter had been intimate, so the baby couldn't be his. Who was the father then? She wasn't the type of person to sleep around, and she would remember if she actually had slept with someone. She was caught so deep in her thoughts that she wasn't paying attention to where she was walking. Suddenly she collided with something - or better with someone. Strong arms found their way around her to keep her from falling in her bum. "Careful, Claire." Alex's voice reached her ears as if it was coming from thousand meters underground. Alex! She suddenly remembered. The morning after her bachelorette party she had woken up in her bed but she had no idea on how she had gotten in there or what she had done that night. The only thing she remembered was talking to Alex. And it was only now, now that Alex's hands were placed on her sides, that she remembered. She had kissed Alex. He had told her that he loved her more than his chopper. And they were in her bedroom, on her bed. They were kissing and touching each other, trying to claim every inch of skin on the other person's' body. She had had sex with Alex Ryan! Her best mate Alex. What have I done? "Claire? You alright mate?" Alex brought her back from her thoughts. He wasn't holding her any longer, instead one of his hands was placed on one of her shoulders and he was looking at her in concern. He doesn't remember. I didn't remember either.
She kept staring at him, how could they let this happen? As if her life wasn't't complicated enough, this had to happen. "Hello, Claire - You there?" Alex said. She snapped out of her thoughts and shook her head. "Yeah. I need to go" she said and hurried away from Alex' grip, she couldn't face him, not now. She hurried into the ute, she wanted to drive away, far away from the truth that just presented itself. It wasn't like she didn't fancied Alex, she did - a bit too much sometimes, but they had been friends for ages, best mates and nothing more. Although she had to admit she had felt jealous, that time Tess and Alex had something together, okay maybe she had been more than jealous, but - Her and Alex had never been a real option for her, thought about, yes. She shook her head. What is happening to my life. She sobbed into her hands, hoping no one would see her and make their way to the ute.
She parked the ute and got out quickly when she returned to Drover's. Tess, I need to find Tess. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't remember half of the way back. She walked with hasty steps towards the house, didn't notice her surroundings - she didn't even notice Meg calling her name from the stables, her mind was in a complete mess. "Claire?" Meg shouted at her as she was running towards her. "Tess. Have you seen Tess?" Claire asked. Meg could see she was out of herself "What's wrong Claire?"
She kept walking around in circles and shook her head, trying to make sense of it all. "N-n-nothing. I need to see Tess"
"She's at Wilgul remember? Her and Nick are clearing the field for the wheat". Right, of course. She knew she needed to act fast in order to keep Meg, from figuring out what was going on and she sure didn't want any question - because she wouldn't be able to answer them. She gathered her thoughts and toughed it up. "I'm fine, just really needed to see Tess. I'll be in the study" she said and started to walk again. At least she could be alone in there.
She pulled out the desk chair and sighed. What was she going to do? She couldn't tell Alex about the baby, she couldn't risk losing him as a mate. If he ever finds out we slept together, it will be the end of our friendship - She was sure Alex didn't feel anything for her, other than friendly feelings. And the fact that they had slept together might be too awkward and a thing he might wouldn't be able to get over, she didn't even knew if she could. No, she had to pretend it was Peter's. She stopped her thought - That would mean she had to sleep with him. She started to cry, she couldn't do that.
The phone interrupted her thoughts and cry. She dried the tears away and tried to sound as if, she hadn't just been crying. "Drover's Run" she said. "Peter. Hey" she hurried up from the chair. "Tomorrow? That's .. wonderful" she covered her mouth with her hand, he had just told her he would be back tomorrow and all she wanted to do was cry. "What bad news?" she took the phone in her hand and walked around the desk. "The letter? So, they got it?" she stopped - did he just say he had handed in the letter to the board of Australian Bloodlines?
She almost dropped the phone when she hung up on Peter. He had actually handed in the letter to the board, she didn't know what to think. She was in shock. He had told they had to fire him because of his action, they had made them doubt his loyalty and he couldn't work with clients like that - she didn't even care, he deserved everything he got. She slowly felt like she could breath again, taste the freedom she had been lacking for the last couple of months. She managed to forget about the pregnancy and Alex for a moment, this was big - like really big. It meant she didn't had to marry Peter, that she could tell him to pack up his things and get of her property as soon, as he got back tomorrow. Now she really needed to find Tess.
Tess and Nick had just finished the day's work and was sitting outside on the veranda, at Wilgul. "Urgh, how much longer will we have to do this?" Tess asked and took a large sip of her iced water. "Clearing a whole field isn't easy - But I reckon we can be done within a couple of days". She looked at him and almost collapsed by the thought of the work that was in store for them. "Well, I can't wait to get home and take a loooong hot bath" Tess said and placed her feet on the chair in front of her. Nick laughed at her, she sure wasn't all that used to hard work - huge different between her and Claire.
Tess could hear someone calling her name from afar. She turned her head and saw Claire on Eagle, approaching them in high speed. What had happened?
"What's up with her?" Nick asked and looked just as worried as Tess. "I don't know" she answered and got up from the chair to meet her sister. Wait, she is smiling?
"I need to talk to you" Claire said and dismounted Eagle. Well, it must be important since she rode all the way to Wilgul. "Peter called" she could see the eager in Claire's face. "And?" Tess asked, longing for her continue. "He handed in the letter" Claire said and made sure Nick was out of reach to hear the news. "Omg. That's - does that mean .. "
"Yep" Claire said before Tess could finish her sentence. "Argh, that's great Claire" Tess almost screamed, hugging her sister.
Claire laughed into Tess' shoulder and felt truly blessed in this moment. But her happiness soon got replaced with fear and the fact she was pregnant with Alex' child. She really needed to talk to Tess about this. She pulled herself away from her and Tess immediately noticed the change in Claire's mood. "There is more" Claire said silently. "More?" Tess' looked surprised at her "I can't take another news about Peter" she said. Claire shook her head, about to tell her Alex' name when she saw Nick walk towards them. She couldn't say anything now - Tess picked up on her sister's silence and got the messages at once. "We talk when we get home?" she asked before Nick stood beside her.
Claire nodded to her sister and sent Nick a smile. "G'day mate" she said and stroke Eagles mane, not knowing what to say - he surely wanted to know why she was in such a rush to speak with her sister. "Claire just wanted to let me know, that Becky needs the tractor - So if you can bring it over as soon as you are done?" Tess said and looked at Nick. "Yeah sure thing, we are done for the day anyway. We can head back to Drover's now"
"Sounds good, see you there" Claire said and mounted Eagle again.
"You are what?!" Tess shouted when Claire told her she was pregnant. Claire sent her a strict look and hissed at her. "Can you keep it quiet, jesus - I don't want the others to hear anything" she placed herself on a chair at the dining table. Tess looked around to make sure none of the others was near. "How far along are you?" Tess asked and joined her sister at the table. "I don't know, 2 weeks, 3 weeks - I just found out" Claire looked nervously around the room. "But you and Peter, I didn't thought you two were .. You know. Having sex"
Claire's eyes got big - God no, not in a million year. She had to tell her about Alex, but it wasn't as easy as she expected. She feared her sister would judge her, since they had hooked up when Tess first has arrived to Drover's.
"That's the tricky part" Claire said and looked at Tess with a shy look. Tess didn't understood what she meant, tricky part? Oh, it slowly begin to make sense. "The bachelorette party!" Tess bursted out "You are very naughty Claire McLeod. I must say, didn't think you had in you, sleeping with a stranger'" Tess laughed, even though the situation wasn't funny - at all. But her sister never did anything wrong, and things like this, sleeping with a stranger especially didn't happen for Claire.
Claire collected her thoughts before she opened her mouth. "It wasn't a stranger Tess. It was …" She stopped. "It was Alex."
Tess' mouth dropped to the floor. "Alex?" she didn't knew what to say or do. "How did that happen?" she asked, still surprised about the fact her sister and Alex had been sleeping together - she actually weren't THAT surprised about it, it had to happen someday. Ever since she had gotten here, she had felt Claire and Alex had a special bond a wild attraction towards each other, but none of them acted on their feelings. It was part of why herself and Alex hadn't worked out, she could see how much Alex cared for Claire - in a way he doesn't or wouldn't for any other.
"I don't know. We were just .. talking and out of the blue he tells me he loves me and kisses me. We were both drunk, very drunk. And that's how I ended up in our room. I couldn't remember before, but I stumbled into Alex back in town, and suddenly it all came back to me" she put her head in her hands and sighed. "Why did I let this happen Tess?"
Her sister stroke her on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "Sometimes things happen for a reason Claire. But, what does Alex say?"
Claire lifted her buried head from her hands. "He doesn't know Tess - At all. He can't remember what happened that night."
"You have to tell him Claire, you can't have his baby and not let him know." She wasn't even sure if she wanted to keep the baby, well she hadn't thought about what to do with, but - gosh, the thought was too much for to deal with right now. "Can you just agree with me, that for now no one knows, about any of this?" Claire said and sent her Tess' a sharp look. "Right now I just want to get through tomorrow with Peter, tell him the wedding is off and deals with whatever that decision might throw at me. I can't think of Alex or this pregnancy right now. I need to get my life back, I need to get out of this with Peter." Tess nodded and lifted her hand saying - whatever you want to do, I don't agree with you but of course.
That night was really restless for Claire, she had been tossing and turning in her bed, first not being able to find a comfortable position, then not being able to stop her brain from thinking. Her life was going to change drastically. She was going to cut all contacts with Peter, and she couldn't wait to see him walk out of her life for good. But her worries and problems wouldn't end, even with Peter gone. No, because now she was pregnant. She was carrying Alex's child. That thought made her smile and she stroke her stomach slightly. She wasn't showing yet, but there was a life starting inside of her. But her happiness was soon gone. This pregnancy was a mess. She couldn't tell Alex that she was pregnant with his baby because she wasn't brave enough to tell him that they had slept together. She was too scared of losing him, that she almost didn't care that she would have to bring up her child alone. I'm sorry you won't have a dad. She thought and kinda hoped that the baby could feel what she was thinking, and know that she didn't mean for things to happen that way. If she had the choice, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant like this, to her best friend and with him not even knowing! She knew that Alex would be a great uncle to this baby, but it pained her to think that his child would have to go through something similar he has. Her child won't know the truth about its father, just like Alex didn't know about his. Claire sighed and turned her head to the clock on her nightstand. It was almost 5 and the first rays of daylight were starting to appear in her room. She decided that it was better to get up and get some work done before Peter was back.
When Claire returned to the house to get some breakfast it was already past 8AM. She entered the kitchen and found the other sitting there eating their breakfast. "Good morning" she greeted everyone rather cheerfully before sitting down and starting at her food. "Why are you so happy?" Asked Jodi, taken back a bit by Claire's behaviour. She had to admit that she had been a bit moody in the past weeks, so Jodi's question didn't surprise her at all. "Peter's coming back today." She said smiling. "Things are about to change." She added, not wanting to give much away. "Ah, love." Answered Jodi before returning to her food. She couldn't deny that she was really happy about Peter's return, but it wasn't for the reason Jodi thought. Love had nothing to do with her happiness. No. She was smiling because of the freedom she was about to get back.
It looked like Claire wasn't the only one eager to be reunited, because a couple of moments later, they all heard a car stopping in front of the house. Peter was back incredibly early, he must have left Queensland before sunrise. Claire got up from her chair so fast that she almost made it fall backwards, and she rushed to the front door. Peter was already inside the house, and when he saw her, his face split up in a huge smile. "I've missed you." He said closing the distance between them and hugging Claire. Her whole body tensed, she didn't want him to touch her again, and especially not now. "I need to talk with you. In the study." Was all she said to him before breaking his embrace and walking off to the study. He followed her, rather confused by her behaviour. He thought she would be happy to see him again, especially after weeks apart. "Close the door." Claire instructed him after he had entered the room. Her behaviour was odd and suspicious, but Peter couldn't believe the words that left her mouth next. "We are over. I want your things out of my house and I want you out of my property. Out of my life for good." He couldn't understand what she was saying. "What?" He asked. "If you thought that blackmailing me into marriage would bring me back to you, you were horribly mistaken. Now that you have set things straight with Australian Bloodlines, now that I know that no one will take Drover's away from me, I want you gone." She said calmly. He was furious. She couldn't be saying that. "After all I've done for you? I've given up on My family, my job and my career for you. I've lost everything!" He shouted. "I didn't ask you too." Even she was surprised by the calmness of her voice. Being in Peter's presence was making her uncomfortable, and the fact that he had the guts to raise his voice on her, made her blood boil. She trying to walk past him to get out of the study, but he stopped her by taking hold of her arm. When she tried to pull her arm out of his grip, he got even more angry at her and pushed her against the wall. "You are ungrateful! I've given up on everything, EVERYTHING! Can't you understand that?" He shouted, his face only millimeters from hers. Claire was scared now, but she didn't want him to know that. "It's all your fault, Peter. You have ruined everything in the first place after you forgot to tell me you were married." Knowing that he won't bother her again gave her the strength she needed to break free from his hold and to get out of the room. Peter followed her outside and in the hallway. "You have 15 minutes to collect all of your stuff and get out of here." She told told him, her hands on her hips. "What's going on here?" Meg asked as she joined the duo in the hallway. "Peter was leaving." Claire said coldly looking at him. "You can't do this, Claire. I love you." He was desperate now. He could lose her, she was the love of his life. "This is all your fault. I don't want to see you ever again." To Claire's surprise, he didn't try to argue again. He silently made his way upstairs and gathered all of his things before silently walking down again and out to his car. He took a last look at her. "I really did love you, I hope you know that." He said before he get in his car and drove away. Seeing him leave, Claire thought that she has never been as happy as she was in that moment. She was free, he was out of her life for good. "I guess there will be no wedding then." Meg said coming to stand by her side. Claire simply smiled at her before going out of the house. Her feet took her to the stables before she even had the time to process what she was doing. In a matter of seconds she was riding Eagle towards Wilgul. She had to see Alex, to explain everything - well not everything, but the reason behind her sudden marriage to Peter. She saw him in the distance, he was repairing some machinery. Claire felt like her heart was going to burst out of happiness, and she kinda hated the fact that a huge part of that happiness was because of Alex. She couldn't allow herself to have feelings for him. Things were going back to normal for her - well, sort of. If you didn't counted in her knew found title as being pregnant. "G'day mate." She said dismounting Eagle when she had reached him. "What brings you here? I thought the knob was coming back today." Alex said looking at her briefly, before focusing back to what he was doing. "I want us to be partners again." she said without hesitation. Alex looked at her, he knew they couldn't - not with Peter around. He sighed a bit "Claire .. " she stopped him, holding her hand in front his face. "Before you say anything, I need to explain a few things" she looked over his shoulder at the bench on the veranda. "Can we?" she asked and pointed her head in direction of the bench.
"I need to tell you something" She said, as they got to the bench. "I've broken the engagement off with Peter." Alex looked at her, did he hear what he thought he did? He wasn't sure on how to react, she looked happy but was she really?
"To tell you the truth. I've never disagreed with your opinion on him - he is a knob"
"Yeah? Why did you want to marry him then?" Alex asked. The moment Claire had been longing for was finally here, she could finally come clean to Alex about Peter. "He was blackmailing me into marrying him" Claire said and kept her eyes on Alex, she could see his anger reach his eyes. "He never handed in my letter to the board, they were threatening to take Drover's. Peter came back, offered to make all the problems go away - if I married him" She stopped, Alex still didn't say anything - He was hurting, she could see it in his eyes. Was it because she hadn't told him about it before?
"I didn't know what else I could do Alex .. I couldn't lose Drover's" she said, hoping he would understand. He felt his anger building up inside, he wanted to punch something - really hard. He was mad at Peter and luckily for the knob he wasn't around, because this time neither Nick or anyone else could have stopped him from beating him. A part of him felt betrayed by Claire, they were supposed to be friends and she hadn't shared it with him.
"Alex. Say something?" she begged - all she needed was a look, a clap on the shoulder. Anything to let her know he understood. He turned his head to her, and looking in her eyes he got overwhelmed by a feeling of regret. He regretted his action and the pain it had caused Claire - How could he forgive himself for doing anything that had hurt her that much, as the day he picked up the horses and called their contract off.
"Claire I .. " he didn't have to say anything more, she could see he was in deep pain. She knew he had regretted everything he had said and done, and if he could forgive her she was more than willing to forgive him. Her thoughts wandered to the life that was growing inside of her, their life. For a moment she wanted him to know and she almost blabbered out her pregnancy. But no, this wasn't the time or place to do it - he would find out sooner or later and until then, she had to work on an excuse. She had to tell everybody Peter was the father - even though she hated that idea, she would have absolutely nothing to do with him. but telling everybody he was the father seemed more logical than explaining a one night stand between friends. 'cause that was what they were right, friends?
"What do you say Alex? Forgive and forget?" she looked out on the open land before turning her head to him once again. He made a small laugh and a smile started to fill his face - He had always been such a sweetheart when he smiled. Can you stop thinking about him in that way, please? - She thought to herself.
He took his hand out "Partners?" Claire laughed and took his hand "Partners".
