Sam put an arm around Dean's shoulders and leaned against him. "I'm so tired," he murmured. He was, terribly, terribly tired. Tired of loosing everyone he loved, tired of Dean hurting, of being weak, tired of being so fucking tired.
"I know," Dean said softly. "Go rest. I'm okay, you need to take care of yourself too. Have you eaten yet?"
Sam sighed. "Yeah." He moved to get up but Dean grabbed his wrist, reflexes apparently not dulled despite days of grieving. Sam jerked his hand but Dean held his wrist down.
"Sam, take care of yourself. Promise me?" He didn't look at Sam, not until he heard hesitation in his voice. "Sammy."
"I will," he promised. Anything for Dean right now.
Dean released him, gazing up at Sam with sad green eyes. He gave a tight lipped smile. "Thank you," he said. "Go rest."
Dean watched as Sam shuffled out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Then he lay sighed, pushing the eggs around the plate before forcing a few forkfuls down his throat. For Sam, he thought as he swallowed dryly. I'm doing this for Sammy.
He set the plate down and lay back, the trench coat pressed against his chest. It smelled like dirt and blood with an underlying scent of swear and musk that was Cas. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, grief consuming him and he knew that if he hadn't promised Sam he wouldn't kill himself he would be standing in the bathroom with pill in his hands and his hands at his lips.
He lay there, clutching the trench coat, letting sadness wash over him for another ten minutes. Then he sat up, pushing his sore, tired muscles to cooperate with him. He opened the door and silently padded down the hallway to Sam's room, pushing the door open and standing at the threshold for a minute, just watching Sam sleep.
Sam's body was still save the rise and fall of his chest. His arms were slack at his side and his gigantic legs were folded into his chest, curled up. Dean walked over, trying not to disturb his little brother, glad Sam was taking the well deserved rest. He leaned down and pulling the blanket up around his shoulders, brushing his too long hair out of his eyes and letting his hand linger for a moment.
Dean turned to leave but stopped three steps from the door to double back and ever so gently press his lips to his brothers forehead, an action he hadn't done since they were children. "G'night Sammy," he murmured into his hair. Sam stirred but did not wake.
Dean turned and left, sighing heavily and stewing in self-hatred. He shouldn't lay his grief on Sam. He knew Sam would be sad- that was to be expected, Cas was their friend- but to lay the grief of loosing a...lover didn't seem like the right word- but those two kinds of sadness were almost entirely different and Dean's reaction had resurfaced an old wound in Sam, the pain of Jess, maybe even of Ruby dying. Dean had no right to do that to Sam, none at all.
Up in Heaven Cas was pacing. "I told you!" he snapped at Chuck. "They're done, that's it! They live a good, long life. A few small cases- salt and burns- here and there to keep them in practice but let them be done! I'm tired of seeing them hurt, especially when it's my job to watch both of them!"
"Cas!" Asmodei said angrily. "Listen you idiot, He's offering a chance for you to go back! Take the damn chance!"
"I don't want that," Cas snapped. "I want them to be done- that's it!"
"But you want to go back," Asmodei countered.
Cas didn't answer.
"You do," Asmodei pressed. "So why not?"
"I hurt them!" Cas yelled, finally at his breaking point. "I screw up everything, I always hurt them, I could have killed them multiple times!"
"But they forgive you!" Asmodei yelled back. "Dean might have been mad about the Sam Lucifer thing when he got his soul back but in the end, you have him one of the things he couldn't live without! He loves you, Sam loves you! Can't you accept that you are like Sam's brother and Dean's...fucking boyfriend?"
Cas snorted, a mental image of him and Dean sitting across from each other at a fancy restaurant or in a theater. Fo some reason the thoughts awoke a strange feeling of sadness and want. "They don't need me," he insisted. "They have each other."
"Just go back Cassie," Asmodei said sadly. "Please."
"I can't have both and their wellbeing before what I want is always how I've done it."
"Father," Asmodei turned to Chuck beseechingly. "Let him have one more, please."
Chuck shook His head. "I can't. One wish for each of you."
"What do you mean, you can't? You're God, the all powerful! Give him another!"
"I can't," Chuck said more firmly. "One wish, that's all."
"Why?" Asmodei said, raising his eyebrows. Cas stifled a snort, he had never seen Asmodei like that, he followed orders without a question since Eve and now he was talking back to God Himself.
"Why?" Asmodei repeated. "You owe him this much! He's saved Heaven, he's righted any wrong he's made, he stopped Armageddon, he the only Angel who's given it all for Humanity! So answer me this, why?"
"It wasn't only me," Cas muttered.
Chuck sighed. "I don't have to explain myself to you."
"You've been gone for millennia! You have some explaining to do!" Cas snapped, anger running his mouth, clouding better judgement.
"Castiel." The word was soft and simple but both Asmodei and Cas fell silent as Chuck spoke again. "I am sorry, I have my reasons as to why I cannot give you a second wish. I can, however, grant you safe passage to John and Mary's Heaven as well as end hunting for the Winchesters, save a few milk runs." He walked over so He could place a hand on His sons shoulder. "You were always my favorite Castiel. You and Lucifer, my Chosen. I am sorry it ended this way." He turned to Asmodei. "For both of you."
Cas felt like crying, felt like jumping into non existence. "May I ask you something?" His voice came out choked.
"Of course," Chuck said softly, stepping back.
"Lucifer, is he going to redeem himself?"
Chuck nodded and beside Cas, Asmodei sunk to the floor in relief.
"Thank Heaven," he whispered. "Thank Heaven."
Chuck smiled down at him. "I am happy too," He said, extending a hand to pull Asmodei to his feet. Asmodei graciously took it.
Cas cleared his throat, drawing attention. "And Sam and Dean?" he asked. "When-" his voice caught and he took a deep breath. "When they die, they're coming up here, right?"
Chuck smiled, His eyes twinkled. "Of course," he said. "We owe them everything."
Cas sighed, a smile on his lips but a heavy weight in his heart as he Hahn the next words. "You know my wish," he said. "They're out, make it happen."
Chuck snapped his fingers, there was a short burst of white light. "It is done. I can transport you to John and Mary and Bobby's Heaven if you wish."
Cas looked at Asmodei, his eyes were sad, his body still, staring at him. "I can't let you do this," he said softly.
"What?" Cas asked, confused. "Asmodei, what?"
The other Angel raised his head, staring directly at Chuck. "My wish is for Cas to go back."
AN: I'm so sorry I haven't updated recently. I've been having a hard time with anxiety and panic attacks and I've been relying a fuck ton on my books and Jared Padalecki's wonderful Always Keep Fighting campaign to keep me functioning. I know I'm totally over sharing so sorry about that. I'll try and update more often as I'm on meds now so this should happen less frequently. Thank you for your patience and for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll be back again soon.
