Chapter 5
Notes: I will warn again that this might get a little more ... eh ...violent and darker than what we would have seen in the show, just bear with me, mkay?
Lee sat silently in the passenger seat of Billy's car, he looked out the window at the side view mirror; he could barely make out the convoy of Agency tactical team vehicles behind them, his mind was racing with so many thoughts and feelings that he couldn't discern them. What if they got made? Or worse, what if they were too late?
Dread settled heavily in the pit of Lee's stomach. He had let it happen again, he had let another partner down when they needed them the most … and this time it was his fault he wasn't there.
"We're about two miles out, Francine, tell the team to get to work on jamming their security system." Billy's voice brought Lee back to the here and now as he reached for his radio.
"Roger that." Came her response over the frequency.
Tears stung Amanda's eyes as she looked out the window of her room, nice as it was, it was nothing more than a fancy prison cell. She had no other choice than to hope, and pray that Lee had been able to decipher her message. She was scared to death, not for herself, but for him. She knew him, and his strong sense of duty … he would come, whether he knew it was a trap, or not.
Her ears picked up the faint sound of voices and footsteps coming up the stairs, she grabbed a large antique lamp off the nightstand that probably cost more than a year's salary and flattened herself against the wall perpendicular to the door.
Two of Nukem's goons entered, discussing something about the baseball game last night, steeling herself; Amanda reared the heavy lamp back and hit the first man through the door with all the strength she could muster, and he hit the floor, out cold.
"Hey! What the?! …" she didn't give the second man a chance to get his bearings because she cold-cocked him across the side of the head and he fell, unconscious atop his partner.
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe that worked!" Amanda said excitedly to herself, adrenaline coursing through her now as she looked around for something to tie them up with, and decided that the lamp's electrical cord would have to do.
She stood up and was half way to the door when she snapped her fingers in recall.
"Oh, Amanda! How could you forget!" she said to herself as she scrambled back to the unconscious henchmen and relieved them of their handguns. She put one in the pocket of her skirt, and reluctantly wrapped her hands around the other.
"Okay …. You can do this … you have to do this." She said to herself as she clicked the safety off the pistol and stole a look into the hallway, the coast was clear. She crept out of the room, keeping herself flush along the wall.
She froze as she heard footsteps thundering down the hall and they were accompanied by voices, they sounded frantic. She assumed one was talking on a radio.
"Get your asses up here, we got company!" he said.
Billy and Lee exited the car and went straight for the front entrance as the army of tactical agents fanned out and surrounded the house. Billy and Lee shared a look and a nod, and they entered, covering one another.
They took on heavy fire from two of Nukem's goons coming from the back of the mansion, they ducked behind the staircase for cover.
"Son of a bitch!" Billy grimaced as a bullet caught him in the arm, Lee saw his chance at a shot and took it, taking out both men.
"Hey, you ok?" Lee asked Billy.
"It's just a graze I'll live, go find Amanda!" Billy said through gritted teeth.
That was easier said than done, the house was huge, and he could be holding Amanda anywhere. As he crept up the stairs, he barely registered the sounds of the tactical team crashing through windows and breaking down doors, his focus was on finding Amanda.
He crested the top of the stairs, breathing harder than he should be, the room suddenly went in and out of focus and started to sway and tilt; Lee shook his head violently, trying to shake it off. His still healing injuries were making themselves known ... and at the worst possible time.
He froze as he heard the hollow, metallic sound of a revolver being cocked behind him and he felt the mouth of a gun being pressed against the back of his head.
"So much as breathe too heavily and I'll drop you where you stand, Mr. Stetson." Lee heard Nukem's voice say from behind him.
"Now, your gun please." Lee knew he had no choice, Nukem had him dead to rights, his jaw flexed and he ground his teeth as he handed his gun over, albeit with some force.
"This is obviously not how I wanted this to go down, but I still got what I wanted, I got you." Nukem said.
"That's right, you got me, now you can let Amanda go." Lee said.
Nukem's eyes glittered cruelly.
"Or … I could torture her … and kill her very slowly ... while I make you watch." He replied, his tone was casual and light.
"You son of a …!" Lee said, his temper getting the better of him as he lunged at Nukem, but Nukem, who was also quite skilled in hand to hand combat dodged Lee easily in his weakened state and gave him a nasty blow to the back of the head with the butt of the pistol, knocking the senses out of him.
"But, it seems as though I won't have the time for that, so I am going to have to end things right here." Nukem said as he trained his revolver on Lee's forehead.
Suddenly, a single shot echoed through the silent hallway.
Nukem looked down at his chest in surprise as blood began to soak through his shirt, he stumbled back, his gun fell from his hand and hit the tile floor with a loud clatter as he collapsed in a heap in front of Lee and breathed his last.
Lee looked up and was shocked to see Amanda with her gun still trained on Nukem's body, their gazes met and he could see Amanda's hands starting to tremble as the realization of what she had just done sank in.
Lee stumbled unsteadily to his feet and slowly approached her.
"L-Lee I …. I … I killed him!" she said, tears started to stream down her face as Lee gently took the gun from her.
"But I had to or else he was gonna kill you … I had to … I …" she trailed off as Lee pulled her into a hug, he felt tears stinging his own eyes. He never wanted this for Amanda, he never wanted her to be in a position where she would have to take someone's life.
As he held her tightly, he felt her sobs rack her body, and his heart broke for her. He wished there was something he could say that would make this all go away, but he knew there wasn't; he had seen agents with years of training be affected by their first kill in the line of duty.
"Come on, let's get out of here, eh?" He said as he put his arm around her shoulders and led her down the stairs.
He met up with Billy outside, his arm still around Amanda's shoulders.
"November is 10-55, Billy." Lee said, speaking in code so Amanda wouldn't understand when he told Billy that she had shot and killed Nukem. Billy looked from Lee to Amanda with a troubled, worried expression on his face.
"You two get checked out with EMS, and then I want you to take Amanda home." He said as Francine joined them.
"All suspects are in custody, Billy." She said as her gaze fell on Lee and Amanda at the EMS station, she didn't speak, but Billy could almost hear her silent questions.
"Nukem's dead. Amanda ... had to shoot him." Billy said as they watched Amanda nod vaguely to the EMT as he checked her over and asked her questions.
Billy was mildly surprised to see a troubled look cross Francine's face.
"Oh, god." She breathed, even though she and Amanda had never seen eye to eye, she too knew how this would affect her.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Francine asked.
Billy blew out a sigh; he didn't have an answer for her, one of the reservations Lee had had about Amanda becoming a full time agent was that eventually she was going to have to shoot someone. Billy remembered Lee telling him how Amanda couldn't even bring herself to pull the trigger on the simulator.
"I don't know, Francine, I just don't know. I've seen agents with years of training under their belts have problems dealing with taking a life." He said.
"And Amanda doesn't even have half of that." Francine replied.
"Button it will you, Francine! Now's not the time for your petty personal jabs!" Billy countered.
"It wasn't a jab, Billy, it's the truth, what if she can't come back from this? What if she burns out?" Francine said.
Billy sighed as they watched Lee lead Amanda to his vette, his arm protectively around her waist. If Amanda did burn out, then the Agency … and Lee would lose the best thing that ever happened to them.
Amanda was silent on the drive back to her house, at a stop light, Lee stole a glance at her; she was gazing blankly out the passenger window, her face held no expression at all … and that's what worried him.
He pulled up to her house and went around and opened the car door for her.
"Lee … no …" she said when she made to enter behind her.
She felt a stab of guilt when she saw the look of hurt and rejection that came over Lee's face.
"I'm sorry Lee I just … I need to be alone right." She trailed off, her gaze concentrated on her feet.
Lee swore he could feel his heart break as he stood there on her back patio looking at her, so vulnerable, so broken, so emotionally fragile.
When Amanda did finally meet his eyes, the hurt and devastation she saw swimming in them made her feel like she had just been stabbed in the heart with an icicle.
"I'm sorry." She said, her voice barely audible. She held his gaze for a beat before finally going inside. The slam of her door seemed to reverberate through his entire soul.
Lee clinched his fists and his jaw flexed as he ground his teeth. So many emotions; hurt, anger, betrayal, worry, regret were the few he could discern. She was in a way, adopting the lone wolf mantra that was his MO for so long.
Lee stole one last sad look at the house before he walked back to his car. Like it or not, there was nothing he could do, if she wanted space, he had to give it to her no matter how painful it was for him.
Amanda leaned against her door as she heard the engine of Lee's car start up, and his tires lay rubber on the road as he peeled away from her house. It was then the tears came, she couldn't stop them, she sank into a sitting position on the floor against her door and hugged her knees as sobs racked her body.
Lee drove home, his mind in a fog. If he hadn't known the way back so well, he would have probably gotten lost. He entered his apartment and slammed the door shut with such force that it rattled the pictures on the wall. He turned on the light to find a woman sitting on his couch and jumped back, drawing his gun out of instinct.
"You needn't bother, I could have killed you twice over if I wanted to." She said as she offered a wry smile.
Lee let out a haggard sigh. "Emily …! You almost gave me a heart attack, you know that?" He said as he holstered his weapon. "What are you doing here?" He added.
"I heard about what happened." She said, Lee didn't even bother to ask how she had heard; he just waited for her to continue.
"And what I am wondering, is what you are doing here." She said as she shot him a knowing look.
Lee sank down onto the couch next to her, the adrenaline of the evening finally starting to ebb away, and his still healing injuries were starting to make their presence known.
"She …. She didn't want me there, Emily. She said she wanted to be alone, I just … I don't know what to do … I'm no good at this stuff." Lee said as he ran his hands through his hair.
"And would you care to elaborate?" Emily quipped.
"Well … I … errr …" Lee trailed off.
A brief silence fell between them.
"Lee, if you can't even bring yourself to say it, then you are in more trouble than I thought." Emily said as she put her hand over his.
"Say what, exactly?" Lee replied.
"That you have feelings for her." Emily replied.
Lee stared at her in wordless, opened mouthed shock.
"How did I know? My boy, it's obvious! Anyone with half a brain in their head and a pair of eyes can see you love that girl!" She said as he face melted into a kind smile.
"I know, I know, you're not ready to tell her, god only knows why, though." She said as she rolled her eyes at him.
"But now is not the time, anyway. But I do agree with you, she shouldn't be alone tonight. I'll go, you stay here and off your feet. You look like death warmed over." She said as they both stood.
"Try not to fret, my boy, things always have a way of working themselves out. Just give it some time." Emily said, offering him a warm smile as he opened the door for her.
Lee nodded to her as he shut the door behind her.
He trudged back to the couch and collapsed onto it, no longer able to fight the exhaustion and he soon slipped into a restless sleep.
Amanda jolted awake as the door vibrated behind her, someone was knocking. She stood and stretched the kinks out of her muscles. Her face felt clammy and cold, she must have cried herself to sleep where she had collapsed against the door.
"Who … who is it?" Amanda said, cringing at how hoarse and weak her voice sounded.
"Amanda, its Emily, may I come in?" Came the voice from the other side of the door, Amanda smiled in spite of herself at the absence of her English accent.
Amanda opened the door and tried her best to be welcoming and happy to see her her long lost friend, she just wished it was under different circumstances.
"My dear, I heard what happened." Emily said as she motioned for them to sit on the couch.
Amanda couldn't help but smile through her depression.
"Lee sent you, didn't he?" She said.
Emily didn't bother to hide her knowing smile as she rose.
"I think this conversation calls for some tea, don't you think?" She said as she walked to the kitchen.
"Actually, I went to see Lee before I came here, I was surprised when I learned he wasn't with you." Emily said from the kitchen as she filled the teapot and put it on the stove.
"I know … I told him to go." Amanda said.
Emily returned from the kitchen and rejoined her on the couch, she didn't push her, she merely remained silent and waited for her to continue.
"I know it's terrible, and it isn't fair because it's not like it was his fault. But whenever I look at him … all I can see is me shooting Nukem!" Amanda said as she buried her face in her hands and wept openly, she hated the way she felt, she was basically blaming Lee for forcing her to shoot Nukem, but she just couldn't help it.
"Come here." Emily said as she pulled her into a motherly hug.
"Try not to be so hard on yourself, Amanda, every rookie agent reacts differently to their first shooting. I remember when Lee had his first kill. It was a good week or two before he could sleep without having nightmares about it."
Emily pulled back and put her hands on Amanda's shoulders.
"I'd be more worried about you if you weren't affected by something like this." Emily said as she smiled kindly at her.
"Now, why don't you get yourself upstairs and have a nice long bath and try to get some sleep, things will be better in the morning, you'll see." She said as she led her to the stairs, Amanda stopped and pulled Emily into a hug.
"Thank you … for everything." She said.
"I'll be right downstairs if you need anything." Emily said.
"Oh you don't have to …" Amanda started.
"I know, I want to, now scoot." Emily said as she shooed Amanda towards the stairs.
Notes: Ooooookay … I am sorry, I had to end it there, it's WAY too long already.
