"Cass, you only packed three outfits."
I looked over my shoulder at Lydia, who was sitting in her usual chair in the corner of our room. She was going through our bags, making sure we hadn't forgotten anything. I shrugged. "Yeah. So?"
She narrowed her eyes at me. "We'll be gone for five days. Are you going to repeat outfits?"
I shrugged again. "I guess." I turned to look at her, leaning against the dresser. "You wear the same armor every day."
Lydia rolled her eyes. "Many different sets of the same armor." She pulled my clothes out, laying them on the table. "You need more than three outfits."
"Fine." I rummaged through the dresser and pulled out two sets of leather armor. I tossed them toward her, and she caught them both with one hand.
"When do you ever wear leather?"
"I don't" When she furrowed her brow, I laughed. "You said I had to pack more clothes. Not wear more clothes."
Lydia groaned. "You're disgusting."
I laughed louder, then went back to what I was doing in the first place. Lyd had limited me to only bringing two weapons, so I'd been polishing and sharpening for hours.
"How early do you want to leave in the morning?" I asked her, looking down at the broadsword in my hand.
"Hmm. Early." She mumbled, folding and packing her own clothes. Then she looked over at me. "You did tell your sister we were leaving early, right?"
I rolled my eyes. "Nope. But you did. Twice."
She let out a sigh, then laughed a little. "Sorry. I guess I'm nervous."
I looked up at her, setting the sword to the side. "What's there to be nervous about?"
"I don't know." She shrugged. "I'm worried she won't like me."
Trying to contain a laugh, and failing miserably, I earned a glare from Lyd. I shook my head, and stood to walk to the table. I pulled out the chair beside her and sat, resting my elbow on the table and relaxing my head on my palm. "You have nothing to worry about."
"How can you know that? You have no idea what kind of woman she wanted you to end up with. I'm a warrior. I'll never stitch clothing for our children. I'm a dreadful cook." She shook her head. "I'm not a housewife. I just don't want to disappoint her."
I knew that Lydia's definition of a 'perfect woman' was a bit skewed. Her childhood was dominated by more brothers than you could count on one hand and a mother who catered to her father's every wish. She had been raised to believe that a wife was responsible for keeping her man happy, but she didn't seem to understand yet that just her existence made me the happiest man alive.
"None of that shit matters, Lyd." She still seemed unconvinced. "Our children will probably look great without clothes, and if they don't, we'll just buy some. I don't need you to be a chef. I would eat raw horker everyday if it would spare you the inconvenience of slaving over a pot." I held her face in my hands. "I didn't marry you so you would be my servant, Lyd. I married you because I want to spend my life making you just as happy as you make me."
She smiled, the sides of her eyes crinkling. "You're so great at speeches." She was blushing, her cheeks warm against my palms.
"That I am." I said with a wink. "Lydia, my mother will love you. Almost as much as I do." I pulled her face toward me to kiss her, long enough to erase any worries she had.
As we separated, she smiled. "I love you too, Cassius." Then she raised an eyebrow. "On the topic of worry, why don't you get it off of your chest now?"
I scowled at her. "What are you talking about?"
Lyd leaned back in her chair. "I know for a fact that there are two things bothering you. I figure it would be better to talk about them now instead of letting them simmer."
I glared at her. "How can you possibly know that?"
She shrugged. "Call it 'female intuition'." She smirked. "Or, just consider the fact that you've been doing the same thing all day. You polish the same sword, do a lap around the house, look through that dresser for something unknown to me, and probably yourself, and then you sit back down and polish again."
"I do not."
She stared at me, her eyebrow still raised.
"Damn smart Nord." I said, a grin stretching across my face. "Fine. Pick your poison."
She leaned toward me. "What is so upsetting about your sister?"
I felt my smile fade into a grimace. "Karl is different."
"I'm sure she thinks the same about you, Cassius."
I shook my head. "No, Lyd. This is really different." I leaned back in my chair. "Karalissa has always been unnaturally happy. From the time we were little to the day we were separated. Even that day when that damned elf…she was just a happy person."
Lydia looked confused. "She seems to be fairly happy now."
"It's not real. Not genuine." I told her. "She's faking it."
Lydia nodded. "Aela and I have talked about the loss they experienced, the amount of death they saw in the last year. They don't talk about it much at all. I imagine it was difficult."
I considered that for a moment, but I was still unconvinced. "Farkas said something along those lines too, but I don't think that's it. She acts like she doesn't trust herself."
"I did notice that, too." Lyd said. "She seems to be a bit more on-edge than the others. It could be stress, from the amount of work she has to do?"
I shook my head. "No. Karl stress-eats." Lyd looked really confused at that, so I explained. "Whenever something is truly bugging her, she literally eats her bodyweight in anything available. It's gross." I rubbed my face. "She doesn't want to talk about it. I've told her all about my years away from her, the places I've been, the things I've seen. But I get very little from her in return. And Karalissa has always been a talker. Gives little, unimportant details."
"What's your plan, then?"
I thought for a moment. "I guess I'll have to ease my way into it, try to make her feel like she can tell me." I shrugged. "Or I'll talk to the gothlord."
Lydia laughed. "Which brings us to issue number two."
I sighed, covering my face with my hands. "I think he's in love with her."
"He is. But she's in love with him too. Just as much."
I groaned, even gagged a little. "I know. Damnit, that's so gross."
Lydia laughed, a little too hard. "What's so gross about it?"
"I don't know, Lyd. It's Karalissa. I'm happy for her and everything, and I like Vil enough, but it's just the idea of her old enough to be in love. It makes my stomach turn." I dropped my head to the table.
"Aww." Lyd poked my neck, trying to tickle me. "You're such a softy."
I smiled, though she couldn't see it, and swatted her hands away. "Keep it up, and I'll leave you for a tailor. Someone who can make my children some clothes."
Lydia laughed, standing up and tickling my sides. "Softy. Softy. Softy." She continued to chant as I squirmed away from her, falling out of my chair. She erupted into a fit of melodic giggles.
I pulled the leather armor from our bag on the floor and tossed it at her, hitting her in the face. She grunted, tossing it to the side and throwing the liquid contents of a tankard at me. The mead splashed against my bare cheeks, and I blinked it away.
With anyone else, I would have roasted them alive. But for Lydia, who simply laughed and waited for me to react, I couldn't stop myself from grinning and grabbing a loaf of bread and chunking it at her face.
Our night ended in a full-blown food fight, and we didn't even bother to clean it up before we retired to our bed to sleep.
No matter how I tried to zone out, I couldn't distract myself from the rocking of the wagon. It was starting to make me nauseous, the constant movement. I uncovered my eyes, pushing the borrowed cowl away from my face, and I was quickly greeted harshly by bright afternoon sun.
Lydia was asleep against my shoulder, cradling my arm like a child's toy. I would have laughed if she wasn't so damned cute. Karalissa was curled up on the other side of the wagon, leaning her back against Vilkas' shoulder. She was reading a book, like always, and he was also reading silently over the top of her head. Every few minutes, she would look up at him, waiting for him to nod, indicating he was also ready to turn the page.
I watched the two of them for a while, reading nearly in sync. It was so fascinating to see two people so alike that they could so easily do the same shared activity. I couldn't stop myself from smiling, looking at my sister. She was so mature, but so young. I knew I was partly to blame, having snatched her from her childhood so quickly in my anger all those years ago. She had always acted much older than her age, though, and it was nice to see that it hadn't changed.
She must have felt me watching, and she looked over at me. "What's wrong?" Vilkas looked over too, confused.
I looked at the scar that dominated the right side of her face, which had been turned away from me a moment ago. I felt myself growing angry about it, that something had hurt my little sister, but I quickly pushed it away.
I gave her a smile, but shook my head. "Nothing."
She handed the book to Vilkas, who took it gratefully and continued reading. He marked her place though before he flipped the page.
Karalissa sighed, leaning back against Vilkas again. "How much longer, do you think?"
I shrugged. "Not too much longer, I hope. We passed Morthal not too long ago."
She groaned. "It feels like years." Vilkas laughed quietly beside her.
"That's the damned truth." I nodded my head toward my sleeping wife. "Lyd wants to stay in the Winking Skeever. Think Corpulus is still running the joint?"
Karalissa grinned. "I don't know, brother. Sorex may have taken over by now. Gods, can we be that old?"
I laughed, nudging Vilkas' foot with my own. "Better watch out, Companion. Sorex always fancied my sister. Used to follow her all around Solitude trying to court her."
My sister glared at me, but Vilkas laughed. "Doesn't surprise me. Kara received two marriage proposals her first night at Jorrvaskr."
Now Karalissa laughed. "I'd forgotten all about that, Vilkas." She looked up at him. "I didn't even realize you'd heard them. We were on the other side of the room."
Vilkas grinned, but never looked up from the book. "I hear everything, pup." He looked up at me and quickly looked away as he used the nickname. He seemed embarrassed.
"You were with the Companions before my sister, I assume." I said to him, trying to spark some conversation to distract me from the wagon's constant rocking.
Vilkas looked up at me again, setting the book aside. "I thought Farkas would have told you. He and I were raised in Jorrvaskr."
I furrowed my brow. "What, you mean like you were born there?"
He shook his head. "No, we were brought to Jorrvaskr when we were very young. Our father left to fight in the war, and he never came back for us. So the Companions adopted us."
Interesting. "I didn't know that." I nodded toward my sister. "Our father never came back from the war either."
Vilkas looked down at Karalissa. "I didn't know that either."
She shrugged. "I don't remember him. I guess I was too small." She looked at me. "How old would I have been, Cass?"
I thought for a moment. "I was six, so you must have been a year old. No way could you have remembered him." I nodded, a smile on my face. "He was a great man."
Vilkas grimaced at me, absorbing the information I had given him. "I'm sure you're a lot like him."
I was pretty sure it was a compliment, so I nodded to him. "I try to be." Vilkas nodded, obviously embarrassed at the niceness we were expressing toward each other, and returned to his book.
Karalissa leaned her head against him again. "I wanted to discuss something with you, brother."
"Sure, Karl."
She sighed. "I think we need to get some time alone with Ma. I want to talk to her about that day, get a few things off of my chest. I'd rather not have Viarmo around for that."
I thought for a moment about that, not having to ask her what day she was talking about. I remembered it so vividly. It wasn't the first time I'd been in a fight, but it was the first time I didn't regret hurting someone. I'd always been very hotheaded, but that day I'd been able to control myself. I sat while he spit accusations at my sister and me, called us foul names, and insulted our father. I just absorbed it, ready to turn a cold shoulder and move forward. It had actually been relatively easy.
It wasn't until Karalissa reacted that I was even really listening to him. Then, when he got hold of her face, it made everything clear. The way he could so quickly rough my sister around, it meant he was rough with my mother too. The thought of him hurting her was too much for me, and I couldn't stop myself.
"There's nothing more to say about it, Karalissa. It happened. It's over." I took a deep breath, exhaling quickly. "We're going to see if Ma's alright, see why she sent for us. Not reopen old wounds."
Karalissa stared at me like I was crazy. "Viarmo is a bad man, Cass. We have to—"
"He's not a man. Men don't try to make other people feel small. Men don't cut people down to justify their own faults. Men don't hit women." I felt Thu'um building in my chest as I grew increasingly angry.
"You know, then? That he must hurt her." My sister, straightened up, turning to face me completely.
I looked over at Vilkas, whose eyes were firmly planted on his book. "I'm not stupid, Karalissa. And I'd rather not discuss this anymore." I looked away. "Not in front of company."
Karalissa looked pissed. "Vilkas knows, Cass. Vilkas knows everything about me."
"Debatable." Vilkas grumbled beside her, confirming he wasn't reading at all.
My sister held her hand up at him, and he smirked. "Regardless, he listens to me when I talk about something that's difficult to discuss. Stop shutting me out, Cassius."
"I'm not shutting you out, Karl. I'm trying to shut you up. It's not anyone's business but theirs."
"She's our mother, Cass. She has to leave him." As she spoke, I covered my eyes again.
"She would have left him by now if she wanted to. She never will." I uncovered my eyes. "And if that's why you're making this trip, to convince her to leave him, then you're more stupid and childish than I already thought."
At that blow, Karalissa began to tremble. I glared at her, wondering what the hell her problem was. Then I watched as Vilkas set the book down and put his hand on her arm. She shut her eyes, taking a deep breath to stop her tremors. I sat up, watching her shaking come to a stop.
"What the hell was that?" I asked her, rousing Lydia from her sleep.
Karalissa just laughed at me, reaching into her pack for a different book. She returned to her original position, leaning her back against Vilkas' arm. "Just being stupid and childish, brother." She looked down at her opened book. "Stupid and childish."
Vilkas and Lydia exchanged a very awkward glance, then pretended to be preoccupied by something unknown. I simmered for a moment, angry at my sister and at myself.
"Look, I'm sorry, Karl." I said to her, rubbing the back of my neck.
"Oh I'm sorry too, Cassius." she said, her eyes never leaving her book. "Sorry for assuming you could have gained an ounce of maturity in our time away from each other." She looked over at me then. "Maybe I am being stupid and childish, but at least I'm thinking of someone other than myself. We're right back where we started. I try to tell you what I feel and you just shut me out. Just like you always have."
"Maybe if you weren't so emotional and needy, we wouldn't need to talk about it."
She laughed. "And maybe if you weren't so cold and unfeeling you wouldn't have to justify your emotional unavailability by insulting me."
I glared at her for a moment, but she just looked back at her book. I looked over at Lydia, who just stared back at me. She looked angry, but when I raised my hands in defense, she nodded to my sister. She mouthed the word 'apologize' to me. I shook my head, but she just glared.
I groaned. "For the record, Karalissa, I'm not cold and unfeeling. I love Ma very much, and I know you think you can help her. I just don't. She picked him, Karl. She picked him, and she let us leave." I sighed. "I'm just angry that she didn't pick us."
Karalissa blinked, but she looked at me again. "I know." She said, closing the book. "I am too. And all I want to know is why she did."
I nodded. "Okay. I'll talk to her with you." I scratched my beard. "And Karl? I really am sorry."
She nodded. "I am, too."
