Since their return, Cassius and I had spent a lot of our time in Jorrvaskr. Though it had only been a few days, it felt like years.
Farkas hadn't really spent much time outside of Karalissa's study. He followed around behind her like a lost puppy, trying to stay as close to her as possible. I was positive that when he did sleep, he slept in her room or her study. She didn't seem to mind, and neither did Vilkas for that matter. Farkas hadn't said one word to anyone other than Karalissa, and nobody wanted to try to disrupt what made sense to him while he was this fragile.
It bothered Aela a good deal, though. She seemed to think she'd done something wrong, something that caused him to act this way. We couldn't figure out what it was though, and she had retreated to her own room to simmer.
Cassius had told me everything he saw. His sister, who was so innocent and kind, could transform into a large wolf and eat people in a fit of rage. He was so bothered by it at first, but he and Karalissa hadn't really spoken much beside small talk in the halls.
Cassius had returned to Windhelm to update Jarl Ulfric that morning, and he promised he would come home as soon as he'd spoken to him. Until then, I was sleeping in the spare room in Jorrvaskr's living quarters. I wanted to be nearby in case Karalissa needed something, or Farkas came around and started talking again.
I was curled up in the chair in the corner, writing a bit in my journal, when a knock came at the door. I couldn't imagine who it could be, because it was so late in the night. For a moment, I expected Cass to be in the frame. After opening the door, though, I was greeted by his little sister.
"Am I disturbing you?" she asked, her face sad. "I didn't wake you, I hope."
"Not at all. I'm not much of a sleeper." I said, moving to the side to let her in. She walked past me and into the room, looking around at the shelves and tables.
She laughed a little. "This was my room several months ago." She turned to me. "It's funny, the things you forget you had."
I shrugged. "I guess so. I don't think much about the past."
She furrowed her brow. "Why not?"
I smiled, just enough to fake sincerity. "It's easier to pretend it never happened."
Karalissa nodded, looking down at the item she held in her hands. She extended it to me, and I opened my palm to receive a pair of scissors.
At my confused glance, Karalissa ran her hand through her hair. "I can't leave it like this. It looks…" She shook her head, her grip on the longer parts of her hair were like steel. "Can you cut it?"
"Of course." I said sympathetically. I pulled the chair I was sitting in out to the middle of the room. She sat in it, getting comfortable while I grabbed a brush from my overnight bag.
As I began to brush her hair, I noticed her shoulders shaking. I stopped, and walked around to face her, kneeling before her. She was crying, but she seemed to be making a great effort not to.
"Are you alright?" I asked her, though she clearly wasn't.
She shook her head. "Lydia, I don't want to seem petty." she began, running her fingers through what was left of her long hair. "I just really liked my hair. I know it seems childish…"
"I understand, Karalissa." I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. I stood again, and continued to brush her hair. "I used to have really long hair. Nearly as long as yours."
She sniffled. "Why did you cut it?"
I set the brush to the side and picked up the scissors. Her hair had fallen right above the middle of her stomach before. It had been cut jaggedly on the right half of her face, the shortest piece falling right at her shoulder. I began to cut the rest of her hair, trying to match the length of that shortest piece.
"I cut my hair when I left home. It was a part of my identity, and I was trying to leave it behind." I explained, trying to distract her from the snipping sound.
"Why did you leave home?"
I took a deep breath as I continued to cut. "I left home because I wasn't allowed to be who I wanted to be. I was raised with six brothers, all of whom were allowed to be farmers and soldiers and warriors, and I wasn't. My mother and father expected me to marry a farmer and squeeze out five or six children. Cook, clean, make clothing, look pretty. Spend the rest of my life as a servant to my husband."
Karalissa scoffed. "That's heinous. How could they expect that?"
"That was just their opinion of women. Men were superior." I moved to the longer half of her hair, matching it to the length of the other side. "I was actually supposed to marry one of my father's friends and live on a nearby farm. I was seventeen, and he was more than twice my age."
"You're joking."
I laughed. "Afraid not." I was nearly finished with her hair, and it didn't look half bad. "I was talkative and opinionated, and a tad bit feministic. They wanted to marry me off, hoping a man would put me in my place."
I finished the last of the haircut, and set the scissors aside. Karalissa turned around in her chair to face me. Her eyes were wide. "What did you do?"
"I bolted the day of the wedding." I said to her, leaning against the table behind me. "Wedding dress and all, I hopped on a horse and rode all the way to Markarth from Rorikstead, and I worked as a missionary for several years. I cut my hair off because I couldn't stand how it had looked on what was supposed to be my wedding day. The braids and the flowers and the curls. Every time I thought of it, thought of how easily my family could just pawn me off to someone else, I hated my hair even more. So I just sliced it all off."
Karalissa smiled. "It looks good short. I can't picture you with long hair."
"You don't want to. I look like a bride." I said with a snort. I handed her the small mirror I had. "Your hair looks good short too."
She spent a moment looking at it, adjusting to her new appearance, then she nodded. "Thank you, Lydia."
"Anytime, Karalissa." I said to her, folding my arms. "It's nice to have a sister. I never had that luxury."
She smirked at me. "Neither did I. And I couldn't agree more."
