Chapter 3
Not long after they fully clothed their Autobot friends' human bodies, one by one they started to wake-up.
"Ugh... my servos are killing me" Wheeljack grunted as he sat up.
"What happened" Arcee asked, unable to concentrate because of the throbbing in her head.
"I would also like to know what had occurred" Optimus quipped, holding his head in his hands.
The five original humans looked at each other, each wanting the other to speak first. June, Agent Fowler, Miko, and Raf each took a step back leaving Jack to do the explaining. He looked at them with a 'thanks a lot' look and turned back to face the former Autobots.
"Huh... well you see..." Jack fumbled for words. He honestly had no idea of how to approach the situation.
"Come on Jack, just spit it out!" came an unfamiliar voice. All the original humans looked in surprise as they saw who the voice came from; the youngest of the former Autobots, Bumblebee.
"Who is that?" Ratchet asked, pointing at Bumblebee.
"Who are you?" he pointed back.
"Whose asking?" Bulkhead asked.
"Who is she?" Wheeljack added, referring to Arcee.
"Who am I? Who are you?" the former two-wheeler quipped.
Suddenly they all stopped asking questions as they each realized what had happened. Their eyes widened and they looked at each other.
"YOU'RE HUMAN" they yelled at each other, pointing. Although, Ratchet had yelled "YOU'RE AN ORGANIC SPECIMEN" which got some strange looks from the other original humans.
"Jack..." Arcee said through her gritted teeth, anger clearly shown on her face. "What... HAPPENED!"
Jack slightly flinched when his girlfriend yelled at him but quickly regain his bearings as he explained. "When the relic let off the light, we were knocked out. Once we regained consciousness, we noticed your Autobot forms missing and found six unconscious naked human bodies on the ground. We realized that you guys have been turned into humans so we grabbed some blankets and covered you up. After, we called my mom who brought some other clothes and also did a check-up on you. By the way, you're all perfectly healthy." After he was finished, he had to take some deep breaths since he hadn't breathed during his entire rant.
The Autobots looked at him, each of them having trouble processing the information they've been told.
"Wait... so I'm... human?" Wheeljack asked, not really looking for a response. He looked at his hands in awe as he started to play with them. "I didn't sign up for this when I joined Team Prime."
Bulkhead was also very curious to explore his new human body as he began to tug on his hair. Even Optimus was pulling on his cheek, trying to figure out what it was.
"Fascinating" Ratchet exclaimed as he looked over his hands.
The only two who weren't exploring their new bodies were Arcee and Bumblebee, who looked very, very angry.
"Ratchet! Can you fix us?!" the unfamiliar voice yelled, this time everyone looked at Bumblebee with a look of confusion and awe.
"What?" the former scout asked, seeing everyone's eyes on him. "Was it something I said?"
"Primus, Bumblebee your voice!" Ratchet said happily. "You can speak again!"
Bumblebee stared in confusion until he realized what he was talking about. He quickly turned to Jack, knowing that he could never understand him before but now...
"Jack quick! Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked, stretching out every word and pronouncing every syllable.
"I do Bumblebee! That's amazing!" Jack replied, happy that the young scout finally got his voice back.
Miko stood in awe as Bumblebee felt his face, amazed at his ability to talk again. Suddenly she screamed, startling everyone. Jack looked back at her with a glance and all she could do was cover her mouth.
Jack turned back to Bumblebee who was now touching the inside of his mouth. "I have to say Bee, this is kinda weird. I feel like I'm meeting you for the first time."
Bumblebee thought for a moment before smirking. "Hi, I'm Bumblebee. What's your name?"
His joke made the two laugh and Optimus looked over to Ratchet.
"Ratchet, how is this possible?" Optimus asked, referring to Bumblebee's voice.
"The transformation from a Cybertronian to a human must have fixed his voice box; after all it was still in place, just not usable." The former medic replied.
"Well then, that leads us to the question" Arcee jumped in. "What is the artifact? It turned us into humans and fixed Bumblebee's voice box, but can it turn us back?"
Ratchet was about to respond but Raf cut in, getting everyone's attention. "Umm guys, I don't think the relic is going to be usable for a while."
Raf pointed at the giant Cybertronian artifact that still stood in the middle of the room. Smoke arose from the top and metal on the sides began to fall off. The edges were dent and cracked; it was safe to assume that the artifact was pretty much completely destroyed and useless.
The Autobots stared at the broken relic quietly, all of them having widened their eyes at the sight. Finally Bulkhead asked the dreaded question on everyone's mind.
"Ratchet... can you fix it?"
The medic pondered the question, looking back and forth from the relic to the human Autobots. "I-I do not know. The damages are severe and without knowing what the original state of the artifact was, it is very hard to make repairs. Furthermore, in this body, the process could take even longer."
"So what you're telling me is that we're STUCK LIKE THIS!" Bulkhead screamed. Being human for a moment was one thing but stuck being a human was a completely different scenario.
"WHAT! WE CAN'T BE STUCK LIKE THIS! WHAT ABOUT THE 'CONS?! WHAT ABOUT MEGATRON?" Arcee yelled, she was furious.
"Autobots, we must all calm down." Optimus stated, although there was a little worry in his voice as well. "Yelling and letting your anger get the best of us will not repair the artifact. The best motion we can take right now is to wait until tomorrow where we can complete a thorough investigation on our artifact."
"But Optimus we-" Bulkhead started but was cut off by his leader.
"Bulkhead, I understand your frustration but that is not going to help our situation, or aid Ratchet in fixing the artifact." Optimus said. "Now, I believe we should all rest for tonight; it has gotten dark and the children must be getting home soon."
"Wait, where are you going to stay?" Miko asked suddenly.
"In our quarters, where else?" Arcee responded, thinking the answer was quite straight forward.
"Woah, woah, woah. You can't stay here; all you have are metal frames for a bed. Not only that but without a heater, you'll freeze!" Jack pointed out.
Ratchet pondered Jack's statement and agreed. "Jack does have a point. However the question remains, where will we sleep tonight?"
Jack looked over at Miko who raised her hands.
"Don't look at me, my foster parents would freak if I brought someone else home."
"Raf..." Jack said turning to the younger boy who merely shook his head.
"Sorry but my parents don't even know about the Autobots. What would I tell them if I brought one of them home?"
"Agent Fowler, can you-"Jack started but was cut off by the government agent.
"No can do son. My military base is not your standard area of operations. There are no bunkers and it is definitely not a walk-in motel."
Jack face-palmed and turned to his mom, both of them realizing what that meant.
"I guess... they can stay... in our house?" He said, but it sounded more like a question that a statement.
"I think we can arrange something..." June responded, a little worry in her voice. Their house for two was about to become an aliens-who-turn-human motel.
"That would be wonderful. Thank you Mrs. Darby" Optimus said as he pulled off the blanket and put his feet on the ground. He was taken by surprise by the feeling the floor felt against his bare feet.
The original humans watched as the former Autobots stand up from the berth, each of them amazed by the sensitivity in their feet.
"Just a quick question Jack, what am I wearing?" Wheeljack asked, motioning to his body.
"I would also like to know what kind of clothing resides on my body" Ratchet said, pulling at his tuxedo. "It is making me feel very uncomfortable in the lower half of my body."
His last sentence made the original humans burst out laughing as Miko couldn't help but take another picture of Ratchet squirming in his pants.
"That's what a tux does Ratchet. Once we get home I'll find something better for you." Jack said. "As for you Wheeljack, it looks like you're wearing one of my shorts and a collared top."
"You look good Wheeljack" Miko said as she punched him on the arm.
"Ok well now that that's settled, I should probably report to the government about what happened. If you guys are going to be human for a while, I'm going to have to get you some ID." Agent Fowler said. "Come on kids, I'll give you a ride home. Ever wanted to ride in a helicopter?"
"Sweet! This is gonna be awesome! By Bulk, cya tomorrow!" Miko yelled as she ran for the lift, earning a 'bye Miko' from the former green wrecker.
"Take care Bee" Raf said before he ran after her. The three of them went into the lift and disappeared as the doors closed.
Once they were gone, all that remained were the former Autobots, Jack and June.
"Ok well we should probably get going too" June said as she walked towards her car with everyone else behind her. She unlocked the doors and suddenly, another problem came to her mind. Her car had 5 seats and they had 8 people.
"This is not going to end well"
...
Moments later, the white car bounced across the Nevada road as they headed home. In the front was obviously June who was driving the car and next to her was Optimus sitting in the passenger seat. The front was perfectly fine, but the back was a whole other story.
In the middle seat, Bulkhead sat with Bumblebee on his lap. He found it funny how the former scout became such a short human so he bounced him on his leg, earning a death glare from Bumblebee. On his left was Jack sitting with Arcee on his lap. He held his girlfriend in a hug as she relaxed and closed her eyes in his arms. Jack knew that Arcee wasn't taking the whole human thing very well so he thought the best thing to do was to comfort his girlfriend. Judging by her relaxed look, it was obvious that he was right.
Now on Bulkhead's right was the funniest pair. Ratchet sat on Wheeljack's legs, their discomfort shown on their faces. Earlier when the pair was forced to pair up, everyone burst out laughing. It's no secret of how Wheeljack pissed off Ratchet almost every day and medic never bothered to hide his feelings towards the wrecker. Ratchet sat with his arms crossed looking forward while Wheeljack looked out the window.
The group rode in silence as they drove to their destination.
"So... must be weird riding inside of a car instead of being the car, huh?" Jack asked, trying to create some small talk.
"Try to imagine you were turned into a smaller organism, just big enough to go into your own body. That's how this feels like right now" Arcee answered, the rest of them nodding in agreement.
Jack pictured himself going into his own body and shuddered.
He was about to say something else but his mom beat him to it.
"We're here!" she exclaimed, bringing the car into the garage. Once the vehicle came to a stop, the group filed out and stretched their legs. The three seats in the back were definitely not built for six people.
"So this is where you power down Arcee? It's a lot better than the curb" Bulkhead said looking around the garage, Bumblebee nodded in agreement.
"Huh, I guess if you put it that way, it is pretty comfortable" Arcee said. She remembered when she would complain about the lack of room inside the garage but then realized that Bulkhead and Bumblebee had to power down on a street. She was definitely living in a better place than the two other guardians.
"Hey!" Jack yelled, making the three of them snap out of their thoughts and look towards the door leading into the house. "You guys coming or do you want to stay in the garage tonight?"
The three guardians quickly went in as the door closed behind them. The inside of the house was decently sized. There was a kitchen that connected to the living room which was near the front door, and a hallway that extended past the kitchen. A staircase was near the garage door which led to another hallway.
"Nice place Jack" Arcee said. "You know I've never seen the inside until now."
"Well maybe that's because a 15 foot tall robot would completely destroy the walls and roof" Jack responded with a smirk.
Suddenly, a loud rumble was heard from Bulkhead's stomach.
"Decepticons!" Optimus stated as the Autobots got into a fighting stance, trying to activate their blasters but realizing that they were now human.
Jack and June looked at each other before laughing.
"Relax guys, that was only Bulkhead's stomach. He's hungry!" Jack said between chuckles.
The former Autobots looked at each other with strange looks. They've never eaten before so this was a new concept for them.
"I'll order some pizza" June said as she walked off to make the call.
"Jack, how does one eat?" Optimus asked with a raised eyebrow.
Jack scratched his head, trying to think of an answer. "Huh, well you put the food in your mouth, chew then swallow. It's hard to explain so I'll you once the food arrives."
Optimus nodded his head, still confused about how to eat.
"Here, you guys take a seat in the living room while I go get Ratchet some new clothes" Jack said.
"Thank you" Ratchet said as the teen went upstairs to his room.
The former Autobots took a seat on the two couches and looked at each other.
"So... what do you think about all of this?" Arcee asked the group.
"Well, it's... different" Bumblebee said.
"I have to agree with Bee, I never thought this would happen" Wheeljack added.
"Autobots, while we may have gone through a very strange change, we must be thankful. We are still together and maybe this experience will let us learn more about human life. Not everyone has the chance to change species and I believe we should look at this situation with a positive attitude. Today, we are lucky enough to experience the world through another set of eyes" Optimus stated.
"Optimus is right" Ratchet said. "There's no telling what kind of damage the artifact sustained and it may take a very long time to repair. Tomorrow I will run a full diagnostic to see t what extent does the artifact need fixing. In the meantime, we should enjoy the situation we are in. I find it very fascinating of how sensitive human skin is towards touch."
"Ok, so we should be happy for turning human. But what about the 'cons? If they attack, none of us can fight back!" Bulkhead pointed out.
"We will figure it out tomorrow Bulkhead. For now, we should be grateful for Jack and Mrs. Darby's hospitality. They have done so much for us in the past and now they have welcomed us into their home." Optimus responded.
When he finished, Jack returned with a short sleeve and sweatpants.
"Here Ratchet, I found these in my closet" Jack said handing the clothes to the medic.
"Thank you Jack" he replied as he started to pull of the tux. Jack's eyes quickly widened and he waved his hands motioning to the bathroom.
"Wait! You can't do that in here. Go and change in the bathroom" He has seen his fair share of naked bodies today and he was not about to see another, especially from Ratchet.
The medic took the clothes and headed for the bathroom as Jack sighed in relief.
Suddenly the door bell rang and jack heard his mom yell his name from another room. He got up and opened the door and greeted the pizza delivery guy. He paid the man and was handed half a dozen boxes of pizza and eight sodas.
"Dinner's ready!" He yelled throughout the house as everyone gathered into the kitchen. Jack placed the food on the table and went to grab a couple more stools from the closet while June laid out the food, the smell of pizza quickly covering the kitchen.
The Autobots looked at the pizza with a mix of curiosity and anxiousness. They didn't know what to expect and they wanted to try the whole eating thing. Jack returned with the stools and everyone took a seat at the table. From afar, the group looked like a large family ready to eat dinner.
Jack grabbed some plates and put a slice on each, handing it to the Autobots. Each of them looking down at the food and then back up at Jack.
He chuckled before going on. "Alright guys watch me. You take the food, bite into it, chew, then swallow." Jack demonstrated with a bite of his pizza, slowly chewing and swallowing with a gulp. He smiled and motioned the Autobots to give it a go.
One by one, the group started to take a bite of their pizza. Once the food was in their mouth, they widened their eyes in surprise.
"Primus, this is amazing!" Ratchet exclaimed, chewing the food in his mouth, the taste mesmerizing him.
"Wow! You can say that again!" Bulkhead said, taking a couple more bites of the pizza without swallowing the last one.
"Woah calm down there Bulkhead" Jack laughed. "You're forgetting to swallow the food, besides there's plenty to go around."
"I have to say Jack, you humans sure know how to make good food" Arcee said after swallowing the piece and taking another bite.
"Well it's only Dominoes, wait until you try the real good stuff." Jack stated.
"I love Dominoes pizza!" Bumblebee exclaimed like a normal 12 year old, making everyone laugh.
Jack noticed that Optimus was quiet and he was curious to see what his reaction would be. The Autobot leader had his eyes closed and was slowly chewing the food in his mouth.
"Optimus, how are you liking your pizza?" Jack asked.
Optimus opened his eyes and smiled; something Jack has rarely ever seen him do.
"The food is very good." he said before returning to his pizza.
The group continued to eat while laughing at each other's reactions. After a couple minutes, all of the boxes were gone and only a couple more slices remained. Jack had to admit, the Autobots sure can eat.
"Jack, what's this dry feeling I have in my mouth?" Wheeljack asked, moving his tongue around.
"You're thirsty Wheeljack, that's what the sodas are for" Jack answered as he passed around the cans of Grape Crush.
Bulkhead looked at the can and smiled. "Awesome, more food!"
June laughed at the wrecker's comment. "No Bulkhead, that's called a soda. It's a drink for when you get thirsty." She demonstrated by opening her can and pouring a bit of the purple liquid into her mouth. She swallowed and motioned Bulkhead to give it a go.
"Just remember, for drinks you don't need to take a bite or chew. You just pour and swallow" Jack mentioned.
The Autobots took a swing of their sodas and like before, instantly became amazed by the taste in their mouths. It was nothing they've ever felt before; the liquid was cool and refreshing but also fizzed. When they swallowed, the coolness flowed down their throats, making them crave for more.
Suddenly Bulkhead lost control over himself and started to chug the liquid, downing the entire can in a mere few seconds. He placed the can down with an 'ahhh' and looked at Jack and June who were wide eyed at the former wrecker's action.
"Ummm Bulkhead? You okay?" Jack asked, a little worried about what chugging the soda would do to him.
"What are you talking about Jack. I'm perfectly fi-"
A loud burp escaped his mouth before he could finish, startling everyone and throwing Jack off his stool. He landed on the ground with a thud and moaned in pain.
"That's why you don't chug sodas Bulkhead" Jack said as he was helped up by Arcee.
The group finished off their sodas and the remaining pizza as Jack started to clean-up the table.
"So, we have a spare bedroom and the guest room which has two beds" June started. "The couches can also be used as beds so that means we have five beds for six people."
"I could sleep with Jack" Arcee said. Her words startling Jack as he almost dropped the plates on the ground.
"What?" he asked, not sure if he heard right. He had a slight blush on his face as he looked away sheepishly.
"I said I could sleep with you. We are a couple right? I thought that's what couples do." Arcee said, making him blush even harder.
"Huh... ummm...how do I say this..." Jack fumbled for words. Before he could say anything again, his mom tapped his shoulder.
"Jack could I speak with you for a moment?" she asked pulling him out of the living room. Once they were sure the Autobots couldn't hear them, June started to speak.
"I think it would be best if Arcee slept with you Jack" she said. Jack looked at her with surprise.
"What? Are you serious?" Jack asked dumb-founded at his mom's words.
"Look, we are already tight on space. I had to dust off a bed in the guest room just to make room for one more. Also Arcee does have a point; you two have been a couple for over a month now." June explained.
"Mom, I told Arcee I want our relationship to go slowly. Having her sleep with me is not going slow" Jack pointed out.
"I know honey but we don't have much of a choice here. Unless you want to let your girlfriend sleep on the floor, this is our only option. Besides, I trust that you won't do anything... inappropriate. It would be wrong to take advantage of Arcee's lack of human knowledge."
Jack sighed and had to admit, she was right.
"Ok, Arcee will sleep with me."
The two of them returned to the kitchen where they sorted out who would sleep where. It was agreed that Optimus would take the spare bedroom, Bulkhead and Wheeljack would sleep in the guest room, and Ratchet and Bumblebee would use the couches.
"Alright, well why don't we just take a shower and get ready for bed, it's getting late" Jack said but then saw the confused look on everyone's face. Then he realized what they were confused about. "Scrap... you guys don't know how to use the bathroom."
June thought for a moment before speaking. "Jack I think it would be best if we explained it to them and any basic human rules, just so they understand what to expect."
Jack raised an eyebrow and gave his mom a look. "What do you mean?"
"I mean give them the talk, just basic it down a bit" She said while she ushered everyone into the living room.
"Wait but I-"
Jack didn't get to finish because his mom held up a hand in front of his face to stop him from going on. "I'm going to give Arcee the same talk, female to female. In the meantime, you need to talk to the other guys, male to male."
Before he could respond, June grabbed Arcee's arm and quickly went upstairs leaving Jack standing in the middle of the living room with 5 human Autobots waiting for him to start.
"Wh-what just happened there?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"Your mom pushed us into the living room and now you're supposed to give us a talk" Bumblebee answered with a little bit of sass, probably learning it from Arcee.
"Ummm... yeah that's what I'm supposed to do" Jack mumbled to himself, scratching his head. Someone his age should not have to do this explaining right now, especially to aliens who are billion years older than him.
"Hmmm... ok so the number one rule about being human is that you always wear clothes." He started. "You should never be going naked unless it's something important like showering."
Again the Autobots gave him a confused look; they didn't understand what showering meant so he had to explain it to them.
"Showering is basically cleaning yourself off. You turn on the tap and let the water wash over your body. There is shampoo which you use for your hair and there is body wash for your body." He looked around to see them give him a nod meaning they understood what he was talking about.
"Good, ok now another thing you do in the bathroom is brush your teeth. You take the toothbrush, put a little bit of toothpaste and brush your teeth, like this." Jack pretended like he was using an imaginary toothbrush as he demonstrated how to clean the front, back, top, and bottom of his teeth, all while the Autobots watched him.
"Any questions?" Jack asked once he was done demonstrating.
Bulkhead raised his hand, making Jack chuckle. "Yes Bulkhead?"
"How do we... what's that word... pee?" Bulkhead questioned.
"Huh, um... well..." Jack stammered, he realized he had to explain something else before he could explain how to pee. "Ok before we start with that, there is a something you need to know before you learn how to pee."
The Autobots gave him a confused look, all of them not knowing what he meant by that.
He took a deep breath, and continued.
(Warning, the following few paragraphs contain semi-sexual content. If you are too young for this, skip to the next chapter. If you aren't, have fun because writing this made me laugh really hard)
"Ok so there are things on the human body we call 'private spots'. These areas on the body are places you should never touch on someone else, show someone else, or talk about with someone else. These are the private things you basically don't share with other than yourself or someone you trust." Jack stopped to take a breath, looking around to make sure they were following along. The Autobots were paying very close attention, so he went on.
"There are different private spots for different genders. Males, like you and me, have two; a butt which is your rear end, and... uh... your... uh... penis. Um, it's also known as your dick and it's...uh...the floppy thing between your legs."
The Autobots all looked down at their pants were their penises were. Jack saw them all stare at their pants and face-palmed. It was as if he was teaching toddlers who needed to see to understand.
I can't believe this is happening, he thought to himself. Suddenly he saw Ratchet reaching for the spot on his pants and he quickly stopped him.
"NO!" He yelled, startling them all. "Ok look, basically the penis can be really gross sometimes and DON'T ask me for details. Also, you NEVER, under any circumstance, touch your penis. You pee by going to the toilet, pulling down your pants, and aiming at the bowl while you push the pee out of your penis. You should be doing it naturally and usually you pee a lot when you drink lots of water. It's the body's way of ejecting liquids."
"Jack, how does the body eject solid foods?" Ratchet asked.
Of course Ratchet would ask that. Why wouldn't he? Jack said to himself. He was getting really frustrated with this talk and just wanted it over soon.
"Ratchet, that's calling pooing. You sit on the toilet seat and push the stuff out of your butt. When you're done be sure to wipe and flush the toilet. EVERYTIME. Also, you always wash your hands after you use the bathroom. Any questions?"
All of the Autobots raised their hands; even Optimus had a couple questions he wanted to ask.
It was going to be a long night.
...
