Disclaimer: I do not any way own Inuyasha or OHSHC.
Chapter 13: Of Inner Thoughts and Meditation
"You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue." (C. Joy Bell C.)*
There is something that prevents me from closing the gap that is slowly-but surely- getting larger between Sesshomaru and me. My courage deserts me the moment I try to take that step.
I am a coward.
There was no reason for me to be afraid. This fear I had did not have a rational answer. A month had passed since that fateful day and I felt the fear burrow deeper and deeper in to my psyche. It was even beginning to get difficult to be in the same room. This was obviously also the worst thing she could ever do. The silence and indifference between the two was not just catching the attention of all the staff and their families but she was sure that it would also attract the attention of those that would take advantage of the disaccord, of the rift between the two leaders of the Western pack.
She knew this, knew she had to do something to turn things back to how they were but no. The irrational, emotional side of her, would not, could not make the paces with the man that had given her the hope to be more than what others thought she could be. He was her protector, but also her tormentor, he was the cool fresh wind as well as the heat that rose from fire, her strength but also her weakness, the sun and the moon, everything. He was her sensei, her brother, her Alpha. To be rejected would break her more than what Inuyasha had done to her in the past, and though she had forgiven both him and his mate, the scars lingered, they stayed but they were wrapped diligently and with care. All because of her Aniki. Sesshomaru had painstakingly healed those wounds with his words, actions and his patience- as much as he had had back then at least.
So instead of facing the things that could come from the confrontation, from the words each would say-she ignored it, ignored him. She was not yet strong enough to be cast away from her pack.
The host club-more specifically Honey-senpai- had in some way allowed her to see what the true heart of the problem was, accept that even with all the heartache and the pain she had gone through in the past, she was still that optimistic and fragile girl she had been before going into Sesshomaru's care.
Where once there was peace and sense of security now she was once more filled doubts and the fear of before. It was wrong to project these feeling on my Aniki. It was not our fault; no it was the time and the circumstances that were making the decisions and choices of how we were going to react. In all honesty I think that the whole argument between us was actually a bit overdramatic. While I was emotional and prone to blow my fuse, Sesshomaru was the cold and indifferent analyzing all the perils, calculating what was the best course of action to be taken. But-
There is always a but.
He had shut me down. He had not allowed for his family, for me, to be there and support him, to be at least a tenth of what he had been for me so long ago it seems. The pain of rejection (no matter that it had been for protection or for him to gather what information he could) was too much for the barely mended heart of mine. All that surrounded me now was could have been's instead of the would be's.
And so armed with these thoughts, armed with the knowledge that I knew my Aniki, knew his thoughts and actions I gathered my courage and began to stride towards his door.
Only to stop before I even made it to the door of my room.
Kagome Higurashi-Taisho, defeater of the vile Naraku, sister to the feared Sesshomaru-the Killing Perfection, was held back by fear and hesitance.
And the she would not deny it any longer.
She was a coward. When it came to Sesshomaru, she always would be.
****OHSHC****
Now the Alpha of the West might be the greatest and most feared leader of the Demons that resided in the Ningen world-some would even say of all the three realms as it was- perfect in every way, envied and desired by both females and males. It was not egotism that made him say this, it was but simple truth. It was also this sense of self that made him realize that he knew when he had done wrong. It would be foolish to deny it, stupidity in itself for this allowed an enemy to take advantage of. So it was throughout the weeks that he ignored his beloved ward that he began to once more go in a quest of supreme conquest. But it was not of the world or of powers but something that was wholly much more difficult, something much more time consuming as well as much more dangerous.
Human/demon emotions.
Yes, the great and feared Lord of the West, a ruler in the Makai world, the top dog so to speak, could admit that he could have one-he could not stress that enough-shortcoming, and it was the fact that he did not have a deep understanding of what ruled his Imōto. In truth it ruled his adopted his son as well-it was expected as during his most easily influenced time was spent with the miko and had been rescued from the perils of their world. But Shippō was still a demon no matter that he felt that he and Kagome were the same, they were not. He choose to allow his emotions to run high, to be able to adapt to the going-ons of the world around him. So again it was fairly easy to determine that what and how his adopted son would act/react. That though was mostly based on the many years that he had spent with him, as well as the mannerisms and actions his adopted son had adopted after him. So in essence this meant that he did not really understand the emotions that his pack was known for.
Not only was this shortcoming an annoyance to him-it was a slight to his name and line- but it was an embarrassment to know that his brother-he thought with disgust-had more of an understanding on emotions than him. Both thoughts (of repairing the damage between him and his female Alpha and being of higher standing than his half-brother that he) distanced-more than the norm-himself between him and the rest of the world/his pack. He had to delve in to his profound psyche and see what was the reason for his lack of understanding and for his inability to allow his feelings to be known. At least to those he considered worthy, which in reality were his adopted son and sibling, and a few of the more intelligent ones from his half-brother and mate's brood.
The pain he felt in the separation of his pack was something of a surprise truth be told. Reason said it was due to the fact that he had centuries of company with the kit and had waited for centuries for the one adult female who had thought him that he was worth more than what others put on him, not that he had known what had lay so deep in him.
Sitting in a clearing far away from the house and his pack, he meditated, digging deep in himself. It was in doing this that his mind turned to the meeting that had began to slowly-too slowly some would say- change him to what he was turning into now.
Flashback
The night was windy but the heat from the suns rays earlier in the day could still be felt flowing upwards from the ground. The contrast was something that small animals of the wild greatly appreciated as it allowed them some protection from the cooling night-the soothing smell of cherry blossoms was fading, proving that indeed the spring was giving way to summer. His small ward was safely tucked in a cave not far from him, keeping her warm during the instability of the weather. It was during one of his many patrols throughout the night, that he heard small sobbing somewhat disguised by the harsh rapids of a nearby river. He would have most likely walked by without once sensing the presence if not for the small sound.
This had of course raised his curiosity seeing that there were not many that could so completely hide themselves from him. Searching for the source of the anguished hiccupping he delved deeper into the forest until the soft smell of sugar and honey made its way into his nose. Stopping for a minute he contemplated the thought to maintain his distance from the tantalizing smell and ignore the smell of distress souring the sweetness that always seemed to surround the small figure.
Seeing that she had helped his ward when she needed and kept her entertained when their groups crossed paths he deigned it worthy of his time to see what had the small miko in such distress as to cause her to be sobbing her laments by the river and very much away from her usual companions. So was his thought seeing that he could not sense or smell his bastard of a half-brother. Continuing on with his pace he crossed the tree line that had hidden the small form of the miko. She was holding her knees to her chest and hiding her face from all and everything. The sight was disgusting. This was the supposed Shikon no Miko?
"Miko."
The female jolted at his voice and quickly turned to face him. Puffy red eyes greeted him as well as tearstained cheeks.
"S-sesshomaru-sama," she stuttered, voice hoarse from her sobbing. "What are you doing here?"
"Hn."
Cerulean eye locked on to golden amber, one filled with despair and pain, the other with cold indifference, as well as with the disgust he felt. Shame coated itself over the miko, making her hide her face once more.
"If you don't mind Sesshomaru-sama could you please let me be?"
A tense silence once more filled the chasm in between a greatly feared Daiyoukai and the greatly sought Shikon no Miko.
Ignoring her plea he did something that he never would have done before his ward came into his life; he began a conversation with another being. "You are troubled."
Once more cerulean eyes looked up to see the intimidating figure of the Daiyoukai. Never before had he cared about the small female but something was in the air that signified that in this one moment in time something would change, drastically so. Never one to ignore what his senses had warned him of, he followed, reluctantly and with disagreement plain in view for everyone to see.
The miko continued to look at the Lord of the West, confusion in plain sight for all to see.
"This Sesshomaru knows that ningen females are weak and known for their bouts of random bursts of crying," he said, disgust underlying every word. "It is unfortunate that even the half-breed's female would be so weak as to be unaware of when an enemy approaches, especially being the most sought after Shikon no Miko. It is a disgrace that one such as you could have ever gone against one such as I and lived to tell the tale."
With no other word, or wasted deed, he unleashed his dakkoso* and sending it to the unprepared Kagome, marking her face with it. She sat there unnerved that she could have easily died and all because Inuyasha's bastard of a brother came upon her when she was at her most vulnerable.
Anger like no other began to roll through her. Anger that she was in a place not of her comfort, unknowing of what this world as she was and that she could so easily be replaced, anger that she was seen as weak, at the unfairness of the world she was currently in, all this gave her the chance to call up the power that she had (what seemed) long ago used against the one who had brought all this upon her.
Jumping up from where she was she threw herself at the one who had so callously attacked her with no care in the world. Blue and white surrounded her, distracting her opponent if only for a moment by the intense light, allowing her to catch him unaware and not wasting this one in a million chance, tackled him to the ground with the strength of a professional American football player.
Both of them tumbled to the ground, disoriented. Kagome having had Sesshomaru cushion her fall was quick to stand and get the bow and arrows that had been carelessly thrown when she had first gotten to the edge of the fast moving river.
The once pristine Lord of the West allowed his beast to come to the forefront, angered at himself for allowing a human female to get the best of him. Once straight lines became jagged, amber became feral red. The twang of the a released arrow made its way onto his ears, with instinctive drive he moved away from the prospect of harm and the thwack of the arrow hitting the tree made him realize that even when the half-breed's female could have harmed him while unaware with her reiki she had only fired an ordinary arrow.
"Leave."
Red eyes turned to look at the miko who stood in perfect archer pose with another arrow notched and aimed at him. It was not unlike that which had happened what seemed like long ago. The arrow this time though had a small orb of her power at the tip, unlike the first time she had confronted him and had broken through his armor though was the intensity that lay her eyes. There was no doubt that she would fire her weapon in hopes of harming him, there was also an underlying frost that had never been present in her before, not even when he had cut through the half-breed. It seemed that the miko was slowly but surely growing in to her powers, but there was still something that held her back from her true potential.
His eyes followed her every move; the tightening of her arm muscles, the deep concentration that made her furrow her brow, every little thing, nothing escaped his sight. Recalling his beast back to his cage, he stood at his full height and contemplated an enemy he never knew he had.
"You have grown weak miko."
Silence once more filled the clearing, but the tension of the moment had by no means dissipated, if one could say it had grown exponentially.
"What are you saying Sesshomaru-sama?" She retorted, "Did you not just say that I was weak?"
"Indeed."
The blue-eyed girl from the future stood unsure of what he was saying. She had grown but was yet weak? Is that what he meant?
No, she was sure he was just making fun of her, confusing her as to distract her. That had to be it.
"I don't understand what it is you want, but leave, I have not the patience to deal with another son of the Inu no Taisho."
"Hn," contemplating stated. "So then it is the half-breed's fault that you are in the middle of this episode."
Fingers tightening on the grip of the bow, and on the fletch.
"It is not surprising," seeing that the ningen female would relax, he took the reins and turned his back towards her, before settling on the nearest tree. "It seems that is the hanyou's specialty."
Lazily he raked his claws into his long mane and picked the few leaves that had managed to make their way.
Perhaps seeing that he was not going to try anything, the miko put her bow and arrow down, but by no means put them away from her person.
She was still wary.
Good. It showed that she was not as stupid as others of her race were.
"What is it that you want Sesshomaru?" she asked seriously. The lack of his title made the Daiyoukai pause in his ministrations and narrow his eyes. He continued on, ignoring her disrespect if only for this one time.
"This Sesshomaru wants for nothing ningen."
Or maybe not.
"Shitsurei shimashita."* She grudgingly allowed. He had so far been coordinal; except for the small skirmish they had both been involved in.
Even if it had been his fault to begin with.
"Hn," a regal nod followed. It was surprising that the miko could be formal and respectful. There were few that would have admitted their wrongdoing. "It is not what I want Miko, it is something that is demanding."
Her brows once more furrowed in confusion. It was plain to see that she had no understanding of what was happening at the moment.
"I don't understand."
"It is easy to see that your awareness of self or of danger has not grown," his eyes closed, allowing him to see the power that surrounded the glade that had enveloped the young priestess, like a mate would envelope its lover. Her aura was surrounded with a fine sheet of ancient magic that flowed through her, patching up the holes that were spread throughout her. Her spiritual self seemed to be in agony and yet she showed no mark that it was so. It seemed that indeed he had judged her wrong, if she could withstand the pain on a daily basis. What was the reason for it, he did not know. It was with his inane sense of inu-curiosity that he asked this of the one that had wrought it in the first place.
Gold still eyes opened to see the object of his curiosity to be standing where he had last seen her and peering in to the dark night sky. "Miko."
Sapphire eyes turned towards him, "Hai?"
"What has ravaged your soul?"
Her eyes widened in shock and then turned away at once.
"Not offense Sesshomaru-sama but that is none of your concern."
"Hn."
Silence once more. It seemed to be something out of the norm for the young miko. Every time since they had first met, all she had heard from him had been insults and death threats, something that he had done once he saw her but now calmly looking at the sky she had but moments before looked at and seemed to respect her wishes of not wanting to say anything on the subject of her soul.
There was almost a peaceful feeling over the glen. Once again something that was definitely out of the norm for the company she currently had next to her.
"There are some rumors This Sesshomaru has heard when traveling of course," a delicate snort accompanied it. "I am not one to listen and believe in them."
Confused but nonetheless interested on what brought this on she asked what could possible be that stayed on his mind.
"I have heard of a miko that was once dead and is now alive. It is also stated that she and you share an uncanny resemblelance."
A harsh swallow was all that met his statement and the acrid smell of rotten fruit floated in the air.
The nauseating smell forced a small twitch from a regal nose, the scent itself gave him answers to some of the questions he had.
"It is also true that she was once the guardian of the accursed jewel of which you are now hunting down. If she is once more alive would it not then be logical that she once more take the reins of it? Why would she let an amateur with the bow and arrow, an onna that cannot defend herself, a mediocre-"
"Stop-"
"-Miko, a female with no decorum-"
"-Please-"
"-Unknowledgeable in the basics of her livelihood be allowed to protect an object of great power from those that would desire to have hollow supremacy over those weaker than them. With all these facts do you think that you are worthy?"
Air shimmered around her; fluctuating with her emotions, power steadily rising to plummet once more. It was more proof that she would not be able to deal the vile abomination the final shot.
"It is unfortunate that the Kamis have somehow blessed someone so inadequate," so saying he slowly stood as regal as ever. "It is obvious that they are slowly losing what small amount of power they used to have."
Ignoring the small pulse of power full of anger, he marched away, deeming the small onna unworthy of his person. Whatever it was that had once made him think her a slight step above her race was now no more.
"I know that I am weak."
He stopped, head tilting slightly to the left; it was not unlike his canine brethren did. His curiosity peaked at the onna's confession.
"It is something that has been abundantly made clear countless of times," a harsh bitter laugh accompanied it, something he hated to admit, made him sympathize with her. The sound was that of bitter resignation mixed with defeat. "I care not to make excuses of why I am the way I am. Everything you said tonight is correct as much as I would like to deny it. I know that I am nothing more than-"
Abruptly she cut herself off, her breathing harsh and labored.
"An unnecessary phony copy of who was once strong and able."
The small whisper made him realize that indeed many of his suspicions had been correct and thus slowly realized why the Kamis might have an interest on one such as her.
As to verify his thoughts the power throughout the glen dispersed and fled to the small woman who had fallen to her knees with great heaving sobs.
It was in that moment that the Great Lord of the West, the most feared Daiyoukai to ever (and that ever will) exist made a decision that would forever change his life and the ones around him. It was also with this that the Kamis finally breathed out in relief of finally having another Daiyoukai give them a rest from his ever present nagging.
"Hn," turning he looked down at the despaired woman, his eyes narrowing ever slightly at the unslightly scene. "Is that all?"
Sobs decreased in their fervor and the smell of her confusion permeated the air.
"W-what?"
"Is" a small step, "that" another, "all?"
Reaching his destination he looked directly down onto red and sapphire eyes. Sooty lashes were damp with the tears she had shed, cheeks wet with salty trails made him once more question what exactly it was that he was doing.
"Who are you?"
"Who am I?"
"Hn. Your name onna."
"Higurashi, Kagome," more than a statement it was stated questiongly.
"Are you? If that is your name would you not be more sure of it?"
"Yes," Anger began to tinge her voice, obvious that she was beginning to get frustrated with his questioning. "It is."
"Then present yourself accordingly, onna."
"My name is Ka-go-me, not onna. If you asked for my name wouldn't it be obvious that you would use it?" indignation filled her at the ignorance of the Daiyoukai. Why did he have to be so difficult? What was he still doing here anyways?
"This Sesshomaru will not repeat himself onna."
Standing from the grassy patch she had been in, she looked more closely at the eldest of the Inu No Taisho. Why couldn't they just say what they meant? Why did they have to be so, so-
Blue eyes widened at a thought. Wouldn't the great Lord of the West pride himself in knowing all his enemies? In knowing whom he would always have to confront to get to what he wanted? So then it stood to reason he would know who she was especially since she had already striked at him in the past in order to protect Inuyasha from himself during their last confrontation. Not in the least that the Inutaichi always called out her name during their times of battle. He would have to be deaf in order not to hear them.
More to sate her curiosity than to obey him she repeated herself, "Higurashi, Kagome. My name is Higurashi, Kagome."
"Hn. So is not obvious who you are? You are Higurashi, Kagome, Guardian of the Shikon no Tama."
Once more she fell to her knees, but this time in shock, the shock that the one person who would sooner cut her head off would comfort her in her feeling of inadequacy she had developed from being compared to her predecessor.
"You fall in despair rather quickly," he cold statement brought her out of her thoughts focusing on him once more. "It is not the inferiority complex you hold towards the undead miko that holds you back, but your unwillingness to believe that you can be more than what once was."
His last words remained in the air, as he slowly turned and walked away. It was true that without the interference of the Kamis he never would have even spoken one word to the foolish miko, especially more since this scene was something that made him remember the last conversation he had with his feared sire and that made him realize that he was turning into something other than what he had once greatly achieved to be. It seemed that his father had more power over him dead than he ever had alive, something he had not thought possible.
"Lord Sesshomaru," thoughts of his father were put to the side for later contemplation when he heard the strength in the miko's voice.
In what seemed to be the theme of the night he once more stopped to hear what else would happen in this Kami blessed glen that seemed to holding them in. "I know that I am weak and that you probably hate me as much as you hate Inuyasha, but please," she swallowed harshly, "Please teach me how to be more than what once was."
"What would This Sesshomaru gain?"
"The feeling of having helped someone in need?"
Eyes narrowed down in anger, even if inside he was scoffing at disbelief at her audacity. It seemed she had returned to her fiery nature. "Hn."
"No?"
"Don't know why I thought that would actually work," she murmured to herself, before it seemed something occurred to her.
"I may have something that may interest you," she hesitated for a moment, and then with an assured nod continued. "I can tell you what the future may hold."
A dark slim eyebrow rose at her assurance of what she promised. More and more questions were being answered. If what she said was true-
Scenting the air surrounding her, the scent of self-assurance was clear.
"Hn," he said looking towards her from the side of his eye. "We will discuss the price for each of your lessons."
The smell of lavender and honey made it way to his nose. A wide smile not unlike the one that his ward had graced him the first time they had met made its way onto her face. It was unavoidable then that the thought would soften his eyes ever so slightly that it made the miko blink.
Turning away from her he threw over his shoulder, "prepare yourself miko, for This Sesshomaru will not hold back, even if you are ningen. I will come for you in seven days, say your goodbyes for you will reside in the Western Palace until I deem you fit."
And with no other word he disappeared.
A sigh escaped the blue-eyed miko.
"I really hope I don't regret this."
A smirk made it's way onto his face.
Soon they would know the answer to that.
True to that, they did. It came to no surprise that the beginning of their training had made the miko regret even stepping foot in the Western Palace, but within the first couple of weeks of their routine, they had both (the trainer and trainee) noticed definite improvement and had continued on, no matter that the miko threatened. So time came and went, days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and such was the time when they came to the final confrontation with Naraku.
During the time before this though, that the Lord of the Western lands began to see that there was more to humans than what he had once believed to know. Or so he began to believe. Later it would be proven to him that there only a select few who had the ability to surprise him and let hime think better of the race that destroyed what they did not know and the very thing that helped them maintain life.
But the small miko, continued to grow more and more, to truly be a warrior and someone formidable. Something that he knew had so very much bothered (continued to) his half-brother. Which he would not deny had very much amused Sesshomaru.
Slowly but surely throughout their day to day basis, the blue-eyed miko wormed her way into his heart something he had believed only his once small ward would be the one to do so. Maybe it was the fact that she was genuine in her feelings and expressions, or her loyalty to those close to her, whatever it was, had ensnared him as he had seen all the other's be caught by her charm and ability. It had been a shameful thing he had to admit to himself then, but it was ultimately that, that had allowed him to become more than his feared sire, more than that he had hoped to achieve, it was because of this that he fought against the centuries of stagnant emotions.
All for a small woman with sapphire eyes.
****OHSHC****
If there was one thing that could make the ever-sagacious Otori Kyōya was not being able to know everything about the beings that attended or worked for the Ouran Academy. He prided himself in always having information on those that got too close to those he considered family, so to have a new host and know nothing about him, grated-more like frustrated him to no end until he felt like hunting him down to beat out the information he needed out of the new host-on his nerves to no end. All his sources were tightlipped about Taisho-Higurashi, Kagome. There were only rumors from those that attended the Academy about the new student but that was all. For someone to hide themselves from everyone so well had to mean that they obviously had connections better than those he did, and if there was something that could always get his blood pumping was a worthy challenge. If it was the last thing he ever did in this world he would know everything there was to know of the Taisho-Higurashi, Kagome.
*This quote actually put a lot of this chapter into perspective for me, and allowed me to finish it. Just thought it was something that should be added :))
A/N: It has been too long since my last update and for that I sincerely apologize. I really did not know how to finish this chapter (as well as having a brief fight with a certain Inu!) even with all that I would like to say that it turned out better than I thought it would. Even so I truly hope you all like it and please tell me your sincere thoughts!
As for the pairings I will be putting up a poll on my profile.
When? Well I kinda want to add more scenes with the Host and Kagome before that.
Quick question for everyone: Has anyone read the Night Huntress series?
I was actually planning on writing a InuxNH fic but I'm unsure if anyone would actually read it.
SO please let me know what you:
#1: thought on this chappie
#2: what you would think of a InuxNH crossover.
Lastly I would like to thank each and every one for their continued support, without you this story would be no more. It came as something of a surprise how many followers this story has and to tell you the truth it had me crying of happiness. So thank you.
Ja~Ne until next chapter :D
