Disclaimer: See Chapter One
A/N: You all have been VERY patient while waiting for Eric to return. I am happy to say that he will return in the NEXT chapter! You all have to endure one more chapter without him and then he will make his return! You can do it! And the chapters are still fun. SO ENJOY! And a HUGE THANK YOU to all who have read/followed/favorited! And an even BIGGER HUGE THANK YOU to all who have reviewed! I LOVE YOU ALL!
Chapter Seven: Confessions
We're taken to the third level, leading us to a small room with a white marble floor instead of a black one. There is no furniture except for a bench along the back wall. Every faction is supposed to have holding rooms for those who make trouble, but I've never been in one before. Well, other than Amity. By the look on Tris and Terra's faces, they hadn't been in one either. As soon as we were through, the door was closed behind us, leaving us alone together once again.
Four sat down on the bench, a concerned expression crossing his face. Sitting next to him, I gripped the edge of the bench, leaning forward, ready for anything to happen when the door was opened again. Tris paced in front of us while Terra sat hunched in the corner.
"Why do you think they arrested us?" I asked Four.
"I don't know." He replied.
"If Erudite hasn't taken them over yet, wouldn't they want us here?"
"I don't know." He repeated slowly, meeting my eyes. Then his eyes were on Tris, "Can you please calm down? You're making me nervous."
"This is me calming down." She told him.
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. "The wound in your lip begs to differ."
Tris finally sat down, hugging her knees to her chest with one arm while the other rested next to her. For a long moment no one said anything, the silence making me anxious. I preferred her pacing. Getting up, I took her place, slowly pacing the floor. Not only to try and release some anxiousness but I also felt like Four was about to have a heart-to-heart with Tris. It was long overdue and I felt like I was invading their space even though there was nowhere else for me to go.
But it bothered me how she didn't appreciate everything he did for her. She wasn't the only one who had made sacrifices. We all had made sacrifices. She didn't see all the sacrifices that he had made. She was so preoccupied with what happened in Abnegation that she was losing herself. I hoped I'd never have to feel that. But something told me I would. If I kept trying to get back to Eric, somewhere along the line someone was bound to die because of me. But something told me that I could live with that. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse about what the future might hold.
"Sometimes," Four finally said, "I worry that you don't trust me."
"I trust you." Tris replied. "Of course I trust you. Why would you think otherwise?"
Maybe because she killed one of her best friend's and hasn't mentioned it to you. I thought but bit my lip to keep from saying it out loud.
"Just seems like there's something you're not telling me. I told you things…" He shook his head. "I would never have told anyone else. Somethings been going on with you, though, and you haven't told me yet."
"There's been a lot going on. You know that." She replied. "And anyway, what about you? I could say the same thing to you."
Watching him put his hand against her cheek, his fingers pushing into her hair, was painful. They were like the opposite of Eric and me. They were the good and we were the evil. Taking a deep breath, I looked away from them, wishing they would just shut up. Escaping into my head, I tuned them out. I didn't want to hear any sentimental, lovey-dovey bullshit right now. I was starting to wonder what the hell I was doing here. Why didn't I just stay in Amity and let Eric find me? Why did I leave? I should have just stayed and this wouldn't be happening. Henry wouldn't have tried to rape me if I had just stayed with my family and let the Dauntless traitors find me. Right now that sounded like the better option.
Still pacing, the door opened and a few people filed in. Two Candors with guns, a dark-skinned, older Candor man, a Dauntless woman I don't recognize, and then Jack Kang. The representative of Candor himself.
"Hello." I say. The word out of my mouth before I could hold it back.
He is a thirty-nine year old, handsome man, with short black hair and warm slanted eyes, just like Tori's, with high cheekbones. Though, despite his good looks, he was not known for being charming. That would go against their Candor ways. Since he was Candor, I knew that anything out of his mouth would more than likely be the truth. Something that in this moment would be most welcome.
"They told me you seemed confused about why you were arrested." He told us with a deep, flat voice. Not what I expected. "To me that means either you're falsely accused or good at pretending. The only –"
"What are we accused of?" Tris interrupted him.
"He is accused of crimes against humanity. You are accused of being his accomplice."
"What about me?" I asked holding up my hand.
"Nothing." He replied.
"Well that's stupid." I frowned. "Then why was I arrested with them? And Terra over there is Factionless. Why was she taken?"
"You were arrested due to association." He replied.
"Oh, okay." I frowned.
"Crimes against humanity?" Four asked, anger entering his tone as he looked at Jack with a disgusted look. "What?"
"We saw video footage of the attack. You were running the attack simulation." He replied.
"You don't understand the circumstances." I frowned at him.
"How could you have seen footage? We took the data." Four stated.
"You took one copy of the data. All the footage of the Dauntless compound recorded during the attack was also sent to other computers throughout the city." He explained. "All we saw was you running the simulation and her nearly getting punched to death before she gave up. Then you stopped, had a rather abrupt lovers' reconciliation, and stole the hard drive together. One possible reason is because the simulation was over and you didn't want us to get our hands on it."
"The simulation didn't end." Tris told him. "We stopped it, you –"
Jack held up his hand, "I am not interested in what you have to say right now. The truth will come out when you are all interrogated under the influence of truth serum."
Laughing, I shook my head, looking at Four who briefly met my eyes. "Great."
"Truth serum?" Tris said shaking her head. "No. No way."
"There's something you have to hide?" Jack said raising both eyebrows at her.
"We aren't Candor." I stated, raising one brow at him.
Tris shook her head at him, and he looked down at his watch. "All right, then. It is now noon. The interrogation will be at seven. Don't bother preparing for it. You can't withhold information while under the influence of truth serum." And with that he turned and left.
"Perfect. That's fucking perfect." I said returning to the bench.
"What a pleasant man." Four stated with sarcasm.
He came and sat next to me. Terra remained in the corner while Tris paced in front of us again. "What now?"
"We wait?"
Sighing, I nodded, "Maybe we'll actually get a little bit of closure."
"Do you need closure?" Four asked with a raised brow.
Meeting his eyes, I nodding gently, "There are a few things I'd like to get off my chest."
"Anything that will surprise me?"
Smiling, I shook my head, "No, Four. I can't keep anything from you."
"You kept Eric from me for months." He stated.
I shot him a glare, "Because you would have totally approved of it if I had just been honest with you?"
"Never." He replied, a small smile moving across his lips.
Smiling, I shook my head, "Eric was something I was keeping for myself. He was my guilty pleasure until he became more than that."
"He became your Tris." He smiled wider at me.
Laughing lightly, I was about to reply when Tris interrupted, "It's really creepy when you guys do that."
"Jealous?" I smirked at her, wanting to rile her up.
"Of you?" She smirked before laughing. "Never."
My smile disappeared and I was on my feet before Four could stop me. Tris jumped back, the laugh dead in her mouth. "You seem awfully afraid of me for someone who was so cocky a moment ago." I told her, a smirk on my lips.
"Enough." Four shot at us.
"Pen." Terra said softly.
Going to where she was sitting, I stood in front of her protectively. "Sorry."
"Don't be. But we're not doing each other any favors by fighting amongst ourselves." She told me.
"We're Dauntless. It's what we do." I replied blandly, my eyes still on Tris.
"I'm not." Terra stated with a hard tone. "And I'm telling you to stop."
Looking at her, her expression matched her tone. Nodding, I started to pace, trying to release my pent up emotions. This whole thing was becoming draining. I needed to get out of this room. I needed to find Claude and Tori. Once we were reunited with our people we could come up with a better plan. We needed to figure out our next move and we couldn't do that locked in this room.
Finally sitting back down on the bench, I once again gripped the edge of it, staring at the ground. Not knowing what to do or say, I started to hum the melodies that Maggie had played for us when we were all together in my parents' home. The silence was heavy and I hoped the tune would bring just a measure of peace. At least enough where we'd stop fighting each other. Terra had been right about that. We couldn't afford to turn on each other. Not now. Not ever.
It was a few hours before Dauntless soldiers finally returned. The room had gone quiet, my mind filled with the anticipation of what was to come. Wondering what words would spew from our mouths without our permission. But most of me thought that we'd be able to fight it. We were Divergent after all.
The soldiers were here to escort us to the bathroom, refusing us when we asked if we could go in pairs. Apparently they thought we would attempt something as soon as we were free of this room. I couldn't deny that the thought had crossed my mind. Whichever two got away could easily rally back up and come for the others. Once our people knew that we were here and being held against our will, they would come for us. We were Dauntless after all. We were known to be impulsive, reckless, and stubborn as all hell. After the argument was settled, Terra was taken first, then Four. Once he was returned, Tris was escorted next. As soon as she was gone, I looked at Four, wondering what he was thinking.
"Are you afraid of what you'll say?" I asked him.
He shook his head before asking, "Are you?"
"Terrified." I smiled at him. "All my feelings for Eric are going to be regurgitated over all those who are listening. They are going to judge me as harshly as they judge him."
"No they won't." He said gently gripping the back of my neck.
"And why won't they?" I frowned at him.
He just smiled, "Because you'll tell them why you love him. You won't be able to lie."
Smiling, I rested my head against his shoulder, only lifting it when the door opened and a Dauntless soldier handed me a plate of sandwiches. "Thank you." I told her with a smile. She smiled back before leaving quickly.
"Do you think Tris is hiding something from me?" He asked.
"No." I replied, "I know she is." I picked up a sandwich, my stomach turning at the smell of it. Sighing, I put it back down and set it on the other end of the bench. I wasn't hungry anyway.
"What is she hiding?" He frowned.
"It's not my place to say anything, Four. I'm more trustworthy than that." I stated.
"You don't even like her." He replied, his frown deepening.
Laughing, I nodded, "She is not my favorite person. But she matters to you so she matters to me."
"Thank you." He told me, his expression softening. "I appreciate that."
"I kinda love you, Tobias." I smiled.
He pulled me closer to him, pressing a kiss against my temple. "Love you too, Opie."
The door opened and Tris was let back in. "Guess it's my turn." I said and stood.
It was nice to have a moment's peace without any eyes on me. Gripping the sides of the sink, I took a deep breath before splashing cold water on my face and neck. I was anxious for seven to come and go. If Claude and the others were here they would hear everything I've never said before. I was terrified and yet anxious for the release it would give me. I was so sick of secrets. I just hoped Tris had to go before me so I didn't have to break the news about Will before her. Christina was going to be broken when she found out. I was more worried about that than what everyone would think about me and Eric. Because the more I thought about it, the more I didn't care if they knew. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change how I felt about him. The worst they could do would be to kill me and even that would be worth it, as long as I didn't turn from him. Something I never intended to do.
Pounding on the door broke me from my thoughts. It was time to return to our cell. We were nearly there when there was some heavy commotion. Recognizing the voice, I attempted to push past the Dauntless who were escorting me. "Claude!" I yelled. "Claude!"
"Pen!" She called, breaking through the Dauntless who were attempting to hold her back.
Doing the same, I ran into her open arms, embracing her tightly. "God I've missed you."
"Are you okay?" She asked. "Your head."
"And my side among other places." I nodded, feeling the pain at her tight embrace. "I've just been shot a few times, but I'm all right."
"Let's go." A Dauntless said gripping my arm.
"I'm here, Pen." Claude told me as I was ripped away from her. "I won't let them do anything to you."
"Don't worry about me." I told her, fighting against them. "Terra is with us."
"She is?" Claude said rushing toward the door. "Is she okay?"
"She's okay." I reassured her. "Just keep yourself safe. She'll need you when this is all over."
"Get inside." The Dauntless said shoving me back into the room and slamming the door.
"Claude!" I yelled through the door.
"Claude?" Terra said moving to the door. "Claude!"
"Terra!" Claude yelled before she was gone.
Terra started to cry, making me pull her against me, holding her tightly as we returned to her corner. Sitting down, I pulled her into my lap, feeling the need to join her in her despair but couldn't be weak right now. People were counting on me. Eventually, Terra fell asleep, the sound of it starting to lull me to sleep as well. My lack of sleep the night before was starting to show and I was starting to feel it's affects. Four and Tris were basically silent, making it that much easier for sleep to take me.
I was running. Searching. Always searching. Then the scene shifted from me running to me standing and listening. My breathing was the most prominent sound in the dream. The scene circling, the halls of Dauntless were spinning around me, flashes of red in the darkness. Figures were moving around me, some with guns, others cowering as the end drew near. There were familiar voices all around me. Some laughing. Some screaming. Yelling. Whispering so low that I couldn't make out the words. Then – clear as day – another voice entered the mix.
"Pen."
A whisper.
"Eric?" I said in a whisper as well.
Then I was running.
No longer in Dauntless, I was running through Abnegation. I was back in that day. The day where my whole life fell apart. Where was he? His voice had been but a whisper. My name. Yet I could tell exactly what he was feeling. Exactly what he was trying to tell me. And I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. He didn't get to say goodbye. Not by just saying my name. I needed to find him. I needed to be with him. Especially if the end was near.
Running past the gunshots and screaming, a gun now held tightly in my hand, Abnegation members were falling dead around every corner. Dauntless soldiers were hunting them down like prey. Rounding a corner, Abnegation had fallen away, being replaced with Amity. The grass tall and the apple trees rose high above, the sun's rays shining through the leaves, making shadows dance across the field. Breathing hard, I stared at Eric who was standing in front of me, his hands folded in front of him, his half-smile on his face as he met my eyes.
"Eric." I said breathlessly. "I'm sorry. I should have stayed with you."
"No." He smiled.
"Everyone's saying things." I told him with furrowed brows. "I don't know what to do. But the one thing I do know is that I need you."
"It's going to be okay." He nodded at me.
"They're going to kill me." I told him. "And everyone like me."
"I won't let that happen."
"You can't stop it." I frowned at him. "And if you try to stop them then they'll kill you too."
He shook his head. "I won't let that happen."
The gun in my hand started to rise and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. "They want you dead. They don't want me to have anything to do with you and they will kill you."
He nodded. "I know."
"What are we gonna do?" I asked him, stepping forward with my gun still trained on him.
"What we must." He said pulling out a gun and aiming it at me.
"What, kill each other?" I frowned at him.
He just looked at me, a frown starting to cross his face. "What were we thinking?"
"I don't know." I said shaking my head. "But I love you. I love you, Eric. All I want is to be with you. And now we've been ripped apart."
"I love you, Pen." He smiled back. Only then a dark expression crossed his face. The kind he gave to those who he was about to beat the shit out of. "But this is all your fault."
"Eric."
"It's your fault." He frowned.
"Eric. No." I replied sadly.
"It is." He said as his hand started to shake. "You brought this all down on our heads. You made me do unspeakable things."
"Eric." I said, pain filling my chest.
For a long moment we just looked at each other. I wanted to throw the gun down and run to him. I wanted to touch him. To kiss him. But I couldn't move. We were frozen in place with guns aimed at each other.
"This is your fault too." He stated with venom before shooting himself in the head. A scream erupting from my mouth as I watched him fall to the ground.
Shooting awake, I found myself lying on my side, curled into a ball. Terra looked at me with tired eyes. Sitting up, both Four and Tris were looking at me as well. Clearing my throat, I realized I was all sweaty and tears had fallen while I slept. Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I cleared my throat again.
It's your fault.
This wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. But apparently deep down I held a measure of guilt that was coming to the surface. I would willingly take responsibility for Eric's actions. If he was killing again it was because he thought I was dead. Maybe he was doing things. Unspeakable things. But I wasn't forcing his hand. I just knew what he would become without me. Only he blamed me for him taking his own life. That was something I couldn't live with. I would never allow him to commit suicide. I would never…he could never…
"Damn it." I whispered to myself.
"You okay?" Four asked.
Meeting his eyes, if we had been alone I would have told him about the dream and asked for his help. But I couldn't. Not right now. "Yeah." I lied.
He frowned, opening his mouth to reply, only before he could say anything the door opened and Claude came pushing through, rushing to us while Christina appeared for Tris.
"Claude!" Terra said getting to her feet and embracing her girlfriend.
For a moment they were completely enthralled with each other, kisses and words of endearment given to each other. Then Claude's arms were around me. "Everything's going to be okay." She told me. Feeling tears again, I buried my face in her shoulder. "Be brave, Pen. Be you."
"I'm actually terrified." I told her with a laugh. "And I'm worried for him."
"I know." She replied with a nod.
"Come on." We were told.
Claude stayed at my side, Terra's hand firmly in hers as we made our way to the elevator. We all filed into it, the air thick with anticipation and anxiousness. Christina attempted to reassure us about the truth serum but I was sure there was nothing she could say that would make this any easier for any of us. Tris killed her boyfriend and she was about to find out about it. And I was about to confess my love for one of the most wanted Dauntless. This was going to be a very long night.
"Is everyone else all right?" Tris asked her. "Uriah, Lynn, Marlene?"
"All here." She replied. "Except Uriah's brother, Zeke, who is with the other Dauntless."
"What?" Tris and I said in unison.
The elevator stopped on the top floor, and we all filed out before I could hear the response. We walked down a black-marble hallway, then down another before we were ushered through a set of double doors. Here the marble floors are white, with a black Candor symbol in the center of the room. The walls are lit with rows of dim yellow lights, making the whole room glow. Every voice echoed and most of Candor were already gathered, as well as the remnants of Dauntless. Some of them sat on tiered benches that wrapped around the edge of the room, but there wasn't enough room for everyone, so the rest were crowded around the Candor symbol. In the center of the symbol, between the unbalanced scales, are four empty chairs.
Our Dauntless guards herd us to the center of the room, murmurs and jeers following us. Spotting Jack Kang in the front row, his expression gave nothing away. An old, dark-skinned man stepped forward, a black box in his hands.
"My name is Niles." He told us. "I will be your questioner. You –" He said pointing at Terra. "You will be going first. So if you will please step forward…"
Terra was terrified, and she should be, as she stepped forward. Niles opened the black box. It contained four needles, one for each of us. He also takes an antiseptic wipe from his pocket and offers it to Terra.
"The injection site is in your neck." Niles stated. Terra lifted a shaky hand and wiped her neck with the antiseptic. Niles plunged the needle into her neck, squeezing the cloudy, bluish liquid into her veins. "I will ask you a series of simple questions so that you can grow accustomed to the serum as it takes full effect."
We were forced to listen as he asked her name and which faction she was from and where she was now. It took only a few minutes for Niles to realize that she knew nothing about anything. After she transferred to Dauntless and failed the initiation process, her life amongst the factionless was uneventful. She spent most of her time hiding and scavenging. She knew nothing about Erudite or Dauntless.
As soon as she was done, she swiftly joined Claude in the crowd, sobbing into her as Claude offered her all the comfort she could provide right now. Then Niles's finger was pointed at me, motioning for me to step forward. Taking a deep breath, I took the wipe from him and ran it across my neck. Taking another deep breath, I shut my eyes as the serum was injected. Everything fell away and I let the feeling calm me, deciding that even though I could, I was not going to fight the serum. I was going to be honest. Opening my eyes, everything back in focus, I looked at Niles and waited for the questions to start.
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Penelope Farrier." I told him.
He nodded. "You transferred to Dauntless?"
"I did."
"From?"
"Amity."
"Do you feel that that was the right choice for you?" He asked.
"I do."
"Why?"
"Because I was not kind enough for Amity. I have a short temper and enjoy putting people in their place. Amity are supposed to be passive. I'm passive aggressive but not nearly even-tempered enough to be in Amity. Though I do have the ability to forgive, even when I shouldn't."
"And you assisted Tris during the attack on Abnegation?" He asked.
"I did. I was with her nearly the entire time." I told him. The answers flowed out of me like water.
"Nearly?"
"I parted with her briefly while she went and saved Four. I kept the coast clear with her father while she saved the man she loved. Her father and I were shot, he died and I survived."
"Did she or Four have any involvement in what happened to their former faction?" He asked next.
"No." I replied quickly. "No they did not. All of us were unaffected by the simulation they were running. Our only thought was to end the simulation and save our faction from becoming murderers without their knowledge. All we wanted was to save the people we cared about and end the corruption of an already corrupted faction."
"Do you feel that you succeeded?"
"I feel that we had a victory. But no, we have not succeeded yet."
There was a pause before he asked his next question, "And you returned to Amity?"
"Yes."
"It was your home. Did your parents welcome you back?"
"Yes." I stated sadly.
"Why didn't you stay?"
"Because I still don't belong in Amity, despite how much I love my family. I am proud of the faction I chose and I was happy in Dauntless. Then everything changed."
"Is it true that you are Divergent?"
"Yes." I stated quickly. I was not ashamed of what I was.
"So you too are being hunted."
"Yes."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I am proud of what I am. But my Divergence complicates my happiness."
"Why?"
"Because of the person I'm looking for."
"Who?" He asked.
Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him, not wanting to look anywhere else. "The man I love."
"And who do you love?"
Feeling the first wave of pain as I attempted to resist the answer. I was suddenly afraid to tell them, even though I had thought I'd already decided that I would tell them my truths without protest.
"Penelope?" He asked.
"Eric." I whispered, the crowd disappearing as his face entered my mind.
"The Dauntless leader who assisted in the overthrowing of Abnegation? The same man who has killed several of your kind and countless others?" He frowned.
"Yes." I said rolling my shoulder. "We've been seeing each other for months now."
"And you love him?"
"I already said that I did." I shot back defensively.
"Why?" He asked. "He's done terrible things."
Looking at him, I took a deep breath. "I know he's done bad things. Unimaginable things. Unforgivable things. But with me, he's gentle and caring. He's protective and funny. He is the opposite of how he projects himself to the world. He is stubborn and makes people shudder with disdain at the mere sight of him. But to me all I see is a beautiful man who is far more than what he seems."
"And you forgive him for his transgressions?"
Tears fell as I nodded. "I forgive him for all of it because he makes me feel alive and as if I'm the only woman who exists. And I believe that I can better him. I can help him become a better man then he is now. He can be a good man. With me he can be anything."
"Where is he now?"
"I don't know." I replied more air then sound.
"What is he planning?"
My voice was strong as I repeated, "I don't know."
"He didn't tell you anything?"
"No." I replied quickly. They were trying to learn their enemy. But I wasn't going to help them. I couldn't. I didn't know anything. He'd saved me from that. Ignorance is bliss. "I haven't seen him for more than a few minutes since Abnegation. Even if he would tell me there was no time."
"When did you see him?"
"When we left Amity."
He nodded. "Since then it's said that he's been on a bit of a killing spree."
"I've heard."
"And yet you wish to be with him?"
"Yes."
"Even though he has murdered and destroyed people's lives?"
"Like I said, I am capable of forgiveness, even in the most dire of circumstances."
"Even though it may cost you your life?" He asked next.
I replied quickly and with conviction, "Yes."
"Why do you think he's done what he has?"
"Jeanine is more manipulative than you can imagine. She's known him his whole life, knows what to say to him to get him to do what she wants. He's been under her heel so long I don't think he knows how to stop. He tried to keep me simulation free. That would seem very small to most, but to me it speaks volumes. He's learned to love and as long as I'm alive then he can come back from the control Jeanine has over him."
"Does he know you're alive?"
Sighing, I bowed my head. "I don't think so."
"Do you think he'll kill again?"
"Yes."
"And you will forgive him?"
"Yes." I stated. "I will save him no matter the cost. Even if that means my life."
There was a long moment of silence before he spoke again, "Thank you for your honesty."
"Thank you for your honesty." Was repeated from the crowd.
Nodding, I stepped out of the center of the room. Seeing Claude, I was going to move to her only I was met with a fist against my face before I had made it two steps. Another met my cheekbone and stomach before I fell to the floor. There was more commotion, hands reaching out for me, a heel making purchase against my side and then my face. Feeling my shirt gripped tightly, there was a different commotion before my waist was grabbed and I was ushered through the crowd and out into the hallway. Wiping blood from my lip and cheek, feeling blood start to drip down the side of my face from a split brow; I sat against the wall, the double doors blocking out the angry cries.
"That went well." Henry told me, kneeling in front of me. "Are you okay?"
Jerking, my shoulder dragged across the wall painfully as I scrambled away from him. "Get away from me."
He moved away, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry." He told me.
"Pen." Claude said coming out with Terra on her heels, the crowd silent and for a moment I hear Tobias's voice.
"Stay away from me." I said pointing my finger at Henry. "Don't you dare come near me."
"What's going on?" Claude asked but she swiftly moved in front of me protectively.
"Just stay away from me!" I yelled at him.
"Pen." Claude said softly, holding her hand out to me. Gripping it tightly, I got to my feet, peering at Henry over her shoulder. "It's okay." She told me.
"No, it's not." Henry replied. "It's not okay."
"What happened?" Claude asked.
"Claude." Terra said gently, wrapping her arm around me and leading me down the hall.
Henry swiftly moved in the opposite direction before Claude turned and moved to my other side, leading me to a bathroom. Claude scared the shit out of everyone inside, not letting me in until it was empty. Terra was kind, keeping a steady arm around me as she sat me down on a bench.
"What was that all about?" Claude asked as she started to run some water.
I looked up at her but didn't say anything.
"Where do you hurt?" She asked next, starting to mess with my clothes.
Again, I just looked at her before lowering my eyes to the ground.
"Pen, talk to me." She said taking a step back.
Feeling tears fill my eyes, without moving my head, I lifted my eyes to meet her. Tears slid down my cheeks, one catching on my eyelashes before I blinked, the tear falling, swearing I could hear it hit the floor.
Hearing her loud sigh, I took a slow deep breath, letting it out just as slowly. "Pen, I'm serious. I don't like this silent you. I need you to say something to me."
"Claude." Terra said with a harsh tone. Then she took a cloth, soaking it in hot water before she started to clean the blood from my face and shoulders. "Leave her alone. There will be plenty of time to talk later. Let her process what just happened."
"What just happened?" Claude frowned. "She confessed something that we already knew."
"But they didn't!" I yelled at her, breaking my silence. "My own faction beat me for the confessions I just made. I'm sure they're second guessing trusting me since I can so easily forgive a murderer. Jesus, Claude!" I yelled, getting to my feet and paced away from her. "Let me wrap my head around all of this."
"Pen." Claude said gently, stepping toward me. "They may not hold any good feelings toward Eric. But when you get him back they'll have to see that he's worth the risk."
"When I get him back?" I frowned. "Claude, he thinks I'm dead. How am I supposed to get him back?"
"You'll figure it out."
Scoffing, I shook my head, "It would have been easier if I had just died when Jeanine wanted me to."
"No." Claude said angrily, gripping my wrists. "Never say that."
"I'm in pain, Claude. You have no idea what I've gone through. And once I tell you, you might not think it so farfetched to wish for death."
"You'll live for him." She stated matter-of-factly.
Nodding, I smiled, "You're right. I will live for him. But he's not here, Claude. I don't know where he is or what he's doing."
"Don't you want to save him?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then stop talking like a spoiled child, pull the massive stick out of your ass, and fight like the Pen I know and love. This pathetic-ness is not you, Pen. You're better than this."
"Am I?" I frowned. "Am I really."
"I thought you were."
It was the gentleness of her voice that threw me off. She was genuinely disappointed in me. "I thought I was too."
Claude sighed but didn't say anything else. Terra stepped forward, gently putting her arm around me and led me toward the shower. Together they coaxed me out of my clothes, moving me under the hot stream of water. I appreciated their silence as they cleaned me from top to bottom. I hadn't really thought I was dirty but the water and soap felt amazing on my skin.
As soon as I was clean, I was once again clothed in Dauntless black. Terra used her fingers to comb the knots out of my hair, braiding it before draping it over my shoulder. She gently massaged my back, helping me release some of the tension that I was feeling. When she'd finished, she finally tended to herself while Claude knelt in front of me as I sat on a bench and stared at my hands.
"What's going on between you and Henry?" She asked me gently, needing answers.
Meeting her eyes, I didn't want to tell her. Frowning, I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."
"It does." She said softly, nodding at me.
Sighing, I met her eyes again, bringing my hand to her face. "Can we do this somewhere else?"
She sighed back at me, nodding, "Of course."
Waiting for Terra to finish, Claude led us to a mostly deserted hallway where cots lined the walls. Grabbing a folded one from another room, she opened it next to hers, motioning for me to lie down. Hers was against the wall, both her and Terra lying down on top of it. Feeling exhausted, I laid down as well, facing Claude. Terra wrapped her arm around her with her chin resting on Claude's shoulder. Curling up into a ball, I just wanted to go to sleep. But Claude had a right to know. She was my family. Reaching out, she ran her hand up and down my arm, offering me a small smile.
"Are you okay?" I asked her. "What happened after the simulation ended?"
"There was a lot of chaos." She replied. "Once we realized what we'd done, a lot of us fell apart. Some of us scattered. Those of us who could handle it banded together to find a safe place to go. Abnegation was gone. Home was out of the question. It was decided that Candor was closest and would be our best bet. It turns out that only the Dauntless traitors really agree with Jeanine. I think we'll have more allies than we thought we would."
"Good." I nodded.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"No, Claude. I am not okay." Tears started to take hold. "Nothing about this is okay." I replied and before I knew it I was sobbing. Trying to keep quiet, Claude wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her. "This whole thing sucks." I sobbed into her. "I just want to go home. I want to go back to the way things were. I want to see Eric again. I need Eric." I sobbed before my words became inaudible.
Crying myself to sleep, the sun was up when I finally opened my eyes. I felt rested and yet my eyes still felt puffy and heavy. Looking up, Terra was sitting against the wall but Claude was gone. Sitting, I rubbed my eyes, sighing as I licked the dryness from my mouth. Terra scooted forward, running her fingers through my hair as she smiled at me. Nodding, offering her one in return, I put my hand on her arm.
"Where's Claude?" I asked her with a raspy voice.
"She went to find Henry." She told me.
My smile disappeared and I darted from atop the cot, racing through the halls. She was going to kill him. She wouldn't stand for what he did and she should hear it from me. I could talk her down before she went off on him. Panicked, I felt everyone's eyes on me as I ran past, pushing through and making them jump out of the way. Rounding a corner, I slammed into a chest, my arms being gripped almost painfully. I struggled against them.
"Pen." A voice said somewhat frantically. "Pen!" Stopping, I looked up into Four's face. "Opie." He said putting his hand against my face. "Opie, what is it?"
"Claude went to find Henry. I haven't told her what happened yet."
He didn't need to respond, he simply took my hand and started to run through the halls with me. Both had tempers that would kill and if Claude had a blade on her trouble was definitely in Henry's future. Four knew them just about as well as I did and if he was rushing than I knew I wasn't over exaggerating. Any of the populated areas were clear of any sign of them. My anxiousness grew as we moved to the higher levels. There was a wraparound balcony, and we could see the doors wide open, able to hear yelling and then a horrible cry of pain.
"Claude!" I yelled before she was even in sight. Rounding the corner of the building, Henry was on the ground, blood running down his arm and across his lower abdomen. She was fucking castrating him. "Enough!" I yelled, snatching the knife out of her hands.
"Pen!" A familiar voice yelled and Simmy ran into view.
"Simmy!" I said swiftly embracing her. "Thank god."
"Henry." Simmy said and moved toward him.
Claude rushed her, letting loose a feral cry as she gripped her wrist. She wrenched Simmy away from him so hard that she flew onto her back, looking up at Claude with a fearful expression.
"Claude!" I yelled, putting myself in between her and Simmy. "Enough!" I repeated, holding the knife out in front of me, bending my knees, readying myself to take action if I needed to.
"Claude." Four said with his hands on her arms.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Claude asked him with a shove.
He frowned at her, "When was I supposed to tell you? I was busy sitting in a cell and being interrogated."
"This morning when I came to you. You blew me off when you should have been telling me what was wrong with my best friend." She replied harshly.
"I'm fine." I said handing her the knife back. "I'm not damaged. Four got there just in time and Henry's guilt is eating him alive. It's done." Claude met my eyes for a long moment before she looked down at Henry. "Simmy, please see him tended and I'll see you later." I told her before walking away without looking at him.
Claude was next to me a moment later, wrapping her arm around an anxious looking Terra who was still panting from following me and Four. "You're being too kind to him." Claude stated.
"No, I'm not. Ignoring him and being afraid of him will hurt him far more than acting out against him. You hurt him, so I'm satisfied." I replied. "Thank you."
"Anytime." She said leaning her head against mine.
Later on, it took much coaxing to finally get Claude to leave me the hell alone. What happened happened, and there was no sense in dwelling on it. I wasn't about to forgive him anytime soon, but I didn't want to talk about it either, let alone think about it. Every time I did, I just felt violated and dirty, wanting to shower to get the feeling of his hands and lips off of me. It was so far from the time when I longed for them. His touch had comforted me. His lips made me shiver. He was holding on to the past when all I wanted to do was forget it. The thought of him made me sick. He was no longer the boy I used to love. He was now a man who was capable of…I couldn't even think the word. A shiver ran through me, making me wrap my arms around myself. Only then warmth started to move across my back and against my neck. The feeling brought on by memory. The feeling of Eric's hand against me, his face in my neck. Tears once again filled my eyes and all I wanted was to get to the future. The future where Eric and I would be together and this Faction War would be over and done with.
