Chapter Nine: Make It Right
Turning to walk away from him, I froze, knowing that that wasn't the answer. Everything that had happened sucked. I didn't think the shock of it all had fully worn off yet. It was all just…too big. Too much. I would never forget my sister and what she meant to me. The sting of her death was still fresh and it hurt. It hurt more than anything. But I couldn't turn from him. I'd told myself that I would never turn from him and I wasn't going to start now. We would work it through. We would be okay.
At least that's what I kept telling myself.
Tears slid down my cheeks and I swiftly wiped them away. Taking a deep breath, I nodded at one of the guards who opened the door for me. Stepping into the cell, Eric was sitting on his knees in the center of it, his head bowed. Shudders moved through him as he slowly lifted his head and met my eyes. Tears filled his as he looked at me. For a moment I just stared at him. So angry and yet seeing him cry affected me more than I thought it would after what he'd done.
Rushing to him, I fell onto my knees, pulling him against me. His face was against my neck, my arm wrapped around his head as the other wrapped around his shoulder. His tears were hot against my neck and mine against his. Pulling him away from me, I took his face in my hands, pressing my forehead against his.
"I'm so sorry." He told me with his eyes shut, tears hot against his cheeks. "Pen, I am so sorry."
I didn't have words for him, but I couldn't be apart from him either. Coaxing him to lie down, I cradled him as comfortably as I could, running my nails up and down his back, feeling him relax. Humming to him, needing sound, he drifted off to sleep, holding a fistful of my shirt in his hand. Pressing a kiss against his temple, I held him, one arm firmly around him while I continuously ran the other through his hair, down his arm, across his side, his thigh, anything that I could reach. All the while I hummed to him, no tune in particular, anything to calm him. Not only him but myself as well.
I thought that after I was reunited with him, my nightmare would be over. Instead I was still faced with the possibility of losing him. He may not die but they could imprison him. Make it so I could never see him again. Pressing my face into his hair, I took a deep breath of him as fresh tears filled my eyes. He smelled amazing, comforting me, clearing my mind and reminded me of what I was fighting for. Him.
"Pen!" My name was called as the door was quickly opened.
"Simmy?" I said as she rushed in. "What is it?" I frowned at her.
"I'm sorry." She told me. "But somethings happened. We need you."
"We?" I frowned.
"Please." She told me with furrowed brows. "It's Tori."
I tensed and was about to move, but stopped, looking down at Eric. He was still sleeping soundly and it had only been a few hours. "Get the pillow from the bed." I told Simmy. "And the blanket."
Doing as she was told, she helped me gently shift him from my lap. I rested his head against the pillow and covered him with the blanket, only I had to pry my shirt from his fingers. As soon as I had shifted away from him, his brows furrowed and he shifted closer to me. Running my fingers through his hair, I pressed a long kiss against his temple.
"Pen." Simmy said anxiously.
"I'm coming." I told her, covering Eric further. "I love you." I told him, pressing a kiss into his hair before I stood and followed her. "What happened? Where was she?"
"In Erudite." She replied as we broke into a run. "She and Zeke were spies. They figured it out and Tori was shot as they tried to escape."
Picking up speed, Simmy kept up with me, pulling into the lead as she took me to Candors med area. Pushing through the doors I could hear her painful cries. Rushing toward the sound of her, I was met by a Dauntless guard, my arms gripped tightly in their grasp.
"Let me go!" I yelled at him.
"No access." He told me.
"Get the fuck out of my way!" I yelled at him. "I'm family!"
"Pen!" Tori screamed.
He turned his head toward the sound of her voice.
"That's me." I shot at him. "Now let me go." He met my eyes before releasing me. Rushing through a curtain, Tori was lying there pale and in pain. Blood covered her thigh. "Tori." I said taking her hand, my other moving to her hair. "You're gonna be okay."
"You're alive." She smiled up at me, squeezing my hand as tightly as she could. "How are you alive?"
"Shh." I smiled, pressing a kiss against her forehead. "Is she gonna be okay?" I asked the doctor that was working on her.
"You experienced with gunshot wounds, Kid?" She asked.
"I am." I replied.
"I'm out of nurses and I'm the only doctor here at the moment. Are you stable enough to help me?" She asked, getting a glare from me. She smirked and nodded. "Alright, Kid. Glove up." She ordered.
Doing as I was told, I washed my hands and arms, pulling on a set of gloves before returning to her. Following her direction, we worked meticulously as we cut the bullet out of Tori's leg. I assisted in stitching the bleeders before we cut away all the dead tissue, irrigated, and closed the wound. By the time we were done, Tori was unconscious, she was being given blood and fluids, as well as a good dose of penicillin and morphine. Her leg was propped up on pillows, but no permanent damage had been done. At least none that we could see. We'd know more when she woke up.
"She'll be fine." The Doc told me as she pulled the gloves from her hands.
"Thank god." I sighed doing the same. "Thank you."
She smiled at me. "I didn't do it alone. That was impressive, Kid. Where did you learn medicine?"
"Books and experience." I replied. "I'm Dauntless. We don't really spend a lot of time teaching or learning medicine despite the wounds we like to inflict on each other. But I'm in charge of our med area so I've read up on as much as I can get my hands on. I've seen a few things that I've had to deal with."
"You've performed surgery?" She asked next.
Shrugging, I answered the best I could, "I guess so? Nothing that I've been trained to do. I've controlled bleeding and done a few deep laceration repairs, but nothing like opening a chest or anything."
"Something tells me you could do it in a pinch if you had to. You'd be good in the field."
Frowning, I nodded at her. "I guess."
"Though you don't sound very Dauntless." She replied with a raised brow, both of us washing the blood from our arms. "Sounds more like Erudite."
I stiffened, gripping the edge of the sink to keep myself from acting out. "Please never compare me to them again. I may enjoy learning but I'm not like them. I don't go around destroying other factions."
"Sorry." She replied. "Candor, remember?" She added and smirked.
I smiled and nodded, "You guys can never keep your mouths shut."
She laughed and nodded. "Keep an eye on her. If you feel uncomfortable with anything come and find me. But something tells me that you can take care of her just fine on your own."
"I can." I nodded.
"Are you close to her?"
"She's family."
She nodded and sighed, "Keep her close, Kid."
"I will, Doc." I nodded again.
She left and I swiftly pulled up a chair next to Tori. I was exhausted. I wanted to return to Eric but I couldn't leave Tori before she woke up. I needed to make sure that she was okay. More than that I needed to tell her everything that's happened. It was selfish of me to need her to comfort me but I felt like my allies were dwindling. After the beating I took after confessing my love for Eric, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore. I had Claude. But now Tori was back and I needed her. I'd make sure she was okay and I'd let her say her peace but when she asked how I was I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop the words from spilling out of me like water.
After a while, Four came to visit. He was the only one who spoke as he filled me in on what Tris had told me Eric said before he'd been hurt. Told me that the meeting with Jeanine had been arranged for seven tonight and then they'd make a decision about Eric. The word 'trial' had been tossed around and, to be honest, I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying. All I wanted was for Tori to be okay and for Eric to have his chance to speak. I wanted him to be freed. I needed something positive to come out of all this. I needed something to hold on to.
After shedding yet another bucket of tears, I fell asleep with Tori's hand in mine, my head resting on the edge of the bed. I didn't realize I was as spent as I was, welcoming the sleep more than anything. I didn't dream. I didn't think. For a blissful few hours I slept and didn't have to think about everything that was happening, finally escaping the horror that our lives were becoming.
"Pen." A voice said softly.
"Mm." I replied furrowing my brows but kept my eyes shut.
"Pen, wake up."
Flying back against the chair, I righted myself and looked at Tori. "Sorry." I stated sleepily. Clearing my throat, I stood, wiping my hands on my thighs before I was leaning over her leg. "How are you feeling?" I asked.
"I'm okay." She told me, gripping my hand. "I'm okay, Pen. How are you alive? How did you end up here? Tell me what I've missed."
Frowning, I shook my head, "It doesn't matter."
"It does matter." She replied.
"What about you?" I countered. "What were you doing in Erudite?"
"I was gathering as much information about Jeanine as I could. I needed to find anything useful about her that would help us bring her and Erudite down."
"Did you succeed?"
She nodded. "She has a secret lab on the top level. She put in place some insane security measures to protect it. I was trying to get up there when I was figured out."
"It's okay." I told her, my brows still furrowed. "You're here and you're safe. That's all that matters."
"Pen, I saw him." She stated.
"What?" I frowned at her, my stomach dropping.
"I saw Eric." She smiled. Tears filled my eyes as I averted them from hers. "He was trying to protect you the whole time." She went on. Nodding, I met her eyes again. "I saw him and he questioned me on why I was there. I thought I had convinced him but my answers weren't what he wanted to hear. He didn't really care why I was there. He didn't care what I was planning. His only concern was you."
"Tori." I frowned at her, shaking my head as I sat back down.
"He said to watch out for you. To keep you safe when I returned to Dauntless." She paused, taking in the tears that were on my cheeks. "He knew that what he was doing was wrong. He killed for them but he could no longer watch them die. He felt every one of them. I could see the pain and guilt. He doesn't want to kill for them anymore."
"Please, Tori." I said shaking my head again. "I don't want to hear. Not right now."
She didn't listen. "Only then he went to Amity and word of your death reached Erudite. Everyone thinks you're dead. I heard about Eric's breakdown. About your sister's death. I heard about him killing again, no longer feeling anything. They took bets on how long it would take for him to kill himself." She paused when I took a sharp intake of breath.
"He did try and kill himself." I shot at her. "And then killed my sister instead."
"Jeanine was so pleased by your death." She went on with a sad tone in her voice.
Frowning, I kept shaking my head, "Are you listening to me?"
"She knew there was nothing holding him back and she exploited him for it. She gave him orders and he followed them blindly because he didn't care anymore." She paused again. "He was blinded by grief."
"Stop." I whispered as I covered my mouth, attempting not to sob, meeting her eyes, seeing if she actually was listening to me now.
Letting go of my hand, she gently tucked my hair behind my ear. "I know how much you love him. Only I never realized how much he loves you. You are everything to him." The tears fell faster down my cheeks, so warm that it felt like they were burning me. "I've never been so happy to be proven this wrong before. Everything you ever told me was true. He adores you, Pen. And to see him suffering without you really hit it home for me. I haven't seen him in days, but I hope he's okay. I hope there is still a chance for you two."
Nodding, I took a deep breath before telling her, "He's here."
"He is?" She said and I watched a wave of relief pass through her.
"They want to put him on trial for the attack on Candor. He killed a child, among others." I told her, taking another deep breath as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, rubbing them into my jeans. "From what I understand, he was told to take two Divergent back to Erudite and to kill the rest. Apparently, Divergent brains stop developing after twenty-five so he was going to kill the younger ones and take the older ones for Jeanine to experiment on."
"You're almost perfectly ripe then." She frowned.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"But he thought you were dead."
"And that's why he shot a little boy in the head, Tori!" I yelled at her. "That's why he shot my sister!" Laughing, I shook my head, resting my elbows on my knees. "You don't understand, Tori. Everything is so screwed up." Pausing, she kept silent, looking at me with so much sympathy I wanted to throw up. "Four said Tris don't think he cared about what he was doing when he stormed in here. She wounded him and Four was going to shoot him in the head when I put myself between him and Eric." She took my hand, squeezing it tightly. "I would have taken that bullet for him. I'm almost sorry I didn't. Now I have a dead sister and I might lose Eric anyway." Meeting her eyes, I felt twice as depressed from the way she was looking at me. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Where is Eric now?" She asked.
"In a cell. Bound." I replied. "I was with him when Simmy came to tell me you were here. I've been here ever since."
"Go to him. Reassure him. He needs you, Pen."
"He shot and killed my sister, Tori!" I unintentionally yelled at her.
She looked taken aback but it was more out of sympathy than anything. "You'll get through it."
"Does he deserve to be forgiven?" I shot at her. "After everyone he's killed. After everything that he has done. Do you honestly think he deserves to be saved?"
"Yes." Tori replied.
Laughing, I stood and paced away from her. "You saying that – of all people – just makes this whole thing worse."
"Are you saying that you don't love him anymore?"
"Of course not." I shot back at her. "He's everything to me. I will never stop loving him. I can't just turn it off."
"See? He's still the most important thing to you. It sucks, I know it does. But he's the love of your life."
"And if he dies anyway?" I frowned, sitting back down.
She sighed, leaning slightly closer to me, "Could you live with yourself if you don't make it right with him? Even if he does die?"
Taking a deep breath, I shook my head, "No."
"He needs you."
"And I need him, Tori." I replied. "Even though he…"
"I know." She nodded.
"Even after what he's done, if they kill him…I won't last long."
"Do not talk like that." She shot at me. "He is not going to die and you sure as hell aren't going to join him. I will protect him."
"How, Tori? How are you going to protect him? You're bedridden and we don't have any leaders right now that anyone is going to listen to." I frowned.
"Things are going to change, Pen." She stated as if she knew something that I didn't. "And when it happens, I'll have a say in what happens to him, and I will protect him for you."
"Why would you do that for us?"
"I've been here since the beginning and I know what you feel for each other and I would never take that away from either of you. I'll get him back to you, Pen. I promise." She told me with certainty.
"Thank you." I told her as my eyes filled with tears again. Though a subtle relief was starting to creep into me.
"Honey, you're so tired." She told me with furrowed brows.
"You have no idea what it's been like." I cried.
"Tell me everything." She said with a commanding tone.
Nodding, I delved into the story of what happened since the simulation started. I'd only seen her once and that was when she had killed the man in Abnegation. She was quiet as she listened; only asking a few questions here and there. I didn't go into too much detail, not wanting to spend the rest of the night discussing all the bad that had happened.
When I got to Henry she had a few choice words and I had to threaten her with sedation for her to finally relax. He'd get his comeuppance. Then I told her about the truth serum and the event that happened that led us to here. She was quiet for a long time afterward, making me wonder what she was thinking. She never lied to me so when she took this long I was always worried about what she was going to say.
"Okay." She said meeting my eyes again. "Don't worry about Eric. We will get him out of this. You should have let Claude cut off Henry's penis. And when Eric has control of his hands again, he's going to kill him."
Finally breaking a smile, I nodded at her, "I know. But I think we have bigger problems to worry about right now."
"He'll be okay." She told me. "Better than okay, because you two will get through this and be stronger than ever." I nodded again. "And I am so sorry about Maggie."
Smiling, I shrugged at her, "Everyone is."
"It's okay to be upset about it. But you know it was an accident. Eric would never purposely do something like that. Not to you."
"But to other people?" I retorted with a frown.
"Not anymore." She said shaking her head. "With you he can be a better man."
"Those are the same words I've been telling you for weeks. Now you all of a sudden believe them?" I frowned at her.
"Pen, I am so sorry that I've been difficult when it comes to the two of you."
Sighing, I let out a short laugh, "And just because he's a better man doesn't mean he's not still going to do horrible things."
"But he'll do them out of necessity and not just to be cruel or to follow orders."
"Does that make it better?"
She nodded, her tone certain, "Yes."
"Kind of like when I came to terms after Neely." I told her. "Are you seeing the roles reversing here?"
She smiled, "Yeah, I do. And I'm sorry."
Feeling a wave of anger, I nodded at her, a frown slowly crossing my face. "Everyone is so goddamned sorry. If everyone had realized all of this sooner than maybe things would have turned out differently."
"No, sweetie. They wouldn't have." She told me gently. "You are Divergent and he isn't. It might have happened differently, but the end result would have been the same."
Sighing, I nodded, "I just hope they paid attention when they gave me the truth serum. I hope they believed what I said. I told them that he can be a better man."
"Then everyone should know that it's true."
"Only then they beat me, Tori." I frowned. "That's where all my latest wounds came from. They fucking beat me when I confessed my love for him. Our own faction."
She sighed and nodded. "He's done a lot of wrong in his time in Dauntless."
"He's not that man anymore." I retorted.
"I know." She said gripping my hand. "I know, sweetie. Everyone else will see it too. They just need a little time."
"And I hope they'll keep their word and give him the truth serum. Then they'll know he's telling the truth and that he is worthy of being forgiven and will earn him his place among us." I replied trying to sound more hopeful.
"He will." She smiled.
"If he doesn't, I'll break him out and we'll run."
"We'll do what we have to." She nodded at me. "You're not alone, Pen. Not anymore."
Sighing, I fought the tears that seemed to have replenished themselves and now wanted to be released. "And yet the more people that surround me, the more alone I feel." I replied barely above a whisper.
"I felt like that too." She told me. "Only then I met you, Penelope Farrier." I couldn't help but grin at her. "You've been a pain in my ass since day one and yet I could have never asked for a better friend, ally, sister, or faction member. You're pretty awesome in my book."
"Mine too." Four's voice interrupted us.
My smile disappeared and I swiftly got up, slowly getting Tori a glass of water so I wouldn't have to look at him. He may have shown sympathy for my sister's life but he was still out to get Eric. I knew where he stood and he might vouch for him for my sake, but I knew what he really wanted. I didn't want Eric to be the reason that a rift formed between us, but I didn't think even he understood what killing Eric would do to me. So much of my focus was on him that…I didn't know who I was without him anymore. Maybe Four was right. Maybe everyone was right and I couldn't see it because I'd spent so much time and energy into defending him and keeping him alive. I'd been fighting so much for him and after recent events…was he truly worth it anymore? Were we truly worth it anymore?
Looking at my reflection in the glass of the cabinet in front of me, only one word filled my mind – Yes.
Taking a steadying breath, I turned, not looking at Four as I walked back to Tori, handing her the glass of water. She drank it while raising her brow at the pair of us. Sitting back down, I raised a brow back, keeping my eyes on her. Without saying a word, I felt him put his hands on my shoulders, pressing a kiss against the back of my head.
"I'm sorry." He told me.
Sighing, I leaned into his touch, bringing my hand up to cover his. "It's okay." I replied softly.
He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at Tori, "You're looking good."
"And you're an ass." Tori replied with a raised brow.
"You've been catching her up." He smiled at me.
"I still love you." I smirked at him.
He took my hand, holding it tightly in both of his, "I'm gonna make it right."
"How?" I frowned at him.
"I don't know yet."
"Making it right is simple, Tobias. You keep your word and let Eric tell us his truths." He nodded. "Tobias." I frowned harder, pulling my hand from his.
"It's not up to me." He replied.
"Well maybe it should be." Tori interjected. We both looked at her. "We need new leaders."
"We have a leader." I stated even though I knew he didn't count anymore.
"No one will follow him anymore." Tori stated. "We'll tell everyone that he will be stripped of his leadership and replaced with others that we pick as a Faction."
Four just looked at her and nodded, "And you want me to be one of them."
"And Tori." I stated.
"And one more." She nodded. "We can't settle ties between the pair of us." She added with a smirk.
"Okay." He nodded. "We'll have to get our people together and see what they think."
Tori nodded. "I can make it happen."
"Okay." He repeated.
"What about everyone else?" I asked him. "Where's Tris? What's being planned on Kang's end?"
"She's getting ready to go spy on the meeting between Kang and Jeanine." He replied.
"What?" I said getting to my feet.
He did the same, putting his hands on my arms. "It's okay. I'm going with them."
"Them?" I frowned.
He nodded, "There is a group going."
"Kill her." Tori told him, propping herself up. "Kill her, Tobias."
He just looked at her before the time, "I gotta go."
"Please find me when you get back. I'll be here or with Eric." I told him.
"Okay." He nodded, pressing a kiss against my forehead, running his hand down my hair as he stepped away from me.
"Go to Eric." Tori told me.
"What about you?" I frowned.
"I'll be fine. But if Jack Kang is leaving, he'll be taking others with him. I'm sure Eric is guarded but it might be better if someone is there who can protect him. If our people are out for blood it would be an excellent opportunity." She replied.
"Thanks for that." I frowned at her. "I am officially freaking out now."
She just smiled. "Don't freak out. Just go to him. He needs you."
"Okay." I nodded. "I love you."
"Love you too. Now go."
Turning, I swiftly ran to back to Eric's cell, ordering the door opened and that no one else be granted entrance without my consent. They nodded and unlocked the door. I bolted into the cell, turning and making sure it was locked behind me.
"What's going on?" Eric asked quickly. "Where have you been?" Turning, I met his eyes but didn't say anything. "Baby, you gotta say something to me."
I shook my head at him, "What do you want me to say, Eric?"
"Anything." He told me with furrowed brows, stepping toward me. I put my hand up to stop him. "Yell at me. Hit me. Do whatever you have to do."
"Fine." I shot at him. "You want me to yell? I'll yell! Everything bad that has happened to me is all your damn fault!" I yelled. "I've been hit, shot, and my sister has been killed and it has all been because of you! You, Eric! I love you but –" I said and stopped.
"But?" He asked with an anxious tone.
"This hurts, Eric. This hurts more than anything. Maggie was important to me. She meant the world to me and you killed her."
"Pen, I am so sorry about Maggie. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Not anymore. Especially not like this."
"I know." I nodded at him, anger starting to boil. "But I can't be so quick to forgive you this time."
"Pen." He said kneeling in front of me. Feeling my jaw go tight, I raised my chin verses dipping it to look at him. "I can't even begin to apologize enough for Maggie. I never wanted to hurt her. It was an accident. We both thought you were dead. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her. To you."
Looking down at him, I felt tightness in my chest. "That doesn't make it okay." I frowned.
"I know. I know, baby. I know that it doesn't." He told me pleadingly. "But there is nothing I can do to bring her back. I can't change what happened. But you're alive. You have no idea what that means to me. And I'm still going to ask for you to forgive me. Please, Pen. Please tell me that you can forgive me." I just looked at him. "Please."
Slowly bringing my hand to his face, I wanted to touch him, comfort him and tell him that I could forgive him. Then Maggie's laughter filled my mind and I knew that I would never hear it again. I would never hear her play her guitar, her melodic voice accompanying it. I would never sit with her in the orchard and talk about everything like we used to. She was gone. I couldn't even grieve her properly. I wasn't with Hazel or my parents. If they had watched her die and thought me dead as well, what could they possibly be thinking and feeling? How would they survive the death of two children? How was Hazel going to feel being the only one left? And it was all because of one man. The man I loved was responsible for nearly killing me. He was responsible for killing my sister.
Feeling nauseous, I turned away from him, pounding on the door for the guards to let me out. As soon as the door was closed behind me, Eric started to scream, making me drop to my knees. I'd never heard him scream before. Not like that. He was in agony and I couldn't find it in me to go back inside. Crawling to the wall opposite the door, I leaned my back against it, bringing my knees up. I had to cover my ears to drown out the sound of him, my sobs doing well as extra noise. The guards looked shaken but I didn't have any words for them either.
I felt so lost. I didn't know what to do. I needed time and wasn't going to get as much as I needed. I had to be Dauntless about this. About Maggie. I needed to remember the faction I had chosen and I needed to put my sister behind me. She was dead and there was nothing I could do about it. No matter how much I dwelled on it, all it was going to do was hurt me, and Eric, and everyone else who had known her.
I had to believe that she was in a better place. She didn't have to worry about the war raging around her. She was okay. I had to believe that she was okay and would watch over me and guide me. I would see her again. Someday. I had to believe that and to be okay with her death. I had told Four that I was, and I was okay with it. But having to look at Eric and see everything that had been taken from me – from us – I couldn't take it. He was at the center of my pain, when he had been the light in my life. I loved him. I loved him more than anything. I just had to find a way to forgive him. I had to forgive him.
"Opie." Four said squatting in front of me, breaking me from staring at the door. "Jesus, Opie."
"I'm okay." I told him.
"No you're not." He replied worriedly.
"Back already?" I frowned, trying to change the subject.
"Opie." He replied sadly, running his hand down my hair. "What do you need?"
Tears filled my eyes and I silently started to sob, "How do I forgive him?"
He sighed and pulled me into his arms as he sat on the ground. Wrapping my arms around him, I cried into his shoulder. "You can forgive him, Penelope." He told me softly. I couldn't remember the last time he had said my full name. I quieted at the sound of it. "What happened was an accident. He feels regret and sorrow about what he did. He would never purposely hurt you. He loves you, Opie, and he needs you now more than ever. He needs you to get through this."
"I know." I told him. "I'm just having trouble looking at him."
"Come with me." He said pulling me away from him.
Nodding, he pulled me to my feet. Leading me to an unused room, he told me to stay and that he would be right back. It wasn't ten minutes when he returned with a candle, Claude and Terra, Simmy, Heather and Hannah. Smiling, Christina walked in with Will's sister Cara. Then Henry appeared, staying in the doorway.
Four lit the candle, holding his hand out to me. Smiling, I took it and stepped against his side. "This is for Maggie." He told us. Claude moved to my side, wrapping her arm around me. "She was shot and killed after our escape from Amity. She was kind and passionate and she loved her family more than anything. Especially her youngest sister, Penelope." He looked at me and I smiled at him, a tear sliding down my cheek. "She was wise beyond her years. She gave willingly and expected nothing. She was forgiving and empathetic. She was the epitome of Amity. She would not want her death mourned long, knowing she had done right in this world. Her only regret would be not knowing that her sister was alive and well.
"I can only hope that she now looks down upon her, guiding her in this time of war. She would not want her death dwelled on, no matter who was the cause of it." He turned and looked at me. "She would want you to be happy despite it all. She would wish you nothing more than the life you wish to have. She would see you from this fight and deliver you to a world of peace and love. Forgive, Pen. Embrace the Amity in you and see that this is not the end. You will get through this and you will be happy." He paused and then told me what I needed to hear. "So forgive him, Pen. Forgive him and be happy. We have all wronged you when it comes to this. But she never judged you. She took in everything you told her and still chose to see the good in him. Honor her by doing what she would want you to do. What you want to do, even though it's hard. Now it's time to make it right. Not just you with him. We all need to make it right and we will see it done." He turned back to the others. "For Maggie."
"For Maggie." They all replied.
"Thank you for coming." He told them and blew out the candle.
"Thank you." I whispered to him as they all dispersed. All but Claude and Terra.
"I still don't hold any good feelings toward him." He told me honestly, handing me the candle and lighter. "But he means something to you, so he means something to me." Smiling, remembering when I'd said those same words to him about Tris, I placed a kiss upon his cheek. "Now go back to his cell. Even if you can't forgive him just yet, you need to be with him. He needs you."
"Has anything been decided?" Claude asked.
"No." He replied. "But the second I know anything I'll find you or send word." He said meeting my eyes again. "Okay?"
"Okay." I nodded. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."
"Never." He smirked. "I love you too."
Sighing, I gently ran my fingers through his hair. "You need to make things right with Tris as well."
"I know." He nodded.
"You can tell me about it later." I smiled.
He nodded again, "I could use your advice. But let me take care of you first."
"Okay." I told him, keeping his hand until I was too far away to reach him.
Making my way back to Eric's cell, I was once again let inside, seeing Eric sitting against the wall, hunched over his knees. He stood the moment he laid eyes on me, gaging my mood carefully. He didn't say anything and I didn't offer any words of comfort or forgiveness. Walking to the bed, I set the candle down off to the side, lighting it again.
"For Maggie." I said softly.
"For Maggie." He replied, offering me a small smile.
Furrowing my brows, his smile disappeared as I turned away from him. Sighing, I knelt on the bed, motioning him forward. He kept my eyes for a long moment before he tentatively stepped toward me. Keeping his eyes the entire time, I gently gripped his forearm, pulling him closer to me. Turning him, I sat him on the edge of it, starting to massage his shoulders, neck, and arms. I was sure he was feeling uncomfortable but he hadn't complained yet. He seemed more worried about what I was thinking, glancing at me over his shoulder.
As soon as I'd loosened his muscles the best I could, I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into it. Taking a deep breath of him, he rested his head against mine, tensing and sighing. I could feel his fingers twitching against my thigh. Pressing my lips against his temple, I felt a slight shudder move through him. Sighing myself, I laid down, pressing my back against the wall. Gently pulling on his forearm, he shifted and laid down facing me. Putting my hand against his face, I stared into his eyes. Running my thumb across his lips, I leaned forward, grazing them with mine, but didn't kiss him. Brushing my lips along his jawline, his neck, his cheek, I remembered the moments we had shared. Running my hand down his side and around his back, remembering all the moments when we laid together and the feelings he brought out in me. I had to remember the good in him. The way he made me feel like I was the only person in existence.
Holding onto those memories and feelings, I knew that I would reach forgiveness. Pressing myself against his chest, meeting his eyes again, I slid my hand down his arm and into his, lacing our fingers. He gripped my hand tightly, almost painfully, only the effect was spectacular. Lightly kissing him, even that one moment of contact and it felt like we had melded together. His hand in mine. The feeling of his lips. God, I loved his lips. I knew that nothing had changed between us. I would forever miss Maggie, but Eric was alive and he was here and I couldn't live without him. I needed him just as much as he needed me. We were in this – in everything – together.
"I will not turn from you." I whispered to him.
Tears filled his eyes as if I'd told him what he had wanted to hear, then his lips were against mine, kissing me deeply, his hand squeezing mine. "I love you." He whispered back.
"I love you." I told him.
"I will make it right."
"And I will forgive you."
He faltered, realizing that I hadn't fully forgiven him yet. He simply nodded and rested his forehead against mine. "I'm in this for forever."
I couldn't help the furrow of my brows, nodding and kissing him once more.
