Chapter Ten: It Is Time
Having been called away to a Dauntless meeting, I had left Eric in his cell. He had stood there and watched me leave, no words being broken between us. Though the entire time I could feel his unease washing off of him in waves. He was insecure, something I had never thought him to be. But faced with the possibility of me not being able to forgive him, struggling to be a better man, facing what he had done…he had turned into someone I'd never expected him to be. He was the confident one. He was a leader. I didn't feel worthy enough or comfortable enough to think that he needed me to be those things. He had been them before me and I needed him to be them after me. If something did happen then I would need him to be able to move on and not revert back to the killing machine he had used to be. If he was exonerated then he needed to find it inside of him to be strong and brave and fearless.
I understood that the unknown was terrifying and that what people thought of him weighed on him, but he needed to see his own worth. But it felt like that was what I was. Everything good in him and the man he wanted to be, he put inside of me and now I was carrying it with me. I was his better half. The light and the dark. I wanted to be that light for him. But after everything that had been going on I was struggling. I just wanted to get whatever they were going to make him do over with so we could be together and fix whatever was broken between us.
Finding myself in the space between rows of bunk beds and doors, I frowned at the tightly wrapped bedsheets that are holding the doors closed. Then I realize that this is not a known meeting and we're keeping people out of hearing it. Wrapping my arms around myself, I actually felt a little anxious. These were close friends and family, and yet I was half expecting to get attacked for my allegiance to Eric. But nothing happened and it appeared as if I was hardly noticed.
Unlike Tris. She seemed to be the center of attention. Then I see Tori, sitting on a chair between a few bunks, her wounded leg stuck out in front of her. Four as well as the rest of the Dauntless who were in Candor are all present. I stepped next to Claude, who is looking about as uneasy as I feel, Terra standing at her side with protectiveness I'd never seen before.
"Everything okay?" I asked her.
"Yeah." She nodded.
"Liar." I frowned at her.
She sighed and met my eyes, "I'll explain later."
Nodding, I turned my attention to Tori, her eyes on Four, "What were the terms?"
He looks pissed and I knew there was more going on than I had thought. Something happened when they went to spy on the meeting. I guess we were about to find out what that was. Then I'd have to ask Four about Tris later. He hadn't filled me in yet and it seemed like things were piling up. Not only that, but I needed the distraction from everything. Even if it was just for a few minutes.
"There were three." Tris told us. "Return Eric to the Erudite." Her eyes flash to me as my head jerked toward her. Her eyes telling me to attempt to remain calm. Nodding, I took a deep breath. She nodded and went on, "Report the names of all people who did not get shot with needles last time. And deliver the Divergent to Erudite headquarters."
"If Jack Kang is making deals with the Erudite, we can't stay here." Tori stated. "So where can we go?"
"I'd like to revisit the whole give Eric back part." I frowned.
"Home." Four spoke, finally looking attentive. Everyone turned their head to listen to him. "We should take back what's ours. We can break the security cameras in Dauntless headquarters so the Erudite can't see us. We should go home."
"I'm with Four." I replied and many look at me. "Not that it matters." I added in a low voice. Claude smiled at me.
Though from the sound of the shouts and yells around us, everyone was in agreement. We are all one in this moment. All wanting the same thing. In this moment: home.
"But before we do that," Bud interjected from behind Tori, "we need to decide what to do about Eric. To let him stay here with the Erudite, or to execute him."
"Execute?!" I exclaimed, lunging at him before I could think about it, Four catching me round my waist.
"Pen, I know you love him, but he's done a lot of wrong." Bud replied.
"You can't!" I yelled.
"Eric is Dauntless." Lauren stated, turning the ring in her lip with her fingertips. "That means we decide what happens to him. Not Candor."
"Kang agreed to give him the truth serum so we can hear his truths about what's happened. He can be a better man. He already is a better man." I told him. "You need to let him prove it."
"Why? Because he loves you?" Marlene, Tris's friend, spoke up.
"He does love me." I shot back at her. "And he will help us. He can infiltrate Erudite for our benefit. He is not what you all think him to be."
"He can be useful." Claude added. "We need to take that into consideration."
"And who will make the final decision?" Henry asked. "We don't exactly have anyone to lead us anymore."
"He has a point." Tori nodded. "According to Dauntless law, only Dauntless leaders can perform an execution. All five of our former leaders are Dauntless traitors." Tori stated. "So I think it's time we pick new ones. The law says we need more than one, and we need an odd number. If you've got suggestions, you should shout them out now, and we'll vote if we need to."
"You!" Someone called out. We already knew that was going to happen.
"Okay, anyone else?" Tori shouted.
"Tris!" Marlene shouted.
I had hoped someone would have disapproved of that but no one said a word or even muttered anything.
"Pen!" Claude suddenly shouted.
"Claude." I frowned at her.
"If they can shout Tris than I sure as shit can shout you."
Despite my love for Eric, no one said anything. I was not going to lead the people. Oh hell no, I was not going to lead the people.
"Harrison." Someone said. He's middle-aged with a blond ponytail on his shoulder, and he grinned at the nomination.
There's a long moment where all the Dauntless are quiet. Then Tori spoke again, "I'm going to nominate Four." There are a few murmurs but otherwise they are quiet. "We only need three leaders. We'll have to vote."
"Five were nominated." Claude spoke up.
"Shut up." I told her. "I refuse the nomination." I said louder to the crowd. I had enough to worry about without adding a leadership role to the mix. If Eric was out, I was too. I had plenty of reasons to not want it.
"I refuse mine as well." Tris spoke up.
Tori raised her eyebrows at both of us, "Are you sure?"
"Positive." I stated with a nod.
"Yes. I don't want it. I'm sure." Tris replied.
All debate was over. The new Dauntless leaders are Tobias, Tori, and Harrison. Two of which were on my side when it came to Eric. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I only hoped they kept their word about getting him out of this.
The decision had barely been made when something rang – one long pulse, two short ones. Looking around the room to find the source, Tris is leaning against the wall, looking up at a speaker suspended from the ceiling. Looking around the room there is another across the way. Then Jack Kang's voice spoke all around us.
"Attention all occupants of Candor headquarters. A few hours ago I met with a representative of Jeanine Matthews. He reminded me that we Candor are in a weak position, dependent on Erudite for our survival, and told me that if I intend to keep my faction free, I will have to meet a few demands." I needed to know what else went down at that meeting. "In order to comply with these demands, I ask that everyone make their way to the Gathering Place to report whether you have an implant or not." He went on. "The Erudite have also ordered all Divergent to be turned over to Erudite. I do not know for what purpose."
Judging by the sound of his voice, something major had gone down. "What happened at that meeting?" I asked Four.
The rest of Dauntless is scrambling about, putting their things in bags. I hear Eric's name, disdain and anger on their tongues. One even mentioned murder, making me rush into action, racing to his cell and swiftly ordering them to let me inside. They seemed hesitant but did as I asked. As soon as I'm through, I slammed the door shut, ordering it to be locked and for the key to be slid underneath the door. They listened and I swiftly put the key in my pocket, staring at it, they hadn't been far behind me. Then they were pounding on the door.
"What's happening?" Eric asked stepping next to me.
"They want you executed." I stated.
"Who's they?" He said as if un-phased by my response.
Stepping closer to him, I slid my hand into his, "We have new leaders. They'll get us out of this."
"Who?"
"Four, Tori, and Harrison."
There was a long moment of silence making me look up at him. He was staring at me. "You're gonna be okay."
Tears sprang to my eyes faster than they ever had. "No, Eric." I told him. "If they execute you I will not be okay. I would never be okay again."
He just smiled and leaned down, kissing me sweetly. "You will be okay. It might take time, but after everything I've done, I deserve to be executed. They would be fools not to kill me."
Swiftly taking his head in my hands, my eyes locked with his, "I cannot lose you, Eric. I need you. Do you understand me? I need you."
"You're gonna be okay." He repeated.
Falling against his chest, I started to cry, the pounding on the door making me jump, realizing that it would be them that took him from me. My own people. I couldn't bear the thought. Wrapping my arms around him, he pressed the side of his face to mine, his breath filling my nostrils, the feeling of his eyelashes against my cheek, his lips grazing my skin, making it that much more unbearable to think of losing him. I could feel his heart racing, a small jolt when the pounding intensified, only then it stopped. We both looked to the door, terrified of what that meant. Did they get another key? Are they going to smoke us out? Kill both of us if they couldn't just have him?
I was terrified.
"Pen." Four's voice came through the door. "Pen, open the door."
"No." I told him.
"Kang will hold to his word. We're ordering our people to listen to his truths." He told me. "Eric will have his moment and we will see if he is worthy of exoneration."
"Open the door." Eric told me.
"You're not just saying that, are you?" I asked through the door.
"Opie." His voice was now low and soft. "I would not lie to you. Tori and I have already agreed to try and save him. Now you have to do your part. Open the door."
"Open the door." Eric repeated.
Bending down, I pushed the key under the door. The lock was quickly turned and the door opened. Four was the only one standing there. The others were already moving down the hall and from sight. Four nodded and stepped in, gripping Eric's arm.
"Eric." I said gripping his fingers.
"No matter what happens. You're gonna be okay." He told me before Four was pushing him down the hall, gimping on his injured leg.
Swiftly following them, Claude was waiting for me, leading me to the front of the auditorium. Niles was once again on the stage, ready to inject Eric with the serum. Eric's expression is strong but then his eyes moved to me. Pain I'd never seen before moved across his face. He was going to admit to the lives he had taken and was faced with a possible execution. This was worse than anything I had imagined thus far. I had thought this the end but it could still be the beginning of something far worse. Before I can say or do anything, he was given the serum, Jack Kang stepping forward, prepared to ask him all that we wanted to know.
"What's your name?" Kang asked.
"Eric."
"Are you prepared to tell us the truth no matter what it may be?"
"Yes."
"Why did you come here?"
"Jeanine had us hunting the Divergent." He replied. "She needs them to formulate the perfect serum to use against them. One that they can't get out of. I was told to spare two of the Divergent and kill the rest."
"So you have killed people?"
"Yes."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Initially I felt nothing." He told us. "I had no one growing up and I had no one in Dauntless. Jeanine was the only constant I had in my life. So when I transferred, I became ruthless. I didn't care who I hurt. When I was handed my leadership position I was told that I would have to make hard choices and that above all I would have to follow orders without question. I was told my purpose was to track down the Divergent and report my findings directly to Jeanine. I'd known her my whole life so I followed her blindly. She has a very unique and subtle, yet strong way of manipulating those around her to do her bidding. She manipulated me. She used me. I believed what she told me about the Divergent. I believed that what I was doing was right. So I followed her orders. I killed for her."
"But you don't believe that anymore?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I met Penelope Farrier and I fell in love with her." He replied with certainty. "Getting to know her, just being around her, showed me there was more than just taking orders. She made me realize that there was more to me than just obeying and killing." He paused, nodding to himself as he looked at Kang. "Pen is the most amazing person I've ever met. She is the good that I strive to be. She showed me that the Divergent are not the enemy. She showed me that they are what we should be protecting."
"How?"
"Because she is Divergent." He stated. I couldn't help but smile at the proudness I heard in his voice. "The more time I spent with her, the more I started to question my world and my role in everything that was happening. The few questions I asked only brought hell down on both our heads. No matter how hard I tried to not be with her, I realized that I couldn't live without her, and so I did what I could to try and keep her safe. I've been trying to protect her, and by doing so I threatened our relationship by hurting her. Horribly." He went on. He wasn't holding back.
"What did you do?"
"I killed her sister. In a moment of grief, we struggled with my gun and she was killed."
"What moment of grief?" Kang asked.
"I had fired at them when Pen and the others were fleeing Amity. Keeping pretenses so they would think I was still on their side." He replied and paused. He swallowed hard, his eyes growing distant. "I hit her in the head and thought I'd killed her. I told her family that she was dead and her sister couldn't handle the news. And I killed her. It was an accident and I wish I could take it back. But I can't. I have to live with that." He frowned, bowing his head.
"You've killed since you've been with Ms. Farrier. Why?"
"I had been searching for the Divergent but I hadn't come across any. When they decided to move forward with their plans, I tried to convince them that she was trustworthy and to keep her out of the simulation. I wanted her with me so I could protect her." He was drifting from the point. I knew this part but didn't see how he was answering Kang's question. "Jeanine denied me." He paused again, anger entering his voice. Then he looked up and met Kang's eyes. "When the simulation started I had to play my part. I had to do what they wanted me to do. I killed for them. For Jeanine. I needed to keep myself safe so I could protect her. That was all I wanted. As long as I was alive, I could protect her. Even after I found out about her Divergence that was all I wanted. But I failed her that day." He told him, distance entering his eyes. "Jeanine had ordered her death and I didn't stop it." He said and paused. You could see the guilt in his expression. "But I heard of her escape. I knew she was alive so I would do what I had to do, be who I had to be, to ensure her safety. As much as they manipulated me, I wanted to manipulate them. I made sure I was sent to Amity. I made sure that I was in the meetings to know what progress had been made. I even started writing down things I'd heard, knowing that I would be reunited with her and I needed something to prove my loyalty and that I had switched sides." He paused before continuing.
"Then Amity happened. I watched her go down and they kept repeating over and over again, 'She's dead. Leave her, she's dead.' I'd killed the only person I've ever loved." He paused, and I could hear the emotion in his voice. I didn't know that. No one had said anything about it. When he went on, his voice was strong again. "The moment I thought her dead, I no longer cared what I did anymore. I was simply a body in motion. My mind was lost to grief. If they gave me an order than I obeyed. I thought I'd lost everything that mattered to me. I was already dead inside so I didn't care about killing, about…shooting that boy." A pained expression crossing his face before it smoothed out and he met my eyes, a small smile now on his lips. "But she's alive."
"So you feel guilt about what you've done?"
His eyes moved back to Kang, his smile gone, his brows furrowed. "I will never be able to apologize or repay those I've hurt. So, yes. I feel guilt. I feel sorrow and pain. I will carry the weight of the things I've done with me forever. No one can take it away or help me carry it, and they shouldn't have to. I alone need to carry the lives I've taken and the pain I've caused. I alone will feel that pain every day of my life. But I will make it right somehow. Whether it is with blood, sweat, and tears, I will try to right the wrongs I've done through the actions I make from this day forward. As long as I have Pen with me I can be a good man." He paused, everyone quiet as they waited for him to go on. "I will make amends for the things I have done. I have to. I will no longer live without the woman I love and I will do whatever it takes to be with her. I will be the man you want me to be. I can help you infiltrate Erudite. As far as Jeanine knows I am still hers. But I belong to only one person. Penelope Farrier. She is the good in me and I will be what she needs me to be. What you all need me to be. Even if it takes the rest of my life, I will prove it to you. As long as I am with her, I will prove it to you."
"All you have said speaks truth about you turning from Jeanine. But it would appear that all of that is tied to one person: Penelope Farrier." Jack said and paused. "If you go to war and fight against Erudite, if she dies, what will happen to you then?"
"I will avenge her and give my life to the cause she believed in."
"And you say you can infiltrate Erudite. You would do so, killing any and all in your path, just to prove your allegiance to those that surround you now?"
"I will do whatever I have to do to prove that I am not the man they think me to be. Not anymore."
"Even if Penelope were no longer at your side."
"She'll always be with me."
"And what would you say to anyone asking about your place amongst your people? Do you still consider yourself a leader of Dauntless?"
"No." He replied quickly. "I am no better than any other Dauntless in this room. If anything I am the very bottom. I will have to work to earn the trust and respect of my faction members. But I will do it. I will prove it. All I need is Pen."
"Damn." Claude smirked and nudged me.
Grinning, I was still staring at him. "He even surprises me sometimes."
"Just to clarify." Jack said, making me slightly anxious. "Jeanine manipulated you into doing the things you've done, making you believe the things you believe; and you now recant all ideas that she's put in your head, believing that she indeed needs to be stopped and will work alongside your loyal faction members, the Factionless, and all those who fight against her, for the safety of all the lives within this city."
"Yes." He replied with conviction.
There was another long pause. Jack was staring at him, Eric staring back. It went on so long I felt like I was going to be sick. This was the moment that was going to change everything. Whatever Jack said next was going to determine what happened next. Did he believe what Eric was saying? Was he willing to look past the death of his son and see a man worth saving?
All the while the room remained quiet. I held my breath, shifting back and forth as I stared at the pair of them. What more could Eric say to convince him? What more could he say to convince our faction that he had changed? He had said all the right things. Guilt. Sorrow. Despair. He felt all of them about the things he had done. But he had told them it was due to Jeanine's manipulation. She was the cause of all of his pain. My pain. Our pain. She was the cause and she needed to be stopped. All Jack had to do was exonerate him. Believe what he was telling him and let him go.
"Please." I whispered.
Claude put her hand against my arm, rubbing it reassuringly. Anxiousness was starting to take over, only then Jack spoke again. His voice calmer and his expression had smoothed out. My heart started to race and I locked my eyes onto him.
"Then today marks the start of a new life for you. I only hope you can accomplish everything you've just vowed to do." Jack told him. "Thank you for your honesty."
The crowd repeated the words before a slow clap started at the back of the crowd. After a few seconds others joined in. Then before I knew it, the majority of the room was clapping for him. He had told them what they wanted to hear and it wasn't done just to placate them. They now knew that he felt guilt about what he'd done. He felt sorrow for his actions and no one could take away the pain he inflicted upon himself because of it. He had told them the truth. Maybe a little too much of the truth. I didn't know when he became so wordy. The last time I'd heard him talk so much to anyone, other than me, was the night Edward lost his eye.
Laughing lightly, I brought my fingers to my lips, lightly touching them as I wrapped my arm around myself, looking up at Eric. Grinning, I met his eyes. He nodded at me, a tear sliding down his cheek as he took a deep breath, trying to put his hard expression back onto his face. Getting up onto the stage, I took his head in my hands and kissed him passionately, my thumb wiping the tear away as excited cries called out to us.
Laughing, I rubbed his cheeks as I met his eyes. "I'm in this for forever too. I forgive you."
"I wanted you to forgive me. I wanted you to so badly. But now I don't." He replied sadly. "Because then I'll have to forgive myself."
Nodding at him, I kissed him sweetly, keeping his eyes, "Forgive yourself, Eric. You've just made the biggest step forward of your life."
"No." He told me. "The biggest step I took was letting you in."
"I am deeply saddened about Maggie." I replied, making him avert his eyes, a glistening returning to them. "But what's done is done. And I…" I said making him meet my eyes again. "I am so in love with you, Eric. I can't live without you. It'll hurt like hell, but I can live without Maggie. But you? Never. So please do not do anything stupid." He laughed, kissing me deeply.
"Pen." Four said stepping up to us.
"Can he be released now?" I asked, rubbing Eric's chest as I wrapped my arm around him.
"No." He said shaking his head.
"Why not?" I frowned at him.
He sighed. "He's proven himself."
"Then what's the problem?" I shot at him.
"Other's need more convincing."
"Like you?"
Eric pressed a kiss against my shoulder, "It's okay."
"No, it's not okay." I frowned.
"There are still a few among us that would feel safer if he remained restrained for just a few more days –"
"Bullshit." I spat at him.
"It's been decided that he will remain bound until we've returned home." He told me, putting his hand on my arm. "It's the best I can do. I can't ignore the concerns of the others. Not anymore."
"It's okay." Eric nodded at him. "I understand."
"I don't." I frowned at Four. "He said all the right things and it was the truth."
"I know." Four nodded. "Just a few more days." He replied. "Then things will fall back into a more normal rhythm. We'll all feel better when we get home. And like he said, he has to build trust and respect. Right now a lot are still questioning him. Let his words sink in and let them process it." Nodding, he put his hand against my face, nodding at Eric before he walked away.
"I'm okay." Eric told me as I bit my bottom lip, attempting not to cry. "As long as I'm with you. You saved me."
Looking up at him, I sighed, pushing the tears aside. "I'd do it again. As many times as you need me too."
He smiled, resting his forehead against mine. "Once is enough."
"Pen." Claude said rushing up to us.
"Hey." I smiled embracing her.
She released me, looking at Eric. He nodded at her. She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. For a moment he tensed before resting his chin against her shoulder. "You're one of us now." She smiled as she released him.
"Thank you." He nodded at her.
"Claude!" Terra said rushing toward her.
I pulled Eric against my chest as I watched the two embrace each other lovingly. Wrapping my arms around him, I rested my head between his shoulder blades, my hand moving back and forth across his chest. His fingers moved against my stomach, gently gripping my shirt. Leaning up, I pressed a long kiss against the back of his neck. He was safe.
Then I saw Henry hovering and Eric tensed, his body quivering and an evil look crossed his face. "Hey, it's okay." I told him.
In the next second he had jerked away from me, darting toward Henry. Rushing after him, Claude appeared in front of him, slamming against his chest as I came up from behind him.
"Take it easy." Claude told him.
"Eric." I said gripping his arm.
He lurched forward again; all of us watching Henry run in the opposite direction.
"Baby, it's okay." I told him gently.
"It's not okay." He said and jerked forward once more before he started to calm down.
"Eric." I said holding him tightly.
"If I had my hands right now…" He started.
"I know, baby. But he's already suffering. You beating him will only give him satisfaction in paying for what he did. Let him suffer for a little longer."
Claude put her hand against my shoulder. "I'll be right back." She said and jogged away from us.
"Claude came to see me. You'd taken off and she thought you were with me." He replied. "Finding me alone she took it upon herself to tell me what happened. What he did to you."
"He didn't mean to." I told him. "He was just jealous and angry and hurt."
"That doesn't make it okay." He told me.
I sighed and nodded, "I know. Believe me I know. It's not something I'm going to forget any time soon. But he's a good man."
"He's a better man than me." He replied. "But that doesn't mean what he did can be excused. If he ever comes near you again…"
"You're here, Eric." I told him softly. "Nothing like that will ever happen again. And what he did…"
"I'm gonna kill him." He said tensing and moved in the direction Henry went.
"Eric." I said moving after him.
"I'm going to kill the son of a bitch!" He yelled.
Eyes were moving toward us. Him saying something like that was not going to do him any favors. "Baby, please." I told him pleadingly.
He looked around, seeing the eyes that were watching us. Sighing, he nodded and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "Sorry, baby."
"It's okay." I told him, my hands against his sides. "Believe me I would love for you to give him his comeuppance. I really would. But we have other things to worry about. Like you getting set free. You can take care of Henry later." He sighed again and nodded, kissing me deeply. Running my fingers through his hair, slipping my hand into his, I smiled up at him. "And for the record, you are far more than anyone ever expected. And the only man for me. The only one I will ever love in the entirety of my life."
He smirked at me, "I guess I should stick around for a while then."
"Probably." I smiled before kissing him. "I love you."
"I wish I could hold you." He told me, pressing his forehead against mine again.
Sighing, I ran my fingers through his hair. "Soon. In the meantime, I will hold you."
"I love you." He said softly and kissed me again.
Then there were steps and a hand fell on my shoulder, both of us looking at Claude, "Come on, let's get the hell out of here."
Hope you all enjoyed! Can't wait to hear what you all think! =D
