Chapter Thirteen: Death and Decisions

Having fallen asleep happy. No dreams came to me and I felt like I'd finally wake up feeling rested. It had been a long few days and sleep sounded so amazing. And there was nothing like falling asleep next to him. The warmth of his body pressed against mine. The scent of sleep coming off of him. The soft noises he made and breathes of contentment.

My lullaby.

Only it seemed that things hadn't quieted down as much as we had thought. Waking to pounding on the door, I shot up, finding Eric's arm across me protectively. He swiftly got out of bed, throwing on sweats as he moved to the door, cracking it before opening it the rest of the way. Claude was standing there with a panicked look. Telling us that we had to come, Eric looked at me before grabbing a shirt and disappeared from the room. Flying out of bed, I threw on clothes before running after them, catching up quickly. Going to the Pit, there was commotion everywhere. Eric gripped my hand, keeping me close to him as we weaved through the crowd.

"What's going on?" Eric asked Claude.

"Marlene is dead." She retorted.

"What?" I asked as my stomach dropped.

"She threw herself off of the roof. Two kids were up there with her. Tris and Christina chose them over Marlene."

My breathing became prominent in my ears as I nodded at her. She sighed and put her hand on my arm, her eyes locking on mine. "There's more."

Nodding again, I crossed my arms, bending at the waist as I tried to make my lungs inflate. Eric put his hand on my back, his other gripping my arm. Straightening, taking a deep breath, I nodded at him.

"What is it?" Eric asked her with annoyance.

"Pen!" Tori called, rushing over to me.

Furrowing my brows, I gripped her forearms as she reached me, "What's happening?" I asked her. There was a rush of people. Whispers and cries sporadically moving through the crowds. "What is going on?" I asked her almost pleadingly.

"A simulation." She told me. "When they shot us in Candor, it injected a serum."

I nodded, "Which they've activated."

She nodded, "We missed a few cameras and they used them to run the simulation."

Frowning, I nodded, stopping as she continued to look at me with a sad expression. "There's still more."

"Those affected were carrying a message." She replied.

My heart started to race, bile rising in my throat. "Where's Four?" I asked suddenly anxious and needing him. "And Tris?"

"Just listen to me." Tori told me, gripping my wrist.

Eric wrapped his arm around my waist, "What was the message?"

Tori sighed, "I have a message for the Divergent." She started, making my stomach drop. "This is not a negotiation. It is a warning. Every two days until one of you delivers yourself to Erudite headquarters, this will happen again."

For a moment I just looked at her, letting it sink in for a moment, "What?"

"We don't intend on delivering anyone to her." Tori told me.

"Then what are we going to do?" I shot at her.

"We don't know." Tori admitted.

"Where's Four?" I asked her again.

"Here." He said and immediately pulled me into his arms.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pressed my face into his shoulder, "Why is this happening?"

"The cameras have been covered. We're not going anywhere. None of us is going anywhere." He told me, his hand moving to the back of my head. Letting him go, I forced a smile, even though my stomach was turning.

"We'll come up with a solution." Tori told me reassuringly.

Scoffing, I moved to Eric's side. Leaning into him, he swiftly turned me into his chest. "No one is being delivered to her."

"Eric?" Tori said softly. "Will you come with me please?" She asked.

She sounded very professional. "Why?" I frowned at her, finding myself gripping him tighter.

"Pen." She said sadly.

"It's gonna be okay." Four nodded.

Then Claude was at my side, "I've got her." She told Eric.

"Tori, why?" I asked her.

She smiled, putting her hand on my arm before looking at Eric. He nodded and she moved away from us. He watched the direction she was going before looking at me. "I'll be right back." He stated. I nodded, though I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He swiftly closed the space between us, his hand slipping into my hair. "Baby, everything is going to be fine. Just breathe." He stated pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Go get something to eat and let Claude keep an eye on you." Opening my mouth to retort, no sound came out, and I simply shrugged and shook my head at him. "I'm sure they just want to ask me questions about Erudite. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Something bad already happened." I told him. "Many were hit with those darts. If she activates more of them…"

"She won't." He replied. "We'll figure it out."

Frowning, I was starting to feel annoyed, "Fine." He smirked and kissed me quickly before walking away. Turning to Claude I shrugged at her.

"We'll figure it out." She nodded at me.

"Sure." I told her and walked away.

She followed me, "Pen, wait."

"No." I replied breaking into a jog.

Sprinting down the hall, I lost her in the darkness of them, needing to find someplace to be alone. Finding myself in the direction of Eric's apartment, I went to the door, letting myself in. Closing the door behind me, I looked around the space. It looked exactly the same as it had the last time I was here. Moving to his bed, I picked up his pillow, bringing it to my face. Frowning, it no longer smelled of him. It'd been so long since he'd slept in it that the smell had faded. Lying down, I brought the comforter up to my face, taking a deep breath of it. His scent filled my senses, a hint of the cologne he wore every so often and of his natural musk.

Lying there, I tried not to think of what I'd just learned. They knew we were here. They knew it and they once again exploited our weaknesses. There was no escaping them. Her. Marlene was dead and it was all because of those of us who were Divergent. Jeanine needed us and would stop at nothing to get her hands on us. I didn't know what she wanted with us and I didn't want to if she was willing to kill to get it. I wanted to hide. I wanted to remain in the shadows until this whole thing was over. Did she really think we'd give ourselves up to her? Who would willingly give themselves up to die? Only in doing so, we'd hold the power to save lives. If others died because of our resistance than that would be on us. Feeling guilty for realizing that I could live with that as long as Eric and my family was safe, I knew there was one person who this would weigh on most.

Swiftly getting to my feet, I rushed from the room, searching the halls as I made my way to Four's apartment. I needed to see Tris. I needed to know where her head was at. Other than Four and myself I was pretty sure she was the only other person I knew who had known about their Divergence before all the simulation shit had gone down. When I didn't find her at Four's, I kept moving, hearing crying in a hallway near the dormitories. Following the sound, I saw Tris and Christina kneeling on the floor. Both of them were crying, embracing each other like they used to before Tris had told her truths. They'd finally made amends.

Clearing my throat, they quieted, both looking in my direction. "Tris, can I talk to you?"

She looked at Christina, who nodded, stood and stepped toward me. She paused, putting her hand on my shoulder, offering me a smile. Smiling back, I nodded, crossing my arms and scuffed my shoe against the floor. She sighed and nodded before she walked away. Tris moved into a seated position, leaning against the wall. Doing the same, I let out a heavy sigh, resting my head against the wall. I wasn't entirely sure why I wanted to talk to her. I just needed to talk to someone who was like me. I still wasn't fond of her but she was more like me than anyone else. The thought alone painful.

"What are you feeling?" I asked her.

"That no one else can die for me. For us." She stated.

"It's not our fault." I frowned in response. "We didn't ask to be this way. Why should it all fall on our shoulders just because we're Divergent? This isn't our responsibility!"

"I know." She replied. "But can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't feel guilty if someone else dies because we won't turn ourselves in?"

"What would that prove?" I asked her. "Do you think Jeanine will get the information she wants and let us live? No, Tris. She will kill us. Is our lives worth so little that we should sacrifice them? It's not fair."

"I know." She repeated.

"Four won't let you go. If you were thinking about giving yourself up to her." I stated.

"Neither will Eric." She said with a soft tone. "I think he'd sacrifice everyone and anything to keep you safe."

I furrowed my brows at her. "So would Four."

"Yeah, but the difference between mine and yours is that yours would kill them by his own hand."

Anger boiled, shaking starting to move through my arms and fingers. I was thankful for the dark since she didn't seem to notice. "I'd watch what you say." I told her with a menacing tone.

"I'm not afraid of you." She told me softly.

"You put up a good front, Tris. But I can hear it in your voice. You've seen what I can do. You've also seen what Eric can do. If by some chance you aren't afraid; you really should be." I told her and stood, stepping away from her, kicking myself for coming in the first place.

"Max is dead." She stated, making me stop. I turned and looked at her.

"When? How?" I frowned at her.

"The meeting between Kang and Jeanine. Max was her messenger, Lynn shot and killed him. That was when Shauna was hit and then Tori and Zeke arrived."

Crossing my arms, I bowed my head, feeling a prickle of tears in my eyes. He was a traitor and deserved his fate; however, I couldn't help but be saddened by the news. I never hated Max. Even when he was telling me to stay away from Eric. "What else have I missed?" I asked her.

"Tobias beat Marcus with a belt." She stated.

"Seriously?" I smirked at her.

She cracked a smile. "It was amazing."

"So he's officially his own person with the respect and love of our people." I stated.

She sighed and nodded. "Basically."

"Which leaves you to be the unstable girlfriend." I added, sitting next to her again.

"And you're the former praised Dauntless who ruined herself by falling in love with the traitor Dauntless leader." She retorted.

Sighing, I met her eyes, "We make quite a pair, you and I."

She laughed softly, "Too bad we don't really get along."

Laughing together, we grew silent, just sitting together. Unsure of how much time had passed; I finally took my leave of her, making my way back to my room. Going in, I found it empty. Sighing with disappointment, I went to the bed, crawling into it, feeling about as low as I thought I could get. People were dead and the Divergent were going to be blamed for it. Hugging Eric's pillow, his scent fresh upon it, I curled into as tight a ball as I could, shutting my eyes and willed sleep to take me.

The sun was still up when I fell asleep, waking to an arm moving around me. Gripping Eric's hand, I hugged it against me. Feeling his lips against my hair, he wrapped his body around mine. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, leaning over me so his lips could brush flesh.

"Four's not going to let you or Tris or any other Divergent give themselves up." He told me softly.

"Is that why Tori wanted you?" I asked him.

"They had some questions for me. For now they're going to increase security in hopes of stopping another attack."

"Do you honestly think that'll work?"

"Mm." He replied.

"Did you know Max is dead?" I asked him.

He propped himself up, "What?"

"Lynn shot him at the meeting between him and Kang. He's dead." I replied rolling onto my back. "I'm sorry." I said putting my hand against his face as I took in his deep frown.

"It's fine." He replied, shutting his eyes as he furrowed his brows.

Sitting up, I wrapped my arm around him, putting my hand against his face, "No, it's not." He met my eyes, sadness in them. "It's not okay. He was a good man despite the decisions he made."

"Thank you." He said putting his forehead against mine. "How are you doing with everything that's happened?"

"People keep dying, Eric." I told him, gripping him tighter. "How can I just sit back and watch as others die because of me and the others like me?"

"Because I'd kill you if you attempted to give yourself up." He replied with seriousness.

"What are we gonna do than, Eric? How are we going to protect our own and fight Erudite?"

"Four wants to make some sort of truce with the factionless." He stated.

Sighing, I let him go, bringing my knees up against my chest. "I figured it'd come to that." He nodded. "Do the others agree?"

"They would give us the numbers to eradicate Erudite."

"And is that what the plan is?" I frowned.

"Pen, I don't know. I wasn't allowed to listen to the whole meeting." He replied with annoyance.

Running my hand across his hair, I gently gripped the back of his neck, resting my forehead against his again. "I'm sorry. I don't want to argue."

"I wasn't going to." He told me with an edge to his voice.

Smiling, I kissed him. For a moment he didn't put much effort into it, then he gripped my face, kissing me deeply. "How are you doing?" I asked him.

He sighed and nodded at me, "I'm doing okay."

"Just okay?" I asked him, putting my hand against his face.

He pulled me against his side, pressing a kiss against my neck. "It's weird being back here. Everything has changed and I don't know where I belong anymore."

"You belong with me." I told him quickly.

He smiled, kissing me softly. "I know. I meant with our faction. You will still tattoo and treat the wounded. But I'm no longer a leader, what the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know, baby." I told him softly, trailing my fingers across the hair at his temple. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see where this fight takes us. Maybe we won't even be in Dauntless by the time it's over."

"Is that what you want?" He asked.

Meeting his eyes, I couldn't read his expression. "I don't care where I am." I told him. "As long as I'm with you."

"What if I want to stay in Dauntless, even if this fight takes us somewhere else?"

Taking his head in my hands, I met his eyes, repeating, "As long as I'm with you."

"Even if that takes you away from Four, Claude, and the others?"

Frowning now, I felt like he was questioning my loyalties, "What are you really asking me?"

He sighed and got up, dragging his hand down his face before he turned to face me at the end of the bed. "I just – I just don't want you to have any regrets. I'm not a leader anymore. I hold no weight in this faction or anywhere else. I'm good at fighting and manipulating and pissing people off." He told me as he started to pace. "I'm not good at being – well – good." He paused and looked at me, frowning as he saw the smile on my face. "What?"

"Baby, you are a good man. You're a better man now than you've even been. Yes, we have a long way to go on your road of redemption. But you are far from worthless." I told him. "You know more about fighting than even Four. You know the ins and outs of not only Dauntless but Erudite as well. Your knowledge – and yours alone – will be more helpful to this fight than any others. You are far more important than anyone has given you credit for. You are what will tip the scale for us. You, Eric, and you alone. Even if we do join forces with the factionless, it will still be you who will lead us because you know exactly where to hit them and what to expect. So don't doubt yourself. Because I sure as hell don't." Getting off the bed, I stepped up to him, holding his eyes. "And no matter where this fight takes us, even if it's away from those I call family, I will still remain at your side. I am where you are, Eric. After everything we've been through, you should know that by now." I told him and smiled. "I will never turn from you, Eric. Never. I am with you, body and soul. I love you. I love you more than anything."

In the next moment he had my arms, throwing me into the bed. He swiftly moved on top of me, ripping the shirt from my body, the straps of my bra digging into the back of my shoulders before they snapped, being tossed aside. My pants were next, being ripped off of me with more force than I thought possible and yet no pain accompanied it. Lying naked beneath him, he took my breast in his hand, squeezing it, his thumb rubbing my nipple. Then he was sucking it, his tongue leaving fire as he trailed it up my body until he slipped it into my mouth. His hand reached down and started to rub me, making my heart start to race, a shudder of pleasure moving through me as wetness started to cover his fingers. Arching as his fingers slid inside of me, my breath caught, gripping the back of his neck as I kissed him passionately. His fingers moved faster, his lips never ceasing, his teeth gripping my lip. Clutching his shirt I squeezed his hips with my legs, moaning as I climaxed. He removed his fingers, leaning back, bringing them to his lips, licking the length of his finger. Grinning at him, feeling my cheeks flush, he brought his fingers to my lips. I kept his eyes as I sucked them, gripping the base of his shirt. It was unfair that he was still dressed.

Pushing him back, I sat forward, ripping the shirt from his body. He laughed as I discarded the remains, taking my head in his hands as I reached for his pants. Gripping his hips tightly, I jerked him, rolling him onto his back underneath me. He grinned up at me, his hands finding my hips as I yanked his pants, forcing them down. Lying atop him, I worked the pants from his legs until they hit the ground. Straddling his legs, his penis now free, I swiftly took it into my mouth, my tongue forming around it, licking circles around the tip before letting it slip from my mouth. Positioning myself over him, I gripped his quivering member, lifting myself just enough so I could slide it into me. A key fitting a lock. Rocking against him, I ran my hands up and down his chest, digging my nails into him as I rocked harder. His hands still gripped my hips, feeling him shudder through his touch.

Keeping his eyes, I gripped his wrists, taking them from my hips, my thumbs running along his palms before I placed them both against my breasts. He rubbed them, leaning up, his hands sliding across my sides to my back. His lips slammed against the space between them, his breath hot against me, making me shudder as I continued to rock against him. Little made me feel more alive. Then his lips were against mine and everything fell away. The feeling of him rubbing inside of me. The taste of his lips as they moved with mine. I didn't think a day would come where I could say enough nor do enough to show him how much I loved him.

Sweat covered our bodies as we lay panting next to each other, both grinning like fools. Rolling over, I placed my chest on top of his, running my fingers across it as I looked down at him. He ran his fingers through my hair, taking it between his fingers, looking at the colors. Running my hand along the shortness of his, I rested my chin on top of my hand, closing my eyes as he continuously ran his fingers through my hair. It was a relaxing and comforting feeling. If I had it my way we'd never leave this room.

"I love you too." He told me softly, making me open my eyes.

For a moment I was confused, only then I realized he hadn't said a word since my little speech. Smiling, I leaned forward and kissed him slow and deep. "Good. Because you're stuck with me for life."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He replied running his fingers through my hair.

Kissing him again, I ran my fingers across his lips. "Not to talk in circles but, what do you think we should do?" I asked him.

He sighed, continuing to run his fingers through my hair. "I think Four is right. I think we need to get rid of Jeanine and those that follow her."

Frowning, I moved from his chest propping myself up on my elbows, still on my stomach. He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his arm as well. "Even though you've known her for as long as you can remember?"

"She's nothing to me." He shot at me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Sorry." He said trailing his fingers down my back. "The second she put you to death she was dead to me."

"Yet you followed her." I replied gently.

"When I heard that you'd escaped, I stayed to try and protect you. I manipulated her just as she manipulated me. I was just a pawn but she had many more under her control. Even I could move a few and get what I wanted, and that was to make sure you stayed alive."

Nodding, I met his eyes, seeing only truth in them. "I'm sorry." I finally told him.

"For what?" He frowned.

Frowning back, I shook my head, "I don't know. For everything. If what happened at the Chasm never took place than things would be very different for you."

"I'd be dead." He replied. "A lot of others would be dead too."

Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "But neither of us would have endured the pain and suffering that we have."

"It could've been worse, Pen. It still could get a whole lot worse before it gets any better." He told me softly. "And if I had the chance to go back and do it differently, I wouldn't. I am happy, Pen. You make me happy and I would give anything to be with you."

"You would let more be put under the simulation and die?" I asked him, knowing the answer.

"Yes." He replied quickly. "If I was the Divergent one and you weren't, wouldn't you sacrifice others for me?"

I replied just as quickly, "Yes." He smiled at me. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No." He said and kissed me. "It simply makes you imperfect."

Laughing lightly, I kissed him again, "It's a good thing neither of us are perfect."

"Perfect is just boring." He smirked.

Laughing louder, I wrapped my arm around him, pressing myself against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you." He said before a serious expression crossed his face. "Will you promise me something?"

"Of course."

"Don't give yourself to Jeanine. Don't leave me." He tone was serious with a layer of fear in his undertone.

"I promise you, Eric. I won't leave you. Not ever."

He nodded, smirking at me, "Good."

"I would never put you through that again. I would die for you, but I won't die for her."

"I don't want you to die for me, Pen." He frowned. "I need you to survive."

"And I need you to survive."

"Don't be a martyr." He frowned harder.

"Then you don't be one either." I retorted. "I'm pretty sure even you underestimate my feelings for you."

He chuckled, "I don't think so."

"I know I mean everything to you. The same is for me. I may have those that I love and call family but nothing means anything without you."

"This conversation is swiftly turning into a very morbid goodbye speech." He stated with a frown.

"We are at war. Death could come at any moment." I smirked at him.

"Not while I'm here."

Smiling, I slid my hand to the back of his neck, pressing my forehead against his, "Then I guess you better not go anywhere."

Enough words had been broken and it was getting late. There were many things that needed to be done come morning, and we needed to be rested to face it. Showering together, we silently showed each other the meaning behind that words we had spoken, going to bed happy and exhausted both physically and mentally. Despite the bad that had happened, I couldn't deny the sense of contentment and happiness that filled me. I hated everything that was going on. But we were alive and we were together. And nothing could ever compare to falling asleep with Eric's arms wrapped around me.

Feeling as if we had just laid down, we were once again woken to pounding on the door, only this time it was coming from the balcony. Lifting my head, I saw Four standing there with a panicked expression. Swiftly grabbing a shirt from the floor, Eric's, I unlocked the doors and pulled them open.

"Tobias, what is it?" I asked him groggily.

"Tris is gone." He told me with fear in his voice.


Happy Tuesday! Hope you all are still enjoying the story thus far! Lots of funness ahead!