Disclaimer: See Chapter One
A/N: Hello my lovelies! So far it seems you're all enjoying Part II. I hope you're staying excited and into the story! I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU! And tomorrow is a full day for me so you're getting this weeks chapter early. Don't get used to it! ; )
With much love,
Enjoy and Happy Reading!
Chapter Fourteen: Stupidity
Anger.
One of the stages of grief.
It felt like we were already grieving Tris and she'd only been gone a matter of hours. There was a crowd of us filling Max's old office, now made to be Tori's. We'd been arguing for hours and yet nothing had been decided. The moment that Four told me Tris was gone; Eric and I helped him get the leaders together as well as those closest to Tris. She had talked to Christina before she left. At the time Christina had no idea what Tris was planning, she had simply told her that she was going to see Caleb to see what he knew about what Abnegation was going to release; the reason that Jeanine orchestrated the attack on them. It was a good story. Hell, if she had told me that I would have agreed and probably offered to go with. There was a lot we didn't know and a lot that we needed to know. But Tris was being an idiot. Yes, Jeanine was hiding something and yes, we needed to figure out what it was. But this wasn't the way. I understood that Tris needed to figure out what it was. I wanted to know too, but this wasn't the way. Giving herself up was the stupidest thing she could have done. It was almost like suicide. The easy way out.
"I'm not saying that!" I yelled as Four started to get all riled up again. "I'm saying that you can't do it alone." I added lowering my voice.
"I'll do what I have to." He replied.
"Even if we wanted to get her out, we don't have the numbers right now." I went on. "It was your idea to join with the factionless but we have yet to make any sort of agreement with them. We can't just storm in there with guns blazing."
"Why not?" Eric frowned.
"Because we'll be slaughtered." I shot back at him. "I don't know about you, but I'd like to not die today."
"Maybe not." Four replied looking like he was deep in thought.
For a moment I just looked at him, trying to figure out where he was going with this. Then the only logical explanation started to become clear. Looking at Eric, he had the same look that Four did. They were both going to do something stupid. I needed to defuse this before it escalated any further.
"Look, I know you could go and get her out, but you don't know the halls and when they make their rounds." I stated, attempting to make him see reason. "Not only that but you have no idea where they're keeping her."
"That's why Eric will accompany me." He stated.
"He hasn't agreed to anything." I stated.
"Not yet, but who better to help me than him?" He countered.
"If you're going to ask that of him ask now, otherwise he's staying here." I shot back, though I hoped he would just keep his mouth shut. Eric couldn't go. I couldn't handle him going back there. Not after just getting him back.
Eric stood from where he sat next to me, towering over me, his voice serious. "You don't speak for me."
"I'm not speaking for you, I'm stating a fact." I shot back at him. "It would be stupid to simply march back into Erudite. They must know you've betrayed them."
"We don't know that!" Four yelled.
"Exactly!" I yelled back. "We don't know anything!"
"Enough!" Tori yelled even louder, putting herself in the center of the group. "We've been talking in circles for hours. Let's just take a break and cool off."
"I'm not going to cool off until we're on our way to save Tris." Four shot at her.
She stepped up to him, "You will do nothing until we've all discussed every option we have. You are a leader now, Tobias. You need to start acting like one."
She left, Harrison following her, leaving the rest of us standing there in an awkward circle. For a long moment I just looked at Four before trying to make him see reason. "Tobias, I understand what you're feeling. I really, really do. But you have to be smart about this." He nodded and started to walk away. "Tobias, wait. Tobias!" Sighing, I put my hand against Eric's forearm, looking up at him.
His jaw was set as he met my eyes. "If he asks, I'm going." He told me.
"Eric." I frowned at him.
"You don't speak for me and don't think that you can tell me what to do. I may owe you my life but that doesn't mean you rule me." He replied with a hard expression.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" I shot at him. "When have I ever tried to tell you what to do or to rule you? I like to discuss things but that doesn't mean I expect you to listen to me just because I say so."
"Then what are you thinking?" He asked mockingly. "Let's discuss it."
Scoffing, I shook my head at him, "You are a better man, but sometimes the old you can't help but come out."
Walking away from him, I went to the Dining Hall, seeing Claude and Terra at a table. Sitting across from them, listening to them talking about fighting technique, Claude slid a can of green beans over to me. I ate them, gripping the apple she slid to me next. She was hardly looking at me and yet was taking care of me. But that was Claude.
"You can't let them get the upper hand. If you don't have a gun, go for their gun hand and attempt to disarm them. Take their gun and shoot the hell out of anyone." Claude was saying.
"I know." Terra smiled at her. "I've learned a lot since Dauntless and now that you're here I know I'll become just as good as you are." She told her before looking at me. "And Pen." Though a frown crossed her face. "What's up with you?"
"Nothing." I stated.
"Don't bug her." Claude stated. "She's got a lot going on today."
"Will you come back with me?" I asked her. "When we meet again in a few hours?"
She nodded, "Of course."
I nodded back at her, "Thanks."
In the next moment, Four slammed down in the seat next to me. I didn't look at him. Claude repeated the same action she had with me, taking the food from Terra and pushing it over to him. He ate in silence, the sound of his apple and mine loud in our little space. Unable to take the silence anymore, I looked at him, raising a brow when he met my eyes. He just raised one in return.
"Are you going to ask him to go with you?"
"Yes." He replied.
"He just got away from them, Tobias." I frowned at him. "I just got him back and we're finally free to be together. Only now you're asking him to go right back to the place he's just escaped."
"I need him to help me get her back." He said slowly. Scoffing, I shook my head, looking at my hands. "But I'm gonna ask you too." He added, meeting my eyes. Staring back at him, I didn't know what to say. "I know you and Tris aren't close, but I need you Pen. I need you to help me get her back too."
Putting my hand on the back of his neck; I nodded, pulling him against me. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. Holding him tightly, I looked at Claude. She looked back sadly, offering me a small smile.
Walking down the thin path to the base of the Chasm, I sat near the water, letting the spray coat my skin. I wasn't sure how I felt about Tris not being here. It was her own decision – a stupid one – but hers nonetheless. This fight wasn't hers. This was all of ours and she made it seem like it was all about her. Like she was the only Divergent that mattered. She was just one little girl. One that Jeanine had taken a liking to, but that didn't make her the only one worthwhile. It wasn't up to her to bring down Jeanine and to see this fight end. Nothing was up to her and yet she just walked herself into Erudite and into Jeanine's hands. She was a fucking idiot and now her beloved Tobias was going to ask Eric – my world – to go get her back. Not only him but myself as well.
I didn't owe her anything. I didn't owe her anything and yet I knew that I couldn't deny him. I would go with him because Eric would go. I couldn't be selfish enough to ask him to stay because I didn't like the thought of going without a proper plan. Then I realized that I was selfish enough. I wasn't going to risk Eric just to get Tris back. I'd be sorry if she died but it wasn't my problem.
Only it was my problem.
She was Divergent.
I was Divergent.
It was us and all those like us that was the purpose behind this fight. Jeanine wanted us and would kill until she had us. Did that make Tris the selfless one? The one we should look to because she was brave enough to hand herself over? Shutting my eyes, I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. My head hurt.
Hearing steps, I sighed as Eric sat next to me, bending his knees, draping his arms on top of them. "Why does she think she's so special?" I frowned at him. "She is not the only Divergent one. But if I had done what she had, would I get the same reaction? Would our people band together to come and rescue me from the situation that I put myself in?" When he remained silent I went on. "I am just as worthwhile as she is if not more so. She is just a stupid little girl and yet Four loves her and everyone else looks to her like she is some sort of prophet. I know more about being Divergent than she does and yet even Jeanine speaks her name."
"Do you want yours to be the name she speaks?" He asked.
"No." I replied quickly. "I just don't see what everyone else does. I wish I loved her like everyone else, but I can't seem to bring myself to love her, or even like her, like everyone else."
"I don't love her." He stated.
"No, but you're willingly going to run back into Erudite to rescue her." I retorted with venom. "Four asks and you just agree to go. She means nothing to you and yet you chastise me for wanting to talk you out of it. You didn't give me the opportunity to talk you of it. You just assumed that's what I was going to do and were an asshole about it."
"Pen –"
"You don't get to tell me what to do any more than I get to tell you." I interrupted him. "You gave a lovely speech about me being all you have and I reciprocated it and you still are going to run into the lion's den." Finally turning my head to meet his eyes, his brows were furrowed, his apology in his eyes. "I don't agree with Four. We can't just run in there with guns blazing in the hope that we find her and can get her out. That place is swarming with Dauntless traitors. They will kill us on sight."
"Maybe not me." He told me gently.
"Maybe not." I said picking up a rock and throwing it into the water. "But if they figure it out than they will kill you. Did you ever stop to think of what that would do to me?"
"It's not all about you, Pen." He replied with edge in his voice but was still gentle. "Did you ever stop to think what Four must be feeling? He loves Tris and she's in Erudite all alone. We have no idea what Jeanine is doing to her or what she will do to her. Even I didn't see what she did with them."
"You mean me." I frowned. "You mean Tris. We aren't 'them'. We're the Divergent."
"Fine. The Divergent." He replied sounding annoyed now. "But she could die, Pen. She could die and can you really be selfish enough to let your friend – your brother – go through that if we can help him save her?" I didn't reply. "I know what's going through his mind. I had to feel the agony of thinking you dead. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Not even my worst enemy. So if Four asks me to help him, then I'll do it without hesitation. I know the ins and outs of Erudite. My knowledge will give him, and anyone that comes with, the best shot of getting her and everyone else out alive." I nodded, staring at the water. He sighed and moved closer to me, his arm pressing against mine. "You said it yourself; I have a long road to redemption. This is something I can do to help earn trust and respect. More than that, if I can earn those with just Four than I'd feel like I'm starting to belong here again. So don't ask me to be a coward. You know I can't. Not even for you. I'll do the right thing for once in my life."
Looking at him again, tears were welling in my eyes. I'd never been more proud of him. Or more terrified for him. He wasn't wrong. In fact, he probably had never been more right. How could I argue with him? Deciding that I couldn't, I nodded, getting up and making my way back up the path. Slowly walking the halls, I went back to my apartment, moving round the bed and sitting in front of my mural of him. I was going to have to let him go. I didn't want to go but I knew that I would be at his side. It was a stupid plan and we'd more than likely get ourselves killed but I would do it. I'd do it for Eric. I just couldn't bring myself to be happy about it. Or motivated.
Hearing the door, I sighed, "I don't want to argue anymore."
"Good." Claude said and sat next to me.
"Sorry, I thought you were Eric."
She nodded, "I figured."
Sighing again, I looked back at the wall, "So what's up?"
"They're meeting again. You asked me to go with you, only you weren't there." She replied.
I scoffed and shook my head. "No one told me we were meeting again."
"What are you and Eric fighting about?" She asked gently.
"Him and Four charging into Erudite to get Tris back." I replied.
"What?" She frowned. "Do they have a death wish?"
"They're trying to come up with a plan that doesn't involve martyrdom, but I have a feeling it'll be a necessity for this little mission." I felt her gaze, meeting her eyes as she frowned at me. "Four wants to join forces with the factionless. If we had them backing us up than I wouldn't care about going. But if it's just a handful I don't know how we're going to pull it off."
"We?" She frowned harder.
"You don't think I'm letting him go without me do you?" I frowned back.
"Pen." She said sadly.
I shook my head, "I can't stop him, Claude. And if he goes, I go."
"Then I'm going to." She replied matter-of-factly.
"Then that would mean Terra was coming."
"And you know Henry will come too." She stated.
"Fuck Henry." I stated coldly.
She nodded, "I agree. He deserves the worst for what he did to you. But he comes in handy in a fight."
Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, bowing my head. "I wish everything could just go back to the way it was."
"Do you really want that?"
Meeting her eyes, I nodded, "Even if Eric and I weren't public, we'd still be together and those who have died would still be alive."
She looked at me sadly. "Yeah, I would like that. They deserve to be alive. But if what happened hadn't happened, than I wouldn't have Terra back. You and Eric wouldn't be officially together. You'd still be hiding who you really are." She told me and paused. "I think I like it better this way, even if we're in the middle of a war between the factions."
Nodding, I finally smiled at her. "Yeah, I guess I like it better this way too."
"You should go join the others." She said nudging me.
"No." I replied shortly. "I'll just wait for him to come to bed. I don't really feel much like arguing with them all over again. Eric can fill me in. It doesn't really matter what the plan is anyway, I'll still be at his side."
She sighed and nodded me, "Yeah, see, that's what has me worried."
"You don't have to worry about me." I told her. "Eric won't let anything happen to me."
"I know." She replied. "But you won't let anything happen to him either." I furrowed my brows at her. "I may like it better like this but I'm not stupid enough to believe that some things aren't for the better. You've risked your life for him. I don't want to see him take it from you."
"He won't." I stated. "And I thought you liked him."
"I do like him." She replied quickly. "I actually like him a lot. I just would rather have you."
Smiling, I wrapped my arm around her, resting my head against her shoulder. She rested her head against mine and for a long while we just sat there. I got that she was worried, hell I was worried. But that wasn't going to stop me from going. Eric and I may not see eye to eye but I'd still follow him to the ends of the world. I knew the same was for him.
Waking late, Claude had left hours ago and I had doodled in bed, waiting for Eric to come home. When he didn't, I went to bed, taking forever to finally fall asleep. The room was still quiet, rolling over to find myself still alone. Getting up, I went to the bathroom, making sure he wasn't there. Running my fingers through my hair, I left the apartment, moving to Tori's office to see if they were still meeting. The office was empty, making fear start to creep into me. Turning, I raced to Four's apartment, letting myself inside to see Four lying on his bed. He was draped across the corner of it, bottles on the floor in front of him. Sighing, I stepped forward, picking them all up and setting them aside. Going to him, I ran my fingers through his hair, coaxing him up just enough to get him to the pillows. As soon as he was comfortable, I left, once again in search of Eric. Going to the Pit, the sound of the Chasm filled my ears. Moving toward it, I heard a yell from above me. My head shot up toward the Fear Landscape, darting toward it. It was Eric.
Rushing up the path, I burst through the door to the Fear Landscape. Eric was sitting on the floor against the wall. His knees were bent, his wrists sitting atop them and his head was bowed. Though it shot up when I came bursting through. Tears were wet upon his cheeks. He let out a short laugh, shaking his head at me as he smirked, looking away. Frowning, I didn't say a word. Stepping up to him, I took his head in my hands, making him look at me. His hand moved to my wrist and he pulled me closer to him, pressing his forehead against mine. Sighing, I sat next to him, pulling him into my arms, cradling him. His arms wrapped around mine that was across his chest, his head resting in the crook of my arm. Running my hand across his hair and down his arm, I let him cry.
When he quieted, I pressed a kiss against his temple, hearing his deep breathing. He'd fallen asleep. Sighing, I kissed his head, shifting just enough to hold him tighter, leaning my head back against the wall. Feeling the need to stay awake to watch over him, it took a long time before I too finally fell asleep.
Waking again, I was in the same spot, Eric still in my arms. By the sound of his breathing, he was still asleep. Rubbing the sleep from my face, my ass was killing me and my left leg was falling asleep. Attempting to shift without waking him, I failed, his hand squeezing my arm before he sat up. I hated to admit it but it felt so good to be able to move. Shifting onto my knees, I put my hand on his leg as he ran his hand down his face, clearing his throat. He looked like hell. He met my eyes, his brows furrowed. Smiling, I moved closer to him, putting my hand against the side of his head, kissing him slowly.
"I'm sorry." He told me softly.
Now my brows furrowed as I shook my head at him, "Don't be." He looked at me sadly, his hand running up and down my thigh. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He nodded but didn't look convinced. "Are you okay?" I asked him gently. "What were you doing up here?" He frowned and shook his head. "Baby, come on, talk to me."
"I had hoped it had changed." He finally told me, taking my hand tightly in his.
"But it hasn't?" I frowned at him.
"It has." He nodded. "Just not the way I had hoped."
Kissing him again, I rested my forehead against his again. "Tell me."
"No." He replied quickly.
"It can't be that bad." I teased, smirking at him.
He frowned at me, a shimmer entering his eyes. "It is, Pen."
Swallowing a lump in my throat, I nodded at him, "You don't shoot yourself anymore?" He shook his head. "You watch me die?" I asked next. He nodded. "Are you forced to do it?"
"No." He said softly. "I just have to watch it over and over and over again."
Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "I know what that feels like."
"I know." He nodded. "But it was…" He said and trailed off. "I can't."
"It's okay." I stated quickly, running my hand across his hair, letting it rest against his neck. "It's okay, baby. You don't have to tell me."
"I'll do whatever you want." He told me barely above a whisper.
Frowning, I shook my head, "Eric, I don't own you. I won't tell you what to do and I don't expect you to listen to everything I say. We're a team. We're in this together. You don't have to agree with everything I say and vice versa. I too will do whatever you want. But I don't want it to come to that. I am yours and you are mine. Whatever decision is made will be made together."
"Everything okay?" Four interrupted.
"It's fine." I told him, looking at the floor, taking my hand from Eric.
"Should I come back?"
"No." I stated getting to my feet. "We're done."
"What does that mean?" Four frowned.
"It means we've said enough."
Eric stood next to me, "I'm not done." He told me softly.
"What else is there to say?" I frowned at him. "You're going with Four, I get that. Just tell me what the plan is and I'll be at your side."
"Pen, I don't want this to cause a rift." Four stated.
"No rift is being formed. I'm worried and afraid. I'm a girl. It's my prerogative."
"I don't want you to be mad at me." Eric frowned at me.
I shook my head, attempting to sound kind, "I'm not mad at you, Eric. I'm mad at Tris and the situation. I'm mad that I'm Divergent and don't have the guts to do what she did."
"I wouldn't let you."
"I said that too and look where that got me." Four stated.
"Listen, we need to get Tris back, plain and simple. Let's just do that so we can move on." I said looking between them.
"Move on to what?" Four frowned.
"To end this fight." I told him. "Go to your mother and make a pact or a truce or whatever you have to do; but get their allegiance and let's kill Jeanine and end this."
There was a long pause before Four spoke again, "There's no time to go to my mother. We need to get Tris out sooner rather than later."
"Okay. Then what are you thinking?" I asked him.
"We're meeting at noon with Tori and the others."
"Okay." I nodded. "We'll be there."
For a long moment he just looked at me, then he stepped up to me, pulling me into his arms. "Thank you, Pen."
"You don't have to thank me. Thank Eric if you want to thank someone." I replied, smiling at him as I let him go.
He nodded, looking at Eric. "Thank you, Eric. But not for helping me. It's appreciated, but thank you for loving her. It means a lot to me that she's happy."
I smiled at him, but Eric stepped forward with a deep frown on his face. "Does she look very happy to you?" He shot at his new leader.
"Eric." I said putting my hand against his chest.
"And it's your woman's fault." He kept going, pushing against my hand as he pointed at Four.
"Stop." I told him putting my other hand against his chest. "Please." He looked down at me, breathing hard, before he stepped around us and left the room. Watching him go, I smiled at Four. "Sorry."
"He's not wrong." He told me sadly.
"No, he's not." I replied. "But he's not as angry as he seems. It was a long night."
"He was going through his fear landscape?"
I nodded, "And it was painful for him."
He nodded back, "He's second guessing coming with me?"
"I don't think so." I replied shaking my head. "But me dying is his worst fear. I was in his landscape before this started and it's changed since then, only not for the better." He nodded at me again. "That's why I know he's not second guessing it. He wants to get Tris back just as much as you do because he knows what you're going through. Not just from his landscape. He thought me dead after Amity. He doesn't want you to go through that. He'll follow you, Tobias. Don't let it be to his death." I finished and stepped around him, leaving as well.
Going back to my apartment, I heard the shower running. Walking to the bathroom, I sighed, slowly taking my clothes off, draping them over Eric's on the seat of the toilet. Sliding the door open, I stepped inside. He had his hands against the wall, his head under the stream. It left little room for me but I managed to slide the door shut without touching him. For a moment I took him in. His eyes were shut and it looked like he was fighting some internal battle. Reaching my hand up, I trailed my fingers down his side. He sighed, lifting his head and meeting my eyes. Offering him a small smile, he swiftly took my head in his hands, kissing me deeply. Wrapping my arms around him, I breathed him in, tasted him, quivered at the feel of him.
He buried his face in my neck, feeling him breathe me in as well. Then he was kissing me again. "I love you." He whispered, meeting my eyes.
"I love you." I told him, running my thumb across his bottom lip. "More than my own life." He frowned. "Hey, get used to it. It's not like the same doesn't go for you." He smirked and nodded at me. "You need some proper sleep."
"I'm okay." He replied.
"I know." I said starting to wash him. "I was using it as an excuse for me since I could use some proper sleep. My ass is killing me from sitting on the floor all night."
"Really?" He asked with a raised brow. "Killing you huh?"
"Yes." I smiled.
"I can help you with that." He stated, gripping my ass, massaging it in his hands.
"Ooo, that's nice." I smiled mischievously as I leaned into him.
In the next moment he had leaned down, biting my ass, making me shriek and laugh at him. Cleaning each other, we got out, drying off and putting sweats and a tank on before crawling into bed. There was still plenty of time to sleep before noon. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I stayed awake for a while longer, watching him, before shutting my eyes, letting sleep wash over me. I slept soundly with him next to me. Something I hoped would never change.
When noon arrived, we were all once again circled around Tori's desk. Eric was on one side of me and Claude was on the other. Everyone was looking a bit on edge, making me wonder what was talked about yesterday when I wasn't here.
"We've thought about what you proposed." Tori finally spoke.
I had to do a double-take when I realized she was talking to Eric. "What was proposed?" I asked.
"You didn't tell her?" Tori frowned at my boyfriend. He just looked at her, refusing to meet my eyes even though I tried. She sighed, "Eric and Four are going alone."
"What?" I frowned, feeling my pulse start to race. "No."
"It gives us all the best chance of getting out of there." Eric told me gently.
"No." I repeated. "I'm not letting you go without me."
"Fine." Tori spoke.
"Tori." Eric shot at her.
She just shrugged at him, "Are you going to stop her? She sure as hell isn't going to listen to me."
"You're a leader of Dauntless. You can order her to stay." Eric retorted.
"Really?" Tori said with raised brows. "Do you really think that will work?"
"It won't." I stated, looking up at Eric. "I'm with you, baby. Whether you like it or not." He clenched his jaw, gripping my wrist as he looked down at me. "It's gonna be okay." He just looked at me. Lacing my fingers with his, I looked at Tori. "So what's the plan?"
"Eric will return to Erudite with Four and you posing as prisoners. He'll tell anyone who asks that we've been holding him hostage and he finally managed to manipulate us enough to escape."
"Do you really think that she'll fall for that?" I asked and looked up at Eric again.
"I'll be convincing." He nodded. "She knows me. I can make her believe what I'm telling her. Besides, enough happened where I can tell her the truth, spinning it to sound worse than it is."
"And you think she'll believe that you caught both Four and Pen all on your own?" Claude frowned at him.
He nodded, "Yeah."
"How?" She asked.
"Pen's the easiest to explain. She knows we're in love. I'll tell her that you tried to bring me to your side and I let you think that I had only to turn against you. Four gave himself up to be with Tris." He explained.
He sounded like he was being honest. My stomach did a little flip and for a moment I entertained the thought that he really was just making me believe that he had switched sides. But I knew that he was with me.
"And we're not going just for Tris." He went on.
"What else are we doing?" I frowned.
"Scouting." Four answered for him. "Eric knows where all the control rooms are. But we need to make sure nothing has changed and to assess their numbers."
Sighing, I nodded, "Okay."
There was a long moment as everyone looked at each other. "You don't have to do this." Tori told me. "They can handle it."
"Sometimes a woman's touch is needed." I smirked at her.
"This isn't a situation to make light of, Pen." Claude frowned at me.
I looked at her, smirking, "You could always come with me."
"No." She replied. "I don't have a death wish."
"Neither do I." I stated with seriousness. "When do we leave?" I asked Tori.
"Tomorrow morning." She told me. "Go eat and have a drink. Get a good night's sleep. We don't know what will happen tomorrow."
"We'll succeed." Eric told her matter-of-factly.
The group dispersed, Eric walking away with Four, leaving me behind with Claude. "I don't like it." She told me.
"Neither do I, but I'm not letting him go without me." I replied. "I can't not know what's happening to him."
"I get it." She told me. "I just don't like it."
"I know." I nodded. "Me neither."
She hugged me before walking away. I knew she was angry about it but she wasn't about to attempt to stop me. If anyone did it would only fuel my stubbornness and make me want to go that much more. Turning back into the office, Tori was sitting at her desk, leaning back in her chair. Everyone else was gone so I didn't hesitate to sit in the chair across from her. It took a moment for me to relax. The last time I was in this chair I was covered with Edward's blood. Now he was Evelyn's right hand man and Tori was sitting in Max's chair since he was dead and would never sit in it again. It was weird thinking about how everything was then and how it was now. So much had changed. So much was going to change.
"You shouldn't go." She told me.
"I don't wanna go." I replied.
"Then why are you, Pen?" She asked leaning over the desk, a pained expression crossing her face. "Just let them go without you. Eric will just worry about you the entire time."
"And if I stay here all I will do is worry about him. I can't do that, Tori. I'm with him in all things. I will not turn from him."
"It's not turning from him to stay!" She yelled at me, making me jump. "Just stay here!"
"Tori, you don't understand, I –"
"I do understand, Pen!" She yelled, interrupting me, standing with her hands on the desk, leaning even closer to me. Then she sighed and sat back down, resting her forearms on the desk as she rubbed her hands together. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine." I told her, my eyes averted.
"I've already had to think you dead once. I don't want to do it again." She told me gently.
Nodding, I smiled at her, "I know. But I'll be fine. I'm tougher than you all think I am."
"I know you are." She frowned. "I know how tough you are and how brave. But the Erudite are smart and Jeanine wants you. You're playing right into her hands."
"No, I'm not. But I can't let Eric go without me. We're a team and his story is actually believable. If he can convince her than this plan of his might actually work."
"It could backfire a lot faster than you think, Pen." She told me with seriousness. "Even if she does believe him, what if she immediately calls for your death. Eric will stop her and the whole thing will fall apart. It's smarter if you just stay here."
"I'm going with him, Tori. End of story." I told her sternly.
An awkward silence fell between us, making me linger only a few minutes more. I loved Tori but I loved Eric more. I'd follow him to the ends of the world and back. Was it stupid? Probably. But I'd do it regardless.
Going to the Dining Hall, Eric was sitting with Four. They seemed to be in deep conversation about something. Moving to them, I put my hands on Eric's shoulders, sliding them down his chest before wrapping them around his neck. He sighed and leaned against me, his lips pressing against my cheek.
"I wish you'd reconsider." He told me.
"Everyone does. But I'm going whether you like it or not. And you won't argue with me because you love me." I told him nonchalantly before kissing him.
"Pen, I'm asking you to stay here." Four told me.
Straddling the bench, I looked at him. "Wasn't it yesterday that you were asking me to go?" I frowned.
"I know." He nodded. "But Eric's plan will work and we don't need to be distracted."
"Me being there will not be a distraction." I stated. "I'll be there to help. If anything, I can take care of Tris while you fight our way out. I can help, Four. You know I can."
"I do." He nodded. "I also know that both of us, Eric more than me, will be distracted with you there. Your safety means the world to him and if anything should happen –"
"Nothing will happen." I smiled at him. "I can take care of myself. Along with the both of you. If you're distracted than I won't be."
"You're such a pain in the ass." Eric stated with annoyance, picking his burger apart.
"Eat it. Stop playing with your food." I smirked at him.
He met my eyes, kissing me quickly before he started to eat again. Eating with them, for some reason I felt better. Just the three of us going on a mission to save Tris. We'd succeed and be back before we knew it. It was nice to know that we could trust each other. We'd be fine.
That night, I lay in Eric's arms, smiling as he ran his fingers up and down my back. Pressing a kiss against his bare chest, I sighed contentedly. We'd already showered, made love, and we should be sleeping but it wouldn't come to either of us. I was tired but if he couldn't sleep it made it nearly impossible for me as well.
"You need to relax." I told him.
"I can't." He replied.
"You're going to be fine. You can handle it."
"I know I can." He replied and I could hear the frown in his voice.
Frowning myself, I moved myself further onto his chest, looking down at him. "It's going to be hard to face them after everything that has happened. But you are more capable than all of us. You've come so far and you're doing a good thing."
"Just stay here, Pen. Please."
"Stop it." I told him. "You know I'm not going to listen to you, so why bother?"
"Maybe if I annoy you enough you'll change your mind." He replied, his fingers moving through my hair.
"Nope." I said, leaning down and kissing him. "I love you too much to let you go without me."
"I'll have Four."
"And you both will have me. It's going to be just fine. You'll spin an excellent story."
"What if she takes you?" He frowned.
"Then you'll get me back." I smiled and kissed him again.
His frown intensified, "It's not funny, Pen."
"And I'm not laughing." I replied kindly, tracing shapes across his chest. "But I'm not going to turn all cold and bitter and freak out about it. The plan is set and we'll see it through. If we have to improvise then so be it."
He sighed, nodding, before kissing me slowly and deeply. "I love you, Pen. With all of me."
"I know." I smiled and kissed him again. "But I love you more than that."
He gripped my sides, making me squirm as he rolled me underneath him. Fooling around for a while longer, he finally fell asleep lying on top of me. Smiling, I continuously ran my nails up and down his back, making sure he stayed asleep. Shutting my eyes, I focused on the sound of his breathing and the weight of him on top of me. Smiling, I finally let sleep take me, ready for what the morning would bring.
