Chapter Nineteen: Vengeance
As soon as I was finally dressed and ready, the clean, dark blue jeans felt amazing and the black long-sleeve shirt was just tight enough to not make me uncomfortable. If anything it offered just enough support to my sore body. Eric was wearing a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans that matched mine. We probably were matching too much. Though I wasn't going to complain about it. In fact, I kind of enjoyed it.
Leaving the room, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I was suddenly extremely anxious to go downstairs. They were my friends and family and yet, I didn't want to face them. I knew I had to, and I wanted to see them, but I just wished we could skip the hugging and awkward reconciliations and all the pain and fear and sadness. I just want everyone to be normal. But after all the others reaction I knew that facing Tori and those I hadn't seen yet was going to be uncomfortable.
When we got to the top of the stairs, I gently pulled on his arm, "Baby."
He looked at me with furrowed brows, gripping my hand tightly. "What do you want to do?"
Pressing myself against his chest, for a moment I listened to his heartbeat in my ear. "I want to just stay with you."
"Then let's go back to the room and lock ourselves away." He replied.
I looked up at him, my chin against his chest, "We can't."
"Yes we can." He stated and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "We can do whatever you want to do."
"You told me I had to see Tori."
He sighed and nodded, "Yeah, we should probably do that."
"Then I guess we go downstairs." I told him as I let him go.
He kept his arms around me, "I can be selfish enough for the both of us. Drag you back to the room and keep you there against your will."
Laughing, I shook my head at him, once again leaning against his chest. "I don't think I'd fight you."
"Even if you did that would just excite me." He replied, making me laugh harder as his teeth grazed my neck.
The voices that we could hear were suddenly gone. Sighing, we looked at each other, nodding before we started the slow decent downstairs. Now that they knew we were here, it was time. Eric led the way, his large form blocking me from view as we walked into the kitchen. It was eerily quiet and I didn't want to come out from behind him. Taking a deep breath, I put my hands against his shoulders, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before I stepped from around him. Looking around the room, Claude and Terra were there, Henry as well, Harrison and a few people I didn't recognize. I offered them all a small smile, hearing their collective sigh of relief from my family and friends. Tori rushed to me, wrapping me in her arms as she cried into my shoulder. I was so sick of tears, but I hadn't seen her yet, making her entitled to at least a few of them.
"I was so worried." She whispered with her hand against the back of my head. "Pen, I was so worried about you."
"So I heard." I smiled, making light of it.
She let me go, giving me a hard look. "Pen."
"I'm sorry." I told her. "We've all thought each other dead at least once. This was scary, I get that, but I'm not going to let it overwhelm me. I'm fine. I mean, I wanted to die so it kind of sucks that it almost happened. But Eric was dead. I didn't care anymore." Then anger started to boil and I found myself losing my patience with them. "And how long are we going to dwell on this? Ballpark figure. Because it has all worked out so let's just put it behind us. I am begging you all to just put it behind you."
"Fine." Tori said with a hint of annoyance.
"I don't mean to be so blasé about it, but I feel good. I've been shot for – what feels like – the umpteenth time since this all started, but otherwise I am right as rain. Sound of mind even. Despite what I went through."
"What did you go through?" Harrison asked.
"Enough." I replied with a frown. I still didn't like him. "I went through enough."
"You should have told me." Tori stated.
"Told you what?" I asked her. "I already told you that I was going to leave. I told you I was going after him. I just didn't tell you when. At least I left a note."
She nodded and pulled it out of her pocket, opening it and held it in front of her. "You did. It's a beautiful letter. And I understood everything in it. Even the shape you put it in. But it doesn't change the fact that you ran off to your death."
"I'm not dead." I told her.
"Thanks to him." She said pointing at Eric.
"He's also the reason I was willing to die." I shot back at her.
She sighed and nodded at me sadly, "Exactly."
"Exactly what?" I asked her angrily. "I'm sorry but he means more to me than anyone. I get that you wanted to protect me. I get that you don't want me to die. But I'd rather die than live without him." They all looked at me like I was crazy. "And I know that that must sound crazy to a lot of you." I said looking around the room. "He's one person in the grand scheme of things. But he's my person. He's the love of my life and if that's not worth fighting for than this war is already over. What are we saving if it's not for the people we love? Freedom? We already have that. We could leave and just be done with this whole thing. But we fight. I'm fighting. I'm fighting for him." I said and pointed at Eric. "But I'm also fighting for you." I added and pointed at Tori. "I'm fighting because it's the right thing to do. Because as free as we are, there are those who aren't. Those who can't fight for themselves. Men, women, and children. Divergent." Pausing, I attempted to bring myself round to how this whole conversation started. I'd definitely gone off topic. "So you can be mad at me all you want. Be mad that I left and didn't tell you the moment it happened. Be mad that I nearly got myself killed. Be mad that I love him more than the rest of you. Be as mad as you fucking want. I don't care. But you don't get to look down on me for following my heart over my head. Because without my heart there is no head. And he's my heart. He's it. He's everything. So be mad. Be worried. But it won't change anything. So I suggest letting it go and moving on. Because we're all alive and there are other things we need to worry about. Things way more important than me." Finally done, my breathing was heavy, making me start to pace to try and release some of the tension that had built up.
"That would depend on the person." Tori told me.
"Seriously?" I frowned at her.
She shrugged one shoulder, "To Eric you mean everything. I'm not far behind him in that category. So you're right, I can be mad. I am mad. But that's just because I love you so god damned much. You're the only family I have left, Pen. I don't have Georgie or anyone else. You're it. So stop risking yourself."
Keeping her eyes, feeling emotion take hold, I nodded, "Okay."
She smiled, "Okay."
A small smile started to creep across my face, "We should probably hug it out."
She laughed and pulled me into her arms, hugging me tightly as I buried my face against her shoulder. "I love you, Pen."
"I love you too." I replied. Letting her go, I looked at her with furrowed brows. "And I'm okay. I'm just happy everyone else is too."
"We are. We're good." She smiled. "Even better now."
Smiling, we finally acknowledged the rest of the people in the room. Feeling Eric step up behind me, Tori took a step back, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Okay." She said and nodded at me. "Now that we got all the touchy feeling crap out of the way. Back to business."
"Let me have it." I told her.
"I haven't talked to Tris, so, since you're the next best thing, what is Jeanine's end game?" She asked.
"To create a serum that works against the Divergent. To keep us controlled." I replied. "And she's getting closer. After Tris escaped and I replaced her, I wasn't too hard to figure out. I was driven by one thing and one thing alone. Eric. She knew that and exploited it. She knew how to manipulate me and it was working. But all she needs is one success and she can manufacture a serum that will work on all of us. And I'm afraid that I gave her just enough to make a good effort with it." They all looked at each other nervously. "Have you figured out how to get the transmitters out of our people yet?" I asked. Tori's jaw went tight briefly. "What aren't you telling me?"
"Yeah." Eric frowned from next to me.
Tori sighed and slowly stepped up to me. "We know that you just got out of there and that things were a bit dicey, but..." She said trailing off, glancing at Eric. "We're going to infiltrate Erudite tomorrow and we want you to come with us. You've seen some of the people working for her. You know the halls better than we do."
"No, I don't." I stated harshly, frowning at her. "I didn't give a shit about learning the layout. Eric knows it forward and backward. Not me. Why are you asking me to go? What is this really about?"
Tori took my hand, holding it tightly. "Because…" She started and glanced up at Eric. "Because if you go, then Eric will go."
"So ask him to go." I shot back at her. "I do not control him. He can make up his own mind about this fight and the role he has to play."
"And this is the first I'm hearing about it." He frowned at her.
Scoffing, pulling my hand from hers, I paced back and forth a few steps. "I just got out of there, Tori." I shot at her. "I just got out and after everything I went through –" Cutting myself off, tears started to prickle in my eyes, making me avert them as I chewed at the corner of my mouth. Meeting her eyes again, I shook my head, talking calmly, "You have no idea what I had to go through. You had no idea what they made me think and feel. You have no idea what how much you're asking of me, and now you're asking me to just jump right back in?"
"I know, Pen. But we need his help. We need your help."
Looking at her, my chest suddenly went tight and I couldn't stop the shaking that took me over. What if Jeanine had won after all? What if this really was just a simulation and I was stuck in it? What if none of this was real? What if –?
Spinning toward Eric, I looked at him with wide eyes, "Is this real?" I asked him, getting a sympathetic look from him. "Eric, is this real?"
"Pen." He said sadly, sensing my panic. "It's okay."
"Is this real?" I asked him again. "Or am I still stuck in a simulation that's about to turn bad and end up with all of us dead?"
"Baby, it's okay." He said as he put his hand against my face. Quickly, covering it with my own, I stared into his eyes. "It's okay." He said stepping closer to me.
"How do I know?" I whispered to him.
"Pen." Tori said reaching out for me.
Eric gripped me, pulling me against his chest, "Just give her a minute."
"What's wrong with her?" Harrison asked.
In the next second Claude was across the room, punching him hard. "Shut your fucking mouth. She's fine."
"She doesn't look fine." A voice I didn't know replied.
"Shut the fuck up." Terra shot at them defensively.
Still staring at Eric, he took my head in his hands, bringing his face closer to mine. I gripped his forearms, wringing them as I attempted to hold on to reality. "Baby, listen to me. This is real. This is happening. It's just something that we weren't expecting. But we knew that there was still a fight in our future and we knew that it would be us against Erudite."
"But tomorrow?" I frowned at him.
"We thought you'd want to jump back in." Henry interrupted us.
Taking Eric's hands from me, I spun back toward them, feeling Eric press against the back of my arm, feeling every one of my muscles tense. "You thought – you thought I'd want to go back?" I frowned at him.
"Pen." Tori said softly.
"Don't." I told her.
"We need him." She added softly.
I nodded at her, "I get that."
"What should be do then, Pen? Hmm?" She shot back. "What do you think we should do?"
Shaking my head, I lowered my eyes, trying to wrap my head around this. "I don't know." I finally told her."
"Then this is the plan. Are you in or out?"
"It's not that simple." Claude shot at her.
"It is." Tori replied quickly. "She knows as well as the rest of us – even better than us – that something needs to be done. Erudite needs to be destroyed and it's time to do it."
"I understand." I told her trying to sound strong. "And it's not that I don't want to jump right in. Because I do." I stated slowly. "It's just –" I said but stopped.
Continuing to shake my head, I ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't know how I should feel about this. All I knew was that anger and fear were starting to drown my senses. Everyone in the room seemed to blur as I took deep breaths to try and calm myself. Then I focused on them again, knowing that it didn't matter. They would still ask Eric to go and I was going to end up exactly where I was.
"You know what?" I finally told them. "It doesn't matter. I'll be ready." I stated and left the room as quickly as possible.
Eyes were immediately on me as I passed the living room, several people stood up, but I didn't stop or even slow down. Leaving the house, I looked up and down the street, everything looking the same. There were less people to the left, making me quickly move down the sidewalk, needing to get away from everyone. I knew Eric would follow me, but something told me that he was going to lay into them. Something I didn't feel like hearing either.
Waiting till I couldn't hear anything around me, I crossed my arms, waiting for Eric. My mind was reeling. Erudite and now what happened in the kitchen kept running through my mind, spinning until I felt like I could just fall to the ground. I had just gotten out of there and within a few hours of waking up they were already asking me to go back with them. I got it. I understood it. But I…I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to go. I'd let Eric go. I'd learned my lesson. He could go if he wanted to. He could handle it. I trusted him enough to let him handle it. So if they asked, he could say yes and lead them back in there for the final fight. But me? I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see those walls. I didn't want to see Jeanine or Hazel or Caleb or Nathan. I didn't care anymore.
Only…I'd made a promise. I'd promised that girl that I would come back for her. I promised her that I would. Then Eric died and I was taken prisoner. But she didn't know that. For all she knew I was still coming back for her. Or dead. But what if she was still waiting for me? What if they all were? Claude and I had been there and we could have found a way to set them free. But we didn't. Eric was more important to me. He still was. But now that we were together again and we were okay, how could I not go back for them? How could I not save the people who were just like me?
Feeling tears, I tried to control myself, feeling anxious without Eric. Feeling anxious about everything. And it felt like forever when I finally saw Eric jogging toward me. When he reached me, his face was red and he was breathing hard. I knew it wasn't entirely from the short jog. Gently gripping his shirt, not saying a word, we started walking again, turning down a side road. Looking around, there was still blood on walls and the ground. There were items strewn between houses.
Randomly turning into one of the houses, it was almost identical to Four's. The layout was slightly different but otherwise the same. Going to the kitchen, I filled two glasses with water, putting one in front of Eric who was already sitting at the table, slouching in the chair. Sitting in the chair next to him, I put my hand against my forehead, sliding the other across the table to cover his. He gripped my hand tightly, his brows furrowed and his eyes distant. Scooting closer to him, I trailed my fingers up and down his arm, bending to place a kiss against his skin.
He sat straighter, before putting his elbows on his knees, meeting my eyes. "We don't have to go." He told me. "You shouldn't have to go."
"You can go without me." I told him. "To help them."
"No." He said shaking his head. "I'm staying with you."
"Eric, if I'm here I'll be safe. You won't have to worry about me."
"No." He repeated. "I am where you are. I mean that figuratively and literally. Until this is all over, I am not doing anything without you. We do it together or we don't do it at all."
"Okay." I nodded, feeling my chest clench. I knew what we had to do. "Then I guess we're going back to Erudite."
"Pen." He said softly.
"Eric, I am not a coward. I can handle it. It'll be different than before. We'll have the backing of Dauntless and the factionless. But you are the most valuable resource we have. You know where to go and what to look for." I told him. "I will not deny our people your help for my own selfish reasons. I can handle it, baby. I have to."
"Staying wouldn't make you a coward." He told me. "Part of being brave is admitting when you can't do something. Do not be brave for me. I will not feel bad about staying behind."
Standing, putting my hand on his shoulder, he leaned back, wrapping his arms around my ass as I straddled his lap. Taking his head in my hands, I smiled at him, "If I was ever going to be brave for someone, it would be for you. And right now I need to be brave. You can help end this conflict and then we can live a happy life. Together."
He sighed, relaxing. "Okay." He nodded.
"I'm gonna be okay." I told him. He nodded, sighing again. "And we'll have Claude and Henry with us."
"And Terra." He told me with a small smile. "Her time with the factionless has changed her."
"She seemed the same timid her when I first saw her." I commented.
He nodded, "But now she has Claude back. The pair of them make a pretty deadly combination. They're awesome together."
"Good." I nodded moving from his lap. Sitting in the chair, I downed half the water.
"You okay?" He asked.
Nodding, for a long moment I stared at the glass before meeting his eyes. "I'm just afraid." Then my stomach growled. "And hungry." I added with a small smile.
"We should go back." He sighed.
Frowning, I leaned back hard against the chair before quickly leaning forward again, flinching from the pain. "I don't wanna go back."
"Yes you do." He smirked.
"We've hardly been gone." I stated. "Is it enough time for them to cool off from whatever you said to them?"
"We do well at making them feel guilty." He replied. "They'll be fine."
"I don't want them to feel guilty." I told him with a hard tone. "I want them to understand that what happened did more than they realize. I want them to see it and not ask me to go back there. But I have to."
"You don't, Pen. You don't have to go back there."
"I do." I nodded. "I do, because just as you won't leave me, I won't leave you, and you need to do this. I'm not selfish enough to ask you not to."
He smiled, gently gripping my forearm, his fingers sliding back and forth, "But I'm selfish enough to stay."
Smiling, I gently tugged on his shirt, bringing him closer to me, kissing him sweetly, "I love you."
He just smiled and kissed me again, pulling the chair closer to him, his hand running up my thigh. "If you don't want to go back yet, we could always go upstairs and find a bed to have fun in. I'll even let you be on top."
Laughing louder than was necessary, I rubbed my nose against his, "You know I like you on top."
"Doggy style?" He asked and laughed. Laughing loudly again, I kissed him, standing and leading him toward the stairs.
It was almost two hours later when we finally left the house, leaving a very used bed behind us, as well as the shower and one of the recliners. In the right position with no friction against my back, it made it far too easy to keep saying 'once more'. Though the bandage had been ruined and the partial scabbing was now slightly rubbing against my shirt. Though I knew Simmy would provide me with all I needed when we got back.
Hand in hand, we were nearly back to Four's when I saw Tris walking alone. Looking up at Eric, he raised a brow but let go of my hand, walking ahead as I slowed and fell in step with Tris. She looked at me but didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say either but I felt like something needed to be said. I knew what she was going through. Which was becoming a very unwanted pattern. I was there when she shot Will. I was there when both her parents died. I went through what she went through with Jeanine. I hated being compared to her. I hated it. But I couldn't deny that we had more in common than I had ever wanted to.
"I'm sorry." She told me, breaking the silence.
"I'm not asking for you to be sorry." I told her. "I'm not asking anyone to apologize for what happened."
"But it's my fault. I know that. And after everything, I am truly sorry for putting you in that position. And for what happened to Eric. I had no idea what they were planning. All I knew was that they had Tobias and that Eric had returned to them." She replied, getting a nod from me. "And it was kind of crazy how mad at him I was. I was so mad at him for leaving you. Because even though we may not be that fond of each other, I do care about you."
Sighing, I nodded, "I care about you too. So why did you leave us?"
"No one else was going to die for me." She stated.
"What happened wasn't your fault." I frowned. "Jeanine is a manipulative bitch and you let her beat you. You're better than that."
"Yes, mom." She smirked at me.
Scoffing, letting out a chuckle, I shook my head, "I am nowhere near as amazing as your mother was." I could hear her swallow a lump in her throat. "She wouldn't want you to give your life for this cause. You deserve so much more than you've been given."
"You sound like you genuinely like me." She smirked.
"Well, as much as I hate to say it, you're kind of growing on me." I smirked back. "And despite how much I hate it, we have more in common than most around here."
"Yeah, I never thought that would happen." She said and laughed lightly. Then she grew serious. "When you were with Jeanine, were your simulations as terrifying as mine?"
Scoffing, I nodded, "They were. At the same time they were beautiful." I told her, getting a look from her. "Eric was alive in them and I wanted to stay there. It wasn't terror for me. Not the normal kind. She gave me what I desired most. The terrifying part was knowing it wasn't real and having to wake up in a world where he no longer existed. That was terrifying. I wanted to die and Jeanine was going to kill me after she was done with me. I welcomed it. And there was a couple times that I honestly didn't want to come out of them. I either wanted her to kill me or let me stay in a never-ending simulation so I could be with Eric."
She surprised me by putting her arm around me. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I said returning the gesture. "And I know I said some choice words the last time I saw you. I'm sorry for that."
"Don't apologize." She smiled. "You were grieving and we all deserved those words. And Eric said some fun things to everyone today so I'd say we're even."
"He definitely does well at taking care of me. Even when I don't know it or ask for it."
"He loves you." She told me. "I never really understood that but after everything, I'm sorry I didn't tell Tobias earlier. And Eric has shown his true colors."
"What do you mean?" I frowned.
"He really has changed. If I met him now, after he's been with you, I'd never have hated him. He is devoted to you and loves you far more than anyone ever expected him to love anything. You should have seen him when Tobias told him what happened to you. I've never been more afraid of him or for him."
"Yeah, I was told he was a bit of a bear."
"No, he was completely mad with fear and worry. He needs you. He loves you."
Smiling, I nodded again, pulling her tighter against my side. "Just as Tobias loves you." I told her. "I've known him a long time and I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. He may not show it all the time but he's happy. As long as you're with him." She tensed and her eyes dropped to the ground. "What is it?"
She stopped, letting me go and turned to face me. "Can I tell you something that I haven't told anyone? And you have to promise me that you won't tell Tobias."
I nodded, "What's going on?"
"I think I have to team up with Marcus to get data from Erudite before everything is destroyed."
For a second I just looked at her, then I pushed her into the nearest house, closing the door and led her to the table. She sat down, looking extremely nervous. Feeling repetitive, I filled two glasses with water, setting one in front of her as I took a chair.
"Okay, explain everything to me." I told her.
"Evelyn and Tori's plan is simple. Storm Erudite and kill everyone. But I, along with Marcus and a handful of others, feel like the information kept there is too valuable to destroy."
"What does Tobias think?" I asked her.
"That eradicating Erudite is more important than saving the information." Nodding, I sighed. It wasn't a lot of information but I already knew what I thought was right. "What are you thinking?" She asked nervously.
"I think you're right." I told her. "After everything we went through we need to know what they've been hiding."
"Really?" She asked.
"Really." I nodded. "I didn't go through hell and back just to let everything go. And I don't believe that everyone in Erudite deserves to die, some of those who are working for Jeanine are captives, blackmailed to do what she wants."
"I know." She replied.
"My sister is there." I told her sadly. "Hazel."
"So is Caleb." She replied.
I nodded at her. "He and Hazel seemed to have buddied up. They both came to see me together until I became a bit unruly towards them."
"They deserve each other." She replied with a harsh tone.
"They do." I nodded. "At the same time, I want to get her out of there. I don't want her to die because she screwed up and showed up there. And the cells are filled with the Divergent. Nathan's girlfriend is one of them. The reason Nathan is working for her. We need to get them out of there." She nodded at me. "You do what you need to do." I told her. "Get the information you need. I'll take care of Tobias and I will get the Divergent out."
"So you're going back?" She asked.
"They need Eric. He won't go without me so that doesn't leave me with a lot of options." I replied. "And if I have to go back then freeing the Divergent is as good a reason as any to motivate me."
"You don't have to go." She told me.
"Do you want to go back?" I asked softly, feeling emotion start to creep to the surface.
"No." She told me, a glistening in her eyes. "I really don't. But I'm not a coward."
"Me neither." I nodded, my nose burning with the effort of keeping tears at bay, making a grimace cross my face.
Both of us gave in, sitting there silently as tears slid down our cheeks. They didn't last long and we were up and moving from the house. Looking down the street, I couldn't help but smile, Eric was standing in front of one of the barrel fires, shifting back and forth. The occasional Dauntless would pass him by, putting their hand on his shoulder, even a few offered their hands. He nodded and smiled at them, taking their hands. He was officially accepted now. Making me feel more at ease around my own people. Then he glanced up, seeing us, and he seemed to relax.
"Ever the protective one." Tris smiled.
"We've been through a lot. I don't think he'll ever fully relax until this is all over." I replied. "And Four is protective of you as well. Eric is just more obvious about it. He's not good at subtlety."
She laughed lightly, "No, he is not."
He wasn't even patient enough to wait for us to reach him. We were nearly halfway to him and he was moving toward us. "You okay?" He asked.
"I'm good, baby." I smiled up at him, leaning into his side as he wrapped his arm around me.
"Sorry." He replied. "It's been a long week."
"I know." I nodded. "But it's getting better."
"Thanks for letting me borrow her." Tris told him.
He nodded at her, "Yeah, of course." For a long moment she just stared at him. "What?" He finally asked.
"It's just amazing how changed you are." She replied, shocking both of us as she put her hand on his arm, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Don't ever change back."
"I won't." He replied, a small blush rising in his cheeks. Grinning, I wrapped my other arm around him, resting my head against his chest.
"Thank you." I told her.
"Thank you." She replied and walked off.
For a long moment we just stood there. I was perfectly happy in his arms. If I could stay there forever I would. But the moment had to end. We weren't done with this war and there was only a matter of hours before we would once again be on our way to Erudite. Once again charging through their doors to bring them down.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Eric asked softly.
"I am." I sighed. "Don't worry so much. The worst we'll ever go through is behind us."
"You don't know that." He stated with seriousness, his arms tightening around me.
"I don't, no. But we've learned from our mistakes and we will do better in the future." I replied as I slipped my hand into his. "Now let's go back to the room and make out for a while." I smirked up at him.
"You need to eat." He replied, his tone telling me there was no room for argument.
"Okay." I told him, tilting my head back so I could look at him. "Kiss me at least once and then we'll go eat." He smiled, running his fingers through my hair before gently pulling my face to his, kissing me deeply. Only once. "Once just isn't enough." I told him.
"Didn't think so." He said with a smooth voice that made me want to take him right then and there.
Wrapping my arm around his neck, running my hand up his chest to his face, I kissed him slow and deep as I rubbed my tongue against his. He pulled me tightly against him, leaving no room to move as he kissed me back. Everything else fell away and I felt like the heat between us was hotter than that of the fire nearby. When we finally parted, there was soft laughter and we realized that we were being watched. Not caring, I kissed him once more before taking his hand and finally made our way back to the house.
Stepping through the door, I nodded at everyone in the living room, seeing Edward, Simmy, Henry, and others sitting in a large circle. Some were playing games, others were just talking. There were many faces I didn't know, but didn't feel inclined enough to stop and say anything. I didn't care if they knew who I was or vice versa. Right now all I needed was food. Going to the kitchen, Eric and I weren't alone long. Henry appeared within a few minutes, looking a little anxious.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
I'd forgiven him upstairs. I'd forgiven him for what he did, wanting to move on and just forget it. I'd given him that inch and now I felt like he was going to take a mile. I let him back in and now he was going to open the floodgates and let out everything that had been building up inside of him. Everything he's been wanting to tell me that I'd never given him a chance to say.
"If you want to talk about what happened, I'm over it." I replied, opening up the can of mixed fruit that Eric had handed me.
"Here." He said handing me a small can of chicken next.
"Thank you, baby." I smiled up at him.
"Please?" Henry said. "We haven't talked since it happened."
"And I forgave you for it. What is there left to say? It's not exactly a happy moment I want to relive." I shot back at him, hoping the anger in my tone would make him stop.
"I don't think it's a good idea." Eric commented, gripping the edge of the counter, looking at Henry.
Anger crossed Henry's face. "Then leave. I'm not asking to talk to you. I want to talk to Pen who is one of my best friends."
"That you tried to rape!" Eric screamed at him.
The whole house went quiet and Edward stepped into the doorway. Then Four appeared, pushing past him and gripping Henry's shoulder, attempting to pull him back. Henry, of course, fought against him. Rushing from around the counter, I put myself in between them, shoving both of them apart from each other.
"Enough!" I yelled. "This isn't helping anything and it's not worth the fight." I told them. "Clear out." I told the people who'd gathered to watch. As soon as it was just the four of us, I sighed, crossing my arms. "Okay, fine." I said annoyed, my stomach turning from being so hungry. "Henry, if you want to talk, let's talk. What do you want to say?"
"I just -" He started but kept looking between Eric and Four.
Calming myself down, I grabbed the food and went to the table, sitting down. "Can I eat while we talk?"
"Yeah." He nodded, sitting across from me.
Eric moved behind me while Four sat in the chair between us, his forearms resting on the table as he rubbed his hands together. Looking from him to Henry, I glanced up at Eric before starting to eat the chicken. My stomach growled so much I felt like it was alive.
"Talk." I told him.
"I'm sorry." He replied.
"I know. And I forgive you." I replied.
Eric scoffed from behind me. "He doesn't deserve your forgiveness."
Smiling up at him, I reached out and gently tugged on his shirt, "Kinda like someone else I know."
"That was different." He frowned down at me. "I would never rape you. I might be rough but I'd never go that far. Never. And I wasn't one of your best friends when we started sleeping together. I wasn't a friend at all and I held more respect for you than he did."
"I know, baby." I said taking his hand. "Will you sit please? You're making me anxious." He pulled a chair right next to mine, sitting down and looking at Henry with an evil glare. "Thank you." I told him, pressing a kiss against his temple. His hand found my thigh and I could feel the anger flowing through him. "Okay, this is all I have to say about it." I told Henry. "It happened. It sucked. But worse things have happened since then and I know you didn't mean to take it that far. I don't think you would ever intentionally hurt me. Shit happens and we can move on from it and be better than we were." I finished before letting my tone grow dark. "And I'd like you to accept Eric and not antagonize him all the time. He's here for life so you have to get used to him."
Henry scoffed and nodded. "I will never like him as much as the others. It's just not going to happen. But I know where you stand and I will respect your choice."
"Even though you still think you're the better one?" I frowned at him.
"No." He replied shaking his head. "I don't think that anymore. I just don't want it to be him."
"Well too fucking bad." Eric shot at him. "You're lucky you're still breathing after what you did. If I had been there you would have been dead."
"If you had been there it would have never happened." Four interjected. "But Pen's right, shit happens and we have to move on from it."
"None of us are who we used to be." I stated softly. "But we're in this together. No matter what. I love you, Henry. I will always love you. But you need to get over this and just forget about what happened so we can move on."
"You weren't so quick to move on when you saw me in Candor." He stated.
"And then people died, Tris gave herself up, Eric died, I died. Too much has happened that shrinks your indiscretions. I don't care that it happened anymore. Everyone I care about is alive."
"Except for Maggie." Henry stated matter-of-factly.
I wasn't sure if he was trying to hurt me or Eric. But it hurt nonetheless. I couldn't stop the tears that immediately filled my eyes, jumping as Eric launched himself to his feet. He moved to lunge toward Henry but Four was on his feet, pushing against his chest. Staring at Henry, the rim of tears spilled over as I shook slightly. Finally blinking, I averted my eyes, wiping them away.
"Henry, I swear to god…" Eric started still pushing against Four.
"Sit down." Four told him calmly.
"Eric." I said softly, looking up at him.
He sat down, leaning over with his elbows on his knees. Putting my hand on his back, I hugged his arm against my chest.
"It's like you forgot that he killed your sister." Henry went on.
"You're brave to keep this conversation going." I frowned at him. "But you're not wrong." I added. "Maggie's dead." My throat felt tight. Eric was staring at the floor. Running my hand down the back of his head, I leaned forward, pressing a kiss against his shoulder. "I loved her most out of my family and it hurts every day." I said, feeling Eric tense. "It's okay, baby." I whispered to him before looking back at Henry. "But Eric is alive and that means everything to me. Everything. So I don't care what happened in the past. What's done is done. I can't change it. I know what I have in the present and what I hope for the future. That's all that matters."
For a long moment Henry just looked at me. I could see tears start to well and he nodded before leaving the room. Eric wrapped his arm around me, pressing his forehead against the side of my head. Four reached out to me and I slid my hand into his.
"That was nice." He smiled.
"Thank you." I replied.
He stood, putting his hand on Eric's shoulder as he leaned down and pressed a kiss against my forehead. Smiling at him, he left the room, leaving me and Eric alone. Meeting Eric's eyes as he leaned away from me, he kissed me sweetly, before pushing the food back toward me. Smiling, kissing him again, I finished it off.
When night was finally upon us, the streets were littered with Dauntless and Factionless, whooping and carrying on, readying themselves for what the morning would bring. Eric and I were not among them. Having gone to the room we were using, I told him what Tris had said. I wasn't about to keep secrets from him. He deserved to know, and if he could help than he would. We were a team and I couldn't keep anything from him even if I tried. He knew me too well. Which he showed me as we made good use of the night, experimenting in ways not to rub against my back while still making me feel like my skin was on fire. Those damn lips of his! Though it did end up being more of a fail than anything, but our laughter filled the room and there were few times that I'd felt this happy.
Thinking about how we had first started. I had been so worried about what everyone else thought. Was so concerned with my reputation and what my friends thought of me that I had pushed him away. Then he pushed me away to protect me. It was selfless of him while I was being selfish and overly concerned with things that shouldn't have mattered to me. Then I realized that he was worth more than what anyone thought. He was the love of my life. Once I let myself feel that than nothing else mattered. He was everything to me and somehow I became everything to him. Both of us would die for the other and we wouldn't think twice about it. It was terrifying and amazing all at the same time. To have earned his love and respect and devotion meant the world to me. I would never again take him for granted. I would never put myself in harm's way unless it was to protect him. I dreamed of a life with a home and babies and a society that didn't kill each other. I didn't know what the future would hold but I figured it had to be better than this.
When morning came, I was draped across Eric, our naked bodies perfectly formed around each other. Waking before him, I didn't dare move, wanting to stay there with him forever. My head rose and fell as he breathed and the sound of his beating heart filled my ear. Sighing contentedly, I slowly lifted my head, looking down at him. Putting my hand against his face, I ran my thumb back and forth across his cheek. Unable to help myself, I leaned down and kissed him softly, lightly licking his bottom lip. In the next second I was squirming underneath him, laughing uncontrollably as his hand gripped me behind my knee that he had pulled up to his side. But as quickly as it had started he stopped, gripping me hard against his chest as he rolled onto his back, taking me with him. His fingers gently moved across the scabbing wound, knowing that was why he had stopped. Sighing, I grinned down at him, lightly shaking my head before I was kissing him. Gripping his hair in one hand, I slid my other under him, wrapping it around his shoulder. His hand moved to the back of my neck, the other arm firmly around my waist as he devoured my mouth with his. Feeling him hardening against my leg that was between his, exciting me, we were interrupted by knocking against the door.
"Damn it." I complained, momentarily putting my forehead against his chest. "Who is it?" I called looking to the door.
"It's me." Claude said cracking the door open.
"No don't come in!" I exclaimed as I attempted to cover us up. But the door was already open and Claude was grinning at us with a blush in her cheeks. "Seriously?"
"I've seen both of you naked before. This isn't exactly surprising for me. But seeing you two naked together is kinda making me hot."
"Claude!" I yelled, tossing a pillow at her. She just caught it and continued to look at us. "Stop it!" I added but was having trouble not laughing. Then she rushed toward us, launching herself onto the small bed. "Oh good god." I said as she landed on top of us. Then both of us were squirming as Eric's hands gripped sides and knees and anything else he seemed able to reach. "Eric!" I laughed, out of breath. "Babe!"
"Okay, okay, I give up!" Claude said falling to the floor in a fit of laughter.
Trying to catch my breath, I was once again lying on top of Eric, a cocky smirk on his face as he buried his lips in my hair. "What do you need?" I asked Claude. "Other than to stop some amazing sex from happening."
"You did enough of that last night." Claude stated as she smacked my bare ass.
"Hey! That's mine." Eric told her playfully. We both laughed and I quickly kissed him before moving off of him, grabbing his shirt from the floor. It fell close to my knees, covering me just enough. "I didn't give you permission to get up." He added pulling me down next to him.
"Everyone is gearing up to go. So let's get a move on it." Claude stated from the floor.
"You first." I retorted and laughed, wrapping my arms around Eric.
She groaned as she pulled her legs from the bed and rolled onto her feet and made her way to the door. "I'm up. Let's go."
"Fine." I complained. Sitting up, I straddled Eric's waist, flinging my hair to the side as I leaned down and kissed him. "I love you more than anything." I whispered with my lips against his.
"I love you, Pen." He replied with a serious expression.
"You sound worried." I told him, running my finger from one side of his face to the other.
"I am worried. I don't want you to go back there." He replied.
"I'll have you with me." I smiled, kissing him. "Besides, with you we can get to the control rooms with ease and it'll be over before we know it." He nodded but didn't look convinced. "Baby, everything is going to be fine. I can handle it and nothing bad is going to happen. But I do have a request."
"Pen." He frowned, knowing that he wasn't going to like what I was going to say.
"Eric." I said kissing him. He hardly put any effort into it. "Baby, listen to me. Those cells are filled with Divergent. I need to get them out of there. That's why I'm okay with going back. I need to get them out. They don't deserve to die when we storm in. I need to protect them. Only that may mean I won't be at your side the entire time." He frowned and moved me off of him, getting to his feet. Swiftly doing the same, I reached for his hand but he paced away from me. "Don't be mad."
He turned and looked at me with such anger, my heart started to race. "You nearly died because of what they did to you. I nearly died. I have you back and now you want to run off and do your own thing?"
"Don't be mad." I repeated. "It gives me a reason to be there and I need a reason."
"Because going with me just isn't good enough?" He shot at me.
"Eric, please, do not make this a big deal. I need you to be okay with this."
"I'm not okay with it!" He yelled.
Now my anger was flaring. "At least I'm telling you!" I yelled back. "I'm not going to run off and leave you to wonder where I went! I know where the cells are. I can get them out and get out of the building to wait for you."
"No." He said pacing.
"No?" I frowned back at him. "You don't get to make decisions for me."
He finally stopped and faced me, gripping my wrists, bringing my forearms against his chest as he looked at me with a pained expression. "I can't not know what's happening to you. I can't lose you. Especially when I'm not there to protect you. I'd ask you if you understood what you mean to me, but I know you do. I know you. And I understand why you feel the need to get them out of there, but I can't not know what's happening to you."
Caving to him, all my anger disappeared and it took all of me not to cry. "Okay." I told him softly.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Huh." He said calming. "I thought it would take more to convince you."
"Nope. You said all the right things." I replied putting my hand against his face.
"And to further make my point, they're safer in those cells until we're done."
Sighing, I nodded. "You're right."
"I'm right?" He asked with furrowed brows. "I might have to hear that one more time."
A smile broke across my face, meeting his eyes, "Eric, you are right."
"Thank you, baby." He smiled, kissing me deeply.
"But promise me we'll get them out when we're done." I told him.
"Yes, baby." He said and kissed me again.
Smiling, I pressed myself against him, hating that I was wearing a shirt, running my hand over his still bare ass. "I'm surprised I could take you seriously at all since you're still naked."
He chuckled and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me as I leaned into the crook of his arm. "I love you, woman."
Grinning, we only lingered a few minutes more before we pulled on clothes, preparing to go. Pulling my hair into a pony, I tucked my bangs behind my ear, gripping the back of Eric's pants as we made our way down the stairs. Going into the kitchen, everyone was there. Grabbing a can of scrambled eggs, Eric and I shared, downing as much water as we could stomach, grabbing an apple each as a basket was passed around.
As soon as everyone was fed and gathered, Eric took front and center with Four, Tori, Harrison and Evelyn. We went over the plan again to make sure we were all on the same page. Going into as much detail as possible. Eric made all the leaders memorize the routes to the various control rooms. Making them repeat it over and over again. The rest of us were just as engaged, knowing that we couldn't afford to make mistakes. If we did, people would die. As soon as Eric was happy and everything the leaders wanted to say was said, we dispersed, left to wait as nerves and adrenaline started to move through the group.
The attack wasn't going to happen until the afternoon. We wanted it to be dark enough so they couldn't see our lack of blue arm-bands on us. When we did finally leave, we all grouped together with our designated teams. Eric and I walked at the head of ours, Four leading his next to us. We wouldn't break until we reached Erudite. All of us knowing what our job was.
With Four's permission and coaxing, Tris stayed behind, going to her parent's house with Christina and a few others. Eric and I were the only other people who knew what was going on. I didn't realize that her and Marcus's plan had included so many of our members that we would have loved to take with us. Lynn and Uriah amongst them. But they had spun a good story and now they were left behind. When he left, I'd glanced at the house, knowing what schemes were being hatched inside of it. I just hoped that they were as successful as we were. I prayed to god that they got the information and got out before they were discovered. Four was not going to take her decision well, making me want to keep him close. But once we arrived there, who knew what chaos would transpire. I couldn't separate from him. He would need me before this fight was over. So would she.
"How you doin'?" Eric asked as we passed the halfway mark.
"I'm okay." I told him, holding the rifle firmly in my hands. A handgun was in the back of my pants and a knife was sheathed against my thigh. I was prepared for anything. I would do anything. Especially if it was to protect Eric. "How are you?"
"Anxious." He replied, heaving a heavy sigh.
Moving closer to him, our arms touching, I met his eyes, "Everything is going to be okay."
"Promise me that you won't do anything stupid." He frowned at me.
"Eric, I promise you that I won't do anything stupid." I told him with seriousness. "I'm not going to run off as soon as the fighting starts to meet my own ends. I will stay by your side until it's done and together we will get the Divergent out of there. I promise you."
"Okay." He nodded.
"You don't get to do anything stupid either, you know."
"I know." He smiled, leaning down and kissed me quickly.
Smiling at him, I pulled him back to me for one more kiss. He grinned and shoved me playfully. Then I caught Four watching us with a frown on his face. "You okay?" I asked him. He nodded. "Talk to me."
"I'm just worried about Tris." He told me, the worry palpable in his voice.
"She'll be safe in Abnegation. We'll get the job done and you'll be home to her in no time." I replied reassuringly. He just nodded again. "What do you think she's going to do?" I frowned. He was making me anxious now. What did he know?
"I don't know. That's the problem." He replied.
"She's going to be fine, Tobias. I promise you." He smiled and nodded at me before starting to talk to Tori. Moving back to Eric's side, he had a deep-set frown on his face. "What is it?" I asked him.
"It's a weird feeling." He replied, getting a frown from me. "I feel really bad about lying to him."
Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him briefly, trailing my nails back and forth across his back. "I know. But it's for the best."
"I know, baby. But it doesn't seem right."
"It's not right." I replied. "But it's Tris's decision and I will respect that. And I agree with her on this one. Not for lying to Four, but her reasons for wanting the information is sound."
"What do you think they're hiding?"
"I don't know. But if Jeanine is going through this much trouble to keep it hidden then it must be important."
There was a long pause as people moved around us, making him glare at them, then he looked at me, his face relaxing. "I'll look out for him. You take care of Tris. If he's as mad as I'm thinking he'll be, she'll need you. You're the only other person who knows Four as well as she does."
"Okay." I nodded at him, liking the leader coming out in him.
He really was capable of leading, and now that he could do it out from underneath Jeanine's heel, I was excited to see what he would do. He was so much more than anyone thought he was. I couldn't wait for him to prove it.
