Toby was sitting flipping his way through a stack of magazines, lips pursed as he scanned the contents
"How do you feel about the spring? not to cold,not to hot, the flowers will be at their best. Though bug and pollen count will be up."
"Sure."
"Ok then, how about the autumn, risking it not being as warm but it combats the pollen and bug issue. And fall colors are said to be atmospheric and pretty?"
"Great"
"winter?"
"Mhmm."
"How about the bottom of the ocean?"
"Cool."
"Really?, awesome, I've always wanted to have my wedding blessed by the fishes"
"Wait, what?"
"You just agreed to marry me on the bottom of the ocean,what is there now an issue with that?"
She was sheepish
"I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening."
he took his time putting down the magazine, not looking at her.
"Yeah, I gathered that." he tried not to show the hurt and fear that made his heart stutter a bit.
He took her hand softly before looking at her.
"Happy, if you are beginning to have second thoughts or cold feet, if you think this is too quick now its ok, you can tell me"
the thought crushed him but he wasn't going to let her know that.
"No, No! Toby it's not like that, I do want to marry you. I do!"
she moved to straddle him, holding his face between her hands.
"I'll be honest, I am terrified. This planning and arranging it's scary and I don't know what I want, and I don't care so long as I walk away your wife, so if you wanna get married at the bottom of the ocean, I won't exactly be thrilled but...sure!"
she smiled trying to sound supportive, though Toby could see through to the grimace hidden behind it.
He grinned at her, she was trying to lighten the mood and suppressing her fight or flight reaction at the prospect of planning a wedding and he knew that there was a chance that, that might ruin the fun and excitement of getting married for her. So he would make it easy for her.
"Ok sweet pea, how about this. I plan the wedding, I might ask you a few questions every once in a while, but for all intense and purposes, I'll do it all myself...though I might ask Paige for aid. I'm a known screw up."
"Really? You would let me pretty much off the hook"
"Yeah, only thing I need you to do is get yourself a dress. That I want to be my surprise."
The expression of Happy's face changed, she looked away, sat back on Toby's legs and inspected her finger nails.
"That's kind of why I was distracted"
she seemed oddly embarrassed and vulnerable though she had no reason to be, Toby picked up that there was more to this.
"you were looking at wedding dresses?"
she didn't instantly respond but when she eventually did her voice was quieter and a little sad. He wanted her to explain why she was reacting in such a way but didn't want to push her too much in case this was something too painful to express just yet.
"no, I was trying to find someone. I need to find her, she believed that one day I would come across someone who would love me so much as to ask me to marry them and I was so assured in all my experiences that she was wrong. I need to see her, the way we left things..."
Happy shook her head in hope it would stop the prickling of her eyes.
"did you have any luck?"
she shook her head again, he lifted her chin gently to meet his eyes.
"hey,we both know two men who will have no problem finding her. Don't you worry. Ok?"
she gave him a small smile and a sniffle.
"Ok"
She curled up into his chest placing soft kisses up his neck and along his jaw as he rubbed her back, their breathing syncing up and slowing as they fell into a blissful sense of piece.
...
Toby now knew why there were such people as event planners. This was crazy. The phoning around, the appointments, the decisions it had him nearly pulling his hair out and he had become far more reliant on Paige than he had wanted to be. She however loved it.
She had gone with Toby to just about everything and was adamant that what he had planned, Happy was going to love. It was asked of Paige and a childhood friend of Happy, Sophie, to be bridesmaids and Ralph a page boy. He however was to be Toby's clothing concern.
Paige had taken it upon herself to organise dress shopping and had arranged an appointment at a wedding boutique of which had a lot of good reviews apparently. The drive was long, 3 hours all for a dress felt to be ridiculous, however when she saw the excitement in Paige she relented.
...
Happy felt practically nauseous, she was going to be stepping into a wedding dress again, and this time it was going to be for a purpose. It had to be right, she had to be beautiful for Toby,she wanted to dazzle him when he was to turn and see her. She knew what she wanted for sure, but the fear struck her, what if they didn't have a dress similar to what she had put on so long ago. She loved how she had looked in that dress, how it made her feel. She didn't want some new dress she wanted that one, or at least as close as possible to it. and what if the person was horrible or it was awkward as she stood there in her underwear
The woman grinned when they entered and practically bounced towards them, She was not what Happy had been expecting she thought it would be some snooty long legged,stick like blonde in 4 inch pencil like heels. She wasn't, she looked like Sophie's mom, the one who had adopted her when she was 16 and angry at the world, she had tried to take in Happy too but happy was so much more stubborn and flighty than Sophie. Happy fought her every kindness, never letting it soften her, gentle and warm, the one who would sit and braid your hair and paint your toenails and would weather every fight over the terrible boyfriend knowing you deserved better and worth more.
She wore a Long, soft cardigan, a blouse, smart pair of jeans and ankle books. She felt safe with this person, the tightness in Happy's chest began to loosen.
Happy looked at the room, the rows and rows of dresses, she thought the sight might have sent her anxiety skyrocketing, instead she felt butterflies, the good kind and she kind of liked it.
"Hello ladies, would you be my 1pm?"
They all looked to Happy but she was too deep in thought as she took in the space that with a smile resting on her lips Paige took her cue.
"Yes I'm Paige and this is Sophie, we are the bridesmaids and that is Happy, your bride to be"
at the mention of her name Happy span round, she had been caught in her own little world.
"Hello Happy, I'm Claire, It's a pleasure to meet you"
she walked over to Happy and took her hands, looking in her eyes.
"Happy,are you ready to find your dress?"
Happy took a few deep breaths before answering, yet her voice was still small.
"yes"
they had been at it for nearly an hour and a half and yet had gotten nowhere, none of what she had put on felt right, she never did get that same feeling she had when she had put that dress on at 14. she was becoming almost tearful in her frustration, but Claire didn't mind. When she came out in yet another dress the oooh's and aaaaah's had reduced to tight smiles, both Paige and Sophie could see from the moment Happy stepped out it wasn't even close to what she wanted, she liked it. But it wasn't her dress.
A quiet sadness sat in the room.
Claire broke the silence.
"Happy, your not happy. Why?"
"because none of them are right, if they were I would feel it"
"i think, you think, you know what it is you want."
"i do!"
she hadn't meant to say it so quickly or as sharply, but there it was
Claire came round to face her.
"if you think you know, then why didn't you say what it is your looking for honey?"
"because I know what it looks like but I don't know how to describe it, I don't know anything about the shapes or materials. I just know I loved it."
Paige piped up.
"you mean you've already put, the one, on?"
"yeah, when I was 14. I stayed with a couple who had this kind of shop, she put it on me and I felt it, even if I couldn't admit it to myself then. With this whole getting married thing now, I can't stop thinking about it. I know it probably sounds ridiculous."
Claire gave a soft sigh and sat Happy down,
"I see many women come into this shop knowing exactly what it is they want,very few choose to walk out of here with it. You should come with an open mind, but this seems to be more than just about a dress. The chances of finding the dress that made you feel like it was the one at 14 is very slim, honey you are not who and what you were at 14. A wedding dress should be what you need now and reflects who you are now, its about the future, not the past."
Happy knew she was right.
"I know, it was the first time I felt anything close to beautiful. I want Toby to see me look beautiful."
Sophie gave a laugh.
"Dear god Hap, he thinks your the most gorgeous thing to walk the planet. You crawled out from underneath my car covered in grease and like you had wrestled a croc and he couldn't stop looking at you like you were some sort of majestic creature. The guy held a full blown conversation with me about the wedding and didn't so much as glance at me the entire time, for watching you. If I didn't like the guy so much I'd tell you to get a restraining order."
That raised a smile from her. Happy had begun to sniffle a little so Claire had gone to retrieve some tissues when all of a sudden Paige leapt from her chair.
"Shoot! Back in a minute!"
She darted from the store a questioning look from Happy to Sophie to just shrugged and looked as confused as she did.
A few moments later she came darting back into the shop a little breathless and damp carrying a slightly yellowed box.
"Whew! Ok so its starting to rain!"
Claire came back with Happy's tissues and was a little surprised to see Paige suddenly a little damp.
"I cannot believe I forgot about this!"
She approached happy with the box.
"When I said to everyone I was going shopping with you Toby must have told your dad because a couple days ago I got a call from him asking to pick this up and give it too you when the time felt right. Right now your Mom should be here, she should be giving you the help and opinions and stories that a girl deserves to hear as her wedding approaches and that was taken from you. So your dad thought that this might be a way of including her and remembering her for you, and it is to do with as you please, save it for if you have a daughter, cut it up and include it in your dress, or wear it in it's entirety. whatever way, your dad wants you to have it."
She held the box out to Happy and she took it in shaky hands, laying it on her lap and carefully lifting the lid. And there inside lay Grace Quinn's wedding dress.
