Author's Note: This chapter has been done for ages and I forgot to upload it. Forgive me? Next chapter will be up later today.
Music Credit: "Don't You Worry Child" – The Swedish House Mafia
I DO NOT OWN SONS OF ANARCHY OR THE CHARACTERS.
Chapter Twelve:
I woke up remembering everything that happened the day before. I feel like I got run-over by a monster truck. Everything hurts. I got out of bed. I moved too fast. Jax is gone. I glanced over at the clock on the bedside table – it's only five in the morning. I pulled on pajama pants and left the room. Where is he? I strained my ears. Abel is crying. I walked to the nursery. Jax isn't in here. I sighed and picked up Abel. I sat in the rocking chair and held him to me. He immediately quieted down.
"What's wrong buddy? Bad dreams?" I cooed. He laughed. "Let's check your diaper and feed you." I got up and took him to the changing table. Children are so innocent. It's refreshing. Spending time with Abel always clears my mind. There's something about just holding him that gives me hope.
I changed his diaper and grabbed a bottle off of the shelf. I took it to the bathroom and filled it with lukewarm water. I added the formula and shook it up. He fussed for the bottle. I started feeding him and sat back down in the rocking chair.
I don't see how any mother could abandon a child, especially him. If he isn't a reason to live or to try to clean up your life, I don't know what is. I love him like crazy and he isn't even my kin.
Abel finished his bottle and started fussing. I burped him and started rocking.
"There was a time... I used to look into my father's eyes.
In a happy home, I was king.
I had a golden throne.
Those days are gone.
Now they're memories on the wall.
I hear the sounds of the places where I was born."
I sang softly to Abel. His crying stopped and wrapped his fingers in my hair. He closed his eyes and played with my hair.
"Upon a hill across the blue lake, that's where I had my first heartbreak.
I still remember how it all changed.
My father said, 'Don't you worry – don't you worry child.
See heaven's got a plan for you.'"
I watched him as he started to fall asleep. I smiled. I kept humming as I rocked him to sleep.
"You're such a beautiful boy, Abel." I whispered to him. "No one is ever going to hurt you. I won't let them." I told him. I didn't realize that I was crying until my tears fell on his hair. I mopped my face with the back of my hand and kept rocking him to sleep.
"Ain't that a pretty picture?" Gemma walked into the room. She smiled at us. I gave her a small smile in return. "A boy and his momma," she came over and kissed his head and sat down in the chair next to mine.
"I'm not his mother." I told her softly.
"Blood doesn't mean anything. You're more of a mom than Wendy will ever be to Abel. You're his momma." She corrected me. In a way, she's right. It's a lot of responsibility, sure, but I've always been in the picture with Abel. Even before Jax and I decided to give our relationship a chance.
"I don't want him to get caught up in all of this. It'd kill me." I told her, hot tears burning down my face.
"Darlin', no one is going to hurt anyone. Clay and Jax won't let that happen. You know that."
"I'm scared. I'm losing my mind here. I've never been this helpless. Even growing up, I knew how to predict my parents' behavior. I hate feeling like this." I told her. She didn't say anything, just watched me. "Where's Jax? I thought he'd be with Abel." I told her.
"He went out with some of the guys. They're looking for Alex. They're heading back, now." She told me. I nodded. "You should rest."
"I couldn't sleep if I tried. I'd like to sit with Abel for a while longer. And what do you mean they're looking for Alex? They took him into custody yesterday. " I told her.
"I know, Katie, but he made bail. He got out a few hours after you left the station. Unser called and gave the Club a head's up."
"Are you serious? I felt myself start to shake."
"They'll find him. You have nothing to worry about. It's gonna be okay. I'll get you some coffee." She left the room. I stood up and kept Abel in my arms for a few more minutes. I laid him and tucked his blanket on his bottom half. I sat back in the rocking chair and watched him sleep.
"Should we wake her? Thumbelina looks so peaceful sleeping."
"Maybe we should let her sleep a little longer." I heard whispering. I blinked, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. It took a minute to focus. Jax and Juice were staring at me. I looked at them, finally seeing them clearly.
"I guess that answers that question." Juice smiled. I got up and walked over to Abel. He's still sleeping. I couldn't have been out of it for too long. It's still dark outside. I saw a cup of coffee on the floor next to the chair I was napping in. Gemma must have brought it up after I dozed off.
"Did you just get back?" I asked them, my attention still on Abel.
"Yeah, we didn't want to wake you." Jax answered me, coming up behind me.
"I heard." I told him. I didn't think he'd leave while I was asleep. It's hard to sleep alone.
"Are you hungry?" Jax asked. I shook my head. "You should eat something. Abel will be okay." He pulled me to him and led me out of the room.
"I know." I told him.
"Gemma's making breakfast, Shortness." Juice announced. "I'm gonna go see if she needs help. I'll leave you two to talk." He excused himself. I nodded. I looked up at Jax. It looks like there's something he wants to say.
"Mom thinks we're going to get married someday, you know?"
"That's what it was sounding like earlier. Let's just keep things slow. I don't want to rush anything." I told him.
"Of course, Darlin'." He smiled. "How are you feelin'?" He asked.
"Really sore, everything hurts."
"You'll feel better after you shower. You can take your pain pills after you eat somethin'."
"Sounds like a plan – where's Dylan?" I asked. Jax grabbed my hand and helped me downstairs.
"He's sleeping on the couch. I'm sure he'll want to see you after he wakes up. It took him forever to fall asleep. He wanted to see you, but we told him you needed your rest."
"I'm glad he's sleeping. You didn't find Alex." I looked up at Jax. He shook his head.
"We couldn't find him but he can't hide forever. We'll find him. It's only a matter of time."
"I hate that he's out there." I told him.
"He's a dead man walking." He promised. I didn't say anything. I don't want him to die. I just don't want him to hurt anyone else again.
The day passed by in a blur. I slept through most of it. My medicine made me drowsy. Dylan spent a lot of the time in bed with me. We napped together. He's such a good brother. Eventually, Gemma made him go out and get some air. I finally got up after the sun went down. I took a shower to wake myself up. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I look awful. I'm more bruises than I am regular skin. I'm a patchwork quilt of injuries. I tamed my hair and left it down. I put on a pair of basketball shorts and tank top.
I went to the nursery and grabbed Abel out of his crib. He woke up right after I did. I changed him and brought him downstairs with me. He'll want to see everyone. I don't know how someone so small can make you feel so much better. It's amazing. Someday, I'd love to have a kid or two of my own.
"She's awake." Juice announced. He smiled at me. I made a face at him.
"Damn, he really got into with you, didn't he?" Tig asked. I nodded.
"You should the other guy. I totally kicked his ass." I told him.
"That's my girl."
"I even busted out the old taser gun. I'm a badass." I said down, putting Abel on my lap.
"Let me get ya some food." Gemma went into the kitchen before I could object. The guys were sitting around, drinking, talking about their plans for things. I just listened quietly and played with Abel. It's nice being around them. It makes me feel safer. Then again, it doesn't take much to do that right now.
"Hey Darlin'," Jax came into the room and bent down to kiss me and his son. "How'd you sleep?"
"Too long," I told him with a weak smile. I can't sleep away the nightmares. I can't feel completely safe until Alex is locked up. He shouldn't be roaming around the streets. I have a really bad feeling that things are just going to continue to get worse before they even begin to get better. At this rate, the Sons will end up killing him before he's ever prosecuted. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't like him, sure. But do I think he deserves to die? No. I really don't. We're not God. He'll get his judgment. I just want him to get gone.
"Let's go for a ride, Kate. It'll clear your head. Mom and Clay can handle Abel. He assured me. I sighed and put on some jeans. I'd be more comfortable if I could forever stay in pajamas. I pull on my Chucks and we left. I wrapped my arms around him as he started his bike. I put on my helmet and glasses. We took off. Somehow being on the back of his bike is so freeing. For a little while, the world melts away and nothing else matters. It gives me solace. We rode for what felt like hours.
He pulled into the Garage and parked his bike. I got off and followed him to the roof. We watched the sun rise together. I leaned against him and took in all of the colors. It's like the sun turns the world back on. It wakes everything up and everything seems just a little better for a little while.
Jax' phone went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.
"Tig, calm down." He breathed. I sat up straighter. Something's wrong.
"What do you mean it's on fire?!" He got to his feet.
"Motherfucker. He's a dead man. I'll be right there." He pocketed his phone.
"What happened?"
"That little bitch tried to burn my house down." We got off the roof and to his Harley in record speed. That's a new low. What if Abel had been inside? I can't even think about what could have happened.
We pulled up and Jax' house was surrounded by the Charming police department and firemen. They almost had the fire out. The house is gone. There's no way to fix this much damage. All of Abel's things are tarnished. Everything is rubble. The bottom half of the house is still standing.
I can't believe this. My knees started to go out from underneath of me. Jax held me up.
"This has to stop, Jax." I croaked. I feel so powerless, worse than before. I never thought that was possible.
"He's dead." Jax growled.
"Calm down Jax." Gemma told him.
"He burnt down my fucking house mom. Abel could've died. I've been calm for too long." Jax slammed his fist through the wall. "He started this with Tara. I'm not letting him repeat history with Kate." He gritted his teeth and walked into the Chapel.
Jax' POV
"You kill him now and Hale is going to have no problem picking you up." Clay sat down. I sighed.
"He needs to be handled. He could've raped her. He ruined this with Tara. He can't have her, too. I won't let him."
"We have to be smart about this. The Club has your back. He can't hide his ass forever. He'll pay his dues."
