Yup, the awaited chapter is finally here! Ok u guys wanna know what sucks, I got my tablet back today, and I already started rewriting the damn chapter...
Yeah, the irony...
Anyway, ima leave a little note to those of u who are reading my I'm Done story; IT WILL NOT BE LIKE THOSE OTHER AKI GOES TO AMERICA STORIES! Gosh damn, I got like five comments on that. Yes, there is a popular story about Akihito running away to America to his sister but I never meant for mine to seem similar. I've had the idea in my head for years and until now decided to write it.
Ok, on with this story!
Warning: abuse, depression, cursing, and future smex scenes
Disclaimer: don't own nothin'
Chapter 2: The First Journal (part one)
Asami slowly opened the journal to the first page. A part of him, though very tiny, still told him to stop and put the book down. If his lover didn't want whatever secrets he may hold revealed then he had no right to look through his past journals without permission. Right? Wait, he was Asami Ryuichi, lord of the underworld. He did not ask for permission, he did what he wanted when he wanted.
Asami began to read:
January 5, 1991
12:07 am, Friday
I don't know why I'm writing in this. It's so stupid! What good will it do to write? Writing won't bring back my dad, it won't help my mom, it won't keep her creep of a boyfriend away from me!
Maybe I should start from the beginning...
Incase someone finds my dead body somewhere in the gutter and so happens to get a hold of this book, I am Takaba Akihito. I'm Japanese from my dad's side and American from my mom's, though she is part Japanese too. I don't really need to explain their story to myself, I already know and I won't be like those weirdos who call their journals "you" and write like their talking to it. But I guess I'll put a little reminder for myself, that my parents actually loved each other and life was actually worth living.
Katsunari-sensei gave me this journal yesterday after school. I'm not really the talkative type, so he thought writing could be a sort of outlet for me.
"Takaba, you need to find a way to express yourself. Writing is a good way to let out emotions, to get all your thoughts down and be able to look back at everything going through your head. I won't read it, or grade it. It's just something I think will do you good."
Hmp, do me good? I'll tell you what will do me good, if social service actually listened to me for once and took me away from here. That's what'll do me some good!
...
Ok, lost my temper for a minute. I'm working on that.
I really should go to sleep, it is a weekday and dear old mom will have a hissy fit if I'm late to school yet again.
This will probably be the first, and last, time I write. Who needs a stupid journal anyway? I don't "let out emotions", my emotions are just fine, thank you very much. Who needs friends? I've depended on who all my life? Me, myself and I, that's who!
So, goodbye journal, see you never...
January 5, 1991 (again)
3:02 pm, Friday
I really need to get a life. I promised myself to not waste my time writing in this stupid journal, but today hasn't been the very best.
I had to run to school, thanks to my mom choosing to take care of her boyfriend instead of me, again. After getting scolded by the teacher, class finally started. As always I ignored the whispered insults and swept away the crumpled pieces of paper people threw at my head. I don't get why they hate me so much. I've been good...mostly. I haven't antagonized (big word!) a classmate or really talk to anyone for them to treat me like this.
When the teacher asked who wanted to pass out paper for the assignment the first hand up wasn't surprising; Yuudai Katashi, the worst guy on planet earth. Yuudai, the 'ace student', the golden child, the athlete, the optimist, the list goes on and on about great him. What a bunch of bull. If one were to actually check his average grade it would be in the -B-C range; the only reason he got B's was because he would cheat on important things like tests. The only things he's good at is sports, being a jackass and a complete liar. Why can't teachers see through fake smiles? Anyway, when he got to my desk he held out the paper, as if to hand it to me, only to retract his arm and skip over to the next desk. Of course everyone giggled. It's Yuudai's fault I get bullied. He's hated me since I first transferred here and, with him being popular, everyone else did to. It sucks!
It was really annoying when Katsunari-sensei smiled at me for taking out this stupid journal. It was just because I had no other paper source.
What kind of stupid Do Now is that? Write a haiku about the most embarrassing moment of your life. Do you wanna hear embarrassing, Katsunari-sensei?
Stuck naked inside,
With no one but him and myself,
Chained, tears falling.
I bet that would get me a check plus! No, no one would believe me anyway. They never believe me, never, all because of my troublemaker appearance. So, instead I put:
Slipped on water,
At the store, maybe years ago,
Ouch, it really hurt bad.
Yeah, that's the story you want to hear.
I remember when that happened. It was when my mom and her boyfriend were going to get more beer. I was running around, right into a puddle of water the store clerk happened not to notice. I felt my world tilt, literally, letting out a shout when my skull connected with the tile flooring. That douche bag of an ex laughed. My mother, since she wasn't buzzed so she had some sense, came rushing over. I couldn't get up without tripping over myself. In the end I left with a headache, while that ex kept telling me I did a good job, the store clerk gave them free beer as an apology.
Anyway, lunch is what really put me in a bad mood. Like always, I sat alone. I didn't really have friends. Not even the other outcast talk. Their to afraid of Yuudai to even get close to me. So, like always while I was eating Yuudai and his flock of minions were at the table next to mine, yelling out insults when the teacher wasn't around. Today, though, there was something he said that really got to me. I remember exactly what he said:
"Hey freak! Is your mom still working the corner? Don't think your old man would like that, if he wasn't rotting in the ground!"
That was going to far. Even his minions looked a little shocked, but still laughed shakily, only if to avoid a beating.
I picked up my tray and left. I didn't even listen to the lunchroom staff who tried to stop me, they can go screw themselves. How could he say that? Why would you make fun of such a thing? The worst part is that, even if he was just joking and didn't know, everything he says about me is true.
I hate it, with all my heart I hate it.
The teachers want to know why I was crying earlier? Do you really want to know? You wouldn't believe be even if I told you. Yuudai is your favorite and everyone knows it. "Sensei, can I help you with that?" "Oh, let me get that sensei?" Go rot in a puddle and die. All of them!
I hate all of them more than I have tears to cry.
January 5, 1991 (again, again)
3:45 pm, Friday
I forgot to mention before. My life may not be that good but there is one thing that brings me happiness. Well, two actually.
Animals and photography.
Animals can always tell what you're thinking. I love animals with all my heart, especially the alley cat that hangs around our house. Aren't black cats supposed to be bad luck? I'm not sure, but this cat is one of the few things I love about my life. On my walk home I always get to say hi to her. She's homeless so I named her Elvira. My mom wont let me keep her, wouldn't want her "clean" home to get dirty. Elvira is only a kitten, but she looks healthy. With her street smarts and me bringing her food everyday she is able to get by. All I have to do is whistle and she comes running. I love her.
Then there is photography.
It's an amazing form of art. People often question the power of photos. Why take a picture if you already have a mental picture up there, in your mind? Well, the answer is simple to those who can see it. Memories fade as time goes by. With one pictures those small details you could have forgotten over the years are there. Pictures can capture moments in life that some may find insignificant, but they are the beauty of the world around us. Cameras capture that beauty, allows you to hold on to those cherished moments for as long as you want. I treasure my camera more than my life. When my mom tried to steal it, probably to sell it for some extra cash, I tackled her to the ground. That day I received the worst beating so far, but it was worth it. No one touches my Nikon. My father gave it to me.
It's the only thing I have left of him.
January 5, 1991 (again, again, AGAIN)
8:41 pm, Friday
Yes, I'm writing in this again. Call me a hypocrite, like I care!
And stupid again(s)! Way to many for my liking. I don't write that much.
It gets lonely when my mom leaves for work. I'm always left alone and since my mom doesn't cook it's up to me to feed myself. Then there are the bad days where mother decides to be "nice" and calls her boyfriend to babysit me. I don't like him. He's always staring at me with this weird smile. Whenever my mom isn't looking he would always touch my shoulder or try to hug me, but I don't like hugging him since his hands go way to low. Then, when he stays over for the night when my mom is working, he would always check up on me. I wouldn't sleep those nights, I'm always afraid he'll just come in. And he did once! When I woke up he was just staring at me. My mother said that he was just worried about me, that he was a good man. But all the guys she dates are assholes (man, I'm glad Katsunari-sensei isn't going to read this).
Eiji, that's the creep, pisses me off. He won't tell me where my mom is. She wont tell me where she works. Come to think of it, I actually don't know what she works as. Mom just leaves around seven or eight and isn't back until morning the next day. I've looked up different jobs that need a person to work late, but the ones I found don't seem right for my mom. Its frustrating. Eiji says she works by the corner, but the stores there close at seven. I'll follow her one day to find out.
Well, thankfully my mom was running late, so she didn't have time to call Daniel.
I finished all my homework hours ago, left to only sit in my room to stare at the blank wall. We live on the far side of town. Our house isn't that big, not like the only we lived in with my dad. It's plain white, the paint outside was chipping away. The lawn was in need of a clean up, so was the backyard, and the place always squeaks at night. There's a small kitchen with old appliances, a living room, one bathroom, and two rooms. Of course my mother called the master bedroom leaving me with the dusty kids room. We also have a basement. I have to usually spend my weekend there if I'm being "bad", which is all the time according to my mom. They don't even give me a blanket!
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this now is because I've been thinking. That big question that most teens, or soon to be, think about at least once
"Is life really worth living?"
Is it? Does anyone have an answer for me? What have I done to deserve the life I've been given? I know I'm being selfish. Others have it worse than I do, but I can't help it. Is it so bad to want more? To want my old mother back? To miss my father and to cry over it?
I don't even know anymore.
January 6, 1991
8:34 am, Saturday
It's finally the weekend and, surprisingly, I've met the standards of a "good boy" according to mother. This means I can actually go out instead of being stuck in the creepy basement.
Most Saturdays I spend my time in the forest, park, library, or photographer shop. Today I decided to do a little of all four.
First was the woods, where a number of my pictures come from. Nature is just to beautiful sometimes. Also, taking a long walk through the silent trees, those branches that hold the secrets of the world around me and the silent whisper of the wind blowing through my hair has always calmed me. It helps me forget the troubles of life. Then it was time for a walk in the park. I would say ride, if my mom hadn't sold my bike. Thankfully, Yuudai and his minions weren't there. After that was a stop at the library. Ms. Marriot always smiles when she sees me. If only more people could be like her. She never charges me for any late books. The only thing I take out are photography books and I'm basically the only one who keeps checking them out. I might as well stop bringing them back, but Ms. Marriot could get in trouble, so I do as library policy states. And finally, the photography store...
My little haven, far away from home. The store is run by Hiroto and Emi Minoru, a nice old couple from the big city. They moved here for more peace and quiet after so many years in the big city. They treat me more like a son then my own mother; that's saying a lot. Their store is small, but it's also perfection. A case of cameras are set on the left side, along with the cash register. There's a back room where they keep costumes for family photo shoots, which are done in the front. I learned almost everything I know from them, except the things my dad taught me. I would help out in photo shoots or give a hand in the dark room and in return they allowed me to stick around or even give me a couple of bucks for helping. I'm sitting behind the counter writing this. I don't want anyone reading this thing until I'm dead, so I need to make sure my mom doesn't find it.
January 7, 1991
10:37 am, Sunday
Sundays scare me. They really do.
Sunday is the only day my mom and Eiji don't work. Mom goes out grocery shopping, leaving me and Eiji alone for a few hours. It's always scary when I'm alone with him. He's always touching me; a hand on my back, rubbing my shoulders, knee, hand. I get really uncomfortable and try to squirm away, but he doesn't seem to notice, or care. Today he came up behind me while I was watching TV and started massaging my shoulders. He had that look on his face, the same one that old man from church used to give me. I wasn't having it today, so I yelled at him, "Stop it!"
He didn't, "I'm just trying to get you relaxed. You're so tense," he whispered into my ear, making me almost puke. He started to move his hands harder, slowly moving them to my chest. I screamed, pushing him away and running straight for my room. When my mom got back I was put into the basement for "acting up" again.
She didn't even ask for my side of the story! What was wrong with Eiji? He's been acting really weird lately. I'm not sure if I can keep this up. I'll try to talk to my mom about it later.
Asami paused for a moment, thinking over the few pages he had read. This was nothing like he imagined Takaba's childhood to be like. He had always expected his lover to be popular, have a group of friends and be a teacher's worst nightmare. Instead, he seemed antisocial, or more like has bullying issues and a bad home life. Well, it wasn't like he asked Akihito any of these things.
Before he could continue reading, however, the sound of his phone echoed throughout the silent room. Sighing, he put down the journal to read the message on his phone.
Akihito: Hey, I'm calling in for the night. Foods in the microwave.
Asami smirked, pleased to know his kitten waited for his return home. It pleased him greatly. He looked at the time on his phone, just realizing how late it really was. He was so caught up in reading he hadn't noticed the time. He began to pack his belongings, putting the journal into his briefcase to look at later. Asami decided to leave the rest of them in his office, for if he took them all his nosey kitten would surely find them sooner or later. Checking that he had everything Asami made his way out of the building.
As expected, Akihito left him dinner in the microwave. Asami had always found this aspect of his lover odd. In all honesty, the boy looked to be someone who survived on cheap take-out or microwavable foods. Never had he thought the boy cooked and it was edible, more so delicious. Of course he would never speak his mind. Akihito would for sure throw a tantrum, attaching him with his acid mouth and claws.
Once done Asami made his way to his and Akihito's shared room. Akihito would only use his old room when he was being his stubborn self and got angry with Asami. Although, it always need with Asami barging into the room and punishing his kitten for hiding from him.
Opening the door Asami chuckled. Even if 23 years old Akihito still acted like a kid. The boy was curled up in the fetal position, hugging Asami's pillow close to his body. He stripped into nothing but his boxers and slipped into bed, pulling his lover close. Even in his sleep Akihito knew when he was in Asami's arms as he snuggled deeper into the embrace, sighing then going back to his peaceful sleep.
Asami stroked Akihito's hair, his mind on what he read earlier. He had read a couple of pages and already he could tell something was very off. The boy who was always full of life and happiness wasn't always that person. It made him wonder, what does he really know about Akihito? He was an armature photographer, but took pictures better than some of the most famous photographers out there and just needed that one lucky break. He had a very bad habit of getting in trouble, especially when that trouble involves getting kidnapped. He was one hell of a runner, that's for sure. The boy had lived on his own since he was 15 with the support of his two best friends. Akihito could cook and had an unhealthy obsession with pocky. The list goes on for hours.
However, those are only the small things. Traits he had learned throughout the years of knowing the boy. Of course Akihito knew little about him either, but it's Asami's unwillingness to talk that comes in. Unlike himself, Akihito has tried to get to know him. If Asami was completely honest, he knew nothing of Akihito's feelings or personal background. This bugged the yakuza, as he liked to know every detail of his kitten (something that comes with being so possessive of his property).
Deciding to dwell on it in the morning, Asami lied down next to Akihito for a well deserved rest.
Well, that's the second chapter. Sorry about the really late update. The cable box was cut by this group of guys who wanted to rob the store right next to my house and it was so that no one could call the police I guess. They still got caught xD. But yea I didn't have internet for a while until Verizon got here to repair the box. I hope this meets all ur expectations.
Listen you guys. This week most likely I wont be updating. I have state testing, so I kinda wont have time to write. By the next Friday I hope to have a new chapter for Cinderfinder and A hunter's Love done. If I don't then don't bash me xD.
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