Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR.
Chapter 17- Are you afraid of the dark?
Moria, we were on our way to Moria. I just could not seem to wrap my mind around that fact as we climbed our way up the slopes and reached the side of the lake. What the hell was I going to do? Gandalf had to fall; there was no doubt about that. And yet…I had doubts about it. How was I just going to stand back and let him disappear into an abyss? I was completely absorbed in my thoughts as we trudged around the lake on our way to reach the point on the far shore Gandalf wanted to in order to find the entrance we needed. As we reached the northernmost side, Almira's exclamation of disgust broke me out of my thoughts.
I looked up and realized we had reached the small stream we would have to cross in order to get to the other side. I frowned at the murky, stagnant water Gimli had just walked through as if he were crossing some kind of sacred spring. Apparently nothing was going to ruin Moria for him. As the rest of us slowly began to pick our way through, I had to smile at Almira's whining. "This is so nasty! Do you realize how many diseases are probably floating about in this water, if you can even call it that? My poor shoes!"
"It could be worse, you could be a hobbit," I stated shooting a sympathetic glance at Merry who had turned around to roll his eyes at my comment, which was quickly becoming my and Almira's new mantra.
"Still…ew."
I grimaced as I stepped out of the stream and glanced at the amount of algae on my boots. "Ugh, I'm with you there."
As Sam and Bill, the last of the Company, reached the shore we heard a soft swish followed by an ominous plunking noise. We all turned back to stare at the water as small waves rippled towards us from a point farther out in the lake.
"That can't be good," Almira whispered anxiously.
"It's not," I responded flatly glaring at the water.
As Gandalf began leading us on again, Almira walked by my side and whispered, "So when do Merry and Pippin throw the stones in the water making that crazy octopus thing pop out of the water?"
"Actually, they aren't the ones throwing the stones. A certain man we all know and don't exactly love is the one to do it, and the Watcher," at her furrowed brows I rolled my eyes and continued, "which is synonymous with the crazy octopus thing, pops out at about the same time as it does in the movie."
She nodded a grim expression on her face. "I am not looking forward to this."
"That makes what? Ten of us?" I said as an ironic smile twisted my lips. "Not counting Gimli of course. He's practically sprinting there."
"Fair enough, although I actually feel pretty bad for him. It only just occurred to me what we are about to find as we walk through that door. It never really hit me before how much this will grieve him."
Her words surprised me. I knew it was going to be hard on him, but I never really thought about it. It was fiction when I read it and saw it. But now, now I was going to have to watch my friend have his hopes of seeing his cousin and the glory of Moria crushed. "It never really hit me either," I whispered.
We reached the narrow strip of land between the cliffs and the lake that Gandalf must have been aiming for and were forced to go single file as we picked our way across, staying as far away from the water as possible.
"Well, here we are at last!" Gandalf said, after we had traveled about a mile southward. We had passed though what used to be a thicket or some kind of hedge and were standing by two tall, strong trees. "Here the Elven-way from Hollin ended. Holly was the token of the people of that land, and they planted it here to mark the end of their domain; for the West-door was made chiefly for their use in their traffic with the Lords of Moria. Those were happier days, when there was still close friendship at times between folk of different race, even between Dwarves and Elves." (1)
"It was not the fault of the Dwarves that the friendship waned," said Gimli. (1)
"I have not heard that it was the fault of the Elves," said Legolas. (1)
"I have heard both," said Gandalf; "and I will not give judgment now. But I beg you two, Legolas and Gimli, at least to be friends, and to help me. I need you both. The doors are shut and hidden, and the sooner we find them the better. Night is at hand!" (1)
They stared grudgingly at each other as Gandalf gave orders to lighten our load. I rolled my eyes and began helping the rest of the Fellowship sort through what should be kept and what could be left behind. As I was sorting through the packs and supplies on the ground, Legolas came and kneeled next to me, beginning to sort through his things as well. "It was the fault of the Dwarves," he asserted quietly so only I could hear.
I stopped my sorting, rocking back on my heels and stared at him. "Seriously?"
"Yes," he said defensively, shifting uncomfortably.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You do realize it takes two to fight, yes? Besides even, if it was the solely the fault of the Dwarves-which it wasn't-was it the fault of this particular dwarf?" I asked.
"Siding with the dwarf are you?" he asked irritated.
"I am not taking anyone's side. I refuse to continue a fight I was not a part of and further this ridiculous prejudice. You are both being obstinate and foolish," I stood up and strode quickly over to where Almira was standing with Sam, trying to comfort him. I came up quietly beside them, just in time to hear Almira say, "He'll be alright Sam, you'll see."
"Truly?" he asked wiping the last of his tears away.
"Truly, he'll be fine. Call it a hunch if you will." She smiled and winked.
"Nicely played," I said as he walked away to go help Frodo, a small smile on his face.
"Thanks, I did not think it could hurt to hint that Bill makes it." She paused for a moment and looked at me speculatively, before asking, "What's bothering you?"
"Legolas basically accused me of favoring Gimli over him as to who is right or wrong."
"Ewww! But that's impossible. You could never favor him. He's a dwarf!"
I groaned. "Don't tell me you embody the unreasonable stereotype of disliking Gimli just because he isn't 'hot?'"
"I don't-" she began defensively but I cut her off with an impatient wave of my hand.
"Let's be real," I stated looking at her skeptically.
"Alright, I might embody it…maybe, just a little."
"Yeah…you might want to work on that."
She rolled her eyes. "Well he is pretty hairy...I mean come on, that's a bit of a turn off."
"I am not saying you have to want his body," she shuddered and I rolled my eyes before continuing, "I am just saying there is no reason to dislike someone just because they are really hairy and vertically challenged."
"At least I don't think Boromir's a rapist," she said matter-of-factly.
I raised an eyebrow skeptically. She gave a frustrated sigh. "Alright I do have some doubts about him, but I mean every now and then he gets this look in his eye like something might not be entirely right upstairs, ya know?"
"Do you actually have any concrete proof to back up your claim like a suggestive leer or an inappropriate hand gesture?"
She sulked. "No."
"That's what I thought."
"At least not yet. I mean he can't resist temptation forever. Eventually my flowing red hair and laughing green eyes will-" she abruptly stopped, clapping a hand over her mouth, her face taking on a horrified expression identical to mine.
She slowly lowered her hand from her mouth. "Was I just-" she asked, unable to finish.
I nodded, not yet able to speak.
"Oh god," she moaned, "I'm doomed."
"Wait, what? What do you mean you're doomed? And what the hell was with the Sue speech?" I asked, thoroughly confused and quite apprehensive. Impending doom is not a good thing, besides we had enough of it as it was seeing we were about to enter Moria. I did not want to deal with more.
"I'm still a Sue!" She cried distressed.
I resisted the urge to say 'duh' and settled for a slow "Yeah...and?"
"Did you ever wonder what brought on my change of heart?" I nodded and she took a deep breath before continuing, "Well it basically came about thanks to my little chit-chat with Lord Elrond. He told me point-blank if I kept up my behavior I would most likely meet with a rather sticky end not to mention the whole missing family and friends and you your unexpected kindness. It brought his point home so to speak."
"HE TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE?" I said this a bit too loudly and Gandalf who was sitting trying to figure out the password shot me one of the best death stares I had ever seen in my life. After sheepishly mouthing 'sorry' Almira and I continued our conversation.
"Not in so many words, but there was definitely an implication and I mean it does make sense," she explained gloomily, "I mean most Mary Sues do die at one point in their story, and despite the fact that they are usually resurrected I do not hold out hope that I would be nor do I have any wish to experience death even if I would be brought back." She sighed morosely. "I thought I was doing so well too."
"Not all Mary Sues die ya know? And there are plenty of Mary Sues out there that despite being a Sue are rather harmless. Maybe all he meant was that you just have to be less of a heinously obnoxious and obvious Sue," I said, scrambling to say something that would be comforting and plausible. It would be practically impossible for Almira to stop being a Mary Sue entirely, and she really did not deserve death because of it. "I mean he never said you had to stop being a Sue or you would die did he?"
She considered this for a moment before she said quietly with a hint of hope in her voice, "Well, no. He just told me I could not go on as I was."
"See? As long as you at least attempt being a normal and decent person I don't think fate will see fit to kill you off." I gave an inward sigh of relief as she smiled at me gratefully.
She opened her mouth to say something but before she could we heard a soft slap, and then Frodo's voice saying, "Why did you do that Boromir?" (1) I did not catch the rest as Almira and I exchanged resigned glances before staring fixatedly at Gandalf who after a few moments suddenly stood laughing, crying, "I have it!" and then proceeded to open the door with the recently remembered password mellon. (1)
"Are you ready?" I asked as we proceeded to the stone doors.
"As I'll ever be," she said grimly.
All of a sudden we whirled with the rest of the Company as we heard Frodo give a startled cry and Bill a wild, fearful neigh. Sam lunged after Bill who was galloping away, but upon Frodo's cry quickly returned to hack at the tentacle gripping his foot. Frodo was released and Gandalf shouted at us to enter the mines as more tentacles slithered from the water. After we had dashed up only a few stairs, the doors were slammed shut and we were plunged into darkness. I heard Almira shift away from me and assumed she was trying to make her way to a whimpering Sam as Gandalf went and checked the doors. But I already knew what he was going to find. We were trapped.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt something touch my shoulder. "Sorry," Legolas whispered ruefully. "You are unhurt?"
I nodded then, gave a short laugh realizing he couldn't see it as we were still in the pitch black. "I am," I replied shortly.
"About earlier…forgive me, I should not have accused you," he admitted quietly.
"And I should have been a bit more understanding," I said ruefully. "There are centuries of distrust and misunderstanding on each side and the situation is probably not as black and white as I make it out to be."
I felt is hand move from my arm and grip my hand, and then I was able to see him. Gandalf had begun to ascend the stairs and from his staff there issued a bit of light, enough to light our way, and Legolas and I smiled at each other before following him up the stairs. When we reached the top, we stopped for a quick bite to eat before continuing on again. Our Company continued on in this way for several hours, stopping only so Gandalf and Gimli could discuss the correct route or to take brief breaks until we hit our first major snag. We had reached the point where are path split into three separate passages.
Almira came to stand with Legolas and I as Merry and Pippin rushed into the adjoining guard chamber, followed by the rest of us. "At least I remember this," she muttered, and Legolas quirked an eyebrow.
"I doubt it," I said resignedly.
At their questioning looks, I uttered one word, "Listen." I nodded toward the well where Pippin was standing. After a moment we heard a soft plunk and Gandalf whirled demanding to know what the noise was only to chew Pippin out after he confessed to dropping a stone down the well.
It seemed as if everyone in the room was holding their breath as we waited. And when there came the sound of faint knocks, Almira turned fear-filled eyes to me as the rest of the Company's expressions switched from hopeful to grim. "So it begins," I muttered and at Legolas' sharp look I realized I had spoken in Elvish. I gave a helpless shrug before complying with Gandalf's order to try and get some rest. Legolas nodded resignedly and came to lie down next to me and within minutes he was off walking the path of dreams.
But I could not rest. I listened enviously to the deep, even breathing of those around me as I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable and clear my mind. However, I could not seem to keep myself from thinking about where we were going to go from here and what was going to happen. I heard Gandalf rise and relieve Pippin from guard duty. A few moments passed before I heard Gandalf whisper, "You cannot sleep either?"
I sat up and turned to face Gandalf, who was staring at me knowingly. Shrugging uneasily, I replied just as quietly. "I am worried."
"I know," he stated bluntly but not unkindly. "But what will be, will be."
"Gandalf-"
"Hush now and get some rest. All will be well, you shall see."
Sighing resignedly, I cast him one last doubtful look to which he smiled encouragingly before I lay back down. Yet I was even more disturbed now it seemed that Gandalf knew there was nothing even remotely good in store for us as we continued our journey. Sighing dispiritedly, I moved closer to Legolas and felt his arm curl around me. Comforted somewhat, I drifted towards sleep, one of my last thoughts being that I hoped he could forgive me after Gandalf fell.
It was Gandalf who woke us several hours later and we began a long and dreary march down the right-hand passage which lasted about eight hours and in which we advanced fifteen miles or more. It was as we were looking for a good place to rest that night that we came upon a great hall of the Dwarrowdelf. It was here that we decided to pass the night and just as I was lying down I heard Gimli begin to chant.
"What is he doing?" Almira whispered fearfully, glancing around frantically.
"Don't worry," I whispered smiling bemusedly. "He is not invoking some kind of dark cultic ritual, he is singing a song about the Dwarrowdelf; listen." And she did, her fearful gaze slowly turning into one of awe. "Wow," she said when he had finished. "That was pretty cool."
I nodded and continued to listen to the conversation of Gandalf and Sam and had to smile when it was revealed that Bilbo's corslet of mithril was worth more than the Shire. I glanced at Frodo and saw him reach a hand under his tunic to touch his vest. I smiled again as I made myself comfortable and drifted into sleep, Almira doing the same beside me.
When I woke, I noticed a faint light glimmering from up above the eastern archway of the hall and through the northern arch. For a moment I was filled with glee at evidence of the outside until the thought that leaving this place meant leaving with one less person crushed any glee I had felt. We broke our fast before continuing on and passing through the northern arch into a wide corridor and as we went along the light grew steadily stronger until we realized it was coming in through a doorway on our right. I exchanged a grim glance with Almira as we passed through the doorway into the large, square chamber beyond. We stumbled about, the light nearly blinding us since we had been immersed in near-darkness the whole trip but I knew what it was we were stumbling over and could not suppress the feeling of revulsion. I looked over at Almira to see if she was feeling as sick as I was only to realize she was staring at the huge slab of white stone illuminated by light in the center of the room.
"It looks like a tomb," Frodo muttered. (1) Bingo, I thought grimly staring at the stone almost desperately; hoping that it would disappear and I would wake up in my room at home and miss the approaching battle. But I was not that lucky. And as Gandalf announced that here lay Balin son of Fundin I felt my heart begin to beat faster. There was no turning back; we were going to be trapped here. After a few moments of respectful silence the Company began searching for clues as to how these dwarves met their unfortunate fate. Gandalf finally found the book and as he read my sense of dread and desperation rose with every word. It was just as Gandalf was telling us to go back the way we had come that we heard a great rolling boom and felt the stone below us tremble. We hurried to the door as there came the sound of a drum beat followed by a horn blast in the hall and answering horns and harsh cries from somewhere beyond that.
"They are coming!" cried Legolas. (1)
"We cannot get out," said Gimli. (1)
I tuned out the conversation after that as Aragorn and Gandalf began giving orders, and Boromir eventually wedged the door shut. I focused on calming and preparing myself for the battle at hand. I notched an arrow and waited for a shot to present itself. All too soon I had my chance as the door gave way and orcs came flooding into the chamber. I slew two before I heard a cry from my left. I turned just in time to see Almira drop her sword and close her eyes as the orc in front of her raised his sword preparing to deal the killing blow. Without thinking, I grabbed the dagger from my boot, aimed and let fly. It skewered the orc through the neck and I made my way to Almira as the orcs at the door began to flee, intimidated by the Company's ferocity.
"Are you alright?" I asked, looking her over, not sure what it was I should be looking for. I'm not a healer, but I figured since I didn't see any mangled limbs or large amounts of gushing blood she probably was not too seriously injured.
"I'll be fine," she said, unable to meet my eyes as she bent down and retrieved her sword. As I was about to ask her what in the nine hells she had been thinking, I heard a commotion and whirled around to see Frodo pinned on the wall and Aragorn's sword cleaving the head of a great orc chieftain. I and everyone else stood frozen staring at Frodo. Despite knowing he was fine the sight of the brave hobbit pinned to the wall still shocked me. Gandalf's shout for us to run broke me out of my stupor. Aragorn carried Frodo and propelled Merry and Pippin in front of him. I grabbed Almira's hand and followed with the others out the door. I noticed Legolas dragging a reluctant Gimli away from his cousin's tomb and heard him mutter, "Stupid dwarf," as he passed out of the chamber behind us and I almost managed a smile. We passed through the eastern door and left Gandalf at the top of the stairs to face whatever he evil was coming for us alone, as he directed. We waited for him at the bottom, desperately hoping we would not have to go on without him. But all of a sudden there was a flash of white light and then Gandalf was flying down the stairs and collapsed at our feet. He struggled to his feet quickly all the while yelling at us to keep going. We ran for about an hour, descending several flights of stairs before we halted at the bottom of the seventh flight. As Gimli helped Gandalf to sit, the wizard began to recount his encounter with what would later be revealed as a Balrog and Frodo assured us he was not seriously wounded astounding everyone except me and Almira. However it was not long before we continued on our way, the corridor lit with an eerie red light that Gandalf posited might mean the lower levels were on fire, however I would have staked my life on the fact that he believed that it was a little more complex than that. I fought panic and followed the road as it sloped downward and came to an archway. Gandalf went through first as we waited tensely for him to give us the go ahead.
He stepped back after a moment. "There is some new devilry here," he said, "devised for our welcome, no doubt. But I know now where we are: we have reached the First Deep, the level immediately below the Gates. This is the Second Hall of Old Moria; and the Gates are near: away beyond the eastern end, on the left, not more than a quarter of a mile. Across the Bridge, up a broad stair, along a wide road, through the First Hall, and out! But come and look!" (1)
We peered through the archway into a cavernous hall lined down the center with a double row of towering pillars, and across the floor, at the feet of two of these huge pillars, a fissure had opened. Out of it issued a fierce red light, and wisps of smoke poured forth whirling around the bases of the pillars joined by the occasional spurt of flame. Once again Gandalf urged us forward and we ran across the floor to the door and the stairs beyond it that would lead us to the Bridge. We stopped at the door when we heard Legolas' cry and turned to catch our first glimpse of the Balrog. But then Gandalf yelled at us to cross the Bridge and I was not about to argue, and it seemed no one else was either because we flew towards the Bridge spurred on by our terror. I gave a moment's pause when I actually reached what could only laughingly be called a bridge. It was basically a strip of stone breaching a chasm that if you fell into it there was probably a good chance you would not hit the bottom until the next age of this world.
"Oh hell no," Almira said and turned to flee back the way we had come.
"Oh hell yes," I said and grabbing her hand, took a deep breath and began to run across the Bridge after the others. As one we all turned to stare back at Gandalf, Aragorn and Boromir still standing at the far end of the Bridge from Gandalf as the rest of us paused in the exit doorway of the hall.
As Gandalf engaged the Balrog everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Gandalf was yelling, his voice powerful and thunderous forbidding the Balrog passage, the Balrog ignored him and stepped onto the Bridge, Aragorn and Boromir began to run back towards him and I felt myself begin moving before a powerful arm closed around my waist. "There is nothing you can do," Legolas said desperately as I struggled against him.
"No! No, I have got to try! There must be something-" but Gandalf had smote the Bridge and the Balrog was falling and then he was too, sliding into the abyss. "Fly, you fools!" he cried, and he was gone. That was the last thing I heard as I felt my legs give out and everything go black.
I began to awaken when I felt myself being laid down. Disoriented I opened my eyes, blinking rapidly at the blazing sunlight before sitting up quickly, realization swiftly dawning in me. I turned to stare back at the entrance, as Legolas was, before a great shudder passed through my body. Gandalf was gone, I had failed him. The enormity of the moment crashed over me and I began to sob. Legolas pulled me into his embrace, his body was shaking with suppressed grief and rage, and as the drumbeats faded I felt a few of his tear drops splash onto the top of my head..
(1) Passage quoted from LOTR:The Fellowship of the Ring, Book II, Chapter 14:A Journey in the Dark and Chapter 15: The Bridge of Khazad-Dum
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