Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with LOTR or The Silmarillion for that matter. Nothing, nada, zip. This also is coincidentally what I make for writing this story. Although donations would be appreciated. Anyone? Anyone? Fair enough. I can settle for reviews (hint, hint).
Chapter 20-Gone With the Wind
I groaned. Not this again, I thought. I sat up slowly, having learned my lesson from the first time around. Looking around I saw Almira beginning to stir a few feet from where I was sitting. I stood slowly and began really looking at the area around me. I was in a great hall made of what looked like marble. It was structured like a Greek Temple in that it had a high ceiling and a covered roof supported by pillars, not walls, making access to the outdoors quite easy. I approached one of the pillars cautiously. After furtively looking around and seeing no one I stepped outside and walked to the edge of the terrace. And my breath promptly left my body. I was high, very high up on a mountain top. So high I could see for hundreds of miles and below me there was snow on the mountainside that looked as if it had been there for eons. The wind whipped my clothes fiercely and wisps of cloud swirled around this building perched on a mountain and yet I felt no cold.
"Hello, child." The gentle feminine voice made me jump about three feet in the air.
"Jesus H. Christ!" I cried, whirling around only to have my mouth drop open in shock. There standing before me was the most magnificent woman I had ever laid eyes on. I had the sinking feeling I had just committed blasphemy in front of someone who could have a hand in sending me straight to Hell. Now I could not be quite sure seeing as I had never met anyone divine before, but if I had to guess I would have said the female in front of me was a high-ranking angel. She was stunningly beautiful, which in itself was an understatement. She was tall and slender, with pale golden hair that dropped almost to her knees and sparkling azure eyes. She was dressed in a golden dress that had an empire waist and cut away under the bust to reveal a white underdress with full and fluffy sleeves. A confused expression crossed her face, though to be fair it was the most elegantly confused expression I had ever seen.
"I had forgotten how queerly your people speak." She smiled tenderly as I adopted the confused expression she had previously been wearing.
"My people?" I managed to stutter out. I was extremely confused and extremely intimidated by the radiant female in front of me.
But she just shook her head gently. "Come," she said. "Your questions will be answered shortly." She breezed by me, almost as if she were floating, somehow brushing my hand in the process. I turned and followed her inside, becoming strangely peaceful. After all what's the worst that could happen?
I should have known better about asking questions like that thus far, but as I followed her I felt no fear, had no misgivings. It was surreal, even when I realized Almira was not where I left her I merely gave a mental shrug. She had to be fine; this place was too beautiful and peaceful to be sinister. We were walking towards what looked to be a throne which is where we found Almira, having a staring contest with a raven, which looked suspiciously like the one I had seen before fainting. I smiled broadly as she began moving slowly only to have the raven turn it's sleek head in perfect time with her movement.
"This is too weird," said Almira and I laughed out loud causing the raven to tilt its head sideways, as if to say 'Huh?'
My sudden laughter caused her to whirl in surprise and upon seeing the angelic being next to me a shocked expression stole across her face. "Who are you?" she asked in awe.
"She is my wife, Varda." My head snapped in the direction of the throne, and Almira turned quickly then leapt backwards in surprise at seeing a man sitting before her. He looked amused at our antics, and sat smirking while stroking the head of the raven that was still perched on the arm of the throne. Needless to say he was absolutely gorgeous, just like his spouse. He had silver hair that hung to the middle of his back and clear cobalt eyes, and was dressed in black leggings, black leather boots and a powder blue short tunic he wore over a long navy tunic belted with a black leather belt. Varda was smiling softly as she took her seat at his side.
"Which makes you…" I trailed off, unable to comprehend the fact that the King of the Valar was seated in front of me.
"Manwë," he stated simply, though he was still smirking seemingly enjoying our discomfiture.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Almira interjected, looking at me questioningly. "Let me get this straight: we are in the presence of the Valar? Does this happen often? Did I miss a memo or something?"
"You missed a whole lot. Have you even heard of The Silmarillion?"
"Well sure I've heard about it. But well, you know, no Legolas." She shrugged sheepishly. I resisted the impulse to smack a hand to my forehead as I did not feel that would be a particularly dignified move and therefore not appropriate to perform in front of divine royalty. Manwë gave her an odd look before turning his gaze to me and quirking a brow. I shrugged. What the hell did you say to a demi-god about Mary Sue?
"I am sure you are curious as to why you have been summoned to Taniquetil," Manwë stated. We nodded reluctantly and I think we were both surprised when he sighed heavily, as if he were about to deliver bad news. I felt my peaceful feeling begin to erode. Varda laid her hand on his and so fortified he began to speak.
"Why you were brought here only Ilúvatar in his infinite wisdom knows…however you will have a hand in your continued presence here." He paused a moment, studying us intently though I am sure he was disappointed at our lack of response. I could not move a muscle or produce a thought. That is until Almira so eloquently said, "Huh?" Was he really implying there was a way home?
"When you complete your part in the Quest and if you survive the coming war, you will be allowed to return to your home if you so choose and once again become fully mortal. However, the instant you are once again in your time you will lose every memory you ever had of this place. If you chose to stay you will become fully immortal and therefore entirely Elven." Well, that answers that question.
"So you are saying we are not truly immortal right now?" Almira asked in disbelief.
"In truth you are not fully Elven because you can still fall ill yet cannot fade from grief," Varda explained.
"That explains the sneeze," Almira added almost as an afterthought.
"You have got to be kidding me," I stated, unable to stop myself. "You can't- I –this is-" Anger was welling up inside me almost choking me. I inhaled deeply. "What right do you have to toy with us, our lives, as if this is some simple matter like deciding what to wear? You are forcing us to choose between those we love and those we have come to love. How can you be so cruel?" My voice had grown in volume so I finished on a yell.
Manwë rose from his chair quickly, an impressive move that left me properly intimidated. "Have your wits fled that you speak to me so?" Calming himself swiftly, he continued in a gentler voice, "I had no part in this. It is the will of Ilúvatar."
"What a cop out! This cannot be happening. It absolutely cannot be. There has to be some sort of rational explanation. Let me guess: I missed a step and hit my head right? And this is just an elaborate hallucination?"
Almira placed a placating hand on my arm, giving me a warning look. A small part of me acknowledged it might not be a good idea to piss off the Valar, but a very large part did not give a damn. "How long do we have until we must make our choice?" Almira asked softly, her calm demeanor annoying me greatly.
"There is no exact day; only after your part in this struggle is over shall you be summoned," Manwë stated firmly.
She nodded resignedly and I barely managed to contain the impulse to scream. This wasn't right and I had no way of making it so. And through my anger I felt the first touches of despair. How the hell was I going to decide?
"It is time for you to return. There are no suitable words of comfort; you have a near impossible choice before you. However I will tell you that you will not regret your decision if you make it based on your heart's true yearning. Fare thee well," Varda bid us magnanimously.
"No! Wait, I-"
And just like that, I sat bolt upright in a bed in a room I did not recognize breathing heavily. "Well, shit," I said, flopping backwards onto the bed. Deciding that I needed confirmation that my life had just gotten about one hundred times more complicated, I jumped out of bed, strode to the door, flung it open and stopped short. Legolas was halfway to the door, also stopped with a wary look on his face, obviously having heard me wake up. And there were two unfamiliar ellith behind him, though I assumed they were most likely Haldir's wife and Eruanna, Glorfindel's wife.
Before I could be bothered with questions, I asked brusquely, "Where is Almira?" I could tell Legolas was not pleased at being ignored and I did regret not addressing his worry, but I had to talk to Almira. I needed proof that my conversation with the Valar had happened, even though deep down I knew it had.
"She is in the room right over there," the brunette elleth said. I nodded curtly and crossed the sitting room to a room opposite me. I knocked, and Almira asked warily, "Who is it?"
"It's me," I stated impatiently. All of a sudden the door opened and I was yanked inside, the door promptly shutting behind me.
We stared at each other awkwardly for a minute, before we both stated almost in unison "Did you…?"
I nodded, and she sighed. "So much for hoping it was a bad, stress-induced dream," Almira stated.
"You reacted pretty well though," I stated, a hint of suspicion in my tone.
She looked sheepish. "Well, I figured something like this had to happen. I mean I am a Sue and most Sues have some sort of run in with the Valar or blessing from them or whatever. So when I woke up in what looked like a temple I had my suspicions."
I gave a frustrated groan. "This is one Sue plot twist I could have definitely done without." My look was nothing short of accusing and she frowned.
"I did not want this anymore than you, you know. I'm reformed now," she stated defiantly placing her hands on her hips.
I had to laugh at that, albeit it was a weak laugh. "I know, I know. Sorry (She nodded her acceptance). How ironic that what only a couple months ago would have been a Godsend, no pun intended, is now more of a curse." I groaned and sank down on the edge of her bed. "What am I going to tell Legolas?" I dropped my head into my hands, elbows propped on my knees.
"I have no idea. All I got is 'Honesty is the best policy' which is rather cold comfort." She sat beside me and rubbed my back.
After a few moments, I gave myself a stern shake and stood up. "Sooner is better than later I suppose," I said grimly as I walked to the door.
"Good luck," she said, an ironic smile twisting her lips.
"Thanks, I'm going to need it," I muttered then opened the door.
I opened the door to see Legolas pacing. He stopped as I approached him, waiting expectantly. "Walk with me?" I asked softly, casting a wary glance at the others. He nodded then took my hand and led me out of the talan.
His anxiety was palpable, pouring out of him as we descended the stairs and headed God only knew where, or more accurately Legolas only knew where. We reached some gardens and I followed Legolas down one of the pathways. I knew he must be dying to know what was going on, but he had that rare gift of knowing when not to ask questions. And I was extremely grateful for his silence and patience.
We finally came to a small arbor a few paces from the path and sat. After only a few moments I got up and walked a few steps away before turning back to face Legolas. Where to start? I thought desperately as I looked at his carefully neutral face, already feeling guilty. Once again I was about to throw him a curveball. I crossed my arms over my chest, a grim expression and grimaced. Here goes: "Legolas, there is something of grave importance I must tell you."
"Are you well?" He asked, I could detect a trace of uncertainty in his voice.
"Yes. No…sort of." I gave a frustrated sigh and broke eye contact with him, transferring my daze to the ground. "Physically I am perfectly fine, but emotionally…" I trailed off and subconsciously hugged myself. He was going to think I was absolutely bonkers.
"Kate, please…tell me what this is about. You are starting to truly worry me." Legolas stepped towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders giving them a comforting squeeze. "Eruanna would only tell me that you would be fine and would return, which really was a very paltry explanation. You were unconscious for hours," he added softly.
"That long?" I asked incredulously. "It was only mere minutes that passed for us."
At his questioning glance, I drew a deep breath before meeting his gaze determinedly. "Almira and I have been offered a choice by the Valar themselves." Legolas' eyebrows winged upwards at my admission and I saw his body tense. I paused but he nodded for me to continue.
I swallowed hard, this was the hard part. "If we complete this quest and Sauron and his forces are destroyed, Almira and I will be called upon to choose to abide in this world for the rest of our immortal lives…or return to the exact moment we left our world and continue our mortal lives as if nothing had ever happened. And until we choose we are Elven in every aspect… except that which is most important." I looked at him meaningfully.
Legolas went utterly still and his arms dropped limply to his sides. "You are not immortal," he stated, voice flat. It was obvious he was floored.
"Legolas?" I queried tremulously.
His expression became oddly resolute before going carefully blank. What the hell was he thinking? "Is this not what you wanted?" he queried lightly.
Once again I dropped my gaze to the ground. "I cannot lie, had I been given this choice in Imladris I probably would have taken it. But now…I am not the same person I was."
"But you could be."
My head snapped up so fast I thought I might get whiplash. All I could manage to say was, "What?"
"You claimed your memories would be eradicated were you to return. Everything that made you different from the woman you were then would no longer exist to you and therefore you should essentially be exactly as you were when you left. You are fortunate really."
"Fortunate?" I repeated disbelievingly. I could not make heads or tails of his behavior and it was starting to annoy me. "I feel anything but fortunate."
"But now you can return." Those words forced the air from my lungs and I felt my eyes grow huge, like anime big.
"What?" It came out as barely more than a whisper."Are you telling me I should...leave?" I could not comprehend this about face on Legolas' part. Only a day ago he had invited me to Mirkwood and now he was telling me to take a hike?
"Yes," he said quietly.
"You don't mean that," I stated defiantly. When he held his silence I continued incredulously almost angrily, "You can't mean that."
Legolas stepped forward and gently took my hand, and said softly a touch of condescension in his tone, "Yes, I can. You want this, some part of you does and I would not stand in your way. Furthermore, perhaps this proves that it was not necessarily meant to be. I have enjoyed every moment I spent with you and will always look on those moments with fondness." He paused, tearing his gaze from mine and I could have sworn it pained him to do so and suspicion flared in my mind. However, it was quickly overwhelmed by my shock and pain. This on top of everything else was too much. "Whether we wish to admit it or not, we both know you will never truly belong here and perhaps it is best if you return to the place where you do." I reared back in shock, tearing my hand from his gasp. The sudden movement forced him to look at me. He did not just...he would not. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and blurring my vision. I stood there frozen for the longest time, just staring at him. How was he doing this so calmly? He was supposed to care about me. Surely he should be a little more upset. Ending our affair should amount to more pain than just ripping a band-aid off. But he held his ground and his silence. And finally I could stand no more. With a choking sob, I turned and fled.
I ran blindly, tears streaming down my cheeks, ignoring those around me. I heard someone calling my name and I ran faster, more wildly. I ran until I could run no more. Stumbling, I leaned against a tree and slid down it to rest on the ground. I wrapped my arms around my knees and dropped my head down, sobbing all the while.
I heard someone kneel next to me and then a hand soothingly rubbing my back. I glanced up in surprise when I heard Boromir's voice.
"How did you...?"
"Almira came to our camp and told us what happened. Not long after we saw you dash by the camp and Almira glimpsed your expression and wanted to follow you. However Aragorn surmised that you and Legolas had had a disagreement of sorts and you would crave a haven away from him and bid Almira speak to Eruanna, the elf who came to us when you fainted, to see if you could stay with them."
I nodded. It made sense; the gardens were not too far from where the Fellowship was camped after all. "It was kind of you to come after me," I said softly, feeling rather awkward and not knowing what to say.
"Think nothing of it. Besides, aside from Aragorn I was the only one with the legs long enough to catch you. And as much as I hate to admit it I barely managed."
I gave a wan smile and he sighed. "I wish to apologize for my misgivings about your part in this Quest. While I stand by my claim that war is the domain of men, I confess I was wrong in my assumption that you would be a burden to us."
I smiled a little wider and said teasingly, "You're not just saying that because I'm crying right?"
He gave a soft laugh. "Not entirely. I meant to make peace with you about my words eventually. Truly, I did."
"Then I propose a truce. Shake hands with me?" He did, and I smiled.
"So I take it our dispute is resolved?" he asked.
"Most assuredly."
"Good. Now it is time I deliver you into the hands of Almira and the others. If we delay much longer I am afraid she will have my head." He helped me to my feet and we walked in silence. Despite my happiness at making peace with Boromir, it was overwhelmed at my grief at my parting with Legolas. Obviously Boromir understood this and I was grateful for his quiet, comforting presence. Several turns and walkways later I realized the area was vaguely familiar. "Where are we?"
"We are almost at the talan you were in earlier. It is the Marchwarden's talan, and is not too far from the Lady Galadriel's." He said her name with a faint hint of disapproval but I let it slide. Her powers were rather disconcerting.
After a few more moments, I saw Almira pacing at the bottom of the tree I had left with Legolas not too long ago.
"Finally," she cried coming up to me, giving Boromir a look, to which he just rolled his eyes.
"I can see I am no longer needed," he stated dryly. "If you will excuse me?"
I held his gaze for a moment. "Thank you," I said softly.
He just nodded, and sketching a short bow departed.
"How are you?" Almira asked softly.
I gave a short, bitter laugh. I rubbed my hand over my chest, trying to soothe an ache I knew I would most probably never be rid of. "I think it's broken," I whispered softly in reference to my heart, my eyes filling with tears.
She laid two fingers over my pulse point under my chin. "No…no, it still beats. It is only bruised, I think. Shall we go somewhere more private where you can unburden it?"
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and she wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders and led me upstairs into the talan.
When I entered the door, Eruanna came forward, motioning us into the sitting area. Almira and I took our seats on the couch while Eruanna and Malthenwen sat in the two chairs across from us. "I know this is not the best time, but I would properly introduce myself and our hostess. As you may have guessed I am Eruanna, wife to Lord Glorfindel and this is Malthenwen, wife of Lothlórien's esteemed Marchwarden." Eruanna was exactly as Glorfindel described her; tall, about 5'7", with vibrant green eyes, a full mouth and long blonde hair. Malthenwen was even shorter than me, probably 5'1", with dark chocolate eyes, long brown hair and olive skin.
"What are your American names?" I asked softly, grabbing onto this chance for distraction as if it were a raft and I a castaway in the Pacific Ocean.
"Mine was Anna Cloyed," said Eruanna. "I was born and raised in Providence, Rhode Island then moved to New York City, went to NYU, graduated, went to Columbia for law school, passed the Bar exam and was supposed to start work in the D.A.'s office but I was brought here instead."
"How old were you?" I asked.
"I was twenty-seven years old upon arrival here."
"I was older too," interjected Malthenwen. "I was 22 years old, born and raised in Boston, and had just graduated from Harvard with a degree in biology. I was planning on attending medical school at Johns Hopkins. My given name was Emma Panzanero."
"Whoa," Almira and I said in concert. "So you're like a genius," Almira finished.
She gave a startled laugh. "Not quite."
"And what about you two?" Eruanna queried. Almira and I exchanged glances. I shrugged and she launched into her story. She was eighteen, had been born in Orlando, then her family had moved to New Smyrna Beach where she grew up and had just graduated from New Smryna Beach High School. "I was planning on attending the University of Florida to major in Creative Writing," she finished quietly, a sad quality to her voice. I gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze.
"Kate?" Malthenwen prompted.
"I was born and raised in Chesapeake, Virginia and graduated from Deep Creek High School with plans to attend the University of Southern California and major in history."
Their eyebrows rose in surprise. "That's quite a move," Eruanna stated.
"I had a strong case of wanderlust." I gave a bitter laugh. "Who knew it would get me here?"
"And now that you are here…will you stay?" Malthenwen asked gently. Unbidden my eyes filled with tears.
"I don't know. There's nothing really holding me here anymore," I grated out, throat tight. I was staring at the floor and missed the concerned gaze that passed between the three and the silent battle that followed.
There were several moments of awkward silence, before Almira finally blurted out, "What happened with Legolas?"
I looked up, swallowed a couple times, and then launched into my tale. Several minutes later found me crying and being rocked by Eruanna, with Almira standing behind me and rubbing my back. I heard Malthenwen get up and say something like, "I'll be right back."
Another couple minutes went by and I had calmed down some when Malthenwen swept back into the room carrying something.
"Dear god," Almira said.
I looked up and sat up quickly in surprise. "It can't be…"
Eruanna turned and broke into a wide smile. "I should have guessed."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Malthenwen said as she set the one-pound block on the coffee table. The smell of chocolate hit me and I felt my mouth begin to water.
"How did you manage to get this?" Eruanna asked touching it reverently.
"Well, centuries ago before Harad became dangerous and aligned with the enemy they would trade with Gondor, which I managed to visit and found cocoa beans in one of the lower circles of the city. Several years later I finally mastered the making of chocolate. And since it never gets very hot here, I just keep it out of the sun and wrapped in Saran Wrap." At me and Almira's questioning looks she elaborated, "I had just gotten back from the grocery store when summoned." She sat down and opened it slowly.
"Now this could either be really, really good or really, really bad," she warned. "It's been awhile since I made it."
"I for one am willing to find out," said Eruanna and she broke off a rough square. Her eyes fluttered close. "It is definitely still good," she practically moaned.
We each broke off a piece and popped it into our mouths hurriedly. Pretty soon we were talking and laughing about our past lives, loves and what not though I was silent more often than not. Soon enough my weariness and sorrow caught up with me. "I think I would like to rest now," I announced softly during a lull in the conversation.
"Of course," Malthenwen stated, rising smoothly. "I have a nightshirt you may borrow and one for you as well Almira. She led me to the room I had occupied earlier and I sat down at the dressing table as she bustled about the room, turning down the bed, fluffing the pillows and laying out a nightshirt.
"You really don't have-"
"Oh shush," she told me, giving me a stern but kind glance. "It's not everyday I am visited by fellow Earthlings." I gave a short laugh and nodded.
She led me into the little bathroom. "Now if you need water for washing up, just pull this lever next to the bowl and it will flow from this little spout. There is a collection spot on the roof. Tomorrow you can have a bath, unless you prefer it tonight? It will just take awhile to heat the water."
"I can wait; I fear I have already inconvenienced you enough."
"Pish posh, no more of that talk. Oh, I almost forgot! I am afraid we do not have indoor plumbing." I gave the chamber pot a dubious glance. It was set up in a rather pretty wooden chair, but still…
"It's not so bad," she said with an almost sheepish shrug. "Trust me it could be worse."
"I do not think I want to know."
She laughed. "Probably not. If you need anything do not hesitate to fetch me. Eruanna and I will be up awhile longer."
I nodded. "Thank you."
"Think nothing of it. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I stood a moment after she had left, and just let everything sink in. Feeling more tired than I ever had in my short life, I stripped, gave myself a half-hearted scrub, threw on my nightshirt and climbed into bed. But as tired as I felt my mind was wide awake, it kept replaying the day's events over and over. I was alone; once again I felt tears well in my eyes. I brushed them angrily away, but it was a futile move. They were just replaced by more. I turned onto my side and curled into the fetal position and gave in, crying myself to sleep for the second time since my arrival in this world.
