Part VI: Over the Love (Part Two)

"...Now there's green light in my eyes

And my lover on my mind

And'll sing from the piano, tear my yellow dress

And cry and cry and cry

Over the the love of you..."

~ "Over the Love" - Florence + the Machine

Saturday

July 26, 1922

Rebecca looked out over the lawn of Ashby House. The blanket that covered her legs was soft under her hands as she laid out in a chaise lounge on the back veranda of Matthew's house.

The large stone terrace was wide and ran the length of the large sixteen bedroom house. Under the umbrella that shaded her, Rebecca was able to look out over the lawns and gardens of the house. For the first time, she was grateful that Matthew's lawns faced away from the bay. She wasn't sure she would be able to look at both Gatsby's manor and Nick's house while holding herself together.

It was torture trying to distract herself while Matthew attended to some pressing business. He'd had a maid bring her breakfast that morning and while she'd eaten, Matthew had told her about the surprise he had in store for her. He promised to show her later, but he'd before he could say anything else he'd been summoned away by a lawyer just after they'd gotten down to the veranda. Matthew had made sure that she was situated and was comfortable before he'd disappeared. It was something she wasn't used to.

Gatsby normally left her without a single word. He never made sure that she was warm enough or that she had a maid with her to get her what she needed. Matthew had a way of always making her feel special. It was a skill both he and Gatsby shared, but the true difference was that Gatsby was a fraud.

A bark interrupted her thoughts and Rebecca looked up as a cream colored lab ran across the grass lawn and up the stone steps. She smiled as the dog came to rest his head on her lap. The dog she remember well because she'd picked him out of a litter almost eight years ago. It had been Matthew's eighteenth birthday and his grandmother had decided to let him pick out a puppy from a litter that one of the grounds keeper's had. At fourteen, Rebecca had been a little awkward around Matthew, but she doubted he ever noticed.

She'd been so nervous about going with him to pick out a puppy. He'd told her that he wanted her help picking one and she'd been so afraid of picking the wrong dog. In the end, Osiris had chosen them. The dog had been the runt of the group and when the other dogs had started trying to bite him, she'd grabbed him and picked him up. The puppy had curled up into her arms and they'd both known then that this was Matthew's dog.

They'd taken the dog with them and had debated for hours over what to name him. Finally, they'd both agreed on Osiris. She could remember playing with the dog, but she hadn't seen him since Matthew had left for war.

"I see he hasn't forgotten you at all."

Rebecca looked over her shoulder and grinned. Matthew was walking back towards her with a hand casually in a pocket.

"I haven't forgotten him either," she said. "I was just reminiscing about the time we got him."

"I remember that day so well," Matthew smiled back at her as he sat down on the edge of the lounger next to her. "I especially remember you yelling at the grounds keeper for letting the dogs bully each other. I don't think I've ever seen a man so frightened of you."

His comment brought a real, genuine laugh to her lips, "I'd forgotten all about that! Did I really yell at him?"

Matthew chuckled as he reached for one of her hands, "Darling, you were the talk of the estate workers for weeks after. They still tease the poor fellow about it to this day."

The moment Matthew's hand touched her it was like the air changed. His hands were warm and soft against hers. She could feel the cool metal of the signet ring he wore on his hand. Her whole body felt like a flame had erupted somewhere inside her and she wanted him to touch more than her hand. She wanted Matthew to caress her body and kiss her lips.

Rebecca wanted to know what happened behind closed doors between a woman and a man. The air was so thick between them that she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding against her ribs. Bringing her hand up to his face, Rebecca gently let her fingertips brush against the smooth skin of his cheek. Matthew jerked away from her and stood up quickly.

Confusion filled her as she watched him move away from the lounge chair. When she'd touch him, she'd felt a feeling unlike anything she'd ever experienced pass through her. It was like something was racing through her body and it had pooled deep down in belly.

Was touching him what she'd done wrong?

She'd never felt something like she'd just experienced and it only made her want to experience it again. The only time she'd felt something remotely close to what Matthew had made her feel had been when Gatsby had pressed a quick kiss to her lips when he'd married her. That kiss had barely lasted a second and had little effect on her but Matthew's touch was something completely different. All he had to do was look at her and she was at his mercy as the coil low in her belly tightened.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked him as she quickly stood up not knowing what to do. "I am so sorry if offended you."

Matthew's grip on the metal railing tightened as she walked towards him slowly.

"Offended me?" he said softly. "No, you haven't offended me. Quite the opposite, Rebecca."

"I don't understand," she replied as she looked at him with a confused expression. "You stood up like I'd burned you."

"Surely you must know the effect you have on men by now," Matthew chuckled, but stopped seeing the confused look on her face deepen.

"Gatsby doesn't…he only ever kissed me when the priest told him too," she told him as she stood next to him, "So, whatever effect you're referring to…I don't know what you're talking about."

Matthew chuckled again as his hand slid closer to hers, "I should have guessed that."

"Yes, well," Rebecca said as she walked past him towards the table of tea and sweets that one of the maids had laid out. "Nothing about me is alluring to anyone. Why do you think he's kissing Daisy Buchanan now? Why do you think he's taking her to his bed when all I've gotten from his is barely a kiss? No man wants me and I am perfectly content with that truth."

"People who say they're content with the truth rarely are," Matthew said to her as he turned to lean back against the railing with his hands in his pockets. "I think you're not at all content with the truth."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said as her spine stiffened.

"Ah, there's the famous Harper tell. You still love him," Matthew told her quietly as he walked to her. "If you didn't love him or even care, you wouldn't have been crying last night."

A tear fell down Rebecca's cheek as she around turned to look at him, "I don't know if I love him or what I should be feeling right now. That's the tragedy of this whole sad story. Despite everything he says and the way he treats me, I've tried to bury the truth for so long that I…I don't even know what feelings are real and what feelings aren't. I don't even know what loving him means anymore. All I know is that I want him to want me. I want him to love me."

Standing there, Rebecca felt softness of Matthew's hand caress her cheek as his other hand slipped out of his pocket. He gently brushed a tear away and cupped her other cheek. He was so close to her that Rebecca could smell his sandalwood and lemon scent. It was the same one she remembered from when he'd been a younger man and their lives had been so different.

His touch brought back the burning feeling inside her again as heat pooled low in her belly. His lips were so close to hers that all she wanted him to do was lean down and kissed her. It would be so simple to lose herself in Matthew and forget about everything. It would be so simple but the image of Gatsby kissing Daisy raced through her mind. Turning her head away from Matthew was the hardest thing to do, but she couldn't kiss him. She couldn't use him to escape her pain.

He deserved more than that. Before Matthew could ask what was wrong, the butler showed up and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, sir," Mr. Murdock said. "Miss Elizabeth Harper is here with a Mr. Nick Carraway."

"Show them out here for tea," Matthew replied as they broke apart and stood on near opposite sides of the sweets table. "I'm sure Mrs. Gatsby would like to speak with her sister."

Murdock nodded and left as Rebecca moved back towards the lounge chair and sank down.

"I'm sorry Matthew," she said quietly. "You're my friend and I shouldn't be telling you...I'm for what just happened."

"Who said I was sorry for what just happened?" he asked her. "Maybe I want you for an entirely different reason. Maybe, I want you because I've always loved you. You can't deny that spark you felt between us. I felt it too, darling Rebecca."

Rebecca felt like that air stopped in her lungs as Matthew stared at her with a soft smile. Elizabeth had always tried to convince her that Matthew was in love with her, but to hear it directly from his lips was something entirely different. The urge to run back across the veranda and throw herself in his arms and kiss him was overwhelming. She'd never felt anything like she felt in that moment with Matthew.

Before she could act on that impulse though, Murdock returned with both Elizabeth and Nick. Something was said, but Rebecca barely recognized it as she sat in shock after hearing Matthew's words. She didn't know what to do but for the for first time in a long she felt like a giddy seventeen year old in the middle of her first love. She didn't feel like a heartbroken wife with an adulterous husband. A smile graced her lips when Matthew sent her a wink from behind Elizabeth's back.


The car pulled away from Ashby House and Rebecca was silent as she sat next to Nick. She knew that she had to return to Gatsby Manor. There would already be enough of a scandal when the papers learned of Gatsby's affair and her staying with an unmarried man would set the tongues wagging even more. Elizabeth had offered to let her stay with her at Harper Manor while their parents were away out of town. While the offer had been tempting, Rebecca knew she had to return to Gatsby's but leaving Matthew's house had been hard.

She wanted to stay there with him. Inside that house she felt safe and cared for. There wasn't anything Matthew wouldn't do for her and it broke her heart that she had to leave him after what he'd told her. A part of her wished he'd never told her anything about his feelings, but the other part of her was grateful.

At least one man loved her in the world, but it was heartbreak at the same time. She knew that Matthew loved her, but she wasn't sure of her own feelings. He'd always been her dearest friend, but Rebecca knew she couldn't take the road that Matthew offered.

They could never be together.

Even if somehow she managed to leave Gatsby, London would close their doors to her once they found out she was a divorced American socialite. She couldn't put Matthew through that shame and she couldn't live the humiliation.

Sitting in the back of the car, Rebecca wanted to scream at the driver to turn around and take her back to Matthew, but she couldn't. Nothing made sense anymore and it scared her. Every feeling she had experienced was being questioned and it made her wonder if she knew what love even was.

Did she love Gatsby?

Was it even possible for her to love a man like Gatsby?

How could she even care for a man who was cheating on her?

Rebecca knew that her parent's marriage was spotted with affairs on both sides, but she'd had such high hopes for her own marriage. Seeing that it had fallen into the same netting that trapped her parent's marriage made her heart ache, but it didn't surprise her. It was horrible to even think about but Rebecca wondered if Gatsby had been having affairs long before he brought Daisy to their house.

Rebecca could feel a headache coming on as she began to wonder over and over again if she'd ever really loved Gatsby. She'd never felt so confused in her life about her feelings. Her solution had always been to bury the feelings she experienced, but she couldn't do it this time. It was hard to rest her mind as she wondered over and over about Matthew's word and her feeling for Gatsby.

There were no easy answers for her feeling or her heart.

The only thing that she had was a headache and unanswered questions. For the first time in a long time, Rebecca wished her mother was home. She wanted to go to Katherine Harper and beg for advice. Rebecca was sure it wouldn't be the advice she wanted, but it would still feel good to talk to someone who had experience with cheating husbands.

Her father was quietly notorious for his whores and Mrs. Harper had perfected the ability to turn a blind eye years ago. It was an ability that made Rebecca wonder if she had, would it make ignoring Gatsby's affair with Daisy easier to ignore? Nick asked the driver something and it jolted Rebecca out of her thoughts as she turned to look at the man she thought was a friend. Daisy was his cousin and he'd been responsible for setting up the meeting between her and Gatsby.

It hurt inside that he'd played a part in Gatsby's affair but she didn't want to lose his friendship. She'd lost so many people in her life and she kept everyone else at arm's length away. To lose another friend would create an ache in her heart that Rebecca wasn't sure she could manage. The ache that Gatsby created was eating away at her and soon it would overtake her. For all his mistakes, Nick was a good person and she didn't want to lose him too.


Nick had watched Rebecca the whole drive from East Egg to West Egg. She looked exhausted but there was something in her expression that had hadn't seen before. Confusion was etched into every part of her face and it made him wonder why she was confused. Elizabeth's revelation that Matthew had loved Rebecca since they were children hung over his head as well. It made Nick curious to know if Matthew would take this opportunity to swoop in and sweep Rebecca off her feet.

He'd always be loyal to Gatsby, but he knew his cousin Daisy well. There wasn't a chance that she'd leave Tom for Gatsby. If Nick had learned anything about Rebecca it was that she was a tolerant woman, but even tolerant women had their breaking points and Nick wondered how close Rebecca was to breaking. Gatsby was pushing his own wife into the arms of another man. Even if no one saw it now, Nick could. It was as simple in his mind. Rebecca was an ignored and neglected wife who was starved for love and attention.

All Matthew had to do was tell her that he loved her and she'd easily fall into his arms especially when the English Earl's feelings were genuine. To anyone, Matthew's feelings weren't hard to see at all. Ten minutes in Earl's presence with Rebecca present and Nick could tell that the man loved her. While Gatsby seduced Daisy and tried to convince her to leave Tom, the English Earl would get Rebecca and Nick was sure that any chances Gatsby had of ever winning his wife back would be gone.

To Rebecca, Gatsby and Matthew were like night and day. He wondered if given the chance, would Rebecca leave Gatsby heartbroken after Daisy refused to leave Tom? No matter what happened in the end, someone was going to end up with a broken heart in the mammoth love pentagon that was forming in New York.

"What are you going to do?" he asked as the car finally pulled up in front of the large stone steps that led up to the grand front doors of Gatsby Manor. Rebecca stared in front of her and Nick noted again how tired she looked.

"In the words of my mother, I'll endure," she said quietly as Brighton opened the door. "Have a good day, Mr. Carraway."

Nick watched as she slowly walked up the steps. Slipping out of the back seat, Nick shook his head as Crawley and two footmen held the front double doors open and waited for her. Tilly followed her up the steps and once Rebecca had reached the top of the steps, Crawley spoke to her in a hushed voice. She nodded to something and walked into house with Tilly stopping to exchange words with Mr. Crawley. Gatsby was nowhere in sight and it angered Nick.

Didn't Gatsby care where his wife had been last night?

Did it bother him that he was already driving her into the arms of another man who could easily steal her away and take her an ocean away?

The driver closed the door behind him and Nick turned. Walking back towards his little cottage was simple, but each step felt like it took all the strength he had to complete it. Nick wasn't sure how to help Rebecca but he knew he had to. She'd trusted him and he'd failed her. He had to do something to fix the mistakes he'd made and if he was the last thing he ever did, he'd do it.


Wednesday

July 30, 1922

Rebecca quickly descended the grand staircase and made her way to the front door. Wolfsheim had called her asking for her to meet him at a restaurant downtown for lunch. Apparently, he had some information for her regarding their plans for Buchanan and they couldn't speak over the phone. It had to be in person, but Rebecca didn't care. She needed to get out of the house.

The images of Gatsby kissing Daisy were haunting her and it was killing her inside to see them over and over again in her mind. There wasn't anyone she could go to for help and it made her heart ache inside all over again. Tilly met her in the entrance hall with her gloves, hat, and clutch. Quickly getting ready, Rebecca took one look in the mirror and with a deep breath walked towards the doors as two footmen opened them. The person standing on the other side of the doors nearly made Rebecca faint. Daisy Buchanan stood on the steps without a care in the world as Rebecca felt her heart nearly drop out of her chest.

"Mrs. Buchanan," she said managing to keep her voice even. "Is there anything you need? I can't imagine why you're here."

Before Daisy could reply, Gatsby appeared. Without a word, he grabbed a hold of her arm tightly. Rebecca winced feeling his iron grip on her arm. He softly told Daisy to go inside and he'd join her in a minute. Daisy quickly stepped around them and the moment she disappeared around the corner, Gatsby turned to look at her with an icy cold glare. It was an expression that Gatsby had only ever worn a handful of times when he was truly angry.

It sent a shiver down Rebecca's spine as he quickly dragged her through the front door way and down the steps. His steps were so quick that she nearly fell over her feet trying to keep up. His fingers dug into her skin and they reached the car well before Brighton did.

"You do not talk to her," Gatsby hissed as he held her close to him and squeezed her arm tighter.

"You're hurting me," Rebecca snapped and Gatsby let go of her arm. She rubbed her arm where his hand had been and she was sure that there would be a bruise soon enough.

"You are not to say one word to her," Gatsby said again as he pointed his finger in her face. "Am I clear?"

Rebecca didn't say anything, but nodded.

"Good. You aren't to even mention having seen Daisy here. You're to go about your business. Don't say a word or it will be your last, Ice Princess."

Without another word, Gatsby stuck his hands in his pockets and quickly walked back up the steps to the manor leaving her reeling from the threat he'd just delivered. It sent a chill down her spine because she wondered if Gatsby had truly just threatened to hurt her or if he'd simply been speaking words.

Would Gatsby actually hurt her?

The thought drove her wild with fear. Gatsby had always ignored her, but with Daisy now in the picture, she wouldn't put anything past him. Love made people do irrational things and she could easily see Gatsby doing something irrational for Daisy. The thought made her shiver again.

"Mrs. Gatsby," Brighton said gently as he held open the car door for her. "Would you like help getting in?"

Rebecca nearly jumped hearing her driver speak. She looked down at his outstretched hand and nodded. Brighton quickly helped her in and once she'd settled in the back of the car, he closed the door. The car started and moved a few minutes later and turning back, Rebecca stared at the mansion Gatsby had built as horror pooled in her stomach.

Daisy was in that house again and the idea of Daisy and Gatsby together made her nearly sick. The image of them kissing replayed again in her mind. It was all she could do not to be sick as Gatsby words rung in her ears. As the car passed through the large gates, Rebecca couldn't stop the few tears that fell down her cheeks. He'd called her the name so many people called her behind her back, Ice Princess. Gossip columnist loved to write about her icy heart. His words hurt because they weren't true.

It was cruel name that she'd been given and people taunted her with behind her back. It was because of him that that she that name anyways. She'd blocked off her heart from him and she'd done her best to put away all her feelings. Gatsby had created her icy heart. She'd been so cold inside for so long that she'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be alive.

A thought passed through her mind at that moment and Rebecca knew that she needed to go see Matthew after seeing Wolfsheim. She didn't know why she wanted to see him but he could make her feel something no one else could. He erased the numb, cold feelings inside her and his warmth soothed the ache inside her heart. Turning back to look ahead, Rebecca knew that by going to Matthew she'd only confuse her feelings more. She could never be with Matthew and he could only lead to more heartbreak. A loud voice in her head told her not to go. Getting involved with Matthew was a horrible idea, but softer voice told her that Matthew would be leaving for England soon. She had some time to be with him and if she wanted to feel alive even for a little bit once in her short miserable life, now was the time to act.

The consequences could be damned.

Just once in her life she was going to do what she wanted to do and not think about anyone else but herself. If Gatsby and Mary could go after what they wanted, she would too. Even if it killed her.

"We'll have lemonade," Wolfsheim smiled at the waiter as he handed back the list of drink options. "That will be all."

"What did you need?" Rebecca asked quietly as she looked down at her napkin. Her mind raced with anxiety as she tried to imagine just what exactly Daisy and Gatsby were doing in her home. She kept trying not to think about them together, but Rebecca felt sick to her stomach as she looked up at Wolfsheim. She hoped that he couldn't see something was wrong. Her nerves were stretched too thin between everything going on in her life. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to drink the lemonade Wolfsheim had just ordered.

"I think this will be far easier than either of us thought," he smiled. "Getting Buchanan to gamble away his fortune is possible. You were right. He's a cocky, arrogant son of a bitch."

"I thought we were just going for the house and you would take the profits earned from the game?"

"Why buy the milk when you can buy the cow? You can have the house. I want to destroy Buchanan and make him hurt. My sister's death broke my mother's heart. She didn't die from a fever. She died from a broken heart and I want him to suffer and hurt just like everyone else he's ever touched has."

"Are you going to kill Tom Buchanan?" Rebecca whispered, not knowing if she wanted to know the truth.

"No," Wolfsheim grinned. "I'll just make him wish he was dead. Just watch."

That cold feeling came over Rebecca again as the waiter returned with their lemonade. Would Gatsby someday figure out her role in Buchanan's downfall? If something happened to Daisy because of Wolfsheim, would he go after her? She felt scared of Jay Gatsby again for a brief moment. He looked at Daisy like everyone woman wanted to be looked at and she'd seen his anger. Coupled together, would Gatsby physically hurt her if something went wrong? Would he physically hurt for what she'd done already? Gatsby didn't seem like the kind of man that hit women, but in truth Rebecca knew very little about Gatsby. He'd threatened her once where Daisy was concerned. What was stopping him from carrying through on that threat once he found out the truth?

"Are you alright?"

Wolfsheim's voice startled her and Rebecca looked up at him.

"You look pale," he said with concern. "Are you feeling alright? You look sick."

"You cannot tell Jay about any of this, Meyer. He'll probably kill me," she replied as she stood up and left the table. "Excuse me, I don't feel well."

Rebecca walked quickly through the crowds of people and found Brighton parked where she'd left him. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt faint. Brighton looked at her with concern, but said nothing to her as she reached the car.

"Where to Mrs. Gatsby?" Brighton asked as he helped her into the car.

"Ashby House in East Egg," Rebecca told him breathlessly as she settled in the back. The door was closed and she looked out the window as Brighton pulled the car into traffic and towards the Valley of Ashes. Her whole body felt like she was going to explode from anxiety. She didn't know what Matthew was going to say once she told him what she needed to tell him, but she needed him anyways because he was the only person who made her feel safe. He was the one person who could make her forget about the world and that's what she needed to do.

The city disappeared as she watched out her window. The Valley of Ashes disappeared behind them too. They passed through West Egg to East Egg. Her heart began to pound in her chest as the familiar sight of Ashby House appeared through the trees. Brighton pulled the car through the circle drive and stopped in front of the house.

A footman dressed in a forest green jacket opened her door as Murdock appeared before her with his hands clasped behind his back in a familiar position that reminded her of Crawley.

"Mrs. Gatsby," the butler said. "Shall I announce you to Lord Kettlemore?"

"No," Rebecca said quickly. "I'll announce myself. Where is Lord Kettlemore?"

"The library, ma'am, in the south corner on the second floor of the house," Murdock told her.

She didn't bother to say another word as she quickly went up the stairs and walked towards the library. She vaguely remembered it from her childhood and she found it with ease. Rebecca didn't bother to knock as she opened the door to the library.

Matthew looked up at her from where he was sitting by a sunny window reading a book in a leather wing backed chair.

"Rebecca? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"No, nothing is alright. I need to talk to you," she said quickly. "I know that you love me and I'm so sorry that things can never work between us. You and I both know that if somehow I managed to divorce Gatsby, it would be a scandal and my family cannot take another scandal. Not after everything that has happened with Mary. London would close their doors to me the minute they knew about Mary. Besides, we both know those American heiresses aren't treated well over in England. Despite those things, I would have a waited a lifetime for you if I had known that you loved me. I would have waited for you to come back and I'm so sorry I didn't, Matthew."

"You didn't know," Matthew replied softly as he stood up and walked to her. He gently cupped her cheeks and smiled tenderly.

"I never should have waited to tell you," he told her. "I should have made my feelings known and I didn't. The fault is mine, darling. Don't ever blame yourself, my darling."

"I don't want to use you to forget about Gatsby and Daisy," Rebecca told him as she looked up at him. "I want you because only you can teach me what it means to feel, Matthew. I've had an icy heart for so long and I want to know what it feels like to be loved. Please, teach me what it means to love and be love. I don't want to be cold and alone anymore. I want to feel alive and I want to feel alive with you. I want you so very much…please…"

It happened before either of them could think and Rebecca didn't care what she became when it happened. Matthew's lips gently touched hers and the warmth of his lips and body warmed her insides. Rebecca last thought as she closed her eyes and let Matthew take her over was that nothing would ever be the same again.