Chapter Warning: The majority of this chapter is completely NSFW. It's like, 80% smut and 20% talking. Just uh, *cough* beware, because thar be explicit sex — a fucking lot of it — ahead in this chapter. But I guess it's what some of you have been waiting for, right? :) Enjoy!

And I'd give up forever to touch you.
Cos I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

—Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris"

oOoOoOo
Stark Mansion, Malibu
May 16, 2012

Toni excels at talking. She's one of the most visible people on the planet, even without the suit of armor, or the superheroes she seems to attract. She's never had a problem opening her mouth and having words come out. It's a point of pride for her — Toni Stark is never without wit or charm or snark.

Yet here she sits, on the floor of the gym, sitting next to her soulmate, and she can't think of a goddamn thing to say.

She pulls her hands away from Steve's back and chest, starts to shove them into her hair but remembers in time that it's braided. She sighs in frustration and drops them into her lap, twining her fingers together.

All the while, Steve is silent. She can feel him watching her steadily, doesn't need a wash of complicated sensations from her soulmark to know what he's feeling.

Finally she blows out a breath and shakes her head wryly. "Mark this day in the calendar, Steve," she says, looking up and spreading her hands. "I have absolutely nothing."

Steve smiles faintly. "You don't draw a blank very often, do you?" It sounds less like a question than it does a confirmation.

Toni shakes her head. "No, not really. I can usually find something to say, even if that something is sarcastic or snide." She pauses, then adds, "Especially if that something is sarcastic or snide. I excel at it, in fact. But this? Right now?" She gestures between them with a palm. "I got nothing."

Steve nods slowly, looking thoughtful. "Bucky told me this might happen," he says, and shifts so he's sitting cross-legged across from her, arms hooked loosely on his knees

Toni arches an eyebrow. "Oh, did he now?"

"Yeah." Steve's eyebrows draw together, and his gaze goes distant for a moment. "Barton too. They worry about you, a lot."

"And it drives me completely batshit," Toni says, forcing pleasantry into her voice. "So what exactly did they warn you might happen?"

Steve shrugs and picks at the laces of his sneaker with his fingers, idle and anxious. "That you might freeze up," he says lowly, looks up then to meet her gaze. His eyes are deep and sea blue, and it's completely trite and cliché, but Toni falls into them, wants to drown in them, can't look away from them. "Because apparently, I'm the one thing in the entire world that can throw you for a loop."

Well, shit. He's not wrong. Toni's pretty sure she's said that to at least Clint before, more than once. She may have even said it to Bucky, but even if she didn't, they're both perceptive as all hell. She can feel her face burning, though, because out of all the things she never wanted Steve to know, it was that. "It all started with Howard," she mutters, ducking her head. "God, if you knew how freaking obsessed he was with you… I swear he was more than half in love with the Legend of Steve Rogers."

Steve blinks and his mouth drops open a little. "I… Howard, really?"

Toni snorts, and shakes her head. "Do you not remember the shrine to your memory, Steve?" she asks. "Where I got you to stop trying to kill me?"

Steve flinches, and his hands curl into fists. "Yeah, I remember it," he says, eyes pained and voice tight.

"Those are just the pieces Howard wanted to display. There's an entire section of the subbasement dedicated to Captain America memorabilia. Your life before. During. Some of the earliest movies made after your disappearance. Books written about you. You were the standard to which Howard held everyone, and mere mortals simply couldn't measure up."

" Jesus, Toni." Steve's curse is soft but fervent, and he reaches a hand for hers to clasp.

She shakes her head sharply, palm out to ward him off. "Just… let me get through this," she says. "Please. If you touch me right now, I'm going to start crying. And I want to get through this."

Steve grimaces, but his hand retreats and settles back on his knee. "You should know that there was never anything between Howard and I," he says. "I barely knew him, really, except for Project Rebirth and my last mission."

Toni closes her eyes. "I figured as much," she says softly. "No one could obsess like Howard, especially if he couldn't ever have what he wanted. And to be honest, I'm really not sure if he wanted you, or the serum in your blood." She sighs, starts to push her hands into her hair again and makes a frustrated noise when her fingertips encounter her braid again. She pulls the tie out of her hair and starts shaking the braid loose.

"Did he ever know about your soulmark?" Steve asks, after the silence stretches for a little bit.

"No. No, Mama made sure I knew to never show him. I don't know why she decided it was a bad idea. We never talked about it." Toni brushes her hand over her shirt, presses against the hidden white star. "I figured it out pretty quickly, the first time I saw the reel of Project Rebirth. Your double star, the bond with Bucky. I was thirteen or fourteen, I think. I didn't understand the configuration of my mark on you, but I knew it had to belong to me, because I had the two stars. Simple process of elimination. I just didn't know why fate had given me two soulmates that had been dead for decades. And one of them an impossible standard to live up to, even if he was still alive."

Steve reaches for her again, instinctively, then catches himself and pulls back. His face is pale and sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Toni," he murmurs.

Toni blinks at him, arches an eyebrow. "Why? It's not your fault. Besides…" And she forces her reluctant arm up, fingers splayed, out towards him. He seizes her hand immediately, linking their fingers tight, and something painful and knotted in her chest loosens and soothes out. "You're here now and so am I. That's what's important, right?"

"It is," Steve agrees. He studies her face for a long moment, eyes dark and appraising. "They told me that you were cold and hard, a villain," he says out of the blue, and it takes Toni a second to figure out he's talking about Hydra. "They told me you murdered my wife. They…" He breaks off, swallows hard. His face goes haunted and guilty. "Peggy was by my bed when I woke up," he says quietly. "Bucky told me about the nano-mask. I guess that's what they were using to turn some agent into Peggy. I didn't… I can't… I wouldn't…"

Toni isn't exactly conscious of moving, but she slides onto his lap, arms circling his back as his arms close around hers. "Hey," she says soothingly, cheek-to-cheek and murmuring into his ear. "It's not your fault. I know it's not your fault."

His chin rests on her shoulder, and his arms tighten. "I know I should feel guilty, Toni," he says heavily, "but I don't. I'm not guilty, I'm angry . And it's coming out every time I looked at you in the Tower. It grew every time you flinched away from me. Every time you avoided Bucky because he wanted to sleep with both of us in the same bed. Every time I think that Hydra had completely ruined any chance you and I have. I'm just sorry that it's affecting you like it is."

"The terrorists only win if we let them," she says. She pulls back just enough to look him in the eye, her wrists crossed loosely on the back of his neck. "And I … don't want to let them."

"Neither do I," he replies. His palm, broad and warm and callused, slides up her back to fit around the curve of her neck. She shivers, and her eyes slip half-closed. "I guess this brings us to what I asked a minute ago," he says huskily. "What are we doing, Toni?"

That's the grand question, isn't it? What are they doing? There are lots of soulmates who don't complete a bond, who share a lover but not each other. The thought of that being the extent of her relationship with Steve is unsettling and unsatisfying. "Do you want me, Steve?" she asks. "Do you want a bond?"

His response is immediate: his arms tighten around her, his eyes darken, and his face flushes. "More'n anything," he says, licking his lips. His eyes flick down to the hem of her shirt, and she knows he's thinking about her soulmark. "Lemme see it?"

She frees an arm from around him and hooks her fingers in the neck of her shirt, then pauses as she debates. Coming to a sudden decision, she pulls her other arm back, then hauls the shirt completely over her head, tossing it aside.

The arc reactor paints his face in blue shadows and highlights, gleaming off the shine of his eyes. His left hand leaves her back, hovering just above her skin and trembling with the effort. After a moment, he chooses to cup her cheek, hand large enough to fit over half her face. "What do you want, Toni?" he asks. "Do you want me?"

She settles her hands on either side of his face, framing his cheeks between her palms. "Yes," she breathes, and Bucky's mark, quiet all this week, blooms in a spot of warmth and something that feels oddly like encouragement. "I'm tired of feeling incomplete. Tired of doubt. I'm tired of fighting. I need you. I need Bucky. I want my soulmates, Steve. If my soulmates want me."

"We want you," Steve growls, and pulls her head towards him. He kisses her, and it is the singularly sweetest kiss she has ever received in her life. Their mouths fit together, and she stops breathing as the world focuses down to his lips, smooth and dry, and the way they're pressing against hers.

For a long moment, they don't move, and sparks sizzle under her skin, radiating from the white star and the heat of his hands on her cheek and neck. She opens her eyes. His are still closed, lashes a sooty streak against his skin, but then they open, and the blue is so bright, so close, so intimate, she shudders with a fine tremor.

She pulls back with a noise that sounds embarrassingly like a mewl, and pulls air shakily into her lungs. Her hands move of their own accord, tracing lines across his cloth-covered shoulders. "Steve," she breathes, and her fingers brush along his jaw, feeling the muscles jump under her touch.

This is it, their moment. There's a pressure in the air, the weight of destiny expectant. He watches her, heavy-eyed and flushed high in his cheeks, and she gently brushes a hand through his short hair. "Let me see," she whispers, and tugs on the neck of his shirt.

He leans back and yanks it over his head with a speed that Formula One cars can only dream of matching. Toni forgets to breathe all over again at the sight of miles of smooth skin and toned muscles, at the sight of his soulmarks: the white star nestled inside the red, and her mark, lonely and bright, opposite it.

Steve clears his throat, and his fingertips ghost down over her neck, across her shoulder and down to her collarbone, hesitating just above the top point of the star. He licks his lips again, and his eyes flick up to hers. "Can I…?"

She nods, because she's pretty sure she'd squeak if she tried to talk. Steve's breathing is ragged, but so is hers, and she has an uncharacteristic, sudden moment of doubt. He's been waiting literally decades for her, has built this up in his mind. What if she's not able to live up to—

His hand covers the soulmark, and pure desire stabs straight into her belly at the searing heat of his skin, spillover from the need raging behind his iron control, and she whimpers, unconsciously grinding against him. He pulls her mouth to his again, and there's nothing tentative or sweet about this kiss. It's hard, needy, and his tongue swipes across her lips. "Toni, please," he groans into her mouth, half-wrecked and hoarse already. " Please ."

God, how can she deny him when he begs her like that? She flattens her hand against his shoulder, drags over his skin to her soulmark, and presses her palm into it. A switch flips in her head, a painless jolt of lightning, breakers and lines waking between them.

Circuit complete.

She falls without moving, vertigo and exhilaration shoving her through a deep blue as stars burst behind her eyes. Distantly, she's aware that Steve has flipped them, that she's on her back and moaning wantonly into his desperate groans, but that's less important than the sensation of being surrounded, filled, engulfed, with the solid heat of steadfast strength. She can feel it moving through her like an anchor, a touchstone, the bedrock of her world.

The earth shifts soundlessly, jerking everything she is abruptly left. She's on fire, she's flying, she's dropping into a cocoon of safety and loyalty and—unexpectedly, she glimpses the core of him, the true, beautiful spark of his soul. And she is decimated to realize that he loves her. He's always loved her, from long before she was ever born, and the depth of it is humbling, drowning, precious.

She surfaces with a gasp, feels like she's coming up from a long way underwater, and pants for air. Steve's weight is holding her down, surrounding her. His face is pressed into the crook of her neck, and she's cradling the back of his head, her mind swimming and spinning. "Oh," she says, soft and breathless, and realizes there are tears streaming down her face when he pulls back and she sees their blended mark, solid and real, the white star nestled inside the blue circle, and her eyes burn and shimmer.

"Toni," he says, wonder and reverence in his eyes, and he caresses her cheek with a shaking hand. "Jesus Christ, Toni. Jesus Christ, you are so beautiful inside. I can't…" He swallows convulsively, and she raises a hand to catch the tears leaking out of his eyes. "Thank you for choosing me," he finishes, quiet and hoarse.

She remembers then what Bucky told her, what she thought of again a few days ago, how before he'd signed up for Erskine's program, he'd been convinced the soulmate he shared with Bucky wouldn't want him, and fierce protectiveness surges through her, sharp and hot. "Always," she says, wraps a hand around the back of his neck and kisses him, hard and possessive, nips his bottom lip with her teeth, sucks his tongue into her mouth, lets the bond between them flood with honesty. "If you lost the serum tomorrow, I'd still choose you. Always."

Steve shudders against her. His eyes close, and his forehead rests against hers. "I believe you really would." He draws in a deep breath and sighs through his nose, then opens his eyes to smile at her. "Can I take you to bed?" he asks, and if there's a note of shyness in his tone, Toni will never mention it.

A muffled moan vibrates in her throat. "God, yes," she says, and the mental images make her writhe against the weight of his body. "Please God, yes."

She squeaks, clutching at his shoulders, as he heaves himself to his feet, scooping her up in a single motion, and desire surges through her veins at the casual display of strength. He slides an arm under her ass, the other around her hips, and she wraps her legs around his waist, darting in to suck his earlobe as he strides towards the door of the gym. He misses a step when her teeth sink into his ear, hits the wall with his shoulder and a grunt, and a warning growl rumbles deep in his chest. " Toni."

"Hurry," she mumbles around his ear, flicks her tongue up the curve of it, and whines high in her throat when he impatiently butts her cheek up and back, and his teeth scrape across her throat.

Somehow, they make it into the hall without injuring themselves, their movements abrupt and rough, tearing each other's clothes off and scattering them wherever they fall. Toni rakes Steve with her nails from shoulder to hip, revels in the snarling moan it wrests from him. He pins her against the wall, high and helpless, and fastens his mouth on her left nipple, sucking and biting and tonguing it while rolling her right nipple between a thumb and forefinger.

Her head bangs back against the wall and she cries out, wordless and needy. She fists her hand in his hair, or tries to, the short strands sliding between her fingers before she catches a longer section and pulls it into a grip. Steve's free hand kneads her left ass cheek, fingertips brushing across the slick heat of her entrance without pushing in. If she was standing, her knees would give out. As it is, she collapses against him, bowed over the top of his head, moaning and rolling her hips against the teasing brush of his skin.

With a curse that's a little saltier than should probably come out of Captain America's mouth, he jerks his head back from her. His eyes are wild and feral, his hair mussed, his skin rosy and gleaming in the sunlight spilling from the window. "We are getting to the bed," he says in a tone that is pure Cap and pure command, and Toni's belly flutters with another sharp spike of arousal. "I am not going to take you against the wall."

"What if I want you to take me against the wall?" Toni barely recognizes her own voice, it's gone so deep and sultry. She shifts her weight downward, resettling her legs around his hips and rocking into him, shuddering violently as his length slides across the inside of a thigh. "Cos I really, really fucking need you in me," she whispers, leaning forward to nibble his earlobe again. "And the bedroom is so very far away."

"Bed," he growls, and yanks her off the wall. He all but runs the last dozen or so feet to the bedroom door, so quickly Toni's barely got the wherewithal to process that they're moving before he's got the door open and he flings her at the bed from halfway across the room.

She bounces twice before catching herself on the heels of her hands and, fucking Christ it's hot to watch him stalk across the room with a predatory focus. For a second, just for a second, Hydra Steve, pacing beneath her, tries to superimpose itself over the image before her, but it dissolves before it can do more than register its presence. She becomes aware of a high-pitched keen, and realizes it's coming out of her throat, a steady whine of holy shit, Steve, jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to go off like a rocket the second you touch me.

He crawls onto the bed like he owns it, and Toni surges forward to meet his mouth again. His tongue plunges into her mouth, claiming her with a thoroughness that leaves her breathless when he kisses her chin and down over her throat. "I've never been with a woman before," he murmurs, licking a wet line over the hollow of her throat. "You may need to give me some directions here."

Her chest is heaving, skin twitching and jumping under his mouth, and the brand new bond between them pulses with need and want and desire and affection, heady and strong. "No problem," she manages to get out, arching immediately into a thready moan when he finds her nipples again with his mouth and fingers. "Oh Jesus," she breathes, restlessly carding her hands through his hair. "You're going to fucking kill me."

Steve pauses long enough to glance up with a wickedly innocent smile, and changes the positions of his mouth and hand. "That's the plan," he says, and bends to work her nipples again. "Tell me if you don't like what I'm doing," he says again, and dips his head lower, tongue painting a hot, wet streak across her rib cage and around to her hip bone.

"You're—you're doing just… just fine." She throws an arm over her eyes, the crook of her elbow tucked against the bridge of her nose. Her legs are shaking so hard she's a little afraid they're going to fall off, because Steve isn't stopping at her hip, he just nips it and keeps moving down, mouthing damp kisses into her skin and licking what feels like every inch of her abdomen and stomach. By the time he's circling her navel with the tip of his tongue and sucking a hickey into the top of her inner thigh, she's given up on rational thought altogether and is practically sobbing, urgent and broken.

His hands are searing against her hips, and his head dips to her knee, licking up her inner thigh to almost the crease of her groin before turning to repeat it on her other leg. She wraps her hands in the bedsheets and her head thrashes back and forth, every breath out an airy, keening stevestevesteve.

"You with me, Toni?" he asks, guttural and heavy.

"I'm with you," she babbles, words falling out of her mouth and tumbling together, and her abdomen clenches tight when he blows a cool breath across her stomach. "Oh Jesus fucking Christ, I'm with you. Please don't stop, Steve don't stop god I need you I'm with you, god don't stop."

He kisses her knee, and she feels his mouth curve into a smile against her skin. The bed shifts, and he nudges her thighs apart. She whimpers and sinks teeth into her own wrist, anticipating Steve's next move.

His tongue swipes, long and slow, up her slit, and he groans against her, fingers tightening on her thighs. She jerks and thrashes, noises too broken to be called moans spilling from her lips. Every breath ends on a nasally hnngh , and she already feels the heaviness sinking its tingling claws into her belly. She flails downward with the arm she isn't biting, finds the top of Steve's head, and clutches at his skull with her hand. He gives her another one of those slow, no-hurries licks, and the tip of his tongue flicks across her clit.

She comes with a hard shudder on the third lick, moaning into the muscle of her forearm, abrupt and harsh, and she rides it through the fourth, muscles locked and tight, back bowed and teeth gnawing her arm. The crest of her orgasm doesn't peak and spike, but drops right back down into the valley of build-up. "Don't stop," she whispers hoarsely, blinking hazily at the ceiling. "Holy fuck, don't stop."

"Buck said you like at least three before you fuck," he murmurs against her thigh, and bends back to her mound. She moans and jerks through two more of those delightful but frustrating licks, whimpering at the slow teasing touches, and then nearly comes off the bed with an aborted shriek when he sucks her clit into his mouth and slides two fingers into her, setting a fast, punishing pace.

Toni washes away in the sensation, the arm falling from her mouth to join her other on Steve's head, nails digging into his scalp as her hips. There's nothing but the heat and vacuum of his mouth, the curl of his fingers exactly over her G-spot, something that very few people have ever found and never on the first try. "Holy Jesus fucking Christ how fucking long are your fucking fingers?"

He laughs against her, and the vibrations tip her over the edge again, yowling and bucking against his face. He doesn't let up, though, doesn't give her a chance to ride out the aftershocks or cool down. Oversensitive, her hips jerk away from him, but he surges up, pins her legs in place with one arm, and licks her hard and rough, nose pressing into her pubic bone until she's coming again, hard and long, deep and intense, screaming his name and shoving at his head with frantic hands when he shows no sign of stopping. Blessedly, he takes the hint and backs off, soothingly stroking her twitching legs and spasming body until she can catch enough breath to let her vision clear.

She's boneless against the mattress as he moves up to the pillows and stretches out beside her, the tip of a finger tracing their blended soulmark. "Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, Rogers," she rasps, licking her dry lips and coughing to clear her throat. She flops her head in his direction, squints one eye at him because she can't keep them both open at the same time. "I thought you'd never been with a woman."

Steve shrugs, looking suddenly bashful, as he wipes his face with his hands. "Well," he says awkwardly. "Bucky made me memorize what you like. And watch a lot of porn. And uh…" He coughs, and his face turns bright red. "Also practice on him."

"God bless a thoughtful soulmate," Toni says happily, then finds the energy to roll over onto her side and lick her way into his mouth. He tastes like her, smells like her arousal. It shouldn't be as arousing as it is, given her just-finished marathon of orgasms. "Hardly fair, though," she continues, drifting her hand over his hip, down his thigh and back up to trace a single finger over the crease of his belly and groin. Muscles jump and flinch, sensitive skin spasming. "I didn't get anyone to tell me what you like," she adds, and wraps her hand around the base of his cock.

He groans and curls into her, hips rocking softly. He's painfully hard, straight and thick and hot. She strokes him up and down, varying the pressure and speed, listening to the breathless grunts breaking in his throat, paying attention to how his hands flex and relax on her body. "Tell me what you want, Steve," she whispers, kissing him long and soft again. "What do you want?"

"Wanna be in you," he says hoarsely, forehead against hers and hands cradling her face, hips rutting slowly against her hand.. "Just you. Just want to be in you."

"Okay," she says softly, and rolls back onto her back, tugging at his arm to draw him with her. She's still gloriously sated, but she's never too oversensitive for this. She adjusts her legs as he moves on top of her, and she smiles at how lust-blown his eyes have gone. "This okay?"

"Yeah," he says faintly, lifts her hips with one hand, and slides into her in a single, smooth motion that makes her throw her head back and moan into the pillows. She fights to keep her eyes open, she wants to watch him above her. "Toni," he says, strangled, wild-eyed and wondrous. With a muffled groan, he snaps his hips forward, driving into her, fast and hard. It feels so fucking good, but the angle is wrong for Toni to feel anything but pleasant friction and the occasional spark, until Steve growls in dissatisfaction, and lifts her legs over his shoulders before pressing down and thrusting into her again.

The world washes away in pure pleasure, completely narrowed down to the slide of his cock in and out of her, his harsh breathing and guttural grunts, the howls tearing out of her throat, the sweat slicking both of their bodies. Steve is relentless, pounding into her at precisely the right angle to hit her G-spot every time. The buildup is intense this time, an overwhelming sense of pressure that has her sobbing and begging, clutching at him like a lifeline, by the time his rhythm falters and his breathing goes ragged.

She comes one more time, screaming his name, body snapping so tight around him she distantly knows she's going to feel the strain for days, clawing at his back and shoulders and arms. Steve squeezes his eyes shut, swearing softly and fervently as he strains to keep going, but only manages two more thrusts before he's coming, pulsing deep inside her and shouting expletives.

She's boneless, she's completely spent, but she dredges energy from somewhere to loop her arms around his neck and tug until he collapses on top of her. "I've got you, Steve," she says softly, and caresses down his spine with one hand. "M'with you. Are you with me?"

"Always," he murmurs, buries his head into the crook of her neck and rolls so they're both on their sides. He brushes her hair away from her face, smooths her bangs back from her forehead, brushes the back of his knuckles against her cheek, smiles in utter contentment. It does things to her heart, makes it warm, makes it melt, makes skip a few beats. She ducks her head into the pillow with a soft smile of her own, feeling oddly shy.

"Are you okay, Toni?"

She glances up at him, smiles again. It feels wide and silly. "Oh yeah," she says, contentedly. "I've never been better." She hesitates for a second, but shakes it off, reaches out, and lays her hand flat against their blended soulmark. A lump rises in her throat and tears burn briefly behind her eyes. "I never thought I'd have any of this," she says, so quietly it's almost inaudible.

"Neither did I," Steve replies, and pulls her into him. She curls against him, head on his shoulder, arm loose around his waist. He settles around her, and kisses her forehead. "But that doesn't matter anymore."

"No," Toni says, closing her eyes and snuggling in. The adrenaline is flatlining, exhaustion setting in. Sleep washes over her, dragging her with heavy hands into slumber. "Doesn't matter. Not anymore."