Disclaimer: I do not own the Trilogy or anything associated with it. If only…
Chapter 23- The Heart of the Matter
I woke and sat up slowly. "Oh, ouch." I had fallen asleep in my dress and my ribs were not happy. With great relief I managed to loosen my laces and change into one of the other more casual dresses I had been supplied with. It was a lovely pear green dress with a wide neckline and the hem was completed with a wide damask border and black silk ribbon. The sleeves were also black and extra-long with an opening that exposed my arms. It also had a black satin belt with a gold, ornate hook and eye clasp with two bells hanging from it. I jumped when someone knocked on my door.
"Come in." I smiled as Almira entered. "Perfect timing, I need help with the lacing."
"Turn around then." I did and fiddled with my sleeves while she tightened the black satin lacing.
"I cannot get over these dresses. I feel like I should be going to a Renaissance fair."
"Tell me about it. All done," she declared and I turned. "Would you care to go for a walk?"
"Sure, but I would like to eat first," I responded.
"Of course." We moved to the kitchen and ate a simple repast of fruit and little cakes. Almira was unusually quiet. She seemed to be contemplating something so I decided to wait to see if she would volunteer her thoughts. We cleaned up and descended the stairs to the forest floor.
"Kate...there's something you should know," Almira announced abruptly as we began walking upon one of the paths of Lórien.
I glanced at her, suddenly wary despite expecting to hear something of what was bothering her. "And that is...?"
"I do not think I am the kind of Sue I thought I was. I mean I thought I was your basic Super Sue that could do anything and everything required of her. And admittedly I can do most Sue things: cook, dance, sew, and sing; not to mention the whole preoccupation with Legolas. Although I never really liked him, it's just...well it was the sort of preoccupation a proper Sue should have," she blurted out.
I stopped and she turned to face me seemingly nervous. "Do I look like a nun to you?" She shook her head no, a confused look gracing her features. "Then what's with the confessions?"
She shuffled her feet and fidgeted with the sleeve of her dress her gaze fixated on the ground. "Well, I figured you should know especially since they coincide with two favors I would ask of you."
Bemused, I asked, "And what are these favors?"
"Firstly, I would like some help trying to attract Rumil seeing as the Sue approach seems to have quite the opposite effect, and secondly..." A blush began creeping onto her cheeks.
"Secondly..." I prompted, smiling at the mention of Rumil.
"Secondly I would like you to train me in the sword because I apparently cannot do that either," she stated in a rush.
When I finally processed what it was she said I flipped. "YOU WHAT?"
She was blushing furiously now. "Please don't yell," she whispered frantically. "I thought I was a Mary Sue, you know, so I would have all kinds of crazy martial skills. Unfortunately I was not proven wrong until Moria." At her mention of her brush with death in the mines I sobered quickly. Her panic made sense now. I'd panic too if I thought I would be able to wield a sword and when I actually needed to hack into something I found out I was wrong.
"Why me?" I asked gently and a bit perplexedly. "Wouldn't you prefer someone, well, better? Perhaps you could ask one of Haldir's wardens."
"Oh no, I would be too embarrassed. What would they think?" She was staring at me anxiously.
"By them, you mean Rumil?"
Her deepened blush was all the answer I needed. I sighed, "I don't know..."
"Please, Kate. Please? You are really quite good and definitely good enough to at least teach me the basics. And maybe then I would not be so intimidated at seeking outside help. After all you were trained by the great Glorfindel," she pleaded hurriedly. I felt my resistance crumbling. She was my friend. How bad could it be?
"Alright, I'll do it." I let out a small oomph as she threw her arms around me and gave me a tight hug. When she pulled back I looked her in the eye and stated sternly, "But only on one condition." She nodded eagerly so I continued, "You allow Eruanna to aid in your instruction. She was also trained by Glorfindel."
"Deal." We shook on it then continued walking.
"So how is it you ended up with one set of Sue skills and not another?" I questioned, genuinely perplexed.
"My mother was kind of your quintessential housewife and domestic goddess. You know the kind of woman you would say only went to college to get her M.R.S. degree. But that's how she was raised and so I was brought up to follow in her footsteps. I attended etiquette courses, voice and dance lessons, competed in pageants, and took every Home Ec course known to man."
"Wow, no wonder you were such an obnoxious wannabe princess," I said, imagining the torture of constantly being primped and groomed as if you were some sort of living Barbie doll (A/N: I have absolutely nothing against pageants or housewives, however there are some women who take it too far just as there are women who are workaholics and insanely feminist).
"She was a good woman and she meant well, but I was a brat. I've never had a serious relationship because I was honestly too shallow to notice anyone who wasn't attractive or of a certain social status. It really kind of sucks," she finished with a rueful laugh.
"I had noticed the way you watched Rumil," I stated softly, waiting to see her reaction.
She darted a quick glance my way before staring straight ahead again. "It's just, he's just…there's just something about him. You know? And last night he was just so real, no pretenses or ego. He was just himself, so confident and chivalrous. It threw me."
"So how did you two start interacting?" I asked.
She blushed deeply. "Oh lord, what did you do?"
She swallowed. "Well, you left and I was alone and feeling really awkward so I had a glass of wine, and then another, and another and then I noticed he was standing with his brother and wife clearly not engaging anyone. So, I asked him to dance which by the shock on his face I figured wasn't really done here so then I stuttered some apologies and tried to run away but he stopped me. Then we danced and talked and danced and then we came home." All of this came out in one breath so I was a bit stunned. "What? What is it? You look really freaked out."
She was watching me nervously so I gathered my thoughts. "Don't worry, I am happy for you and think this is great. I am just a bit surprised that you are asking for my help. It sounds like you have everything under control," I stated slowly.
"I don't," she gushed. "I have no idea where to go from here. I have my usual bag of tricks but my newly acquired common sense is telling me all these ideas would only crash and burn. And you have been through a courtship here and so kind of know the ropes."
"And look how it turned out," I spat bitterly. I saw her wince and sighed. "I am sorry Almira that was uncalled for."
"It's okay, you're hurting," she stated simply, patting my shoulder. "And I should have considered how uncomfortable helping me with this could be for you."
"No, you're my friend and have the right to ask me. My situation is not yours and I should not project my feelings onto your relationship."
"So you'll help me?" She was grinning widely.
"Yes, for better or for worse." She squealed and hugged me again and I let out a genuine laugh for the first time in days.
We started walking again and I confided in her about my conversation with Lord Celeborn. Suddenly, Almira had my arm in a death grip. "What is up with you?" I asked, stopping and facing her. She had a stiff smile on her face and tilted her head subtly towards an area further up the path. Out of my peripheral I saw someone approaching, and making an educated guess I mouthed 'Rumil?' She nodded very slightly.
"What do I do?" she whispered desperately.
"First, relax. Second, do not bat your eyes whatever you do. Third, be your self. Your new self." The last bit made her smile which was good because it was at that moment that Rumil hailed us.
We waited as he approached and did the whole formal greeting with the bowing and the curtseying that always made me feel like I was in some sort of Jane Austen novel instead of Tolkien's novel though I did not know why.
"Good morn, Lady Almira, Lady Kate. Where are you headed?" he asked cordially, though he was eyeing me somewhat reservedly.
"We were just wandering aimlessly, exploring if you will. You have a very fair city," I stated after an awkward moment in which Almira gave me a desperate glance, stiff smile still firmly in place.
"That is kind of you to say. I am making my way back to Malthenwen's flet as she proposed a picnic this afternoon and I offered to help her ready our supplies. Would you care to join us?"
"Yes." Almira's quick answer had both Rumil and I staring at her and she blushed deeply.
"Actually, I think I would like to journey a little farther. As I said your city is very peaceful and my thoughts have been too solemn as of late," I stated softly.
Rumil and Almira gave me sympathetic glances and I was forced to look elsewhere lest I get emotional. "Then I wish you a pleasant walk," Rumil returned. I inclined my head and he offered his arm to Almira. We exchanged goodbyes and I stood watching their retreating forms for a moment and resented my slight envy. I shook myself, sighed and continued my walk. I eventually came to the Lady's garden and elected upon a random path. After about ten minutes I came upon a small clearing. It was filled with rose bushes and I inhaled deeply. Memories of time spent with Legolas in the gardens of Rivendell accosted me and I sighed deeply. I turned as I sensed a presence behind me and panicked when I saw Legolas. He stopped surprised, just outside the bower he must have been residing in which would explain why I did not notice him. We stood there frozen for several awkward moments.
"Kate-"
But I did not stay to hear what he said. The moment he spoke I turned on my heel and left. I returned to Malthenwen's house but refused to go on the picnic. I shut myself up in my room and stayed there for the rest of the evening, only emerging to eat dinner. I knew my friends were worried for me but all I wanted was to be alone, to not have to think or speak with anyone. I repeated this routine for a couple days, emerging from my room only to eat. It was on the third day, as I was lying listless on my bed, that Glorfindel burst into my room followed closely by Eruanna.
"Rise," he stated. I had sat up in surprise and now I flopped back onto my bed.
"Why?" I asked softly.
"Because you're scaring the Hell out of us that's why," Eruanna stated fiercely.
"I am fine," I replied shortly.
"No you are not," Glorfindel retorted. "I will not countenance you lying to me."
I turned on my side, so I was not looking at them. But Eruanna came and kneeled in front of me. "Kate," she pleaded softly, "Please, get out of bed. Let us help you."
"There is nothing you can do. You cannot take away this pain. You cannot make him love me." My voice broke and I turned away from them.
"We shall see about that," stated Glorfindel succinctly.
I sat up abruptly. "What do you mean by that?"
But it was no use he was already out of my room and heading for the door of the talan.
"Where is he going?" I asked Eruanna desperately.
"If I know my husband, he is going to find Legolas," she stated.
"Oh no, he won't," I cried disbelievingly.
"He will," she stated unapologetically. "He's fearful for your well-being. He cares very deeply for you. I was so excited to meet this vibrant young woman he described to me, someone that reminded us both of myself when I first arrived. But you have been diminished as of late, and it is completely understandable. However this languishing woman is not. You are stronger than this, I know it. Do not let your grief consume you. I know it is hard as you have never experienced emotions as intensely as you do now as an elf, but let us help you. Don't shut us out."
I was staring at the bedding, fat tears rolling down my face. "I just feel so pathetic," I choked out. "All I do is cry, like some sort of lovelorn idiot."
"Oh, Kate," she said as she gathered me in her arms and began to rock me. "You are not an idiot. You are in love with him, not just childishly infatuated. Your grief is appropriate, however your approach to dealing with it is not. You cannot internalize it, it is meant to flow from you with your tears."
"She's right," Malthenwen stated softly as she and Almira entered the room as well. "There's a biological explanation for it, as the hormone responsible for sadness exits your body in small quantities through your tears, hence the relief you feel after a good cry."
"That's pretty cool," I said in-between sniffles.
"We brought you some dinner," Almira supplied.
"Thanks, I am kind of hungry." So they stayed with me as I ate and then we moved onto the patio where we split a bottle of wine and enjoyed the cool evening hours. And I let the quiet contentment surround me, and I felt considerably lighter than I had in days.
I awoke at dawn like usual the next morning and decided I was tired of just sitting around all day. So I dressed in a simple beige tunic and brown leggings and grabbed my weapons. I figured physical activity would ease the tension and frustration raging inside me.
I knocked on Almira's door and it was a few moments before she answered. "Yes?" she queried a bit grumpily.
"I was wondering if you would like to begin your training. We do not have that long here so we need to start soon."
She nodded resignedly. "I will change and be out in a moment for breakfast."
I nodded and went and started putting together our usual breakfast of fruit and cakes. She joined me after about five minutes and we ate quickly before making our way to the training fields.
"I think we're lost," Almira said after about a half hour.
"I think you're right." I sighed resignedly. "Alright we'll just backtrack and make our way to the kitchens and ask someone there."
She agreed and another quarter of an hour found us at the Kitchens. "Lady Kate," Trevadir hailed me as he approached me from one of the tables. "Have you ladies broken your fast yet?"
"We have indeed," I replied. "We were just looking for the training fields."
"Ah, allow me to escort you. I have just finished my meal fortunately for you."
"That is most kind of you."
"Not at all."
The three of us made small talk as he led the way to the training fields, and an hour after we started we finally made it there.
"Now, if you will excuse me ladies I must return to the city proper. Perhaps you would care to join me for the noonday me?"
At Almira's nod, I responded, "We would be glad to."
"Until then," he stated with a slight bow then departed.
"Alright, where would you like to begin-with the sword or with the bow?" I asked.
"I think the sword as it will be harder for me to learn and slightly more necessary knowing the kind of odds we will be facing."
"A good point," I stated grimly. "We will be vastly outnumbered in the coming battles."
We chose the most secluded training circle we could find and I began teaching her the basics, from how to hold a sword to the beginning maneuvers used to wield one.
Two hours later, we stopped for a brief break and then I suggested we begin archery. We approached the archery range and I could since Almira's anxiety.
"Relax," I whispered as we took up residence at one of the outermost targets.
"It's just there are so many people," she returned.
There were about thirty, however her anxiety was still understandable. "However Rumil is not one of them," I pointed out hoping this fact would bolster her courage. "Besides they are not paying attention to us," I lied.
"You're lying," she stated. "They are staring at us."
"O.k. true, but they will lose interest in a few moments once they see we are not performing any miraculous feats, merely practicing," I assured her. "Besides you need to learn this, you will just have to get used to people watching you, there will always be people around."
She took a deep breath. "Right. Where do we begin?"
Another two hours passed and found us on our way to the dining area. "I think I am going to be sore tomorrow," Almira groaned.
"Most definitely," I agreed readily. "However your muscles will adjust fairly quickly. You did well," I finished. And she had. So much so that I could even squeeze in a little practice time and did not have to spend the entire time just watching her.
We entered the dining area and found Trevadir already waiting for us. "I trust your practice was fruitful?" He queried as we sat.
"It was. I must admit I have felt rather odd walking around without the weight of a weapon," I replied.
"It is amazing how quickly you grow accustomed to the sensation," Trevadir agreed.
"What exactly is your profession?" Almira asked.
"I am a scribe for Lord Celeborn and also an occasional messenger, thus the need to know how to wield a weapon," he supplied.
"Have you always lived in Lothlórien?" I asked.
"No I was actually born and raised in Imladris. My parents still live there. I decided to move here many years ago. I fell in love with Lórien after visiting but a few times. I believe you know my cousin Faelon?"
I gasped. "He was a dear friend to me."
"I know. He mentioned you in a few letters. We are very close as neither of us had any siblings growing up and have kept a constant correspondence since I moved. He spoke very highly of you and when I heard the Fellowship had entered the Wood I knew I should try and meet you if possible, especially since I was sure Faelon would appreciate news of you're your well-being."
"How is he? And Thanneth?" I asked.
"She is recovering quite nicely and therefore he is well. Although she has an avid admirer which vexes him greatly, but he believes he may win her yet."
"Good for him."
From there our conversation turned to our stay in Imladris, what we thought of it in comparison to Lothlórien, and where we thought we might settle should we succeed in our Quest. After about an hour, Trevadir left us to return to work and Almira and I made our way back to our rooms to bathe and change. I found a beautiful dress lying on my bed and as I slipped it over my head I gave a sigh of delight. The dress was made to look as if it was really two dresses. The under layer, visible in a panel down the front and on the lower part of the sleeves was a cream color while the rest was a rich Bordeaux. It laced slightly at the bust but also had a fabric belt around the waist that fastened with a gold buckle. It also had a slight train and wide sleeves. I was in love with it.
It was as I was running a hand reverently down one of my sleeves that Glorfindel appeared at my door. "I take it the dress meets with your approval," he stated.
"It most definitely does," I gushed. "Did you…?"
He nodded. "I remembered you had a red dress you were particularly fond of in Imladris and thought you might find this one comparable."
"Thank you, I love it."
He smiled, obviously pleased I was pleased. "Would you care to take a walk?"
"That sounds lovely."
We departed and spent our walk to the gardens and through them filling each other in on what had happened since we parted. We had seated ourselves in a bower as I reached the part in my tale concerning Moria.
"I just feel so guilty about Gandalf's fall," I confided. "It pains me to even think about it. And there is worse to come. I am just so afraid that my fellows in the Company will turn from me."
Glorfindel patted my hand reassuringly. "I do not think they will blame you. They know your role is not an easy one. Besides, loss is to be expected on such a perilous mission. And that is not to say you will stand by and let people perish, but that you most likely cannot prevent it. As was the circumstance in Gandalf's fall. Brave as you are, you are no match for a balrog." He winced slightly and I gave him a sympathetic smile.
"I know…I just can't help this worry."
"If I could help you I would."
"I know, it is enough."
From there our conversation turned to lighter things, mainly gossip from Imladris. It was rumored a certain Lord's son would be taking a wife soon. With a pang, I pictured how excited Sunniva must be. Our friends would be in an uproar. I experienced a sense of homesickness I did not expect. Imladris was not my home, but my mind reasoned, it was the only familiar place I had in this world.
"What has troubled you?" Glorfindel asked softly and I started in surprise.
I gave a rueful laugh at being called out. "Well, I was imagining the excitement surrounding such an event and felt an unexpected wave of homesickness. It just shocked me that I have come to identify Imladris as my home. That I would identify with this place so strongly somewhat saddens me because it means my decision is going to be so much harder than I could have guessed."
"I cannot imagine saying goodbye to you forever," he stated.
"Me either," I replied softly. "I do not think I can, especially since I would not even have the memories of this place and all the people I hold dear here to comfort me."
"Are you saying you are considering staying?" he asked tensely.
"I am."
We lapsed into silence for a time and he held my hand for comfort. When the sun started to set, he broke the silence. "Shall we return?"
"I think I would like to linger a little longer," I replied. He nodded and kissed the top of my head before leaving. I fell into contemplative silence, considering what my life would be like if I stayed and how different it would be without Legolas in it. Would I return to Imladris and start over? Or should I return home and leave all the sorrow behind, sacrificing all the joy I had here in the process?
Eventually I heard heavy footfalls approaching and knew them to be Gimli's for he was the heaviest of step in our company and therefore Lothlórien. I turned expectantly in his direction and he gave me a soft smile as he entered the small clearing. I was surprised that he seemed to be seeking me out. We had only interacted minimally and definitely had not had any heart-to-hearts. But I appreciated his frank and open manner, defined by statements such as the one that followed.
"It seems your relationship with the elf has been a bit strained as of late," Gimli said by way of greeting, taking a seat on the ground next to me.
I snorted. "That is an understatement of epic proportions."
"I take it telling him you are still mortal did not go so well." He eyed me sympathetically.
"Not in the least," I said tightly, jumping to my feet and beginning to pace angry of a sudden. "I can understand that it would upset him, hell it upset me and I'm used to mortality, especially my own. But trying to manipulate me?" I let out a frustrated sigh. "Who does he think he is? It's not like I chose this. I did not beg the Valar to stay mortal. Nor did I force him to care for me. He's acting like this is my fault, as if I deceived him on purpose." Pain lanced through me, and I sank to the ground in front of him. Drawing my knees up, I rested my elbows on them and dropped my head into my hands. After a moment, I raised my head and moved to kneel in front of him, eyes swimming, throat tight and whispered, "I love him, you know, I really do. And supposedly he loves me. I want to stay with him and I would...but I have to be sure. I'm scared," I said desperately. "I have never been in love before, not like this. What if I stay and we continue our affair, but only for a little while longer. What if it is not meant to be? What if I stay only to lose him to someone else?"
"Impossible," he said.
I gave a weak smile. "Gimli, if that happened, if I stayed only to lose him...I don't think I'd make it," I whispered haltingly, a few tears escaping and sliding slowly down my cheeks.
"Child," he began gently, "He loves you like no other. It is obvious in the way he looks at you. You can hear it in his voice when he speaks to you. Nothing and no one is going to change his mind about that."
"I don't know about that," I stated morosely. "You should have seen the way he looked at me after Gandalf's death. He looked betrayed. He said he did not fault me for it, but it does bother him," I shuddered and met Gimli's concerned gaze head-on. "The worst has yet to come Gimli. What then? On top of everything else it might just change his mind." I shook my head despairingly. "I don't know what I'd do then," I choked out before dissolving into fresh sobs much to my horror. I dropped my head back into my hands, embarrassed and miserable. I heard Gimli sigh and stand, then I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and I leaned into the embrace.
After a few minutes, I started to calm down and sensing it, he said teasingly, "I never much liked him anyway. If he is dimwitted enough to make the mistake of leaving you again I'll give him a piece of my mind...with my axe." I gave a half-laugh, half-sob and wiped the last tears from my face.
"Thanks, Gimli," I said softly.
"Nothing to be thankful for lass; now what say you come and eat with us?"
"Oh, I don't know if that's the best idea," I said uneasily, terrified of running into Legolas. "I look a mess."
As if reading my mind, Gimli fixed me with a kind and knowing gaze and said gently, "He has not been eating with us very often lately. It is doubtful he will be there. Will you risk it? I know of some hobbits that would be quite glad to see you. And your sad state would probably inspire pity from them which in turn might motivate them to give you more food instead of making you fight for it, lucky woman."
I gave like a cheap card table. "I would be glad to see them."
"Good, let us go. They will be eating soon and if we do not hurry there will be no food left, the hobbits will make sure of that. Gentle creatures in everything except food." I smiled at the truth in the statement. The walk to the fellowship's encampment was a silent, but comfortable, one. That comfort ended the minute I stepped into the camp and laid eyes upon Legolas. Catching sight of me his smile faded and that single action sent another wave of pain flooding through my system. Unable to look at him and see his disdain, I glared at Gimli who looked surprisingly guilty before turning on my heel and striding swiftly away before breaking into a run.
"Kate! Kate, wait!" I heard Legolas call after me. I began to speed up but was effectively stopped when he yelled "Please!" I slowed my pace and my heart was hammering hard, partially from running and partially because I had no idea what to expect. I kept my back turned as he approached as I did not trust my composure entirely. "Will you speak with me?" I was shaking now, though I would be hard-pressed to pinpoint any one emotion causing such a reaction.
"What more could you possibly have to say to me?" I said, allowing my anger to win out. And made bold by it, turned to face him.
"I wanted to apologize." Legolas took a step forward and winced at my cautionary step backward. "Though to beg forgiveness would be nearer the mark," he continued. Once again he had shocked me into silence. And I was really getting over his erratic behavior. Not knowing what to say, I stayed quiet, wary. Seemingly taking my silence as encouragement he continued, "I was wrong to try and manipulate you into making a decision. It was demeaning of me to discredit you by assuming you could not make the correct decision without my interference. Forgive me, please."
"I just do not understand why you would think I should leave. You led me to believe you cared for me," my voice broke and I paused, trying to regain my composure. Legolas stepped forward again, and pulled up abruptly when I held up a hand in warning. Swallowing hard I continued, "I would think that if you truly cared for me you would want me to stay."
"I do," he affirmed quickly as if now he had absolutely no doubts.
"Then why the lie?" I pressed.
"Because I did not want you to feel obligated to stay because of me. I did not want to have you stay only to end up resenting me."
"I wouldn't," I protested, annoyed that he had been at the whim of what-ifs.
"You cannot say that for certain. You are so young…"
"Well forgive me for not being as ancient and wise as you," I stated caustically.
Legolas raised his hands pleadingly. "Kate, I did not mean to condescend, but-"
"Yes, yes you did," I interrupted, really angry now, and stalked up to him. "You think you know so much, hm? I love you. I am in love with you," I cried shoving him once in the chest. I saw his eyes flash dangerously but I continued on beyond caring. I wanted to see some real emotion from him. "Did you consider that in your calculations before deciding to get rid of me? How ironic that such a fierce warrior would turn from a mere woman because she might decide to leave him. For that is what drove you, is it not? Fear? Instead of having your heart possibly broken you crushed mine?"
"And what is it you know?" Legolas cried, finally losing his cool. And I would have been more satisfied if he weren't so intimidating, looming over me. "How many times have you had your heart broken? Do you know what it is like to be alone centuries on end, with little hope of finding your heart's choice while being forced to watch your friends and all around you build a life with theirs'? Try to imagine for a moment the doubt and resentment that would plague you if you carried a title like mine and how it would feel to be constantly worrying whether or not your lover is trying to use you to attain a status and lifestyle you had no choice over."
"You did not seem to care at the gathering when you engaged every single one of your admirers, even Nimmir," I spat back.
Legolas had the grace to flush. "You are right. I cannot and will not attempt to excuse my behavior last night," he stated tightly, hands curled into fists at his sides.
"Can you explain it?" I challenged. I wanted to know why I had been made to suffer. I was not backing down now. I knew this would be hard for him, he was proud, almost to a fault. But if he wanted to be with me he could not be so high-handed and he had to let me in.
Legolas clenched his jaw for a moment, obviously having some sort of internal debate before sighing and saying softly, "I saw you with Trevadir and it hurt to see you on the arm of another. My jealousy drove me to behave childishly. I wanted you to be as jealous as I was. And it was petty of me."
"I can understand that," I said finally and watched hope blossom on his face.
"Can you forgive me?" Legolas asked tentatively.
A long pause ensued. The question was not whether I could forgive him but should I. I well and truly loved him, there was no going back now. But it all seemed too good to be true. What if I was just setting myself up for a greater fall? I met his gaze again and what I saw there gave me hope. In his eyes was fear. He was as much at my mercy as I was at his. Legolas just waited patiently, not trying to push me or press his case. He was letting me make up my own mind, demonstrating with his actions that he regretted his overbearing manner and was consciously choosing to behave better. This cemented my hope that we could work things out more than anything else probably could have. Besides I really had no choice. My heart was screaming at me to forgive him, tell him I love him and end this torture. Finally I managed to whisper the truth. "Too easily." Such relief and joy shone on his face that it nearly took my breath away.
"So…now what?" I asked, happy yet wary, wishing someone would pinch me. I needed to know this was real.
"What do you want?" Legolas asked softly, brushing a stray bit of hair behind my ear.
"Dinner," I stated succinctly and Legolas gave a startled laugh. "And then maybe a walk, nothing too hasty. I do not think we can be as we were but perhaps…perhaps we can be better."
Taking my hand, he pressed his lips to the back of it before holding it over his heart. "Dinner would be wonderful."
