Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my own characters and storyline, inspired by Tolkien's masterful creation.

A/N: Dear readers, this chapter has been a long time coming, too long. The delay has resulted from the pressures of graduate school and then a job, but also from a terrible fear of writing this chapter. Grief is a strange and powerful thing. Having never experienced a loss of this magnitude, I had a hard time figuring out how to go about it. Hopefully I have touched on truth. I apologize for my absence and hope you may find your way back to my writing.

Chapter 44 – Circle Dream

I came back to consciousness all of a sudden. One moment I was pondering the play of shadows across the ceiling, blissfully without thought, and the next moment the stones of the ceiling were in sharp focus and I was aware of a soft singing. I lay still for a moment, listening.

"That is a rather sad song to be singing," I said, turning my head to the left to look at Legolas. He had been standing on my balcony and when he turned to face me he was backlit by the rising sun. He seemed a vision, an otherworldly Elf-Lord, a glaring reminder that I was in Middle-Earth once more and forever. He stepped fully into my room; out of the light he was just Legolas, familiar to me, and my anxiety subsided. I sat up as he sat on the edge of my bed.

"It is, though fitting, as Beren and Lúthien know much of loss and sacrifice, such as you have endured."

I sighed and leaned my head against the headboard. "I am not sure I have "endured." I do not know what to do with all this pain and grief. Would that they could tell me how to endure, to carry on with dignity and grace. All I want is to hide in this room until it all goes away. They say time is a healer, and I suppose I have enough of it now, as I am an elf and immortal. But then that brings forth another sort of grief over the loss of my humanity. And mingled with all this grief is relief, relief that I have made a choice, that my waiting and uncertainty have ended. Which, of course, comes with a nice dose of guilt: that to be happy and certain I had to abandon my family, without so much has an explanation or a goodbye. What do I do with all this?" I held out my hands in a gesture of frustration and pleading.

Legolas gently took my hands in his and said, "You release it, as you are doing."

"Never my strong suit," I said with a wan smile, which Legolas returned. "But practice makes perfect they say, whoever "they" are." Sitting up fully, I scrubbed my hands over my face. "How long was I out?

"During your … time away, only six days. You woke up last night, then slept until just now."

"Six days? Good lord, no wonder I feel so hungry and scruffy." We both gave a short laugh as my stomach rumbled, though a certain somberness descended upon us again rather quickly. "I am not ready to face anyone else yet," I said softly. "Would it be possible to eat here?"

"Of course," Legolas said with a soft squeeze to my calf under the blanket. "I will return in just a few moments."

He rose and just as his hand touched the door, a thought occurred to me. "Legolas?" He paused and turned towards me. "Has Almira awoken yet?"

"No," he said. "Not yet." I simply nodded and he left the room. I had a feeling Almira might be away a little longer than myself, some unresolved business on the other side. I knew there was no point in worrying over it. She would not come back until she was ready. I just really hoped she would come back.

I stood slowly from the bed. I felt fine really, physically anyway. I was barely sore or stiff. "Must be that elfishness kicking in," I mumbled. Curious in spite of myself, I padded into my bathroom and stood before the mirror. No major changes, just a bit more … radiance. I did not know how else to describe it. I was Kate still, but Kate perfected. No blemishes, no chickenpox scars, no wrinkles or freckles. My hair was a bit more lustrous, but still the same color and texture. Body looked the same, same build, same height, just an added lightness to my being. I let out a breath I had not realized I was holding. I still saw me. I had been half afraid I would look in the mirror and see a stranger. But there I was: Kate, a young ellith that survived a war and found love, different from the young woman that had ended up in Imladris of course, but familiar.

Since I had passed my own inspection, I splashed some water on my face then went to sit out on my small balcony. Legolas returned shortly thereafter with some toast and an apple mash very similar to applesauce. I ate slowly, testing my stomach. Thankfully I had no side effects and leaned back in my chair rather contentedly when done. I reached for Legolas' hand and he took it.

The strange way I woke up came back to me. "Legolas?"

"Hmm?"

"How do elves sleep? It is different from human sleep, yes? I woke up so suddenly this morning. I was just … conscious, without any effort. It is strange to me. Before, when I was still human I thought I was sleeping the elven way. But now I realize it was just exhaustion that sent me to sleep so quickly. And now, now I want to just rest, to escape again for a bit. I am afraid to think too much," I admitted in a small voice. "But I am not sure how to sleep. I was so overcome last night it just seemed to happen."

Legolas squeezed my hand and thought for a moment. "It is true, elves do not sleep the same way as humans. We do not need to really sleep. Nay, we do not even sleep in the truest sense of the word. Rest may be a more precise word. We are removed from this world and set on the Olórë Mallë, or the Path of Dreams. We are led to the gardens of Lórien, the dwelling of Irmo, and here we find respite until we need to wake. Some part of us is always awake, so to speak, which is why we return so quickly. As to achieving such rest, you simply … let go. Although I realize that might be a bit vague."

I thought for a moment. "It makes sense and it sounds sort of like what humans call a daydream, though way more intense." We sat for a few moments longer before I said, "I think I would like to rest. You need not stay. I am sure your family misses you. Besides it is probably boring to watch me sleep … rest … whatever."

He smiled. "They can miss me a bit longer. I need to stay," he admitted, "as surely as you need to rest."

I nodded. I could understand that. I slipped under the covers and tried to let go. I was not successful. Huffing in frustration, I turned onto my back. I heard Legolas' soft voice a moment later, "Gaze at the ceiling. Think only on the stones, their shape and color. Think of nothing else." My gaze turned to the ceiling. I stared at the stones until I lost focus. And then I slipped onto the Path of Dreams. The gardens of Lórien were somber, but in a deeply peaceful way. And their beauty was beyond measure.

Despite the peace I found there, the next couple days were rather rough. I sequestered myself in my room, only seeing Legolas and no one else. I was not ready for their sympathy. I knew it would just make me cry and I was doing enough of that on my own. Mostly I just sat around or slept, eating here and there. Legolas would often sit with me. We barely spoke because there was nothing and yet everything to say. And so we were silent. And his silence made me love him more.

I woke from one of my periods of rest and sighed. Lately I had not been resting long. After the deep sleep of my first night back, my rest had been fitful and filled with dreams. Every time I closed my eyes I was besieged with images of my grieving family. Not only did it increase my already large amount of guilt, it terrified me. I did not think elves could dream. Not like this. The dreams were so real. Not unlike the ones I had experienced when I was back in my world, which made me think there was still some connection, like a wormhole had not totally closed. And that was not a comforting thought.

Sitting up slowly, I gazed around my room for Legolas but he was nowhere in sight. It was then I heard voices in the hall, one of which belonged to Legolas while the other sounded like his mother. I rose and returned once more to my balcony. It looked to be about mid-morning.

Legolas appeared but a moment later. "I heard you rise," he stated by way of explanation at my raised brow.

I nodded and turned my gaze to the garden. "Your mother?"

"Yes, she came to inquire as to your well-being."

"And what did you tell her?"

"That all things considered you were doing remarkably well."

I nodded again. From what little I knew about elven grief it could be remarkably deadly. But I suppose that was true for any species. "I hope it does not make me seem callous. I am sad, and I will be sad for a long time. But there is more resignation to my sadness it seems than the wild desperation that can follow a sudden loss. I have known the choice I wanted to make for a while now. I just had to make it. And it is the finality of it and the knowledge that I am the cause of my family's suffering that really hurts. The way I left …" I trailed off as the sound of squealing tires and breaking glass came back to me.

"What do you mean?" Legolas asked.

A sharp knock interrupted us. "Enter," I called, surprising Legolas. I shrugged. No one had knocked before now, respecting my privacy. If they were doing it now it had to be important.

Haldir poked his head in and said, "She is awake."

I made it out into the hallway and to Almira's door in what must have been some sort of land speed record. I threw open the door at the sound of a large crash. Most of the room's occupants looked at me in total surprise. For one thing, they had not seen me in over a week. For another, I was only wearing a nightgown and it was late afternoon. My gaze found Almira and never wavered. She was pressed up against the far wall, drawing in deep gulps of air, panicky gaze darting around the room.

"What the hell," she said "What the hell, what the hell, what the hell."

"I know," I said. "It's totally messed up, but you are alright."

"Alright? ALRIGHT? I fucking died! I am pretty fucking far from alright."

"You WHAT?" Rumil said tightly, glaring at Malthenwen and Haldir, which I could understand. A heads up would have been nice. I could feel Legolas' eyes boring into my back. He probably agreed. Oops.

"I need air, I have to get out of here," Almira said. She pushed off the wall, brushing by me as she headed into the hallway and down stairs.

A tense silence descended on those left behind.

"Go," I finally said to Rúmil.

"What if she – "

"Seeing as you are probably the main reason she stayed, I'd say you are safe chancing it," I said. He nodded and left the room without a backward glance.

Realizing everyone in the room was staring at me, wild hair, no shoes, and all, I blushed. "Right," I said, "Well, ta!"

"Wait!" Malthenwen commanded.

I froze and turned slowly. "Are you eating?"

"Huh?"

"Is she eating?" she demanded of Legolas.

"Yes, she is … though she could be eating more." I shot Legolas a dirty look.

"And sleeping?" Malthenwen continued.

"Yes!" I answered before Legolas could and a bit too quickly. "May I be dismissed?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yes, the healer in me is satisfied… though the friend is not!" She called after us as I dragged Legolas out into the hallway.

I tugged him along determinedly towards the way out of our quarters until he stopped me. "If you were planning on leaving our chambers, you may desire to change," he said dryly.

I stopped abruptly. "Ah, yes."

"Should I send for Pála?"

"No, not yet. I'll only be a moment." Once in my room, I quickly threw on my old tunic and leggings. When I returned downstairs, Legolas raised one perfect eyebrow.

"I am tired of dresses and it's too damn hot. Not that that is much of a problem for me now, but it's the principle of the thing. Females can wear pants too."

"You need not remind me. I am well aware of your views on the rights of the female," he said and I smiled. "But I am glad to see you smile nonetheless," he added softly, touching the corner of my mouth.

"Yeah, well, nothing makes me happier than breaking rules, as you also know." Legolas snorted and I rolled my eyes. Clearing my throat, I continued, "And I don't want to change too much, you know? I want to be me, that girl from Earth."

"I think you have little to fear on that score," Legolas said. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Now where were you off to in such a hurry?"

"Right," I said. "I figured we needed to talk about what just happened and I wanted to do it away from here. I need to be in a more neutral space than where I woke up after … well, we'll get there. Do you know a private and peaceful garden?"

"Yes, I do." He led me to the Houses of Healing and a small garden off a small, unoccupied room.

"This looks familiar."

"It is where Frodo stayed while recovering. It is a very quiet part of the Houses. I thought being in a place of healing could be soothing."

"It is that."

There was a lull in our conversation. It was broken when Legolas asked, "What was the test, Kate?"

"It was a little more than a test when it comes down to it. But thinking about it I'm glad I had no warning. It made it easier." I paused and drew in a deep breath. "I had to die to return here," I all but whispered, finally meeting his gaze.

"What ?" Legolas breathed, obviously taken aback.

"I was hit by a car," I continued. "A goddamn station-wagon no less. The injustice," I said with an ironic laugh. Legolas had that look on his face that said this was not even remotely funny so I quickly moved on. "I don't know how to digest all this. I died, which fine, it wasn't so bad. I mean the imagery is pretty horrifying, all the blood, my crumpled body..." I shook myself out of a daze to see Legolas had gone pale. "But I don't remember the pain, so really, not so bad. But the knowledge of how much pain my death would cause my family... I just wish there was some way to let them know it's alright, that I am alright."

Several long moments stretched between us. "What if there was a way?" Legolas finally asked.

"I would take it," I said.

"Is the name Irmo known to you?" I shook my head and Legolas continued, "Well, he is one of the Valar, a god of visions and dreams."

I drew in a sharp breath and Legolas looked at me closely. "What is it?" he said.

"There is something I must tell you." At his nod I continued, "I have been having dreams or visions … of my family, grieving." I paused, trying to swallow the lump in my throat but failed. Legolas embraced me as the tears came and I cried for several minutes.

When I had quieted, Legolas, still holding me, spoke softly into my hair. "Perhaps it is a sign, perhaps you are not done yet."

I gave a humorless laugh. "Of course not, I mean it is not like I have suffered enough. Now I just get to be tormented with visions of my suffering family. Fan-fucking-tastic."

"I know it hurts, but maybe the connection is two-sided. Maybe you can reach your family, to assuage some of their grief and thus some of your guilt. Perhaps this is meant to be a gift from the Valar," Legolas suggested. "They are never purposefully cruel," he finished softly.

"Well, when you put it that way," I grudgingly agreed. "How would I reach out to them, the Valar? To send something to the other side?"

"This I do not know, but there are a few elves that might. Lord Glorfindel for one, and Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel, of course."

"Let us find Glorfindel. I wish to get to the bottom of this posthaste," I said.

"He most likely is still outside the city walls."

"Then we best get started." We rose and made our way out of the Houses of Healing to begin our descent through the city. By the time we reached the gates to the Plain it was early afternoon. Luckily, the Imladrin contingent was closest to the gate. We wound our way through the various tents until Legolas stopped in front of one. It was a beautiful tent, although that was not really the proper term. It was too large and grand. The fabric was a beautiful pale daffodil color and it had an embroidered floral border of gold thread. Suddenly the fabric parted and Glorfindel appeared.

"I thought I sensed a presence," he said. "Come in." He held the fabric aloft and I followed Legolas inside. We entered into what was a sitting area and Eruanna appeared a moment later from a back room that I assumed was the bedroom. There was a low table and Eruanna gestured for us to seat ourselves on some of the low cushions surrounding it.

"You didn't exactly pack light did you?" I quipped, trying to dispel some of the tension. This was the first time I had seen them since my incident and it felt awkward.

Glorfindel snorted and shot a look at his wife. "What can I say? I like my creature comforts." Eruanna shrugged unapologetically.

"I cannot blame you," I said, thinking of the Quest and my measly sleeping blanket.

"Speaking of creature comforts…" Eruanna disappeared for a moment through another flap in the tent. She returned with some cool nectar for us to drink and little biscuits, on which I promptly chowed down. I slowed my pace a bit when I realized they were staring at me. "Sorry," I said. "Skipped lunch."

"Forgive me," Legolas said. "I should have-"

I cut him off. "Don't worry about it. I was in a bit of a hurry, which leads me to why we came. You are probably wondering what I am doing here since I have basically been avoiding everyone since waking up."

"I think we might be able to hazard a guess," Eruanna said. "I am sorry I did not give you more warning. I was afraid it would be worse for you if you knew exactly what was coming."

"You are right in that. Ignorance was indeed bliss, in this case. However, my family suffers. I see them when I try to rest. Was this how it was for you?" I asked. Legolas took my hand and I gave it a squeeze, grateful for his presence.

"Not exactly. I returned and I had only my guilt, no visions. And to top it all off, Glorfindel was gone. I was deeply unhappy, to say the least." Glorfindel took her hand and she continued. "Eventually I found a way to reach the Valar and beg an audience and a boon. I begged them to let me appear to my family, to reassure them that I was happy, despite our parting. And my wish was granted." Reading the unease on my face, she said, "It happened for Malthenwen as it is happening for you. She had the dreams, as you do. I think the Valar took my grief into account as I was the first and tried to give you hints to help you along in claiming this small gift."

"How do I reach the Valar?" I asked.

"It will probably be easiest to speak with Ulmo, as he never wholly left our realm," Glorfindel answered.

"Meaning we will be paying a visit to the Anduin," Legolas said. At my questioning glance, he explained, "Ulmo is one of the Valar, Lord of the Waters, and his voice can still be heard in the music of the waters of this world, though it is very rare."

"He can even reach through dreams, though again that is very rare," Glorfindel added. "But perhaps he will hear your plea and carry it to Irmo, who ultimately is master of visions and dreams. No doubt he felt your desire to assuage your family's grief and is the one manipulating your dreams."

"I need to speak to Almira, she needs to know."

"She is awake?" Eruanna asked, a smile alighting on her face as I nodded. "I am glad. I would have missed her."

"Me too."

"Will you come to dinner with us tonight?" Glorfindel asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I don't know if I can handle it. All those people?" I winced just imagining the big balls right after the wedding and coronation. I would be the object of much speculation and scrutiny.

"Dinner is now a much more private affair, only those close to the King dine with him should they wish it. And there are many places that we could dine in private. But you need not do anything that makes you uncomfortable," Glorfindel said.

"Alright, well that is considerably less scary. Will your parents be there?" I asked Legolas.

"Yes, it is where they have been dining as of late," Legolas stated, albeit a bit surprised.

"Okay then, I will endeavor to make an appearance."

"That was a lot easier than I expected," Glorfindel stated bluntly and Eruanna whacked him. "What? It's true. I do not know what to do when she does not argue with me," he said.

"I am not making any guarantees," I said. " I could still totally wimp out, as is my right. But you all are now the only family I have and I need to get used to it, rip the band-aid off if you will. Although that does not sound quite as complementary as I had hoped now that I said it."

"We get the picture," Eruanna said. Although Legolas looked like he understood about half of the picture. Glorfindel fared a bit better as he still had way more practice with American slang than Legolas. "And should you feel up to it, we would be glad to see you this evening."

I gave a curt nod, then got up and left. I had briefly considered hugging them, but immediately rejected the idea because I would probably just start crying again. Anything remotely emotional or sentimental set me off and I was tired of crying at the moment.

Legolas and I made it back to the Fellowship's residence by the early evening. "That always takes a bit longer than expected," I said, then sighed. "I should probably speak to Almira alone at first."

"Of course," Legolas said. "I will meet you in the garden before dinner. It will begin in just a few hours, listen for the toll of the bell when it strikes the seventh hour."

"I will. Until then." I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek then ascended the stairs that led to my room and Almira's.

Just as I raised my hand to tap on her door it flew open and I was dragged unceremoniously inside. "Finally!" she cried, once she had shut the door. "Where the heck have you been?" Then she hugged me fiercely. I hugged her back and we stayed that way for several moments. I saw Rúmil poke his head in from the balcony and I managed a small wave.

"I went to speak with Glorfindel," I said when we broke apart. "And now have I come to speak with you. You might want to sit."

She went pale and searched hesitantly for something to sit on, eyes never leaving me. Rúmil moved from the doorway and guided her to a seat. "Is there something else? Is it not over?" She reached for Rúmil's hand and he took it, looking at me expectantly.

"Not exactly, but I am botching this terribly. Because it is actually sort of a good thing."

"Oh thank God! You really had me going there," Almira said.

"I am sorry, really. I actually woke up a few days ago and since that time I have had dreams … of my family," I said.

"But I thought elves did not dream?" Almira said, and she looked for confirmation at Rúmil.

"We do not, under normal circumstances. Although I suppose this is anything but normal," he said. Almira and I both snorted in agreement and he grinned.

"Rúmil is right. It is not normal. So when I brought it up to Legolas, he mentioned the name Irmo, who is the god of visions and dreams. We figured it was maybe some sort of message from the Valar, so we went to Glorfindel and Eruanna." Almira shrugged as if to say "of course." We sort of figured Glorfindel had a mainline to the Valar. And both he and Eruanna had done this whole rebirth thing before. "Anyway after speaking to him and Eruanna, it turns out the dreams are a sort of gift from the Valar, and we might actually be able to reach our families through a dream if we can get the word to the Valar. And that involves Ulmo, God of the Waters, who still maintains the greatest presence out of all the Valar here; which involves a trip to the Anduin."

"I really do not like that river," Almira said.

"I am not crazy about it either. But I am willing to try it," I said.

"Me too. When?"

"As soon as possible, I think, as long as you are up for it," I said.

She nodded. "I feel pretty weak. It might take me a day or two … or three," she amended at a hard stare from Rúmil. "But I do not want to delay either. I do not relish the thought of such dreams," she added and his stare softened.

"Right, well I'll wait on you for the high sign then." I stood then remembered the dinner later. "Just so you know, dinner has become a less formal thing, mostly just those close to Aragorn. I think I might attend tonight and I wanted to extend the invitation to you," at the look of panic on her face, I continued, "but you need not feel any obligation to go."

She breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's a hard pass then."

I nodded. "I'll check in on you later," I said, then let myself out. I headed to my room and went straight to my mirror. I looked a mess. I sighed. I seriously needed a bath. I did not remember the last time I had taken a bath. Poor Legolas, I thought.

There was a knock at my door. I approached it cautiously. "Who is it?" I called.

"It is Pála, milady," she called. "I have come to help you prepare for this evening."

I opened the door and she looked at me warily, then hugged me quickly. I barely had time to hug her back before she pulled away. "I am sorry milady," she said.

"Lady Kate," I said gruffly, clearing my throat. "And you have your work cut out for you as I am a hot mess… And I missed you too."

She smiled tremulously, and then signaled to someone down the hall. Suddenly there were several women invading my room. They filled my bath and then started tidying under Pála's direction.

"Right," I said, and retreated to my bath. Slipping into the warm water felt so good. The events of the day settled in my mind, like my body in the bath. And alone again, I started to cry softly. It was just all too much still. A little while later, when my tears had ceased, I scrubbed my face and finished my bath. I donned my robe then emerged from the bath. I found only Pála. She had laid out a simple but elegant gown. It had a full skirt, with belled sleeves and trim around the collar, hips and upper arm. The trim was a cream while the rest of the gown was a rich brown.

"I hope this suits, Lady Kate," she said.

"It is perfect," I said.

She helped me dress and did my hair. I thanked her before heading to the garden to find Legolas. "You look lovely," he said, turning to face me, having already heard my approach.

"Thank you," I said.

"We need not go," Legolas said gently.

"I would like to try. Honestly, I think just sitting around might be worse."

He nodded at my reply and led me to a chamber within the royal complex. I could hear many voices as we got closer and panic rose in me like a wave. My grip tightened on Legolas' arm. He stopped in the hallway. "Last chance," he murmured. "We could escape before anyone sees us. I believe you know of some excellent, albeit less than reputable, taverns in the Lower City. Although we would probably cause as much, if not more, of a stir there then we will if we proceed."

His attempt at levity loosened the knot in my stomach. "While there are some excellent dives down below, I want to test my nerve. Let's give 'em something to talk about," I said with a wink.

"Blast," he muttered in mock disappointment. We entered the room smiling. And I managed to keep my smile even as the conversations in the room halted. It took the herald a second, but he managed to announce us quite admirably once he got over his surprise. People were milling about as the meal had not started yet, and Arwen made her way through the crowd to us at once, followed closely by Aragorn.

Upon reaching me, she took both my hands, and then kissed both my cheeks before saying simply, "I am glad you are well." And it struck me in that moment that she knew exactly what I was going through as she was more or less going through the same thing. She had made her choice too. I resolved in that moment to try and have a little more of her dignity and grace.

"Thank you," I said, giving her hands a quick squeeze. When she stepped away, Aragorn pressed a quick kiss to my forehead. "We are both glad," he said lowly.

"Now," Arwen said, taking me by the arm and leading me away towards where she had been sitting, leaving Aragorn and Legolas to converse. "I want to hear of your proposal and plans. I have heard you will be traveling this coming year as well?"

"Yeah, well the proposal was lovely, though it did take place in a war camp," I said and filled her in on the rest of the details and Almira and I's plans as they stood until we were summoned to dine.

I walked with Legolas into an adjoining room where two long tables were set up in front of the high table, where Aragorn, Arwen and the rest of the really, really important people sat. I followed Legolas over to one of the long tables. He got me settled in then took the seat across from me.

"Not so bad, is it?" Glorfindel asked when he settled in next to me on my left.

"Nope, only moderately stuffy this evening. Of course, we are not even halfway through it," I replied quietly.

Rinnalais sat down on my other side. "Good evening," she said.

"Good evening," I replied. "Are you enjoying your time in Minas Tirith?"

"Oh! It is wonderful! I mean I know that the city is not in its best state, but I had never left my home before and it is all so exciting! The dances and the diversions … there has been little celebrating in my homeland as of late," she whispered to me. Listening to her, I was reminded of my own sister. And though it ached, it also assuaged my grief a bit. My own sister could never be replaced, but Rinn was quickly securing her own spot in my heart. She kept me entertained throughout dinner with court gossip and her own speculations. As we left the table after dinner, she took my arm. "Now that Legolas is betrothed, many ladies have turned their attentions to Keldir." At my blank look, she said, "Captain of the Guard, close friend to Legolas."

An image of the ellon shaking hands with Legolas on the day of the wedding came to my mind. "Ah yes, Legolas has mentioned him before."

"Not that he has much interest in them. He seems to have little interest in anyone," Rinn continued, a small frown marring her brow.

I smiled knowingly. "That must be disappointing."

"Yes," she sighed, then flushed. "I mean for them it is."

Busted, I thought. Legolas was going to flip if anything ever came of her crush. I could not wait. "Of course," I said, "for them."

We had reached the main courtyard and she paused as the rest of the family caught up to us. "Will you join us for a glass of wine?" Thranduil asked.

"While I appreciate the offer, I think it is best I retire. I am still feeling a bit under the weather."

"You do look paler than normal, and you were slouching terribly at dinner," Celephinnil, his grandmother supplied, as she straightened one of her sleeves.

"Yeah, well, dying really takes it out of you," I snapped. Four sets of brows rose nearly to their hairlines. I realized, too late, that there were still a fair few other people in the courtyard as well. Dammit, I thought, I had been so close to pulling this evening off. "Okay, I know I owe you an explanation, but this is not the best place, and honestly I just can't right now. So I am going to go before I make it worse."

I turned on my heel and pretty much fled. Legolas caught up with me after only a moment and we made our way back to the Fellowship's house in silence. When we reached the door I stopped. "I am sorry. I did not want to be rude, not to your family," I said. "Your grandmother just knows how to get under my skin."

"Believe it or not, and I am inclined to think you will not, she was actually expressing concern," Legolas stated drily.

"Blast. Now I feel worse," I said. "You should rejoin your family," I added softly and held up a hand as he made to protest. "They deserve your attention too. You have been gone a long time. And I am just going to check in on Almira then go to bed. No big deal."

He sighed and nodded. "It is good to be with them again without the terrible darkness hanging over us. May I check on you later?"

"Of course, but you will have to put up with my snoring," I teased, knowing I could not keep him away if I tried. Legolas had taken up residence in the house again when I went on my spiritual journey.

"Ah, but you snore so sweetly," he said.

"Jerkface," I said with a smile, before drawing him into a tight hug. He dropped a kiss onto the top of my head.

"Until later," he said.

"Until then," I said. I watched him walk away for a few moments before entering the house. It was silent and it made me sigh in relief. I ascended the stairs and went to Almira's room. Once there I noticed the door was ajar. Pushing it openly cautiously, I said her name. Receiving no answer I entered her room. It was empty.

"Almira?" I called, stepping further into her room. I waited, but when she did not emerge from the balcony or bathroom I began to frown. A moment later I heard soft footfalls and turned relieved to the door, only to be greeted by a confused Rúmil.

"Good evening, Kate," he said softly.

"I came to visit Almira, but she is not here," I said. "Have you seen her?"

"Not here?" he exclaimed. "I only left her a few moments ago. She asked me to fetch her some food."

I drew in a sharp breath. "Alright, well maybe she got tired of sitting. She probably just decided she needed to stretch her legs for a bit or get some fresh air. She will probably be back any minute."

Rúmil looked like he did not entirely buy it, even though he wanted to, as he set her food down. We waited in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Did you enjoy the evening meal?" he asked.

"More than I thought I would," I said.

"That is good," he said. And then our conversation died a painful death.

"Perhaps we should split up to look for her," I said after another minute or two. "Just in case."

"Yes, a good idea. I will search the gardens, main hall, and adjoining chambers," he said.

"I will take the training grounds and library."

"We meet back here in an hour."

"Deal."

He left and I took one more look around her room, which was when I noticed that all of her weapons were missing as well. Casting my gaze back over her bed, I noticed the covers tossed back as if in hurry and her nightgown discarded on the floor. It occurred to me then that she probably sent Rúmil away on purpose. Suddenly I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly where she had gone.