A/N: Okay so heads up anything in bold is a memory/flashback... This is not a very intresting chapter as you should recognise the memories but it is important to future events *starts ominous music*

Chapter 39: I want to try to live my life carrying all my memories with me. And even if those memories are painful, even if they do nothing but hurt me, I want to keep them!

Cris was more than slightly confused; the last thing she remembered was being in her form room. Why was she in a car with a man she doesn't know?

"Who the hell are you and what have you done to me?" Cris snarled angrily, she didn't exactly know why she was angry as she didn't understand what was happening.

"Already away with the pleasantries, I see," The man smirked, amusement pretty clear in his voice. Cris' head ache then multiplied its force by ten and it now felt as if she was being stabbed repeatedly with blunt object until she bled.

Suddenly a wave of memories crashed into her, pulling her under the salty waters of remembrance.

She can just see a figure in front of her, through the haziness and when her full vision returns out of the corner of her eye she sees a pair of hazel eyes staring intently at her. She feels something warm in her hand, it was a bit rough and callused but she didn't mind. He was just about to take his hand away from hers, realising she was awake and that she probably wouldn't like it, when she held his hand not letting him take it back.

She moves her head to look at him better, when the pain in her head intensifies. She gasps at it and Jamie squeezes her hand and says "Don't move your head," quite protectively. "There goes my plan to sell it on eBay" She says with a sarcastic tone.

The first short sequence dissolves away quickly to be replaced with another one.

"You died Cris you actually dies," Clary says while sounding as if she is about to cry. Cris looked to the others surprised, most all of them bowed their heads and Maia nodded. "Clary, it's okay, it's going to be okay, I'm fine," Cris says reassuringly in a soft voice. "Fine, fine! Cris you nearly died, that is not fine" Simon nearly shouts and Cris fights the urge to face palm. Izzy gives him the meanest death stare while continuing to try and calm down Clary.

"Jesus, Simon, can't you think before you speak," Tessa says, her and the others are clearly annoyed by Simon setting off Clary again. "I'm sorry but I don't know…" He stammers then as if he doesn't want to say the words. "Cris if you died, I don't' know what I would do…"

0.o.0

"Charlotte, what's wrong?" Cris asked, and she could tell Simon was going to say 'You got attacked, that's what's wrong,' so she looked at Simon, who had his mouth open, about to speak, shook her head lightly and he closed his mouth again.

"The police came, and of course they sent everyone home early, obviously except you guys, they were going to get your attacker" at the words 'your attacker' Cris shivered, Jem seemed to notice this and he put a comforting hand on hers, she smiled gratefully back at him. "And take him to the police station, but he was out cold still," She looked at Jace at this who gave a smug expression.

"So they decided to leave him for an hour and come back to see if he had woken up then," She pauses then takes a deep breath then continues, " When they came back, they found he was gone, the restraint's locks had been picked and the two guards were on the floor unconscious,"

0.o.0

Cris hugged the girls and Simon but purposely left Jace and Will out. And went walking off in a different direction to the others with Jamie. When two guys hug her and pick her off the ground. She knew immediately it was Jace and Will. "Pikachu, Charmander, put me down and get in your Poke balls" They both whined like a dog would and put her down, "Bye guys," Cris said and they both said bye and went off again in opposite directions.

0.o.0

She reached out further to get the drawing, when Jamie turned his head and brushed his lips on hers. Cris was shocked by this but she couldn't help but feel her lips tingle as she felt blood rush up to her cheeks.

She was kneeling on the bed, staring up at him, he was standing looking at her in the face, and he brought his head down to hers, she tilted her head slightly as he bent down further. Then they were an inch apart, and strangely she didn't want space between them anymore. She crashed her lips to his and he immediately moved his lips against hers and she did the same.

She felt electricity run through her veins as he pulled her upwards, never breaking the kiss, until she was no longer on the bed and she was hovering over the floor. To make sure she wouldn't touch the floor, she wrapped her legs around his waist and he groaned in to her mouth. At her actions, he pinned her against the nearest wall, his body pressing hers against the wall, leaving not a millimetre of space between them.

0.o.0

"Okay, wait I'll just get my phone," Cris said standing up quite painfully, Jamie noticed this and said "No, I'll go get it" Cris started to protest but he lightly pushed her so she sat back down, and went downstairs to retrieve it from her bag.

"You've got him whipped," Maia exclaims and Izzy says "Jeez, you were only with him for a few hours, how come you've got him so whipped?" Tessa sighed and Cris said "We were only kissing for like ten minutes maybe less," They were all looking stunned at this.

"Are you like an angel?" Izzy says her mouth wide open. Cris scoffed "Pfft, I wish," then she paused and spoke again "Any way why did he call you, and there's no point in lying again, you know I can see right through it" They looked at her and sighed simultaneously, "Look, Jem just needs to talk with you, okay, he wanted to be the one to break it to you"

0.o.0

"Jem?" she asked and she heard him take a deep breath and say "Cris are you alone?" his voice was raspy and deeper than normal; Cris was suddenly struck by the question. "No, why?" She asked. Jem seemed to sigh with relief, "Good," he breathed and to answer her question he says "You need someone to protect you," Cris started to get worried then "Why, James why do I need to be protected?" Everyone looked at her sympathetically at her tone.

He breaths ruggedly "Look Cris, I'm not going to lie to you" Jem says in a small voice. "Then don't" Cris nearly shouts down the phone. "Cris," he starts but pauses as if psyching himself up to say this "Two men have been spotted near your house, one of them apparently looks like the attacker,"

0.o.0

Jamie turns to her and sits down next to her on the bed. He turns and looks at Cris in the eye, Cris can't help but notice there is now so little space between them. "Cris," he starts, his voice barely a whisper and Cris can feel his breath against her skin. "You can never be intrusive to me, you are welcome here whenever," Cris smiles at this, his eyes are shimmering and the gold seems prominent.

"Cris, in fact you don't know how happy I was when you wanted to stay with me," he gives of a nervous laugh and continues "Don't ever think you could be intrusive because you can intrude all you like as long as it's with me," His eyes look so vulnerable and he closes them and sighs.

0.o.0

Cris slides down against the door, she bring her knees to her chest and hides her face in her hands. She wills herself to stay strong but it doesn't work and she holds on to the scraps of her dignity by giving muffled sobs into her hands.

She knows Jamie is on the other side of the door when he says "Crisiant, everything will be alright, I'll get rid of them, they won't find you and I swear on the Angel Raziel they won't take you, I won't let them. Cris I…" He doesn't get to finish his sentence as a pounding started on the front door. He slips a piece of paper under the door and she hears Jamie walk down the stairs.

She looks at the piece of paper, which actually turns out to be multiple pieces of drawing paper tied together with a red ribbon. Cris carefully pulls on the ribbon so that the bow comes un-done. And when she does she realises the pieces of paper were stuck to each other to form a sort of book.

0.o.0

These drawing were so beautifully done they could have been designed by Cinna himself. Each stroke of the pencil thought out precisely. She turned and looked at the back on tis there were only two drawings of the girl, one labelled school and the other casual and had Jamie's signature at the bottom of the page and a line that read 'You may read or watch and think that these characters are perfect but I promise the girl above is so much more perfect'. She realised then that the school uniform drawn was her school uniform and that the casual was the same tank and shorts Jamie had seen her in.

In the last drawings the girl looks extremely familiar, like she see the real girl every day. She flicks through the book and stands up, the girl has the same dark brown hair and green-blue eyes in each drawing, the hair is often different lengths and styles but there was no doubt that the girl was the same girl in each drawing. She glanced in the mirror.

The drawings are of me, he drew me as different characters, then drew me as myself and he thinks I am more perfect than any of these characters.

As she thought this the door swung of its hinges and collapsed to the ground.

0.o.0

She heard a distant yell that sounded like it was coming from inside of the house. It sounded familiar and caused spikes of pain to cause through her chest but it also made her feel a bit safer, like she wasn't dangling 6 metres above concrete floor, hanging on to the bloody and wet window ledge and that she didn't slip out of the window because two men were trying to kidnap her, it made her forget all those problems.

The voice was coming closer and Cris felt herself slipping. She felt her heart beating through her chest but she didn't know whether it was for the drop or the voice that sends chills through her veins. She hears the door to the bathroom swing open and the door clatters against the wall. And the reassuring voice shouts "Cris!" Her brain seems not to function, she can't figure out who the voice is. Just then she slips, her hands losing all purpose on the ledge.

She lets out a small screech as the sensation of falling fills her. It's all over too quickly as an enormous pain takes over her body and she blacks out immediately. The last thing she saw the window open and a flash of silver.

0.o.0

"Cris, you have no idea the effect you can have," An incredibly recognisable voice drifted through her painful subconsciousness.

I recognise the voice but why can't I place it?

A whirring sound flows through her head many times before the voice returns again. "Cris," The voice breathed as if savouring the word, the way it sounded on its lips. "I love you!" it whispered sounding desperate.

"I love you, god dammit" It repeated, the voice rising in volume. "And I don't even have the guts to tell you until you bloody can't hear me anyway"

But it probably doesn't even matter how I feel because you probably don't feel the same. And I didn't want to tell you because I know you would just reject me and then you won't want to see me at all," It ranted on.

"I don't want that, if I don't see you one day then no matter what happens, it is a bad day," It sounded as if it was pleading now. "I love you, so damn much and all I want is to see your face every day because your beauty and personality just make me happy beyond comprehension,"

It then gave a dark chuckle "It doesn't matter, you can't hear me and that rant took something out of me so I don't think I'll be doing that again soon, not that I have anyone who will be able to hear me then, unless by some miracle you wake up and even then I probably won't repeat myself, in fear"

Cris just wake up, that's all we want, that's all I want. If I could ask for anything, I could have anything in the world, every fandom piece but I don't want that. I want you!" It said.

So it was talking to me?! I know that voice, I know that I know it? She paused in her thoughts, discovering a revelation.

It was Simon!