AHHH I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN NEARLY A YEAR ! I really don't have a excuse, i shouldn't of allowed this to happen! It's just i kinda lost motivation for this story and didn't know what to write. So i'm really sorry! Hopefully since it's been a year my writing has gotten a little better.


A thunderous sound filled the bedroom that Finland slept in. The ringing of his alarm clock would not shut up, no matter how much time passed it kept up with it's deafening ringing sound. Until a hand reached under the covers and turned it off, then there was finally the utter peaceful silence once again.

"Stupid clock...gonna wake m' up...'m up" Tino spoke.

Sluggishly the fin slowly got up and wiped his eyes in the chance it might spark some new energy and wake him up more. Perhaps that was just wishful thinking but he felt utterly exhausted. His stomach ached for a nice delicious breakfast but his legs felt like lead. How could one be so tired he wondered.

"Maybe it has to do with not really eating, it isn't that safe.. but i need to lose weight. Whatever it takes i'll do it! I've been through worse anyway."

'You can't seriously think that? Such a failure like you ever managing to do it would take the world to burn, maybe not even then' a small voice taunted him. It was sickeningly sweet but vicious enough to cause damage. Damage that Finland tried to fight against.

"Oh shut up, like you could ever do anything! I'll lose weight, i'll become slimmer and prove you wrong you know. Then you'll be the one who is a failure and not me, besides i was able to beat Russia from conquering me in the winter war. I made him pay, could a failure ever do that? No i don't think so!"

'Say whatever you want to smooth your ego but you'll always be a failure, such a pity you can't accept that. Look at yourself, would a failure ever allow themselves to have your body shape? Look at America, he's toned with muscles yet his country keeps fucking up. What excuse do you have?'

'What excuse do you have' kept ringing in Finland's mine. What excuse DID he have? He let himself eat sweets, he left himself eat fattening foods and candy. Never once thinking about the consequences it may give him and his body. This is how he became how he is is it not? How he had those chubby cheeks he hated or those "womanly curves".

It was his fault, no one else's but his he reasoned.

Yet now that he thought about it food had always been there. Nearly all his memories had something to do with food. It differed from him starving and weak, being forced to watch as his fellow Nordics took his people, his citizens, the weak and innocent. The ones who had families and loved ones, who deserved to live a happy and peaceful life,and sold them as slaves. While it was still in the past he couldn't say he still wasn't bitter about it.

His citizens, his people, were sold off as far as Asia for crying out loud. Who wouldn't be bitter about something like that? Having someone who you see as family and just knowing what they've done to you isn't easy to deal with.

God knows how Ukraine is able to deal with her little brother.

Then another memory trickled in, the first kiss he had with Sweden. He could remember it like it was yesterday, some might of called it silly or that they were just both lonely from being on the road so long. Yet he knew it was real love, even if they didn't realize it at the time it did take a few years for either of them to actually pursue a relationship. For years there was always that spark that ignited the feelings in both of them when they remembered that kiss. Even if they were just teenagers, it was rather romantic.

Fondly Finland allowed himself to be swept up in the memory.

"So i was thinking we could set up here for the night? I can go get a fire started if you like.." the fin stuttered out. He subconsciously gripped his sleeve in a attempt to calm himself down. Why did his companion have to look like he may kill him? It was unnerving.

"mhm, i'll go set up" the swede said facing his "Wife" before taking their packs to the nearby trees leaving Tino somewhat alone.

"Oh thank Odin, i know it's wrong to think the worse of people but he's just scary. Then again i did think Denmark would stay sane but seems like i was wrong with that too! No matter what i say this will always be better then staying there. I really don't pity Norway or Iceland, i just hope they're okay.." he muttered to himself as he set the dried firewood they picked up on the road down.

He slowly tried to get a fire started and yelled in joy as the wood finally went aflame. Instantly all the pieces caught causing a blazing warmth of orange and red all held in a small circle from the rocks Tino earlier placed around the wood.

"Here, i thought you'd like some food." a voice announced behind him causing a shriek of fear to flow from his throat. He turned around quickly and saw it was just Berwald. Embarrassment was easily shown on both of their faces.

"Oh uh thank you.." Finland whispered out and took some of the food Berwald offered. The two sat in silence and ate as the flames roared and crackled against the dark night air. However awkward it might be was quickly washed away by the stars.

God were the stars gorgeous.

They were easy to see, even easier then when the two were in town. It seemed as though millions littered the sky up above them as they twinkled and cast their starlight on the two below. It was a beautiful sight to see, even to an immortal country.

"You have some food on your face"

"Hm?"

"...youhavesomefoodonyourface"

"I'm sorry but i can't understand you.."

"I said you uh have some food on your face"

"Oh!" Quickly Finland raised his hands and blindly started wiping his face, trying to get rid of whatever food may be on it. He felt his face be gently lifted and had radiant blue eyes stare into his own purple ones.

His heart started to beat faster and faster as fear overtook him. Yet instead of anger or hatred of what he expected to see he was instead seeing looks of concern and was that fondness? It seemed as it was.

'Or my eyes are just playing tricks on me'

Before he could ask what in the world Berwald was doing he felt lips crash on his own. Soft tender lips pressed against his and he came to the realization that Sweden, someone he thought hated him, was kissing him and surprisingly he found himself kissing back.

Though the kiss didn't last as long as they both would of liked he suddenly found Berwald pulling back as red as a beet making up some excuse that he was tired and needed to go rest.

Smiling happily at the memory Finland laughed. He remembered how Sweden avoided him like the plague for a few weeks after, always mumbling out apologies. With a sigh Finland realized this is why he needed to do this, not just for himself but for everyone else.

He wanted Berwald to be proud to call Tino his, he wanted Berwald to take pride that he was dating Finland, he wanted Berwald to be able to say that he was his and not have to think about how unlucky he was to date someone as huge as Tino.

"If i'm not even proud of myself why would he be proud? I wouldn't want some fatass with the weight of a killer whale. I doubt he wants that either, so really why isn't this diet a good idea? I'll lose weight, make myself healthier, make myself proud and happy and then have Berwald be much more happier with me."

"After all he does for me this is the least i can do for him."

It did make sense didn't it?


"Don't you ever feel like the worse is going to happen?" Sweden asked the three other nordics at the breakfast table.

"Let me guess, you're worried about Finland again? I told you he'll be fine." Denmark replied as he stuffed another pancake into his mouth.

"Geez i don't understand how Finland can deal with all your worrying. He's just taking a break, probably stuffing his face with some type of Finnish chocolate and watching the moomins or cartoon show." Iceland said while scrolling through his phone.

"They're both right you know, as we discussed yesterday he isn't in danger. He's not sold and kidnapped god knows where you got that idea from, he isn't starving himself nor is doing anything else self destructive. Really Sweden you should have more faith in him." Norway lectured as he poured himself more orange juice.

"Alright fine, you guys are probably right."


An Acidy bitter taste was left in Finland's mouth as he sat bent over the porcelain toilet trying to throw up everything he might of eaten. He felt gross, disgusting even as the warm putrid vomit left his stomach and went straight into the toilet.

It left a tingling, burning sensation in his throat and a acrid aftertaste. It hurt, god it hurt so much. His fingers were covered in spit and vomit, his own vomit, which just somehow made it that much worse.

He had to do it.

He had to do it, he had to throw up. That's what the diet told him to, that's what everyone does isn't it? Everyone forced themselves to throw up, that was normal. It had to be, the diet wouldn't of included it if it didn't help him lose weight.

'Good job, you can't even throw up correctly. Everyone else doesn't have it hurt that much. No they're able to accomplish it easily. That's why they're thin and you're still a disgusting fatass.' the voice taunted playing on Finland's fears.

Yet he couldn't even correct the voice, he was fat. He knew he was, there was no denying it. If he wasn't fat his thighs wouldn't touch, if he wasn't fat then his stomach wouldn't be squishy, if he wasn't fat then his cheeks wouldn't be chubby.

He was fat and hated it.

'Shh, now this is why you're on this diet isn't it? You'll lose weight and become so much more prettier then you are now.. just stick to it.' another voice in his head called out. This time it was different, this time it was a female voice.

This new voice seemed comforting and nurturing. God he was going mad wasn't he? Having these voices talk to him, having the one who makes him hate himself and then this new voice. These voices were going to make him go crazy, go mad. Then again they could just be there to help couldn't they?

They could be there to help, the nasty one might be there to keep him on track and this new voice would keep him from going too far. Then when he lost all of his disgusting fat off of his body they'd leave, having done their job of letting him lose weight.

That had to be it right?


I'm sorry for not updating in nearly a year, i'm really sorry about that so please accept this extra long chapter as a offering of forgiveness! Now Finland mentions how much worse it was with Denmark and to not go on a giant Kalmar union thing i suggest looking up the Stockholm bloodbath. That's just a taste of what happened during it.