Chapter Seven
To: Hinata
From: Sakura
Subject: Dad and Hatake-sensei
I'm sorry that I haven't written to you the past week. Today is the last day of finals, so I didn't have the time to write you back until now, but I did read your email on my phone. I'm really sorry.
By the way, I've asked my dad for permission to visit you. It was hard talking to him at first, because I haven't seen and talked to him in a while. Fortunately, he allowed me to go. I can't wait to see you again! My holiday starts in three weeks. When is yours?
It was the first time in a long time for him to come home early from work. He usually comes home so late at night and leaves so early—some times he doesn't come home at all. So I was happy to see him behind his desk at four in the afternoon. I wanted to hug him and told him I missed him so much, but he felt like a stranger to me. I felt so awkward sitting before him. I couldn't stop fidgeting. The bags under his eyes accentuated his whole feature, making him seem wise. I can understand why women are attracted to him.
I talked to him for a while in his study. He asked me how school was and whether or not I have a boyfriend. I only told him school is fine. I didn't tell him how stressful it is because I was afraid he would lose interest and stop listening. No boyfriend. I asked him about work, and he casually said it's fine too. I'm not sure if he is actually working. Sleeping with his mistress instead.
I brought you up in our conversation and I asked him if I could come and visit you during the holiday. He was confused at first; humorously trying to remember who you were out loud. I smiled at his forgetfulness. His eyes lit up when he finally remembered. My chest felt so warm at the sight of him. He asked me if I had asked mom, and told him I did. He thought about it for a while, and finally allowed me to go. I wanted to jump at him and kiss his face right then and there, but it just didn't feel right.
When I returned to my room, I dropped down to my knees and cried for a really long time, muffling the sobs with my hands. I haven't cried so hard in months. It was then I realized how alone I felt with his absence. I remembered everything when I was younger, when he and I were so close, how happy I was, and how I felt like I belonged with them. Now these feelings are just past memories that will probably never happen again. It made me cry even harder.
The next day, I did the stupidest thing ever. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I waited at school until the sun was about to set for Hatake-sensei to finish his work. I didn't know what was in me that I could wait for so long. We met by the shoes locker, and he was surprised to still see me there.
"What are you still doing here, Sakura?" he asked.
"I wanted to tell you something," I began by telling him how I've felt towards him since the first day of school. I told him how happy I felt when he went to my house and talked me into going back to school.
"I've always wanted to tell you that I love you, Hatake-sensei," I said while looking into his dark eyes, my voice sounding a little bit too loud.
I broke down. It was so embarrassing to cry in front of him, but I couldn't stop. I didn't stop when he called my name. I didn't stop when he held my arms to comfort me. His hands felt so warm.
"Is everything alright, Sakura?" he asked me.
I shook my head no while I wiped my tears.
He didn't say anything after that. He just looked at me as if I was mad. I didn't think he thought of my confession seriously. I felt so betrayed it overwhelmed me. It felt like being dragged down into the deepest part of a swimming pool.
I ran as far away as possible from him, but I didn't hear him call my name and chase after me like in a shitty romance movie. It's real life, but I somehow wished he did.
I didn't go right home after that. I didn't want to see anyone. I stayed at the park in my neighborhood until it got really dark and cold for me to stay out for long. The park is always empty during winter, so it was a good place for me to be alone without being disturbed. I sat on the swing and let the tears that I'd been suppressing during the train ride home fall. I was disappointed. I don't really know how else to describe it, but I was so disappointed. And cold. I wished to be sucked out into the outer space. It wouldn't make a difference if I stopped existing anyway.
At school, I pretended nothing happened—and so did he. But it made me so sad that he did a better job at it than me. He now addresses me by my last name. I stopped helping him out after school, went home right after dismissal and locked myself in my room, either studying—at least tried too—or staring at the ceiling, wishing I didn't exist.
I guess visiting you soon is a good timing for me. I need to get away from this place for a while. I want to go hiking. I hope that's okay with you.
I'll talk to you again soon about our holiday details.
Sakura
Author's Note: I want to give a little announcement. This is the last update for this year. I'll be back next year after the school break though so don't worry. I hope you guys have a great holiday! Early merry Christmas and a happy new year x
P.S. don't forget to review! It keeps me motivated ^_^
