Chapter Twelve

After spending a week at Hinata's place, hiking and hanging out at coffee shops, Sakura finally returns home, convincing herself that she feels rejuvenated as if she is a different person. She goes back to school two weeks later, wearing her school uniform proudly and striding the hallways with a warm smile tugging at her lips. She attends Hatake-sensei's classes normally and faces him bravely as if nothing ever happened. However, she often feels exhausted the moment she sets foot in her home. Faking to be fine takes a lot of energy for her. After throwing her bag to the floor, she drags her legs to her desk and opens her email to reply Hinata's message.

I feel so much better after visiting you, she types. She is half lying and half telling the truth. She cannot decide between the two.

She often takes long walks around the neighborhood when she isn't tired without saying a word to her mother. Her hands are always buried inside her sweater pockets, and her eyes gaze at everything in sight. She usually ends up in the neighborhood park, sitting on a swing too short for her long legs, as she thinks about everything she can think about. She likes to stare at the changing pastel sky, pondering over ways to get over Hatake-sensei. But recently, she has been thinking often about her upcoming birthday.

Her friends have been endlessly asking her about her birthday, whether she is planning to throw a party and invite the whole class or not. She can only say she hasn't thought about it yet with a small smile, even though she wants to jump out of the window every time they ask. It seems terrifying for her that she's about to turn seventeen in a week. Without realizing it, sixteen years of her life has passed before her very eyes and she hasn't done anything worth to be proud of. She's almost an adult, which means university entrance exams and endless responsibilities. Tears drop from her eyes every time she thinks about the times that are gone. She wishes to be a child again when all she did was play, take naps, and being happy in general.

I find it terrifying that I'll be seventeen soon. I've slowly begun to lose interest in anything I used to find interesting. Is this what it means to grow up?

She stares at the words she has typed on the computer screen, mulling whether to delete this whole sentence. She takes deep breaths and clicks send.

Eventually she decides to throw a birthday party on Friday after school at her house. She invites all her classmates, as well as Hatake-sensei. It was nerve-wracking for her to approach him in the teachers' office and give him an invitation to her party.

"I hope you can come, Hatake-sensei," she blushes.

He replies with an unpromising smile, "I'll try to."


All of her classmates have arrived at her house, but there are no signs of him. She is restless throughout the party. She opens the door and peers over her gate for signs of Hatake-sensei every minute. Her mind is some place else when a classmate tries to strike a conversation with her. She feels as if she is about to burst in tears over the fact that he isn't there when she's about to blow her candles—neither is her dad.

She stares blankly at the seventeen candles on her birthday cake, hands resting at the chair before the table, while her friends and mom sing the birthday song for her. She closes her eyes and wishes to see Hatake-sensei on that day and for everything to be fine with him again before blowing the candles. Everyone claps their hands and cheers, oblivious of her desperate wish.

She walks everyone out the door when the party is over. It's around ten o'clock in the evening, and it is a chilly night. The wind is blowing pretty strong and the dark clouds cover the moon.

"What's the matter with you today, Sakura?" Ino asks her as they walk out of the house together. "You seem to be a bit…out of place."

"I don't know," she says, running her fingers through her pink hair. "Maybe because today is my birthday. Thinking about it scares the hell out of me."

"Who knows that being seventeen is not so bad," Ino suggests, trying to lighten up her friend's mood. "You'll get used to it, anyway, right?"

"I guess you're right." She forces a smile and gives her blonde friend a tight hug. "Thank you so much for coming."

"It's my pleasure, Sakura," Ino hugs her back before walking away. "Happy birthday!"

"Have a safe trip home!" she says, waving her hand at her.

She stays outside her house for a moment with her arms crossed in front of her chest. She is about to turn around and walk back inside when she hears Ino's loud voice addressing to…Hatake-sensei! She feels her heart leap to her throat, and freezes in place. She walks out through the gate and sees Ino talking to him. She cannot believe what she's seeing.

"You missed the party, sensei!" Ino says, chuckling.

Sakura cannot hear what he replies to Ino, but her eyes widen when he approaches her. He wears a dark gray coat over his suit, and tucked under his arm is a present wrapped in green. He has an embarrassed, apologetic smile on his face when he stands before her, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, laughing awkwardly. "Work kept me up at school and I rushed to pick a present, so here it is."

She feels the tears brimming on her eyes as she takes the present from him, thanking him with a faltered voice. She clears her throat.

"Is everything okay, Sakura?" he asks, his voice turning serious and concerned.

"Yeah," she says, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry, do you want to go inside and have a slice of cake?"

"It's all right, I still have some work to do," he smiles, "but thank you anyway."

She stares at the present on her hands, tears forming again.

"I thought you wouldn't come." She manages to say, her voice hoarse.

"What made you think so?" he asks, shoving his hands inside his coat pockets, oblivious.

She shrugs. "You don't talk to me as much as you used to. As if I never told you how I feel about you. You didn't even show up when I was about to blow my candles."

She cannot hold the tears back anymore. She lets them drop from her eyes, landing on the back of her hand and upon the gift wrapper.

"I thought you hated me." She continues, keeping her voice in check so her mom won't hear from inside.

He doesn't answer. He remains standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets. She feels like she's talking to air. She forces herself to take a leap forward and look at him straight in the eyes. Jade meets onyx.

"If you hate me then why don't you say so?" she demands, tears streaming down her face.

His eyes and face are a blank. She wonders what he must be thinking while she cries right in front of him. Does he want to dismiss it and walk away from her again? Does he want to slap her in the face and tell her to stop being so ridiculous and childish?

Finally after a long moment, he takes his hands out of his pockets and his gaze warms up.

"I don't hate you, Sakura," is the only thing he says, his voice low and kind.

She wants to ask him, Then why did you stop talking to me? Why did you ignore me? But she cannot bring herself to say those words. It feels like there's a stone on her tongue and her lips are stitched together. She swallows the lump in her throat and looks down at the present in her hands.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you," he says again. "I really didn't mean to."

She purses her lips to hold back her sobs.

"I hope you'll forgive me."

Taking deep breaths, she opens her mouth and looks at him straight in the eye once again.

"Then how do you feel about me, sensei?" she asks him.


Author's Note: Finally some KakaSaku interaction!