"Emaya Forever Done Right"
Thank you for loving this story and for all the follows and favorites and reviews!
They need to talk about everything before they can truly move forward and there's a lot to talk about. I just hope I'm able to bring you a compelling chapter with emotion and truth…
Rated M for Mature Content.
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"I said some things that I wish I could take back. Just know that. But tonight I just, I just want to love you, that's all."
"I want that too. But I'm not sure we can love totally and completely until we talk, until we really talk."
"We will. I promise. But tonight can we go back to our stateroom and remind each other why we will, one day soon, love totally and completely."
I turn around in her arms, wrapping mine around her neck and say, "We can remind each other every day but until we talk there will always be this elephant in the room."
"I get that. I do. But can the elephant in the room look away for just one more night?" she pleads with her eyes and the shakiness in her voice.
We hold each other tight shielding our bodies and souls from the cool night air while I rest my forehead against hers silently loving her, silently knowing that we will again, one day, love totally and completely…
Chapter 41: The Talk
Emily POV
The Next Day…
Though Maya and I shared a stateroom we just slept last night, nothing more. I wanted to and I think she wanted to too but there's that talk we have to have. So as morning approaches, she lies next to me breathing softly, while I stare at the ceiling thinking about all the things that must be said. My email is top on that list. I was so judgy cuz I didn't know. I didn't know what was happening in Point Loma while I was in Texas. I was so selfish and I can't take what I said back. I can only promise to love her more now than ever and I hope that will be enough. There's also Chelsea and Justin and her almost suicide and the sanitarium. I honestly don't know how she got through all that…oh yeah Chelsea…
That girl was there for Maya and helped her to heal. She helped her get stronger emotionally and mentally so she could leave that place and never look back. I can see why Chelsea fell for her; I mean it took me all of two seconds to help her with her last two boxes. I smile for a second remembering how these little sparks would ignite in my belly the whole time I was with her that day. It was confusing at the time cuz I tried so hard not to be gay. But everything about Maya made me want to be…
I turn my head to watch her sleep for a few minutes before I roll on my side lying there silently, loving her in my heart. As I keep my gaze on her beautiful face, my memories remind me of how scared I was back then. But they also remind me of how supportive and patient she was with me. I never would have guessed that she went through all that she did. Maya's confidence played a huge part in my attraction to her and not once did I ever suspect there could be anything so tragic locked up inside of her…
It's unfortunate that Chelsea became obsessed with Maya because I think they could've been great friends. And it's unfortunate that Toby got a hold of her and brainwashed her into joining the –A team to hurt her, us. Toby is another thing we have to talk about because none of the girls have any idea of what he was capable of and telling them will be difficult, especially, Spencer who became quite close with him. But today, today we'll concentrate on us, on rebuilding us to what we were and what we will become…
I push the hair that has fallen onto her face behind her ear causing her to stir and I decide I'll do whatever it takes and however long it takes to love totally and completely once again…
The yacht's horn sounds signaling, I'm not quite sure what, but it's enough to wake Maya.
"Good morning beautiful," I say to her even though beautiful is what she usually calls me.
She stretches as she rolls onto her back and then turns on her side again, "Good morning sweetness."
We kiss softly on the lips.
"Did you sleep well?" I ask.
"I think so. I felt at ease for the first time in a long time," she smiles.
"That's good. I'm glad," I say smiling back.
"Are you ready to go ashore this morning?" she asks.
"Yeah, I think I am. How bout you?"
"Well, I have to be ready, we have to be ready. There's a lot we need to go over don't ya think?" She looks at me quite seriously.
"That there is and I'm kinda glad too."
"Why's that?"
"Because I think it will be good for us. I think it will reunite us emotionally and make us not only stronger but possibly invincible."
"Invincible, wow, that's being positive," she raises an eyebrow possibly questioning my wording.
"Why? You don't think we can do it?"
"I never said that. I just think we have to put the pieces of our relationship back together without forcing any. If it doesn't fit then we can't make it fit," she's being so bluntly logical.
I'm thinking about what she's saying and wondering if she's saying what I think she's saying. If we struggle with what happened and just say things to put a band aid over it then we'll never resolve us. But we will. We have to! She can see it in my eyes and she says,
"I know baby. We'll figure it out. I won't give up on us and I know you won't either."
She leans over to kiss me before she hops in the shower. I lie there for a few more minutes before I get up because I have those impulses forging through my body from just her kiss. I sigh finally able to sit up and get myself out of bed. I get my clothes ready for the day and pack a day/night bag. I kinda don't want to come back to the yacht. I'm actually hoping Maya and I can have this talk and love each other on the beach away from everyone and everything. We have to work this out! We just have to!
Our parents and Maya and I take the motorboat to shore. We step into the warm Pacific Ocean up to our knees with our bags in one hand and our flip flops in the other. The wet sand feels so good under our feet and the dry sand feels just right, not too hot as the sun is not at its peak just yet…
We bid farewell to our parents walking side by side in the opposite direction. Our parents are going to their friends' private villa while Maya and I walk without saying a word until we're far away from civilization. There are no boats or footprints in the sand indicating anyone is nearby. We also have no cell service so I'm guessing there's no power on this side of the island. Maya and I are alone at last…
"So do you want to lie in the sun for a little while?" I ask in an attempt to delay our talk but only because I'm nervous.
"I think we should put our stuff on those rocks over there," she points, "and talk. Emily, we need to talk."
"I know. It's just that my nerves are all freaking out and I don't want to say the wrong thing."
"You won't. You just need to say it out loud," she puts her stuff down and leans her back against one of the smoother rocks.
So I do the same, "What should we start with?"
"Well, I think I need to fill you in on my past so we can move forward with our future," she tilts her head needing my body language to agree with her.
I nod so she begins to talk about that night three summers ago…
"I was dating Justin at the time. He was sixteen to my fourteen. I thought I was in love. But after meeting you I can honestly say I didn't really know what love was back then."
I blush, dropping my head, smiling, trying to cover it up as this is a very serious time between us. She continues…
"But then I started getting high with his and my friends to a point where he didn't like being around me. I guess I was putting getting high before him but didn't even realize it until, he broke up with me. I took it really hard but I was sure I could get him back. So I went to this party on the beach with Chelsea who was my girl back then."
"You're girl?"
"You know like platonic girlfriend. Someone I could count on to always be there for me. And she was there for me but I wasn't expecting to see Justin with another girl so soon. I had had a few drinks when I saw them together and it made me upset. I went over to them and made a scene. And that's when Justin told me that he could never love someone who loves getting high more than him. He even went on to say no one will ever love me because of that."
"I'm so sorry Maya."
"Hearing those words affected me in a way I never expected. I drank some more and I watched them some more and he looked happy. He looked relieved. It made me sad all over. He was right. I convinced myself that no one could ever love me. And as I looked around I realized no one even cared that I was there except for Chelsea who was talking to her yachting club mates. I never felt so alone and I never felt so unloved the way I felt that night."
My eyes tear up but I say nothing, letting her say what she needs to say.
"So I walked away. I ended up on the path leading up to the Cliffs. And I just kept walking until there was nowhere else to walk. The tears ran down my face as I looked out into the black ocean. I could hear the waves crashing and that's all I could hear. All these thoughts raced through my head. No one will ever love me. No one will ever miss me. No one will ever come looking for me. So my alcohol, weed induced state pushed my emotions to their limits. And instead of walking back to the beach, I started walking towards the ocean."
My hand covers my mouth. I just want to grab her and hold her in my arms but I know she has to finish this and I know there's more that needs to be said.
She thinks back, "I shuffle my feet kicking the gravel and the stones underneath me. My face is full of tears as my vision begins to blur but the brightness of the stars in the sky keeps me moving forward. As I'm nearing the edge a rock gets pushed over the side taking forever to make a splash. But we're so high up that I don't even hear it. And then I have this vision…"
She tells me what she dreamed...
"I'm walking alone along the cliffs having lost everything. There's no one to turn to, it's just me and the ocean breeze. It's a loneliness that only someone who has loved and lost can feel. I stand high above the dark waters watching the waves crashing below me. The air blows against my white satin robe, forcing it open revealing my white satin nightgown. My long dark tresses flow wildly behind me as the wind tries pushing me back but fails time after time. Why is this happening? Why can't I ever be happy? Why is everyone that I've ever loved being taken from me? Is it because I'm not worthy of love? I take a step closer, the sand shuffling with my stride, loosening the earth beneath me, causing the rocks to tumble over the edge, plunging into the blackness of the ocean…"
Now the tears that welled up in my eyes are now falling down my face listening to her say she thinks she's not worthy of love but she is and so much more. She's worthy of my heart, my soul, my love and I will tell her when she gets through this emotional moment of her life.
She takes a deep breath calming her shaky voice and says, "As I got right close to the edge I could hear a faint voice but it wasn't enough to convince me not to jump. I kept moving forward. And then I could feel these arms around me holding me back taking me away, far away from the edge. I was out of my right mind. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't even recognize Chelsea. And when she brought me home my parents had to make the hardest decision of their lives. They decided to send me to a sanitarium like Radley to get better."
"And you did get better, better than ever, right?"
"I was there for six months. My parents and Chelsea visited every day. I'm still so grateful to her for saving me that night. But as I went through therapy I realized I was never in love in the first place. I was a fourteen year old girl who thought she could do anything and not suffer any consequences. And when I realized what I was doing to myself and how others perceived me I didn't like me very much. I had to go through these self-love sessions, so to speak, and they taught me so much about who I am."
"Like what?"
"That love is something you don't take for granted. That in order to be loved you need to love yourself first. And that meant letting go of all these bad habits like smoking weed and drinking to get drunk. I was doing that to my body because I didn't love me very much at the time. I thought all I needed was Justin's love and that would be enough. So I kept smoking and he left me. My sessions taught me to be confident with whom I am and not let anything change the person I had become. I got up in the morning and I went jogging around the campus. I played my guitar bringing me back to my music. I ate healthy and with the support of those around me I became this new and improved version of me. I stood tall for my height," she chuckles and so do I, the lightest moment of this now sunny afternoon, "I liked who I saw in the mirror for the very first time. And I decided to please me first."
"Maya, that was, that was so tragic yet so beautiful. I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks Em," she says sweetly before continuing, "But when I was released I kind of wanted to explore this new me without my parents or a boyfriend or Chelsea. So the rest of that summer we started to gradually pull apart. I saw less and less of her until the following summer. Working at my Aunt's restaurant kind of brought our friendship back and we started hanging out more that summer and the summer before I left. Then I had to tell her I was moving to Rosewood and she didn't take it very well. But I have to say leaving California was the best thing that could've happened for me and I think my parents knew that. I left everything that reminded me of that night on the west coast and stepped onto the east coast with a swagger."
"Yeah you did! That walk down your path to greet me said it all."
"Oh yeah, and what did it say?"
"It said I know who I am and I'm not gonna let anyone stop me from being who I am."
"I like that and I think you're right."
"So you and Chelsea faded and she didn't take it very well unbeknownst to you."
"Exactly. However, now I do feel a little guilty even though she did put us through hell. But in the end, she became the Chelsea I remember. I plan on visiting her before we leave. She saved our lives, actually she saved my life twice, and I think I owe her at least that."
"I think she needs to know that she can be a better person, the person you remember, if you give her that chance to be her."
"And I will."
Maya steps away from the rock she's leaning against and takes a few steps towards me so she's facing me with her back to the ocean. She moves closer looking into my eyes. And then, when her body is pressed lightly against mine she slips her arms around my neck.
"I'm really glad I told you. I feel," she takes a breath, "I feel like a weight has just been lifted and I can breathe freely again."
My arms find their way around her torso, "I'm really glad you told me. I feel closer to you than I've ever felt before."
"Our relationship puzzle is looking pretty good. That first piece fit perfectly. Don't cha think?" she nuzzles my cheek with her nose, I think needing to lighten the emotional burden between us.
"Yeah, yeah I do," I say quickly, needing her to reassure me through her actions.
Her lips reach up to mine gently pressing together. She parts them slightly as do I giving me a firmer kiss with her tongue in search of its mate. We find each other's and it feels better than ever. I tighten my hold of her as she does with me and our kisses become longer and deeper and forever…
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To Be Continued…
As Emily pointed out earlier there's more talking to come as day turns to night. And when the talking is finally over the loving will finally begin again…
