I wake up in a warm environment with a plushness beneath me. I recognize the feeling and the smell as a Federation Medical facility. I want to look around, but I am so tired. Now that I know I am safe, I close my eyes again and allow the exhaustion to take me under.

"Kathryn?"

I hear my mother's honey sweet voice from what feels very far away.

"Kathryn? Wake up baby."

I open my eyes ever so slightly and see my mother's face.

"Hey, momma."

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"

"Like I just got in a shuttle accident." Probably not the best words to say seeing as my mom knows how close she came to losing her family.

"I'm sorry, baby."

"Don't be. I'll be fine. How's daddy?"

Before she can speak, my mother's eyes fill with tears. She knows what sacrifice I made. Someone at Starfleet (if not daddy himself) has undoubtedly already told her.

"He's going to be fine. Owen said that if you hadn't thought so quickly, he would've been gone before rescue could arrive. I know it must've been a hard choice. I'm so sorry about Justin."

My mom cups my cheek, but I want to make it clear to her why I made the choice I did.

"You know how they say that your life flashes before your eyes right before you die? Mine did. Only I saw much more than my past. I saw what I can only describe as a possible future. And I saw the look on your face when they told you daddy didn't make it. I felt the pain in my heart when I knew that I had gambled to save them both and lost everything in the process. I love Justin, and a part of me always will. But in those moments, I knew you would never get over losing daddy."

Before I knew what was happening, I was enveloped in a hug and felt my mother's hot tears hitting my neck where she had buried her face. For long moments, there was silence that was only broken by my mother's heavy, tear-laden breathing and the whirling of the biobed monitors.

When my mom has regained control, she takes my face in both hands and lays a soft kiss on my forehead. "You're right, Katie. Ever since I've known your father I was hopeless without him."

"Me, too. I know how I described it sounded selfless, but daddy means so much to me. I knew I couldn't have it all, but this way we don't all lose everything."

Before my mother can respond, a doctor walks into the room.

"How are you feeling, Lieutenant?"

"You've seen me without my pants on. I think you can call me Kathryn."

For a second my doctor seems shocked that I am joking, but I see the moment she considers that we all grieve in our own way and continues her query.

"How are you feeling, Kathryn?"

"All things considered?" At her nod, I continue. "Not as bad as I expected to feel."

In all honesty, I had already lived this before, and my grief over Justin was almost two decades old. It had been tempered through time and distance – about 75,000 lightyears of it. While I was disappointed that I couldn't save them both, I had run the scenario enough times to know it was extremely unlikely.

"I'm glad to hear that. In the coming days, you will probably feel the full brunt of what has happened to you, so I am ordering mandatory counseling and six weeks leave at which time you will be evaluated to see if you can return to duty."

"I understand." I would argue, but as the Borg say, 'resistance is futile.'

With that my doctor turns to my mother. "I know you probably don't want to let her out of your sight, but your daughter needs her rest Mrs. Janeway."

I almost laugh aloud at the face my mother makes. She hates being called 'Mrs. Janeway' as much as I hate 'sir.' It's Gretchen, ma'am, or for the luckiest in the world, momma.

Again my mother kisses my forehead before giving a quick goodbye and exiting the room.

"I wasn't just saying that Kathryn. You really do need your rest. Your injuries were extensive, and rest is the best way to heal."

"Yes, doctor." I say as I make myself comfortable. "Good night, doctor."