CHAPTER 15

As Kate came round the next morning she could hear Sawyer's cries long before she opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was how stiff she felt – as though her spine had set to the shape of the cave wall which she now found herself propped up against – a blanket cloaking her near icy body. Then as she opened her eyes and her vision started to clear she noticed the first signs of daylight manifest themselves as the subtle rays of light, tinged with gold, that were beaming through the mouth of the cave. Her attentions were immediately drawn to Sawyer – writhing and crying out in pain not too far away from her. She didn't notice anything out of place at first – apart from the intense pain he appeared to be in. Her mind still felt very much detached from her body, but as she gradually began to take in her surroundings she noticed that his body was completely bare – his t-shirt had been completely removed, and a large bloody scar was visible across his bare stomach.

In a state of sudden panic Kate stumbled to her feet, nearly toppling over in her haste to get to him – her co-ordination still pretty much non-existent.

"Sawyer?" She asked, her voice shaking with fear.

"I had to do it." She heard an exhausted voice from behind her and turned to see Jack sitting in a corner of the cave, his hands covered in blood, his face red and blotchy from where it was obvious he had been crying. Fresh tears in his eyes spilled out onto his pale cheeks but he made no attempt to wipe them away.

"What did you do to him?" Kate demanded, her own eyes filling now.

"The bleeding wasn't stopping Kate." Jack explained. "I had to do it or he would have bled to death before the night was out."

"Do what?"

"I had to operate on him Kate… it was the only way."

Kate looked shocked – all anger evaporating from her frightened face as Jack's chest began to heave and he cried bitter tears of despair.

Kate looked at Sawyer for a moment – still writhing in pain before her, but tore her gaze away from him almost immediately. A conflicting combination of pitty and distain swelled within her as she remembered Sawyer's spiteful words to her the night before – in painful contradiction to the love that they had once felt for each other, a love that for Sawyer still remained.

But so much had changed for Kate over the past few months of being on the island, and it was only now that she received the final confirmation that she no longer felt that way about Sawyer anymore – when she could look upon the body of the man her soul had once burned with an aching passion for and feel for him as nothing more than a friend.

"I've given him something for the pain." Jack explained, despite the upheavals of his chest.

"Hey." Kate soothed as she crawled over to him, wrapping her slender arms around his solid body in an intimate and affectionate attempt to comfort him. "You did your best… you always do your best… I should have been there for you last night." She added.

"Kate…" Jack said, about to point out that it wasn't her fault – It had been his decision to sedate her – he had thought that he was doing the right thing, but he decided against it.

"I really needed you last night." He told her instead.

Kate smiled. "I know you did. This is all my fault."

"What? Don't be silly Kate."

"Last night he told me you would leave me, that this would never last…" She sighed, looking over at Sawyer. "He told me… he told me that you would come to resent me because… because of what I am."

"And what are you?" Jack asked, puzzled.

"A murderer." Kate spat. "And it doesn't matter what I do Jack, I can't take back what I did. I've lost my worth as a human being…"

"Hey, you're worth something to me!" Jack said, lifting her chin gently and forcing her to look at him. "I love you."

Kate looked back at him dubiously.

"Kate I will always love you… and I will never leave you." He assured her.

"Yeah, that's what he said you would say." She muttered.

"It's the truth Kate." Jack urged. "I don't know how I could have survived stranded on this island without you. If I could I would marry you tomorrow with no second thoughts… no regrets… if no one else ever again, can you not learn to trust me? Can you not believe in what I am saying to you?"

Kate looked at him, it was her turn to cry now. "I know…" She muttered.

"What do you know Kate?" He asked her, wanting to hear her say it.

"I know you love me… because I feel the same… but what if we ever get rescued? If they lock me up for what I have done? Would you still love me enough to wait for me then? Knowing how long they might put me away for?"

"For better or worse." Jack smiled, Kate responded with a slight laugh.

"I was just so angry with him last night." She explained. "I almost wanted something like this to happen to him… just so he could feel the pain that he was causing me… but then when it did… and now… all I felt was fear. I don't want him to die."

"He should be OK." Jack reassured her. "He came through the surgery reasonably well which was the toughest part, he's strong and if he's able to evade any infection he should be up and around again in the next few weeks. I've already started him on anti-biotics… apart from that there's not much more I can do for him I'm afraid."

"Come on." Kate smiled as she got to her feet, noticing that her presence was appearing to be having a desirable effect on Jack. He had stopped crying, and seemed a little more like his usual self again.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked er as Kate helped him to his feet and he took a few steps towards Sawyer to check on his wound. "That's going to need dressing later." He took note before trying to sooth his semi-conscious patient. "Shhhhhh, Sawyer you need to rest now. I will be back to check on you later."

Kate waited to make sure that Jack was satisfied that Sawyer was going to be alright for a while before guiding him out of the cave. Both flinched at the bright sunlight of the approaching day as it stung their eyes.

"You still haven't answered my question." Jack pointed out, smiling a genuine smile for the first time in hours.

"You need to get yourself cleaned up first." Kate observed the state of the man before her. "You're a mess."

Jack looked down at his blood soaked hands and grimy body – his face still streaked with sweat and dry tears – and immediately made a beeline for the waterfall. As he began to wash away much of the dirt from his hands and face Kate crept up behind him and as he turned to see her looking longingly up at him their lips locked in a long and passionate kiss.

"What's this for?" Jack tried to ask, grinning as Kate continued to suck on his lower lip.

"For being amazing." She muttered as she pulled away for a brief moment. "Where are you keeping Locke then?" She asked.

"The cave next to Sawyer." Jack pointed out. "That one there." He indicated a cave to the right of the one they have just vacated.

Kate turned to the third cave – the one reserved for the storage of the supplies – and with an unexpected strength and eagerness dragged Jack deep into the mouth of the cave. Their lips locked again immediately. Jack took a tight hold of her around her waist, holding her closer to him whist he kissed her neck lightly and she held onto him tightly. Not a word was uttered between them, at that moment there was no need, both knew how they made each other feel and each knew that the other felt the same – even if the moment felt somewhat awkward given the current circumstances.

Even so they couldn't help themselves – their desire was too strong. Before they knew it they were on the floor, both locked together in their embrace, their arms and legs entangled making them for a moment one and the same, not daring to take the moment any further in fear of it coming to an end too soon… and then the moment was gone…

"Jack! JACK!" Suddenly Artz burst in on them.

"Artz!" Jack was furious as he ripped himself away from Kate on impulse. A look of shock froze on Kate's face as she scrambled to her feet.

"Oh…. Erm…. I'm sorry Jack." Artz faltered uncomfortably as he turned his gaze away. "Hurley told me you were in here… I swear I didn't know…Look erm…"

"Just get on with it Artz!" Jack snapped as Artz stood there stammering, struggling to get his words out in his embarrassed state.

"It's Dexter…" Artz strained to explain. "He collapsed last night."

"Oh god!" Jack moaned, his anxiety creeping into his voice, and this new revelation making him soften slightly.

"I didn't dare come to you earlier." Artz tried to explain.

"Why not?" Jack asked, the frustration momentarily creeping back into his tone.

"The jungle is a dangerous place at the best of times… but at night…" Artz shivered at the thought. "Would you honestly expect me to risk coming all the way from the beach to the caves on my own in the middle of the night?"

"So you would risk a young man's life for your own selfishness?" Jack accused.

"It'll just be dehydration…" Artz struggled to rationalise his cowardice "He was never in any real danger."

"That's where you're wrong!" Jack glared, anger pooling into every crevice of his stony expression. "A man nearly died last night, you're fully aware of this virus going through the camp, nobody is safe anymore, nobody! Every man and every woman is at risk! We have a baby to take care of now, and you're prepared to risk everybody's lives – the life of someone barely more than a kid himself?"

Artz opened his mouth as though he was about to respond but Jack was no longer interested in anything he had to say. "I have to go to him." He said turning to Kate.

"I'll come with you." She offered.

"No, I need someone here to keep an eye on Sawyer, you stay and get some rest." He urged her. She nodded.

He then hastily gathered up some supplies, before storming from the caves.

Not another word was exchanged between Artz and Jack until they were part way down the path to the beach. Jack was still seething when he finally spoke.

"Artz never do that to me again, do you hear me?" He growled, and Artz nodded sheepishly – averting his gaze.

"Has he been getting enough to drink?" Jack then asked him, turning the conversation back to Dexter.

"I've had to sit up with him all night," Artz replied – and to his continued annoyance Jack thought that he sounded slightly resentful of this fact as he spoke. "He's been downing bottle after bottle but he can't seem to keep anything down."

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Jack frowned. Confused and frustrated he could only blame himself for not attempting to contain the virus sooner.

""I'm sorry Jack, I've done all that I can for him." Artz apologised – but somehow Jack very much doubted this.

"Where is he now?" He asked.

"Laying down."

"He's not in the sun is he?" Jack pressed him, concerned.

"Not directly, no." Artz explained. "I tried to help him move closer to the jungle but he collapsed part way up the beach so Jin helped me fix a tarp over him to keep him as cool as we can, and then I came to get you."

"Jin? How did you manage that one?" Jack asked, aware that Jin spoke very little English.

"I know some Korean." He revealed matter of factly – If not a little hesitantly, obviously fearful of Jack's reaction.

"Really? Why did you never tell us this before?" Jack was shocked, and the older man's secretiveness only added to his increasing feelings of annoyance. He had never trusted Artz.

"I'd rather not go into that at the moment." Artz flinched away from Jack – as though suddenly overwhelmed by a long repressed memory – leaving him momentarily grief stricken. "I don't know enough for it to have been of any significance anyway."

And with that Artz seemed suddenly to shut down, retreating into himself – and Jack could see by the look on the man's face that he wasn't going to get any more out of him – he was no psychologist – and so it was that the two men continued their journey in silence…