CHAPTER 18
Jack was relieved to find that Sawyer was asleep when he entered the cave. He stood in the shadows and watched him for a moment as he flinched involuntarily with every breath, the upheavals of his chest pulling painfully on his stitches. Then with a final sigh of apprehension Jack approached Sawyer's exhausted form, gently shaking him awake.
"Not you again doc!" Sawyer grunted as he finally opened his eyes, initially slow to respond to Jack's encouragements. "Why don't you just leave me alone?"
"How are you feeling?" Jack asked.
"What do you care?"
"Not this again Sawyer…" Jack despaired of him. "I need to dress your wounds."
Sawyer did not respond, he watched Jack as he emptied his rucksack of water, gauze, anti-septic and bandages – his face painted with a disconcerted look. Finally Jack turned back to face him and his expression changed in a moment into one of hatred and vague, disguised fear.
Sawyer did not get up, he remained lying down – too weak to do anything about manoeuvring himself into a sitting position, not wanting to give Jack an excuse to stay any longer than was absolutely necessary.
"This might sting a little." Jack warned as he began to clean the wound. Sawyer grimaced, yet remained silent as Jack worked at applying gauze and layers of bandages, administering only weak pressure to Sawyer's abdomen… but it was only a matter of time before his anger and frustration got the better of him.
"I don't know why you're bothering to put things right now doc." He spoke at last, a resentful tone to his voice. "You're the one who did this to me… I guess you figure that by patching me up and sticking me back together with bits of tape now will win you extra points with your new girlfriend."
Jack stopped what he was doing and glanced up at Sawyer, a bemused look clouding his expression.
"Yeah that's right." Sawyer continued, thriving on the fact that he now had Jack's full and undivided attention. "Girls always dig the hero."
"I'm sorry?" Jack asked.
"Let me make this a little clearer for you to understand doc." Sawyer spat out with a venom which seemed to indicate an inner pain far exceeding anything he would ever allow anybody to fully recognise. "You… did… this… to… me!"
"Sawyer there was no choice, you were bleeding internally, you would have bled to death before the night was out had I not opened you up." Jack explained as he turned back to the task in hand and attending to his reluctant patient's wounds.
"Of course there was a choice!" Sawyer suddenly snapped. "You could have let me die!"
"I wasn't about to let that happen."
"Oh no?"
"No!"
At this Sawyer appeared to soften slightly, his anger depleting as grief and self-pity took over. "I wanted to die." He said at last.
"You don't mean that." Jack shook his head. Although he had taken in everything Sawyer had said so far, he was still unsure of how to handle this new and apparently vulnerable side to Sawyer's character.
"Oh don't I?" Sawyer asked, his familiar southern drawl creeping into his cocky tone, disguising at least some of the pain he had been fighting to contain since Jack had first awoken him from his disturbed sleep. "She made her decision Jack, she chose you… what more is there left for me to live for?"
Jack finally understood. Sawyer turned away from Jack just as he added the final layers of bandages, indicating that he did not want to discuss the subject any further. But Jack knew that he still had to get Sawyer to take the painkillers and an assortment of anti-biotics that he had brought with him in order to prevent any potential infection, which Jack knew was a grave possibility in the non-sterile environment they were now struggling to survive in.
"Sawyer I need you to take these." He said as he removed a combination of pill bottles from his rucksack and tipped out a selection of six pills into the palm of his hand, offering them to Sawyer.
"Bloody hell doc you trying to overdose me or something? You'll have me rattling if you make me take all those." Sawyer scoffed as he turned to view the assortment of drugs Jack was offering him.
"I need to see you take these Sawyer." Jack dictated. Sawyer gave him a begrudging look as he swiftly swallowed down three of the pills.
"And the rest." Jack said as he indicated the remaining medication left on his hand.
"Come on doc…" Sawyer smirked, but Jack wasn't having any of it.
"And the rest!"
Sawyer offered Jack one last contemptuous glare before finally accepting the remaining pills. "Happy now?" He asked.
"Thank You." Jack said, hating himself almost immediately as he noticed his voice failed to disguise the relief he was now feeling that getting Sawyer to take his medication had not been half as tricky as he had initially thought it would be. But it was not in Sawyer's nature to give Jack the satisfaction of letting him have the final word and he watched the doctor stuff the medical supplies back into his already overflowing rucksack and prepare to depart from the caves.
"I didn't do it for you." He piped up at last. "From now on I only look out for myself!"
Jack didn't turn round to look at Sawyer, he carried on walking, failing to notice that Sawyer had already turned his back on him again now anyway, forcing back the tears of self-loathing and pitiful sadness that threatened to fall. Jack could only hope that Locke was faring better.
