Chapter 2: Disquiet
"If you wish to be a warrior
prepare to get broken, if you
wish to be an explorer prepare
to get lost and if you wish to
be a lover prepare to be both."
-Daniel Saint
For the next three weeks Sakura found every scrap of information that she could about shinobi. She scoured her father's library; reading every tomb that even hinted it might contain knowledge about the ninja arts. No figurative stone in the household was left unturned under her prying eyes.
Sakura also assigned herself her first unofficial mission. She was going to find wherever her mother had hid her kunoichi possessions. Because if her mother had kept them for so long after retiring, than surely she still held onto them somewhere? But as vigilant as Sakura was in searching about for these trinkets, she couldn't find any… Not a single kunai, no forehead protector, no special scrolls… And after their last family chat, the little girl didn't dare bring her fascination up to her mother.
But because the young girl was so focus on her shinobi fact- finding mission/ weapon hunt, she failed to realize the days were creeping closer to spring. And springtime meant festival season. And festivals meant…family.
So it was with great (but much concealed) horror that Sakura heard her grandmother's dulcet tones coming from her family's entryway one Friday morning. The proper thing would have been to go to the foyer and greet her elder. But instead Sakura slunk back upstairs and quietly, but firmly shut her bedroom door.
It was a rude gesture that went against everything a good host should do, but Sakura also knew that her grandmother would find some way to criticize her no matter how polite she was. So until her mother came upstairs and forced her to greet the ornery woman, she was determined to stay holed up in her room. And the fact that she had found a book on chakra hidden away in the kitchen of all places only furthered her resolve.
Sakura tucked herself into her desk by the window and cracked open the heavy tome. Minutes that soon bleed into hours passed by, but her viridian eyes still diligently remained on the text, only pausing to jot down notes of interest. She was intrigued by the thought that every living thing, including non-sentient ones contained spiritual energy. But she was beyond fascinated by the knowledge that people could harness their chakra and use it for various different things.
The book didn't out rightly state anything about shinobi, but Sakura could put the dots together, especially after the nice nin- woman's demonstration. And her mind latched onto the fact that if she were a shinobi, she too would be able to manipulate her chakra…she could be one of the legends forging a bright future for her village…
And Sakura's wild fantasies took a hold of her until a sharp voice interrupted her thoughts.
"This is a descent size room mongrel. You're lucky my son isn't making you sleep outside in the garden shed where you belong."
Sakura stiffened at hearing her grandmother's cold voice. She swallowed back the scowl that was threatening to emerge- it would only give her more ammunition. Because Grandmother Satomi was like a snake, and her wrathful diatribes would only become more biting if she knew her words had an effect.
"Grandmother- I did not hear your arrival. I apologize for not greeting you at the door," Sakura lied.
Satomi's harsh mouth curled into a sneer, "Don't you dare call me that you filthy child! Kizashi told me that you now know the truth! I'm not letting you continue the farce!"
Sakura bit down on her lip, feeling her teeth tear through the plump flesh. Previously she had always known how to act around her unfriendly grandmother. She would stay quiet and attempt to ignore the harsh insults. Rarely did her grandmother actually address her directly. So Sakura floundered at the change.
"What would you prefer me to call you?" she tentatively asked after a tense moment.
Satomi's dark eyes narrowed. "You will not address me at all. You do not have that privilege. Do not forget girl that you are not a member of this family, and if it weren't for your blasted mother, you would not have a place in this house."
"-Mother, there you are!" Kizashi said, his flushed face appearing behind Satomi. He gently took his mother's arm and steered her out of Sakura's room, their voices trailing off, "I think Ran wanted to ask you about which kimono you'll be wearing to the festival tomorrow…"
Sakura could feel the moisture pooling behind her eyes. She hadn't cried since that night in the rain, but she constantly felt like she was on the verge of it. Every time she would look to her mother and see those blue eyes diligently avoid her own, or worse, look to Kizashi and see that he didn't even bother to hide his distaste for her anymore, her eyes would swell up. But she always held the tears at bay. And Sakura knew Grandmother Satomi would probably be overjoyed knowing she put her in tears, so she ignored the tightness of her throat and stinging in her eyes.
"Sakura?" her mother's soft voice called from just outside the doorway.
Carefully closing the chakra tome, she turned to face her mother. "Yes?"
"It's dinner time, you should come downstairs," Mebuki quietly said, entering her daughter's room.
"I didn't think I was welcome," Sakura said, confusion colouring her tone. She watched in surprise as her mother's fist clenched.
"Oh course you are flower," Mebuki gently insisted.
"But Grandmother just said-"
"Your grandmother is a very old woman, with very outdated ideals. So as always, ignore what she says and be polite."
Unease churned in Sakura's gut. She didn't know why exactly her mother was insisting she join the Harunos for dinner. The family made it more than clear that she was not invited. And Sakura was only too happy to stay far out of their way.
Mebuki walked further into the room and watched the emotions swirl through her daughter's luminous eyes. She crouched down in front of the girl. "If you don't go downstairs and show them that you are not bothered by their cruel words than they will think they got the best of you. And from now on they will walk all over you. You may not be a Haruno, but you are a strong girl Sakura. Don't ever let them take that away from you."
"Than why did you?" Sakura asked, confusion muddling her thoughts. Ever since she was old enough to realize how peculiar her mother's behavior was and how terrible the clan was to her, she had always wondered why.
Mebuki offered a sad smile, looking much older than her young age. "It's a long story, flower. Maybe one day I'll tell you… Now lets get downstairs before one of your cousins is sent up to fetch us."
So Sakura reluctantly followed her mother downstairs. And she wasn't even ashamed to admit that she hid behind her mother's skirts when they entered the dining room. Conversation didn't exactly die off as they entered the room, but Sakura could feel the eyes on her. She sat down in a chair beside her mother and kept her head down, pink hair acting as a shield.
Conversation came to a halt as dinner was served and prayers were murmured to the old world deities. But soon after, the chatter started to pick up again, and Sakura tried to eat her food as quickly as she could, while remaining polite.
"So, Takumi, which branch of the family business are you planning on apprenticing at after graduation?" Satomi asked one of Sakura's older cousins.
Takumi swallowed his food before pasting on a shark like grin. "I was actually hoping I could apprentice with Uncle Kizashi. Seeing as he has no children of his own, he will need someone to help him with the business." He shot Sakura a triumphant look, but she knew better than to rise to the bait.
Satomi's smile was a terrifying sight, but the words that followed it, caused the composure the five- year- old had to snap.
"Well this solves the problem we were discussing earlier! Kizashi didn't know whom he would endow his silk branch to, what with only having the little mongrel around. And Kami knows she isn't even fit to sweep the floors. Talk about no future-"
"I do have a future," Sakura quietly, but firmly insisted.
And when Satomi's smile widened instead of falling, Sakura knew that she had made a mistake. "I beg your pardon?"
But Sakura continued on, ignoring her father's glare and mother's sigh. "I said I do have a future. I am going to be a shinobi."
The silence following her statement could have allowed them to hear a pin drop.
The tense moment was only broken when Uncle Akio let out a harsh laugh. "Like mother, like daughter I suppose."
Uncomfortable with the attention, but not wanting to let it show, Sakura reached for her water glass. But when her father's large hand clamped down on her arm, she couldn't help but allow a gasp to escape her mouth.
"No one living under this roof- under my rules is going to become a ninja," he spat the word out as if it were a curse. "Your mother agreed to this, and I will not have one of those assassins growing up in my house! Learning all sorts-"
"-No, Kizashi," Satomi said, interrupting his rant. She wore a peculiar sort of smile- small and crooked and triumphant. "Let the girl become a ninja. Let her serve on the front lines. It will keep her out of the house, and who knows, maybe she won't even come home…"
Silence once again followed her statement, but Sakura couldn't quite grasp all of the implications of her grandmother's statement. But judging by the white-knuckled grip her mother had on her cutlery, she did. But as always, Mebuki remained silent.
"Akio, register Sakura at the ninja academy in the morning. She turns six in a couple of weeks and can go there instead of regular school," Satomi said, her dark eyes not straying from Sakura.
Sakura obediently dropped her gaze- a tactical retreat of sorts, seeing as she had just gotten what she wanted. Even if she didn't fully understand the ramifications the adults in her family joyfully discussed, she was on her way to becoming a shinobi. And that was all that really mattered.
For the rest of the dinner Sakura dutifully and with much more ease than usual endured her cousins' taunting, aunts' harsh criticisms, and Grandmother Satomi's doleful stares.
And the next morning Sakura snuck out of her bedroom early and watched as her Uncle Akio trudged out the door and off in the direction of the Shinobi Academy. Her heart soared at the thought.
But so lost in thought, she jumped when her aunt's voice called out, "What are you doing lurking about girl?" Aunt Kaori barked.
Guilty green eyes took in the scowling face of her Uncle Akio's wife. "I was heading to the bathroom to wash up before the festival."
Kaori pouted her thin lips, but did not comment on whether or not she bought her lie. "Make sure you scrub extra hard you little freak. You may not be a Haruno, but the village thinks you are, and I won't have you being a poor representation."
Sakura lowered her head and nodded, stealing one last glance out the window as she headed to the bathroom.
The privacy of the shower allowed the little girl to collect her thoughts. She was elated that her dream was closer to coming true, worried at her mother's silence, and annoyed, yet excited to be leaving the house for the spring festival.
Festivals were the only time Sakura was allowed to leave the house. She, along with the rest of the clan would head down to the village centre to participate in festival activities. They always dressed in the finest silk kimonos (to flaunt their wealth) and ate exquisite food. It was also a time of great wonder, as the young girl got to take in the sights of her beautiful village, but the trips always managed to be spoiled one way or another by one of her family members.
But this year the little girl felt like she was on cloud nine as she let her mother wrap an exquisite ocean blue kimono around her small frame. She hummed as her mother intricately braided her pink locks and watched in fascination as her mother donned her own sunny yellow kimono. She also managed to tune out her aunts' tutting about the money wasted on the two.
Sakura stayed close to her mother's side as they left the Haruno household with the rest of the family members, ignoring the craned necks and gawking faces of her neighbors. It always used to seem strange to her why the villagers would gaze at her with such fascinated looks, but now she understood their intrigue. It wasn't the pink hair that drew their curiosity- it was the reason behind it.
As they drew closer to the village centre, she took in the beautiful sights of the flora, ribbons, and banners everywhere. Her green eyes darted to and fro, trying to register everything. But her perusal stopped when her eyes landed on someone who was staring right back- a boy that looked to be around her age, with bright blonde hair and an orange jumpsuit.
Sakura slowed her pace and watched as the little boy, partially hidden behind a merchant's cart, hesitantly curled his oddly whiskered cheeks into a smile. Sakura studied the boy for another moment; taking in his ripped collar, dirty nose and lack of parents. He was probably an orphan- the war had produced a lot of those. She smiled back. The boy's grin grew larger.
"Sakura!" Aunt Ran quietly hissed.
Her head whipped around to stare at her aunt. And upon noticing the threatening look in her dark eyes, she hurried her pace and didn't look towards the boy again.
The rest of the day actually passed relatively well. Sakura stuck close to her mother and observed the scenery. But she paid extra attention to the children milling about- some from noble clans, but many civilian. And the vast majority ran around with brilliant smiles lit on their faces. They looked so carefree, and Sakura felt a peculiar sort of pang in her chest. She couldn't remember ever being like that.
Her cousins were given pocket money to go play the various games or buy trinkets and sweets the different vendor carts offered. Sakura was offered no such indulgence, but she knew better than to expect it. And her mother's ever- present austerity radiating from beside her helped cure any overwhelming bouts of silly childlikeness she felt.
Only once when a woman with dark hair and eyes- a woman that she could have mistaken for a Haruno clanswoman if she didn't know better approached did Mebuki shake her sorrow. Usually when in public her mother wore a flawless smile, and blank eyes. But as this woman approached, Sakura caught the flash of fear cross her mother's face.
"Mebuki, is that you?" the woman asked, her kind smile widening as she took in her mother.
Sakura bit her lip and watched as her mother's smile broke for a split second, before picking up again. "Indeed it is. It is nice to see you again Mikoto-san."
"Always so formal," Mikoto laughed, before embracing her mother in a quick hug. "Even in front of old teammates!"
Sakura's attention perked and she intently watched as her mother's back stiffened. She curiously searched her father out in the crowd, wondering what his response would be. But when Sakura couldn't find her father, her green eyes quickly darted back to the woman. The woman who could only be a kunoichi.
She watched as a small boy with spiky black hair tugged on the woman's lovely black kimono. "Mom," he drew the syllable out, trying to catch her attention. His mother ignored him, as she chatted in low tones to her mother.
The boy's cherubic face pouted before he noticed her appraisal of him. His pout disappeared and an embarrassed flush broke out on his pale face at getting caught whining.
"Mebuki-san this is my youngest son, Sasuke."
Sakura watched as her mother sent him a large but fragile smile. It didn't escape her notice how her mother failed to introduce her. And for the first time it occurred to the little girl that maybe she wasn't just a disgrace to her father. Maybe her mother was just as ashamed of her…
The lack of introduction apparently didn't escape Mikoto's notice either, as the woman's dark eyes lit up as they landed on her. "And this must be your daughter! My, she has such beautiful hair!"
Mebuki's smile dropped as she offered the expected introduction, "This is my daughter, Sakura."
Sakura could feel her grandmother's wrathful eyes watching her, so she bowed politely, but kept silent. Mikoto's eyes were also trained on her, and while Sakura was fascinated with shinobi, she knew the woman's attention was a threat to her family's secret. A threat to her mother's wellbeing. So she switched her own eyes from the beautiful woman to her son.
Sasuke smiled shyly at her, a smile that she didn't dare return.
"-Mebuki, Sakura," Kizashi said, catching the little groups' attention. "Satomi- sama is tired and wishes to retire. We must be leaving."
Mebuki nodded, but before she could turn away, Mikoto grabbed her arm. "If you need anything, anything at all, please let me know."
Sakura watched her mother's normally blank face crumble for a moment, before her father once again called their names.
"Goodbye, Mikoto," Mebuki said before grabbing Sakura's hand and rushing them off towards her father.
Sakura should have known the day was going to well to last. For the moment she stepped in the compound, all hell broke loose.
Her father grabbed her mother and dragged her down to the basement, door slamming ominously behind them.
Sakura made to follow the pair, but her grandmother's hand caught her arm in a vice grip. "Don't even think about it mongrel. Your father needs to remind that wretched woman of her place!"
Her grandmother cast her off to her room, but Sakura couldn't help but feel uneasy. She strained to hear any hint of her mother's voice. But all she could hear was the sound of her extended family chattering one floor below. And somehow Sakura knew that her mother was in pain.
It wasn't until late in the night when her family has retired to their guest rooms did she hear her mother's bedroom door quietly open and close. Her father's stout footsteps echoed as they ascended the stairs.
When her own bedroom door opened, she quickly closed her eyes and steadied her breathing. Knots tightened in her stomach as her father approached her bed. She tried not to let her distress show on her face, as she felt one large finger move a strand of hair from her face.
"If only you were mine," he father lowly murmured, before leaving.
The next day Sakura barely noticed as her extended family left the house, jeering their last insults at her. No, her eyes were too busy taking in the way her mother slowly limped around the house. Or how her normally blank blue eyes looked almost dead. Or how her father gazed at her with equal parts sorrow and revulsion.
This cycle repeated itself for the next month. Every time her father had a bad day at the shop, or drank an extra glass of sake or glimpsed at the registration sheet for the Shinobi Academy, he would drag her mother down to the basement.
And Sakura so badly wanted to creep down those stairs and see what they were saying- what they were doing. But she knew how terrible the consequences would be- so instead she waited on baited breath, hoping to hear anything to hint at what occurred down in the musty cellar. And every time this happens she would stay up late into the night, waiting to hear her mother return to her room. And every time her father comes to her room and brokenly apologizes to what he thinks is a sleeping child.
Most of the time Sakura desperately wanted to understand what this new change in their routine meant. She even searched through books to understand. And when she felt particularly brave, she even hinted to her mother her curiosity. But a small part of her is glad that she does not know. Relieved that no books shed light on this new peculiar behavior and her mother's lips remain tight.
Because deep down Sakura thinks she knows exactly what happens down in the dark. And deep down she hates that she is not strong enough to do anything to stop it.
Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Things are actually progressing a little darker than I planned, but thats where the muse took me! I hope you liked the brief glimpse we got of Naruto and Sasuke!
Please review and let me know your thoughts on the chapter!
-Nyx
