Chapter 15: Ready or Not
"Get your facts first,
then you can distort them
as you please."
-Mark Twain
"And how did that make you feel?"
Sakura fought against the impulse to roll her eyes at the stereotypical question as Mori-sensei peered at her over the thick black frames of his glasses. She settled on shrugging instead.
The psychologist gave a deep sigh, "You know Sakura-chan, most shinobi that visit my office are rather reluctant to open up to me. But usually they are a little older, and typically male."
Sakura lifted her lips in an imitation of a smile at his somewhat flat attempt to both amuse and provoke her.
"I suppose I'm just not certain what to tell you Mori-sensei."
"I often tell patients to practice what is called a 'stream of consciousness' when speaking to me. They can let whatever thoughts cross their mind out without fear of judgment."
Sakura's brows pinched at his explanation. Because that's exactly what his job was- to judge shinobi. To ascertain whether their mental health was wavering into dangerous territory. No matter how kind his elderly wrinkled face was, he, at the end of the day was an obstacle to shinobi completing their jobs.
And yes, Sakura understood the necessity of people like Mori-sensei. She could even admit that she was thankful his job existed. Letting sound minded people wield a large amount of power was a gamble enough- she didn't even want to think about the crazy ones.
But still, she did not under any circumstance feel like pouring her 'steam of consciousness' out to him- or anyone for that matter.
"I feel terrible, I suppose," Sakura slowly said, carefully settling on what she thought the most responsible answer would be.
"In what ways?" Mori-sensei questioned.
Sakura fidgeted in her seat as the man coaxed her mind into thinking about Ito Yori.
"Well, I feel horrible that he died when he needn't have. He was someone in the wrong place at the wrong time- he didn't deserve to die."
She decided it was best not to mention the sinking feeling of dread she felt creep up her spine the second her kunai sunk into his flesh. Or the feeling of dawning comprehension and disgust when she finally realized what exactly her weapon had bit into. Those would not be the appropriate responses.
"Does anyone really deserve to die?" Mori-sensei questioned, eyes intent on her squirming figure.
Sakura bit her lip and was tempted to curse the man. What kind of question was that? What did it have to do with seeing her first death in the line of action?
"I'm not one who should get to judge that sensei. That's for the people giving out the missions," Sakura smartly responded.
And something about her sharp tone must have made the man focus in on her with an even greater intensity.
"Yes, but you could be the one who eventually has to carry those order out. Are you ready for that?"
Sakura exhaled, stumped. This man was asking all sorts of questions- questions that didn't have right answers. Questions that made her want to pull her hair out. She had no choice but to answer with the truth.
"Of course I'm not. Is anyone really ever ready to take a life? But if I have to do so for the well being of my village, than I can only do my best."
Mori-sensei smiled, looking much more like a humbled grandfather than a sharp- witted psychologist. But Sakura knew that behind the wrinkles a wry mind was scrutinizing her. She only hoped she would pass.
"That is all any of us can hope for Sakura-chan. But at the same time, when you are in the field and someone attacks you, you have to be the judge of whether or not that person lives or dies. Whether or not leaving a person alive is a threat to your village's safety... No one can tell you the answer. To kill or not to kill?"
And when Sakura left the office an hour later after recounting almost every detail from the Black Spider incident, Mori-sensei's words were still ringing in her head.
To kill or not to kill?
Being in the Academy or completing pointless D rank missions made it hard to remember what the reality of shinobi life was really like. That once you were past the genin rank, you were to immerse yourself in a gritty, unforgiving world. Where you had to make tough choices on whether people lived or died. It was a reality that she had always known about, but had never truly been exposed to. Because no matter how cruel or unfair life had been to her thus far, it was nothing compared to how harsh the field could be.
Black Spider had shown her just a smidgen of how cruel nin could be. People were murdered, tortured, raped every day in the line of action. Hell, she could be the one ordered to do the murdering, torturing, raping in the future… It was something she had always known, but now that Mori-sensei had questioned her, Sakura felt hopelessly unprepared.
How exactly did one prepare themselves to become a killer? Aside from the obvious practicing how to master weapons, how did you train yourself to be okay with murder? When it came down to it, could she be the one plunging her kunai into a real animated body, and feel the hot thick blood splatter on her fingers?
But as Sakura absently trailed through the middle of the market place, she spotted her usually energetic, smiling blonde teammate seated on a bench, an uncharacteristic frown painting his whiskered face. And just one look at that face told her everything- if it came down to it and she had to, she could kill for these people.
"What's got you so down?" Sakura questioned, sinking down on the bench next to Naruto.
"Oh, hey Sakura-chan. I didn't see you there," Naruto said, a half- hearted smile tugging at his lips.
She studied the way his blue eyes wouldn't quite meet her own. "You can tell me if something is bothering you, you know."
She wasn't sure she was equipped with the proper social cues to handle a downtrodden Naruto, but she would try her best.
"It's nothing really," he feebly protested, tugging at the sleeve of his jumpsuit.
"If it was nothing than it wouldn't be bothering you so much," Sakura gently argued.
Naruto let out a long sigh and his eyes focused on the playground across the street from them. Two little boys were chasing each other around the swings.
"My psychologist wasn't very friendly," Naruto finally said, eyes still rooted on the children.
Sakura cocked her head, "You didn't have Mori-sensei?"
He slowly shook his head, "No, I had a woman named Honda-sensei. She- she didn't like me very much…"
Sakura frowned. Though she would never say it to his face, Naruto had never been the most observant person. In fact he could be downright obtuse a lot of the time, especially when it came to people. So whoever this woman was, she must have made her contempt more than obvious.
"How could you tell?"
Naruto rubbed the back of his head and Sakura saw a blush burn his tanned cheeks. "She just acted like she didn't want to deal with me. And whenever I answered one of her questions- she would look at me like- like I was, like-"
Much to Sakura's shock and slight horror, she saw a tear drip down Naruto's cheek.
She froze in panic and wondered exactly what she was supposed to do in this situation. Because crying in her household was strictly forbidden by her father. He hated seeing fat tears drip down female faces. And to cry in front of any other Haruno would be the ultimate sign of weakness- one she would never make.
But Naruto was not a Haruno, and she never wanted him to feel ashamed for simply being himself in front of her. So she hesitantly reached over and took his hand. Naruto's head snapped over to meet her at the contact and he quickly brushed the tears away.
"Please don't tell the teme about this," he said, voice barely above a whisper.
"I won't." Sakura reassured, a small smile gracing her lips.
Naruto returned the smile, and quickly pulled her into a hug. Once again her eyes widened in shock as his orange clad arms tightly embraced her. Hugs were not a common occurrence in her life, but they were probably even less frequent in his.
"Do you want to tell Kakashi-sensei about how terrible the woman was?" Sakura questioned once he released her.
Naruto frantically shook his head. "No, I don't want Kakashi-sensei to think I'm a wimp."
Sakura strongly doubted Kakashi would think that- especially about something as serious as this. And with the way that a lot of the villagers treated Naruto- simply for being a troublemaking orphan, it was no far stretch that this psychologist would follow along the same lines.
"Alright," Sakura acquiesced. It was not her place to relay non- life threatening information when her teammate asked her not too.
Naruto's mouth lifted to a grin, but it still wasn't as radiant as usual. The lashes rimming his brilliant blue eyes remained wet.
"How about we go get some ramen for lunch, my treat?" Sakura offered, her stomach already rebelling at the thought.
His grin lifted into a full- blown smile, "Really Sakura-chan? Like a date?"
Sakura gave him a flat look, "No Naruto, like two friends, eating lunch."
Nartuo's smile, if possible, got even larger at her mention of friends. He grabbed her hand and dragged her off the bench, "Well, come on then, I'm starving!"
Sakura grumbled as Naruto dragged her through the market until her bottom was firmly planted on a stool at Ichirakus. She politely ordered the miso ramen, while Naruto ordered every type off the menu.
"When do you think we will get another mission?" Naruto asked, bouncing on his seat as he watched the bowls being poured.
"I'm not sure. The Hokage may not want to give us anything for a while after the last one…"
Naruto pulled a face, "I know that things got out of hand with the last mission, but that was hardly our fault! Gramps shouldn't punish us for it!"
Sakura shook her head at Naruto's blatantly rude nickname for the Hokage, as her meal was placed before her.
She watched as Naruto eyed her bowl before his eyes strayed past the ramen stand entirely.
"Hey, hey teme!" Naruto shouted.
Sakura swung her head around spotted Sasuke standing across the street. She also noticed several people stop to give Naruto harsh looks at boisterous and colorful language.
Sasuke scowled at the attention, and slowly made his way over to them now that Naruto had thoroughly succeeded in making a scene.
"Good afternoon Sasuke," Sakura greeted, before delicately sipping her soup.
Sasuke merely grunted in return as he stood behind the two, looking back and forth between them.
"Are you two on a date?" he finally questioned, his voice sounding odd.
Sakura nearly inhaled a noodle and choked on her surprise. She shot Sasuke a nasty glare, but it was overshadowed by Naruto's sly smile.
"Why yes, teme, we are-"
"We're not on a date," Sakura deadpanned.
Naruto sighed, and Sakura thought she heard him mumble something along the lines of 'it was worth a shot.'
"You're free to join us if you wish," Sakura politely offered.
Sasuke grabbed a nearby stool and shoved Naruto over, ignoring the blonde's loud shout, before wedging himself between the two.
Sakura's brow rose in wonder at the slight commotion her dark haired teammate normally shied away from.
But within minutes everyone had a bowl (or dozen) in front of them and were quietly enjoying lunch.
"Did you have to meet with a counsellor this morning too?" Sakura questioned, after finishing her last spoonful.
"Hn."
Sakura huffed. This was Sasuke language for 'I don't want to talk about it.'
"Well Naruto and I did," Sakura continued, wondering if her teammate would at least fess up to whom he had to see.
Sasuke just nodded. From behind his back Sakura could see Naruto making crazy notions with his fingers in regards to their stoic teammate.
"What time were we supposed to meet Kakashi-sensei again?" Naruto questioned through a mouthful.
Sasuke sighed and set his spoon down at the sight of food sticking out of Naruto's mouth. "Two o'clock, dobe. Please tell me you can at least tell time?"
Naruto's eyes narrowed, "Of course I can, teme, I'm not stupid."
Sasuke opened his mouth to no doubt refute Naruto's claim, so Sakura figured this was the best time to cut in. Otherwise she risked ramen flying everywhere in a soon to be tussle.
"Once Naruto is finished we might as well make our way to the training grounds together," she suggested.
The two boys agreed, shooting each other scowls. Eventually Sakura had to cut Naruto off before his unhealthy addiction made them late. Not that their sensei would bother to be punctual, but a habit was a habit…
"Have you thought about asking a jounin to help place traps on your house?" Sakura questioned Sasuke as they made their way to the training ground.
"If someone else sets traps on my house then how would I be able to get into it?" Sasuke drily answered.
Sakura shot him a small glare. He was acting more prickly than usual today.
"Did you perhaps think about asking them to, oh I don't know, teach you what they would set up before hand?" Sakura asked, sarcasm dripping from her words.
Naruto burst out in laughter, and Sasuke returned her glare with a fierce one of his own.
"I don't need any help," he protested.
Sakura had been accused of being stubborn in the past, but it was nothing compared to the stubbornness of boys.
"There is S ranked nin trying to steal your eyes, you think you would want to be a little more prepared incase something happens," Sakura darkly muttered.
Sasuke opened his mouth to respond, but Naruto's shout cut him off.
"Hey Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing here on time?"
Kakashi-sensei actually had the gall to pretend to be offended. "I don't know what you mean Naruto. I am always punctual- it just seems as though all sorts of emergencies requiring my expertise pop up when I'm around."
"Liar!" Naruto hotly accused.
"What are we doing today sensei?" Sakura questioned.
"Well, my cute students, we are going to do some basic training and then I'm going to read you our mission statement that I received from the Hokage this morning."
Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto all traded slightly astonished looks. None of them had been expecting to get a mission so soon after the last disaster.
Sakura had in fact been preparing a speech on why exactly they shouldn't be punished with lack of missions just because some crazy missing nin decided to crash their quaint D ranked one.
"Ne, sensei what sort of mission will we be completing?" Naruto questioned, excitement already brewing in his tone.
"How about I tell you that after you complete two hundred pushups, four dozen suicide sprints and, ah I'll go easy on you- eighty crunches."
Sakura huffed at their sensei's predictable behavior before gathering her long locks into a ponytail. As much of a pain in the butt these workouts sometimes seemed to be, she could only appreciate them- they would help keep her alive in the long run. So Sakura completed the pushups, suicides, and crunches with aching muscles, and sweat dripping off her skin, but nary a complaint. She was happy to note that she was nearly on par with her two teammates.
"So what are we doing for our mission?" Sasuke asked, his voice coming out in a light pant.
"Hm?" Kakashi-sensei mumbled, merely turning the page in book.
"Sensei," Naruto complained. "What's our mission?"
With a sigh, Kakashi closed his book and slipped it back into his pocket. He reached into another pocket and withdrew a familiar looking scroll. Sakura watched him unroll it with keen eyes, wondering at exactly what task the Hokage would think them capable of.
"We have a D ranked mission," Kakashi-sensei started, ignoring Naruto's whine, "where we will be travelling outside of Konoha and into Fire Country's southern forest to collect medicinal herbs for the hospital."
And despite its 'D' ranking, Sakura felt intrigued at this mission. She had never before been outside of the village. Travelling was one of the biggest parts of why she wanted to become a shinobi in the first place, and she could already feel the anticipation brewing within her at being able to explore more of Fire Country.
"This will be a three day long mission, so I need you all to pack proper overnight necessities. I will provide the camping gear, but you each will have to carry your share. So beware to not over pack needless things," Kakashi warned.
"When do we leave?" Sasuke questioned.
"We will leave tomorrow morning at six a.m. I want you all to meet me at the village gates. Any questions?"
The three of them shook their heads and Kakashi dismissed them for the night.
Sakura spent her run home both daydreaming about what great things she would get to see, and mentally tallying what necessities she would have to pack. Opening the door, the smile on her lips fell slightly when she heard her father's dulcet tones coming from the kitchen.
Sakura eyed the door to the kitchen with thinly veiled dislike, and slunk off to her room, keen to escape her father's notice, at least until the obligatory dinner time. She immediately changed into a fresh pair of clothing and rooted through her closet for the largest nin pack she had.
Days in Konoha were always balmy, but nights tended to be cooler, so the young girl picked out her thickest pajamas, and added them first, along with undergarments. Three pairs of nin pants, and four shirts (just incase something happened to one) got added to the bag. A light sweater, her toiletries, and a few scrolls were all she managed to add before she could hear her mother's weary voice calling her for dinner.
Slipping into her usual seat, Sakura avoided her father's dark unforgiving eyes. She sipped her tea and ate her ongiri in silence, as both her parents did. But thoughts of her mission plagued her mind, and Sakura experienced an uncommon, and unwise slip of the tongue.
"I'm going to be away on a three day mission outside of Konoha starting tomorrow," she said, eyes focused on her plate.
And the moment the words left her lips, Sakura silently cursed herself. She knew better than to bring up anything shinobi related in front of her father. And she could have easily got away with only informing her mother later that evening.
Sure enough, Sakura could practically feel the heat resonating off her father's glare. "Where will you be going?"
Meeting her father's eyes, only because she knew it was impolite and would only infuriate him more not to, Sakura calmly answered, "The southern forest within Fire Country."
Tension curdled in the room, and Sakura could feel her appetite quickly dissolve as the air felt thick with the oncoming storm that she knew would be her father's temper.
"So you'll be travelling alone with three males," Kizashi bit out, his tone implying all kinds of things that should never be associated with twelve- year- old girls.
Sakura shot a quick look at her mother, but her mother's eyes remained rooted on her food in front of her.
"I will be travelling with my teammates, yes," Sakura quietly affirmed, wilting at the way the frown grew more prominent on her father's face.
"Its inappropriate for you to be travelling alone with males who are not family members. Eating, sleeping, bathing with them," Kizashi bit out.
Sakura's throat felt thick as she thought of the rebuttal that would surely end her father's argument. But it could also end her life if she dare make the statement about how she couldn't trust the males in her own family with her vulnerable female self nearly as much as she could trust her team.
"Nothing inappropriate will happen father, Kakashi-sensei will make sure of it," Sakura attempted to reassure. She thanked Kami that her father knew nothing about her sensei and his perverted reading habits.
"And I'm sure your sensei along with those other nin boys are paragons of virtue! Seeing as you're all being taught how to be thieves, murders, and whores!"
Sakura caught the way her mother flinched at the last label, but was no longer surprised by it. She hardly felt surprised at any negative thing her father could come up with concerning shinobi. So she took a page from her mother's book and remained silent.
"Just know girl that you may not be a Haruno, but you represent us. And don't you dare let any uncouth behavior happen to sully my good name!" Kizashi spat.
Sakura quickly nodded her ascent. There was absolutely nothing that she and her team would be doing that her father was accusing them of any way. She doubted there would be any murdering or thieving happening on a D rank mission, and there was absolutely no way the Hokage would send twelve year olds on a honey pot… But it was useless to argue with him.
She finished her dinner in silence and quietly excused herself before slipping off to her room and finishing packing.
Dinner had dampened her excitement slightly, but not enough to fully tame the butterflies in her stomach.
She woke early the next morning and enjoyed a long hot shower, knowing the wilderness would offer no such luxuries. Changing into some nin shorts and a dark green tunic, Sakura braided her hair and grabbed her thicker soled boots, weapon's pouch, and pack before heading out the door.
It felt strange walking in a different direction than the bridge that they normally met on, but Sakura idly took in the new scenery. Not many people had risen yet, so the streets were mostly bare. As she reached the gates, Sakura wasn't surprised to see Sasuke already waiting.
"Good morning," Sakura quietly greeted.
"Morning," Sasuke said, staring up at the three guards stationed on top of the gate.
"Have you ever been out of the village before?" Sakura questioned, as she too took in the large gate that marked the entrance to the Hidden Village.
"No, you?"
Sakura shook her head. She was more than ready too though.
"Sakura-chan! Sasuke-teme!" a familiar voice called.
Naruto was running towards them, a huge pack swaying dangerously with his every movement.
"Good morning Naruto," Sakura greeted, eying the bulging pack.
"Did you not listen to Kakashi? He said only pack necessaties dobe," Sasuke scoffed.
"I did," Naruto said defensively. "I even cut back on the amount of underwear I packed!"
Sakura grimaced.
"Then what is possibly taking up so much space?" Sasuke questioned.
He poked the side of Naruto's pack with one finger and the three of them watched incredulously as the zipper drew back and packs of instant ramen flooded out.
"Teme!" Naruto cried, scrambling to try and gather them all, whilst still wearing the pack.
"Seriously dobe, ramen? That's what you thought Kakashi meant by necessity?" Sasuke said, voice an interesting mix of condescending disbelief.
Sakura on the other hand hardly felt surprised, but at the same time she shook her head at Naruto's antics. She only hoped it wouldn't slow the group down.
"Of course it is! I will have something to eat when we take snack breaks," Naruto defended.
"Tch. We're not going on a picnic, we are going on a mission. There won't be any snack breaks."
Naruto's angry, yet slightly panicked eyes met her own. "There will be snack breaks, right Sakura-chan?"
"I'm not sure. I packed a few protein bars to eat along the way, but I don't know if Kakashi-sensei will be giving us breaks," she answered.
Naruto deflated a bit, but still stubbornly insisted that at least he had dinner.
Sakura sighed and tuned her teammates arguing out until their sensei arrived, late as usual.
"Good morning Team Seven, are you ready to depart?" Kakashi asked, not even bothering to offer one of his lame excuses. He too had a large pack hanging off his shoulders.
"Yes!" Naruto eagerly declared for the three of them.
"Alright. The rules for this mission are as such. You follow all my orders without question or complaint. You work together, and help anyone who may be falling behind? Understand?"
"Yes sensei," the three muttered with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
"Follow me," Kakashi said, heading towards the gate.
Sakura felt her heart rate pick up in anticipation. It only took a moment for the guards to look over Kakashi's mission statement and open the thick wooden doors. But when the road to the outside was presented to her Sakura's eyes widened.
Sure it didn't look much different than what lay inside Konoha, she hadn't really expected it too. But it was new, and exciting, and therefore everything looked just a little bit brighter.
But what she and the rest of the team failed to notice was that one of the guards was watching their descent into Fire Country with devious eyes and a cunning smile.
A/N: Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I am absolutely thrilled with the response I have been getting with this story!
I did have someone ask if this story will be a romance. The short answer: no, not really. The long answer: I am debating on making this story into a trilogy (instead of one veerrrryyy long one). Romance will be involved in part 2 and 3. I hope that sort of answers that question. And please let me know your thoughts on possible trilogy.
Anyways, please review and let me know what you think! Your opinions will make me feel better as I read them in bed with the flu!
-Nyx
