Chapter 17: Anxiety
"You are so brave
and quiet
I forget you are suffering."
-Ernest Hemingway
Sakura watched in a numb sort of fascination as the grey material of her shirt rapidly dampened into crimson. The voices of her teammates shouting after the grey haired nin muted as her free hand poked at the rip in her shirt and wound underneath. The skin wasn't jagged like she expected, but cleanly parted.
And unlike her burns there was no instantaneous pain, just heady awe as she felt more blood trickle down her hip in a steady rivulet. Her vision briefly spun.
Shock.
She was in shock. It was a dangerous state to be in. It may have dulled the pain, but it also dulled the rest of her senses. Senses that she needed to be on high alert when enemy nin were clearly lurking close by.
"Sakura!" Kakashi's masked face came into her line of vision. And judging from his tone he must have been calling her name for a while.
His wide palm gripped her shoulder and gently guided her to the ground. Once she was firmly planted against the trunk of a tree, Kakashi calmly tore the rip in her shirt until it reached the hem. Her heartbeat increased at the noise. Cool air hit her exposed side, puckering the rest of her skin into goosebumps.
"How much does it hurt Sakura-chan?"
She looked up to see her other two teammates studying her with blatant worry. Naruto's wide blue eyes kept darting between her bloody flesh and her face. Sasuke, on the other hand kept his eyes fixed on her own.
"It doesn't hurt at all," she calmly answered.
Kakashi softly cursed as she uttered this. The boys both inched closer in alarm, as Sakura's hazy eyes sought out the lone one of her sensei.
"Is it poisoned?" she questioned.
She didn't feel poisoned. But some poisons worked like that. Masking normality as they slowly killed you. And poisons were an area that she had never really read up on, as she always tended to focus on jutsus. Aside from the Beautiful Death, Sakura didn't know much about them beyond what the Academy had briefed them on.
"No, not poisoned, but I will need to stitch you up. And it will hurt," Kakashi answered.
Leaning further against the tree, Sakura watched as her teammates scrambled to obey Kakashi-sensei's barked orders to fetch various medical supplies from his pack. And when everything was spread out, their silver haired sensei beckoned the two boys closer as he threaded the needle.
"Watch and learn. This is an important skill that could save your comrades' life one day," he stated.
Sakura wasn't sure how she felt about being used as their practice dummy, especially since she didn't have the greatest view. And it was her skin they were intently studying. But she made no complaints as the cleansing cloth wiped some of the drying blood away from the gash.
And then she felt the sting. The painful, yet necessary burn of alcohol hitting her flesh and blood, and killing off any sort of infection.
"If you feel like you are about to bite your lip or tongue, let me know and I can give you something to bite down on," Kakashi said, as his hand holding the needle came closer.
"I'm fine," Sakura said between clenched teeth. She avoided her teammates eyes as tears welled in her own while the needle threaded through her skin. It was an odd and painful sensation, but altogether not the worst pain she had ever felt. Still, fresh blood was welling, and her entire left side felt hot and throbbing.
"You are doing so well Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheered.
"You should be a nurse," she bit out, as the thread pulled taut, "you have an excellent bedside manner."
Both Kakashi and Naruto laughed, and had she been looking, Sakura would have caught Sasuke's small smile too.
"All done," Kakashi announced. "We just need to add a bandage."
Naruto handed the man some gauze and Sakura awkwardly lifted the other side of her shirt higher so her sensei could wrap it around her waist. She remained perfectly still until he finished.
Sasuke passed her the other clean shirt from her pack and she ducked behind a tree to change into it. Her side stung as she lifted her arms, but it was manageable.
"Sakura-chan, what did that man say to you?" Kakashi-sensei asked.
She avoided her sensei's eye as she thought back to the man's malevolent chakra descending upon her. Why did these situations keep happening to her? Was she not being careful enough? Was she putting herself in danger or being too reckless? Because the only other explanation for a genin being caught in the woods with missing nin twice now was bad luck. And Sakura despised the thought that 'destiny' was somewhere out there controlling her life.
She thought back to the missing nin's words-
'Who knew that someone like you would be tucked away in Leaf of all places,' and 'that's okay- Kita told me all about you.'
Her spinning mind froze on those last words. She knew that name. It was a name that her bloodshot eyes had frantically roamed over amidst the musty stacks of bingo books in the Shinobi Library. Kita Marai was Black Spider. And this new mysterious missing nin knew her.
"Sensei- the man, he knew Black Spider. He must be an associate!"
Her eyes darted over to Sasuke- what if the two were secretly planning to kidnap him?
"Slow down, Sakura-chan, and explain from the beginning. You were searching for the plant I assigned you, I presume…" Kakashi calmly stated.
Sakura inhaled deeply and exhaled after a moment, trying to calm her racing heart and steady her frantic mind.
"I had found-" she thought about mentioning the Beautiful Death, but decided it was best not to, 'my flowers and just put them in my bag when I noticed the stillness of the forest. The man's chakra bore down on me pretty suddenly," she explained.
"Did he say why he was there?" Sasuke asked, beating Kakashi to it.
Sakura's pink brows furrowed. For as much as the man had rambled, he never truly stated what his intentions were.
"He said he was surprised that someone like me was from Konoha, and that Black Spider had told him about me. I don't know what interesting things she would have to tell," Sakura mumbled the last bit.
Because Kita Mirai had made it abundantly clear when she had attacked them on that 'D' ranked mission that she was there for information on Sasuke. And more importantly on his potential sharingan.
The man with the grey hair had seem overly pleased when Sasuke had also shown up too though. It seemed as though her dark haired teammate was in even more danger than she had initially expected. But the missing nin's words also implied that she had perhaps caught the attention of the wrong sort of people too.
'Lets just say I'm here on behalf of an interested party. My master is just so fascinated in what you can turn into.'
"He has a master that is interested in me," Sakura said, eyes clouded as she thought back to his impish smile. She then turned her attention back to Kakashi. He was staring at her with a strange intensity. "That's when Sasuke showed up," she finished.
Looking up to where Sasuke was standing, she found that he too was gazing at her with a strange look in his eyes. Naruto on the other hand seemed to be completely horrified.
"Two crazy missing nins are after my teammates!" he exclaimed loudly. "On 'D' ranked missions," he continued, sounding slightly hysterical. "The old man Hokage is never going to give us any cool missions if this keeps happening!"
Sasuke scoffed, Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, and Sakura rolled her eyes. The tension had seemingly been broken by Naruto's callus, yet caring words.
"I will have a talk with the Hokage when we get back about what has been occurring with outside interests in my genin. But I do expect us to be grounded to Konoha for a little while," Kakashi stated, rising to his feet.
Naruto groaned, and Sakura felt her heart sink.
She was having such an amazing time reveling in the freedom the wilderness provided before that missing nin showed up. She had wanted to become a great shinobi, travel around the world, and have enemies tremble in fear as they heard her name. But she hadn't quite expected to make such impressive enemies at such an unimpressive age.
"I hope the three of you had a chance to collect your flowers because we have no time for lingering now." Kakashi stated. "Naruto, carry Sakura's pack."
Sakura had expected Naruto to grumble about the extra weight, but his lips remained sealed as he shouldered her pack.
Her hip protested as she arched against the tree trunk and pushed with her legs to stand up. The threaded skin stretched uncomfortably underneath her bandage, but she dare not flinch. Like Naruto shouldering her pack, she needed to learn how to shoulder the pain. There were worse injuries in the world, and without a doubt there would be worse injuries in her future. Building a pain tolerance would be beneficial. Perhaps she should thank the nameless nin…
She thought back to the last moment before he disappeared. His weapon had bit into her flesh with such speed that Sakura hadn't even recognized her injury until her shirt was wet with blood. And then he was holding up his bloodstained shuriken and inspecting it with a maniacal grin.
"Thanks for this," he had said.
But what exactly had he been thanking her for? She furrowed her brows as she silently marched over the terrain, her side throbbing. He couldn't have been thanking her for their meeting- he had clearly arranged it after all. And she hadn't spilled any pertinent details about herself or Konoha to him.
She bit down hard on her lip as another possibility popped into mind. Perhaps he was thanking her for making it so easy on him? For easily falling into his trap, and then even more easily getting injured… Such a pathetic excuse for a nin that she couldn't even dodge properly.
…But it wasn't her injury he was focused on- it was his shuriken… his shuriken that was stained with her blood.
Odd. But then again, most shinobi were. Perhaps it was a fetish of sorts? She had heard all sorts of rumors about the strange habits and pedilections that nin developed, especially the ones deeply involved in the darker side of shinobi life.
She shook her head- there was no use dwelling on the man right now. Her lack of information on him would lead to no concrete answers. She would have to wait until she was back in Konoha to look him up.
Hours passed as they moved through the forest. The pain in her side was a constant throbbing that she quickly grew accustomed to. She didn't say a word of complaint though, as she could sense Kakashi's urgency.
"How are you feeling?"
Sakura turned to see Naruto's blue eyes earnestly peering at her. One of the straps of her pack was beginning to dig into his shoulder causing him to slouch slightly.
"I'm okay," Sakura quietly replied, knowing that both their sensei and Sasuke could hear her.
"It's not painful?" Naruto asked, a blonde brow quirked in question.
Sakura shrugged in response and immediately regretted it. Her side burned anew. "Probably about as much as your palm."
"My palm?"
"You cut it yesterday on a shuriken."
Naruto's mouth gaped open, "You're comparing one tiny cut on my hand to that giant wound! Sakura-chan, that's totally different! You looked like you had lost about half the blood you had in you!"
Sakura grimaced. She may have changed her shirt, but dried blood still clung to her skin and pants. Nothing but a shower could cure that. And with the way things had gone about this morning, she doubted that Kakashi-sensei would let them stop at a stream. He was already encouraging them to go at a faster pace than they had approached the forest with. And Sakura strongly suspected that had she not been injured, he would have had them flat out running back to the village.
"I'm a little uncomfortable, but its nothing I can't handle," she calmly replied.
Naruto furrowed his brow and Sakura half expected him to protest again, but he must have sensed her stubbornness. His lips remained sealed, and he once again focused on the trail.
More hours passed and soon darkness drew the shadows longer, until the entire path was shrouded in blackness.
"Are we stopping for the night, or continuing all the way back to the village Kaka-sensei?" Naruto questioned.
"We will stop here for the night. I want us all to get a good rest, as we will have an early morning. Sakura, your bandage needs to be changed, too," Kakashi replied.
Sakura slumped her weight against the nearest tree, her breath slightly ragged. The pace their sensei had kept them at would normally not even have winded her, but her side was vehemently protesting against the pace. She was thankfully they were in the woods right now, away from anything that could show her her reflection, as she was sure it was not a pretty sight.
And after the boys set up camp, with Sasuke once again darting around the perimeters of camp to gather firewood, Kakashi approached her with another roll of gauze.
"How are you holding up?"
She thought about smiling, but knew the effect would be instantly transparent. But still, she couldn't have her sensei think her weak.
"It's manageable," she decided on.
Kakashi's mask tipped up in a sure sign of an underlying smirk. "You're always so poised Sakura-chan. I've yet to see you lose your cool."
Sakura thought back to that first training exercise where Sasuke had pinned her and she snapped hysterically; to being wild eyed, while being questioned in Kakashi's apartment; to being shocked and horrified at seeing Ito Yori's body buried in his garden. She had been anything but cool in those moments.
"Perhaps my sensei is wearing off on me," she replied.
Kakashi's muffled chuckle rang out into the air as he took his time unwrapping her previous bandage. Cool air hit her skin and felt divine against the hot tenderness of the stitched flesh. But when Kakashi's cool finger poked at her side, Sakura couldn't help but tense up.
It was stupid, and pointless. She had long since realized that she trusted this man. But it was an automatic response. Especially since his hand was hovering by such vulnerable flesh.
Kakashi didn't show any react to her skidishness though. He simply applied more salve and rewrapped the wound. But Sakura couldn't help but noticed how his hands avoided any more direct contact with her skin. It was a blessing. It was a curse.
"Since the boys have been doing all the heavy lifting today, why don't you help me make dinner?" Kakashi questioned, after rolling her shirt back down over the bandage.
And although it was the kind of stereotypical role that she would normally scorn, Sakura could only be grateful that she would have some usefulness.
"Sure."
She parked herself at the campfire that Sasuke had started and began dividing up the various food rations, and Naruto's ramen cups. And once everything was passed around, everyone greedily took their share and gulped it down in silence.
Even the night around them seemed quiet. The noises of the forest were there, but they seemed somewhat muted. A quiet stillness that echoed the contemplation that was going on in her teammate's minds.
But for Sakura the exact opposite was happening. The cloak of silence that hung around the forest unsettled her- just like this morning it felt like the calm before the storm. And she was in no great condition to weather anything right now.
"Naruto, you take first watch; Sasuke, take second, and Sakura, you take last watch." Kakashi announced after all the food had disappeared.
Everyone dug out their sleeping bags without question or complaint. Sakura could only feel grateful that she wasn't on first watch. Despite her unease, her eyelids felt like lead. She gathered her pajamas and ducked behind the nearest tree to pull them on. Emerging from behind the brush, she quickly crawled into her sleeping bag and dutifully tried to ignore everything else around her.
And as she drifted off into sleep, Sakura only hoped she wouldn't have to dream about paternal imposters again. And for once, it seemed as if someone was listening to her prayers, and deep dreamless sleep embraced her.
Hours later, Sakura felt her pillow being tugged out from underneath her. Her skull met the unforgiving earth, and she turned to scowl at whoever was disrupting her. Groggy green eyes glared at her dark haired teammate.
"Its you're turn for watch," Sasuke stated, unimpressed with her venomous stare.
She resisted the urge to grumble as she emerged from her sleeping bag, and slipped on her nin boots.
"Did you have to wake me up like that?"
Sasuke shrugged, and looked away, "I thought it would be better than shaking you."
Grabbing her weapons pouch, Sakura conceded. Her reaction probably would have been much worse if he had shaken her. She nodded her head, and waited for him to crawl into his vacant sleeping bag. But Sasuke remained still, his face shrouded in darkness. Somehow Sakura instinctually knew he was watching her.
"What is it?" she questioned from her place by the fire.
"We need to talk."
Somehow those words sounded terrifying. Probably because no conversation that ever followed them was ever considered good.
He stepped closer to the fire, and the dim light illuminated his features. His eyes were flinty as he stared her down. "What did you do to me?"
Sakura cocked her head in confusion, "Excuse me?"
Sasuke moved even closer, and lowered his voice, "When we were facing off against that nin, you did something to me!"
Sakura leaned back to preserve an ounce of her personal space. Her eyes darted form Sasuke's hard accusing ones, to his clenched fists.
"Have you gone mad? I have no idea what you're talking about!" she quietly insisted.
The scowl on his face grew deeper. "That man threw shuriken, and you yelled at me to get down. And next thing I know, my body is being flung to the ground. It was as if someone had pushed me."
Sakura's mind raced at his words. She thought back to that morning. The weapons were flying through the air, headed straight for Sasuke. He hadn't noticed them, and she had felt a burning desperation overcome her. The chakra around her throat had pulsed hotly as she had screamed the words 'get down.'
She hadn't had the time or presence of mind to consider that Sasuke's body ducking to the ground hadn't been out of his own instincts, but her own.
But that- that didn't make any sense…
She met his eyes, confusion swimming in her own.
"I'm going to ask you one more time, what did you do to me?"
She chewed her lip as her thoughts whirled. Images of similar, but oh so different incidents flashed around her brain. "I don't know."
Sasuke's scowl seemed to hesitate, as if he was unsure of her sincerity. He opened his mouth, but after a moment closed it again. With a shake of his raven head, he turned his back to her and climbed into the sleeping bag.
Sakura watched as her teammate lay unnaturally still with feigned sleep, and considered his words. She hadn't put much stock to anything other than the grey haired nin from the morning.
And no matter how hard she thought about it, it didn't make sense. There were plenty of special jutsus that could bend a person to your will- hidden/forbidden or ocular justsus. But Sakura wasn't aware of any hidden or forbidden ones. And she knew she didn't have any ocular powers- Kakashi-sensei would have already informed her if she did.
…But could she perhaps have something else? Kakashi had mentioned that she had an unusal cluster of chakra in her throat. And all of these strange incedents did seem to be related to her voice while under duress. Kakashi had also questioned whether or not her mother had a bloodlimit…
Sakura frowned as she stared into the dancing flames of the campfire. If her mother had a bloodlimit, than there was almost a zero percent chance of her telling her about it. Her mother practically turned into a mute every time her past was brought up.
She poked at a log in the fire, watching the ashes crumble. But Kakashi's question didn't make any sense either. All shinobi that possessed bloodlimits were registered within their hidden village. These documents were kept under high security, but they still existed. That way the Hokage would know how dire a situation was if a shinobi was captured in enemy territory with a potential Konoha weapon.
Sakura sighed- there was no use musing over bloodlimits. As far as she knew, she didn't have one, and Sasuke was just exaggerating.
As the morning light rose, Kakashi woke the boys up early and passed them all a quick meal of rations before they were swiftly off again. The last stretch to Konoha was made in practically a sprint, and Sakura's body was feeling the full effects of her injury. Every stride of her legs or pump of her arms caused her side to throb in agony.
Not a breath could be spared for chatter, even for Naruto. And Sakura was too tired to care or even pay attention to Sasuke's demeanour.
When they finally reached the gates, she was fully panting. Kakashi walked up to the two guards, handing them a scroll.
"You okay Sakura- chan?" Naruto questioned, eyes full of worry.
"I've been better," she weezed, clutching her side.
"Do you want me to help you get home?"
Sakura winced as she thought of the reception Naruto of all people would get from her family. Hell, they would look down on Sasuke, who was pratically shinobi royalty.
"No, thank you. I should be fine."
Naruto's shoulders instantly drooped, and Sakura felt guilt tug at her insides. Naruto no doubt knew her reasoning. He may be oblivious to many things, but he wasn't to how poorly people of the village treated him.
"I don't want them to think me weak," she quietly said, the lie easily falling off her lips.
Weak or strong, the Haruno clan wouldn't care what kind of shinobi she was. Of course failing would be dishonorable, but shinobi politics in general were dishonorable to them. No matter how she turned out as a nin, it would never be something they were proud of.
But still, her excuse lifted Naruto's sullen cheeks.
"Well, I hope you feel better," he earnestly replied.
Sakura's green eyes swept towards Sasuke. He was pointedly looking off in the other direction. She internally sighed, in both annoyance and dismay. She didn't have the patience for her dark haired teammate's sulleness concerning mysteries about her own life that she was ignorant of herself.
She straightened slightly as Kakashi beckoned them forward through the gate.
"We will meet at the usual time tomorrow on the bridge," Kakashi's lacksidasical voice instructed.
"What about missions?" Sasuke questioned.
Kakashi shrugged, "I will have to inform the Hokage about the missing nin, and see what he says. But for now we will continue training. Remember, I want to see better skills with shuriken before I show you any jutsus."
All three of their shoulders slumped, and the three parted ways, a somber mood hanging between them.
Sakura trudged home, the stiches beneath her bandage itching. She thought the last few weeks of being placed on Team Seven and how extraordinary it was that she was alive at all. She had faced off against missing nin of supreme caliber and not only lived, but survived with relatively minor wounds. She couldn't decide if she was either blessed or cursed.
But as she reached the door to her house, Sakura's brows furrowed. There were loud voices coming from inside. That was strange- her father usually never liked company. He liked to keep the shameful females of his life behind closed doors.
Sakura opened the door and froze. Her father was seated on a chair, while her mother was pouring tea. And on the chair facing opposite her was a woman wearing a scarlet red kimono. And if that wasn't enough to give it away, than the elegant silver braid tied at her nape was.
"Ah, I see the mongrel is home right in time for the festival," Grandmother Satomi's haughty voice drawled. "Such a shame…"
A/N: Hi everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took so long to get out, but life has been hectic, and every time I sat down to write, I just couldn't get the words flowing. Please accept my virtual grovelling for forgiveness!
Normally I don't like to address comments or concerns that reviewers leave for me. I like to let those questions be answered through the story. But there have been a consistent few that I feel like I need to answer:
1. You are giving Sakura a lot of 'special powers' and approaching Mary Sue territory.
My answer to this question is that a lot of you are making assumptions based on little breadcrumbs I have placed in the story. And as much as I love hearing your theories, a lot of them are very off base for what I have planned. Just because things seem a certain way, doesn't mean they are. I have only given Sakura one concrete extra power than she had in the show/manga. And I may even take away from certain abilities that she had before too. So I wouldn't worry about her turning into this 'all powerful goddess like being.' And also, to me Mary Sue is when you have an all-powerful person with no real issues. Their personality is perfect, their looks are perfect, their abilities are kick-ass, and their loved by all- the only issues are artificial. My Sakura is a bit of a mess, so I don't really consider her to be Mary Sue-like in that respect either.
2. How come Kakashi hasn't done anything about Sakura's situation? He clearly knows something is up!
In the original Naruto, I always got the feeling that a lot of 'turn the other cheek' happened. Naruto practically grows up on the street being harassed, and the Hokage is the only one that is remotely kind to him. Sasuke is allowed to live on his own after his family's massacre, with no counselling. Hinata's family flat out bully her, and no one does anything! So I feel like what happens behind closed doors stays that way. Family business stays int he family, and outsiders don't really interfere. Kakashi may notice something is going on, and offer Sakura an out, but I doubt he would interfere unless she openly confesses.
All other questions, you're just going to have to wait and see!
Please review and let me know what you think! I would love to know what your favourite part of this chapter was!
-Nyx
