Warnings: None?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto and affiliated companies do.

A/N: The plot thickens... ;)


Chapter 5

The silence stretched, and stretched… and stretched-

Then, without warning, the Hokage began to chortle – deep, full-bellied laughs like my grandpa always used to give when telling his awful, terrible dad-jokes around the Christmas tree. I couldn't help but join in with a relieved giggle.

(Um, my brain attempted to recalibrate to make sense of the new situation. Okay?)

"Goodness me," he sighed. "It does warm an old man's heart to see youngsters taking an interest in the mysteries of the world. Although I can't say I've heard of many of those. Perhaps you'll take the time to explain after we've had certain other discussions?"

The implication took a moment to commute.

"You mean- you believe me?" I blurted. "Does that mean you know how I got here? Can I get home? …Sir," I tagged on belatedly. God, butit felt weird calling people that outside of taekwondo.

His smile faded. "I'm afraid I can't say," he told me with an apologetic smile. "There are, of course, specialists examining the scene of your arrival. However, as of yet… there has been no sign of a cause."

My heart sank to my toes.

"No seals?" I tried, not really expecting an answer. "No… weird chakra pulses? No break-in alarms? Break-outs? Odd history in the area? Suspects?"

The Sandaime slowly shook his head. "Nothing, I'm afraid. Sensors have swept the area, multiple times, to no avail."

"What about… the last time?" I turned to Ibiki, latching on desperately to my last clue. "The Iwa thing. Human bomb. You said I was like that," I pressed. "How am I like that? Who was it?"

Ibiki pursed his lips, glancing at the Hokage, who nodded permission.

"It's not a matter of who," he said shortly. "We haven't been able to identify the perpetrator. But the two of you share a defining characteristic."

"And… what's that?" I asked warily. A list of possible ideas ran through my mind- European looks? An accent? Sparkly writing on a t-shirt?- and were discarded immediately. Too vague, Ibiki has the same accent as me, and… sparkles- really?

He shook his head wordlessly, looking, for the first time since he'd entered my cell, utterly perplexed.

"You…"

"You appear to… lack chakra," the Hokage finished delicately.

"I what?" I said, baffled. "But…" don't people need chakra to live? When I voiced this thought, the Sandaime nodded gravely.

"Indeed. Every living thing – human, summon, tree – requires chakra to exist. That has been one of the basic laws of nature for as long as history can recall."

"Then… how come…?" How come I'm not dead? Was the first thought that came to my mind, but that brought up other questions, like, "Does that mean everyone from my world is like that? No chakra?"

But- Not enough data. I frowned.

Suddenly, I really wanted to get on Narutopedia and/or Youtube and study the theory. There had to be some kind of explanation for this – or at least, more background data so that I could puzzle out the solution myself. But… there was no internet here. Damnit.

"…Right. So what's the plan?" I asked in an effort to distract myself.

"The plan?" The Hokage repeated, raising a grey old-man eyebrow.

"Yeah, the plan. What happens next? What are you going to do with me?" I stretched my aching wrists as far as I could, and cracked my toe joints restlessly. "Back in the cell? Out on the streets? Stashed in a handy secret hideout for interdimensional guests?"

Wistfully, I glanced back out the window. Was this going to be the last time I saw it?

Ibiki cleared his throat. "Hold up, kid. There's something that needs to happen first." Before I could puzzle over what that meant, he continued pointedly, "Why don't you tell Sandaime-sama what you told me back in that cell, hmm?"

"Oh!" Of course. Sheepishly, I realised that I'd somehow expected the Hokage to know already, like he omniscient or something. Which was stupid. Despite the crystal seeing ball thing.

"Um, so… what do you want to know?"

"What can you tell me?" The Hokage shot back calmly.

"Um." I hadn't really thought about this. "A lot?"

He huffed a laugh. "Is that so? Well I suppose you could start at the beginning."

Pushing down distracting thoughts of a certain musical and inappropriate moments to break out in song, I smiled awkwardly. "It's, ah. Not exactly chronological. More like random knowledge about certain people and organisations that… might be bad for my continued state of living?"

There went the eyebrows again. "You believe this knowledge places you in danger."

Um, duh, but- OH FUCK!

Okay, so it had suddenly just occurred to me that I'd been this close to blurting potentially civil war-causing Root-and-Danzo secrets to the Hokage - right in front of maybe-possibly hidden Root ANBU. Who might then proceed to follow me when I left, wait until I fell asleep, and slit my throat. And then possibly burn my corpse for good measure.

Oh. My. God. Too close. TOO CLOSE.

But I was a good actor. I shrugged, making sure to smile sheepishly and shift my weight from foot to foot like I was embarrassed about being called out on it.

"Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. It's not that bad. I hope." It's THAT bad. "You ninja guys just make me paranoid, ya know? Always feels like someone's hanging over my shoulder but when I look there's no one there." I laughed lightly, shaking my head. "Don't mind me."

Then I played my ace card.

Back when I was a kid and still went to a co-ed school, I used to be friends with this group of total weirdos. And in the age-old tradition of prepubescent boys, they spent their lunch times holding – you guessed it – burping and farting competitions.

(It seemed funny at the time, okay?)

Anyway, I, being the competitive little know-it-all I was, was not content with holding the record for most burps in a row. No, I developed a trick of my own.

At that moment, my stomach let out a loud burble, and I winced- but subtly, like I was trying to hide it. "Oh, great," I mumbled. Stage-mumbled.

"Um, so, the start!" I threw myself into the act, loudly. "So, timeline-wise, has Naruto's class graduated yet?"

(The trick was to make the deception obvious; anyone with a brain and ears could see it was an act. But obviously I was just embarrassed about my stomach, right?)

"They have." He peered at me over his desk. "I am curious to know how this is of relevance, however."

I tried to wave him off, realized I still couldn't move my arms, and ended up just bobbing awkwardly on the spot. "Butterfly effect, you know," I said airily, hopping from one foot to the other. "Don't wanna destroy the world by accident."

"Anyway, you remember Mizuki? I think he's in… uh, correctional prison now, right?" That was canon, wasn't it? "Ah, he's gonna break out at some point. Somehow. I never actually watched that episode. But, uh, he's a total Orochimaru fanboy. Seal and all." I nodded to myself. "So yeah, it makes him super strong…"

I continued rambling on in this manner for a minute or so, adding anecdotes about Anko's seal and various experiments of Orochimaru's that I remembered reading about. Every now and again, I'd pause to take a breath, and my stomach would grumble noisily, slowly increasing in volume.

Finally, the stage was set.

"And I think I read something about a mission… his teammate had, like, a knee injury or something?"

Grumble-grumble.

"And Mizuki thought it would slow him down, so he killed him and faked the mission report-"

Bubble-ble-ble… glub.

"But Orochimaru was there, a-

B-GLUB-B-b.

"-nd, oh my god, I'm so sorry, IthinkI'mgonnabesick-"

Staggering into the desk, I doubled over it and retched convincingly into the paper bin.

"I'm-" retch "-so sorry! Oh god- ah-argh…"

"Ibiki, take her to the bathroom," the Hokage ordered.

Screwing up my face to hide my victorious grin, I let my head hang and stumbled away with Ibiki's tight grip on my arm.

He was less than gentle this time.

When he finally shoved me through an unlabelled door in the hallway, I pulled away and met his gaze seriously.

'Soundproof?' I mouthed, and he jabbed at diamond-shaped seal on the wall, which unravelled, inked symbols seeping up through the plaster until the entire wall was covered in them. Then he turned back, expression thunderous.

"What are you playing at, kid?" He growled, shaking me roughly. His grip was bruising, and the doorjamb was digging into my left shoulder blade, but I didn't have a chance of moving him. "I know you're not sick, and if you think you've got the Hokage fooled, think again."

Well, so much for that plan.

My eyes narrowed; I didn't take well to threats. "Good thing I wasn't trying to fool you," I bit out, but- what am I doing,there was no time for this- "ANBU is compromised."

Immediately, Ibiki stilled. "By who?" He demanded.

I set my jaw, and his eyes narrowed in response. "Root."

"Root was disbanded years ago."

"Said who?"

Ibiki started to speak, then stopped. He stared. I stared back.

Danzo.

"Danzo," I agreed with his unspoken conclusion. "Danzo, who poured decades of time and resources into Root, has previously defied the Hokage's orders, and has every motivation to retain power in secret."

"…Their headquarters were raided," he pointed out after a tense moment. "We left nothing."

I shrugged. "Who says they had only one? Also, for all we know, members of that raid could have been Root themselves."

That was the crux of the matter. How could you trust anyone, when the ones you trusted to, well, be trustworthy, might be the very ones working against you?

Ibiki cursed and released me, pacing like a caged tiger along the line of sinks. "How can I trust you on this?" He demanded. "For all I know this is just an elaborate ploy to sow dissension in the ranks."

I felt momentarily affronted- but it was a reasonable point. "It's not," I swore earnestly. "Look, if it helps, all the Root members have a seal on their tongue. Like this."

Blowing on the mirror until my breath fogged up the glass, I drew the symbol that I – with my usual talent for remembering utterly random trivia that had a one-in-a-million chance of being useful in real life – recalled from a picture on the Root Narutopedia page: three parallel lines, then four more half-sized lines – two on each side with a gap down the middle.

The completed image looked eerily similar to a snake's forked tongue.

"…It's a secrecy seal," I explained, awkwardly, when the silence stretched and Ibiki appeared lost in thought. "It-"

"I'm familiar," he cut me off. "A member of my squad has it."


A/N: Read and review! =)