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EPOV
"So what are you going to eat?" I ask Tanya. My voice sounds almost unrecognizable to me. It's hoarse and hurts like a bitch from the hysterics I put down on Monday after I'd gotten back from lunch with Jasper.
Sure, I shouldn't have walked away like that, but I know the ending. I didn't need to sit there and have him fill in the blanks only to reject me later on. I'm sure he probably would've wanted to continue things but he wouldn't have been the same. The Jasper I'd gotten to know would've been gone and replaced with a stranger. I wanted him, yes, but I didn't want the coldness that was sure to come. So I walked first.
My heart felt like it dissolved on the way home and I practically fell in Tanya's arms while crying and explaining everything. She thought that Jasper was just shocked and needed time to process everything I had said, but secretly, I didn't want him to. I wanted him to just let me go. I was a whore. I'm used to people using me and throwing me away like yesterday's trash. I was smug; my father had made that clear so why should Jasper see things differently. Maybe he should stay in his closet. Maybe he was better off there, pretending. At least, he was accepted and loved by his family.
Tanya walks out of the bathroom in her shorts and a tank top. She reaches for the blue cardigan I'd bought her for her birthday and throws it on. She then gets her cowboy boots and puts them on too before coming to take a seat next to me on the bed. When she places her feet on the bed in those boots, it rips into my heart and makes my breath feel like it wants to stop. Jasper has boots like those. He has lots of cowboy boots. It's a favorite of his to wear.
Hell, he's wore them and nothing else around his loft. I nearly died of a heart attack one day when he opened the door to me with just a cowboy hat over his lower half, the boots on his feet and a sexy smirk on his face. I couldn't move. I stood there for what seemed like forever gaping like a fish out of water before he pulled me into the loft and slammed the door shut. I don't think I breathed normal until I came almost an hour later shouting his name before collapsing against the cushions he'd laid out on the floor in the living room.
I'll miss our games. I'll miss the sex. I've never felt so close to anyone as I have with him. I'll miss…feeling something for someone again. He's such a great guy. Why couldn't I have met him then? Why couldn't he have been the one I had met instead of Seth?
Because it would've been a disaster.
"Where are you?" Tanya asks. I can hear the worry in her voice so I smile at her hoping that it'll reassure her a little. "Don't do that. You're hurting, Edward. Stop trying to make me feel better. That's my job right now, Hon."
"Okay," I whisper before coughing.
She jumps up and goes to the kitchen, returning a minute later with a bottled water in hand. She opens it and hands it to me to drink.
"Thanks," I say as she smiles and comes back beside me on the bed. She pulls me to her and I lay my head in her lap. I stay there, gripping her thighs as his smiles run through my mind and the tears come. Tanya consoles me but she never says a word. She just holds me to her. When I calm back down, I make a joke about her probably thinking that I'm acting like a girl. She throws me a serious expression and asks if I hear her complaining. When I say no, she replies that it's because I'm a person with feelings who's been through so much so she thinks that I'm allowed a moment or five to cry. I thank her and she places my head back in her lap and gently runs her fingers through my hair.
After a while, I finally speak up. "So what are you getting, cause I'm starving."
"Serves you right for refusing my awesome cooking for the last two days. I have improved, you know, and I wanted you to taste my garlic chicken," she says.
"So you could send up my blood pressure from the amount salt you put in it, no thanks." She smacks my arm and we laugh. It feels good to laugh.
Looking up at her, she's pouting as she says, "It was good."
"Okay. If I hadn't felt like shit, I would've eaten it. So please make it again and I promise to eat it then," I tell her.
"Okay," she says, excitedly.
"So for now, I was thinking that maybe we could get some Jerk Chicken," she says.
"Some Jamaican cooking," I say. Tanya loves it. We found this restaurant one day, Golden Krust Bakery, and she and I have been hooked ever since. The food reeled me and I haven't let go. I love the spice. "I definitely want that."
"Good. I was thinking maybe a…oh shit, I don't know what to pick," she says in a frustrated tone.
"Okay, calm down. I want a Jerk Chicken Combo and the Bun and Cheese for dessert," I tell her. I can hear my stomach growling as I say that.
Tanya laughs and pushes my shoulder before saying, "Okay! That's a lot. I think I'll have the Curry Chicken Combo and eat some of your dessert."
The glare I throw her makes her hold her hands up in surrender and say, "I'll just buy my own dessert. Maybe I'll get a slice of carrot cake." With our menu decided, she gets up and makes her way to the door before I call her back.
"What?" she whines. "I'm hungry."
I smile at her and grab my wallet, my heart thumping when I remember that Jasper had bought it for me. I open it up and grab some money, holding it out for her to take, telling her to use that for food and hers for cab fare. She looks at me, and I know the speech is coming about her being able to buy food and stop acting like her parent so I'm quick to avert it and tell her that I want more food because I feel like I haven't ate in a week.
"Okay, what'd you want?" she asks.
"I want a side order of fried plantains and a tutti fruiti," I say, smiling as Tanya frowns at me.
"And you can't share the Bun and Cheese." She grabs the money and stomps to the door. When she opens it, she turns to me and sticks her tongue out, before smiling and shutting it behind her. I fall back against the bed, chuckling to myself.
As long as I have Tanya in my life, I'll be okay. I can make it.
My eyes close not long after that and I fall asleep. The knock at the door frightens me and I immediately remember that I haven't locked it. I jump up as the person knocks again and stumble a bit as I make my way over to it. I'm still half asleep and I'm just going to make the person leave, lock the door and head back to bed until Tanya gets back. She has her key on her so she'll be able to open it when she returns.
When I open the door, my breath stops. He's standing there before me with Jake by his side, and with a smile on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes. His very tired eyes. I can't believe it. I want to think that I'm dreaming, that he really isn't here but I can't because my mouth runs away from me and ask what he's doing here and he says he's here to help me move like it's the most obvious thing. I'm stunned silent. My body seems to be on auto-pilot as I move away from the door and watch him and Jake walk in, closing it behind them.
I stroll back to the bed, throwing myself down on it as I glare at Jasper. I don't know why I'm suddenly angry at him, but I am. I should be happy that he's here and still wants to help me and Tanya, but I'm not.
Doesn't he remember who our parents are? Didn't he hear a word of what I said to him? He's a fucking Whitlock and I'm a Masen. What's wrong with him?!
"What do you mean?" I ask, looking up at him as my head begins to hurt and my heart races.
"I mean...I'm here to help you move," he says with a serious expression. Jake remains silent and just moves to the kitchen, sitting at the table.
"I don't understand."
"You didn't wait," he tells me and my heart lurches at the memory.
He's right, I didn't. I walked away, but it was for the best.
"It was for the best," I tell him.
He looks at me for a minute, unmoving, before he sighs and says, "That was my decision to make, not yours. You should've waited."
"Waited?!" I jump and say in a harsh tone. "Wait for what? For you to reject me? To look at me like I'm a piece of shit?!" He doesn't deserve this but I want him to go. I want to save him from whatever our parents will surely have planned when they figure this out.
"Too bad, because I'm not going anywhere until you and Tanya are packed and ready to go," he says. I see Jake smiling and shaking his head out of the corner of my eye but I don't say anything. Jake's motion is right. Jasper isn't listening so I try harder as he asks for my things.
Jumping up, I walk over to my drawers and pull the clothes out that he bought me. "Here are your things, take them and go," I say as he looks at me with a sad expression before he masks it.
"These are your things. Don't patronize me, Edward. You and Tanya are leaving here right now with me and Jake and that's the end of it!" His shout gives me the way in.
I throw the clothes on the floor and get his face, my eyes blazing. "Don't fucking treat me like a child!"
"Then stop acting like one!" he shouts back. "Now, where are the rest of your things?"
"They're where they need to be."
"Edward," he says in a warning tone.
We stand there at a standoff attempting to stare each other down. His blue eyes are blazing with anger as he stares into my eyes and all I can think about is kissing him.
Realizing that this isn't working, I try pleading with him instead. "This can't happen, Jasper. We can't be anything. You know who I am."
"Yes, I do and I still want you," he replies softly, running his hand down my cheek. I lean into his touch and sigh. It's as if this momentary peace comes over me and all I want is to just lie down, but this time, in his arms.
"If I didn't want this, you, then why would I be here?" he asks.
"They'll find out."
"When we get to that bridge, we'll cross it, Darlin'," he drawls before kissing me on the head and moving back to the drawers and starts to pull more clothes out. "For now, let's get you packed."
"Do you want to know which drawers are mine?" I ask, picking up the clothes I'd thrown on the floor and placing them on the bed next to me.
"It's fine. I can find them on my own," he says while smiling at me.
He looks so happy. He thinks he's winning. I don't give up that easy. I know how this will end and I can't let it happen to him.
I sit there on the bed, watching him. I want to smile at his bravery but I can't because I'm too worried for him.
Let's try this one last time, if it doesn't work, then…
"So, since we're all going to have a family reunion soon, what's your mom like?" I ask, halting his movement. He spins around to face me and I can see the flash of anger that passes through his eyes before he answers.
"She's not the nicest person and I wish she were warmer and more loving. What's yours like?" he asks, throwing my question back at me.
"She does everything my father tells her to do like a good little wife," I say.
"Including kicking you out?" he asks. I throw him a cold stare before Jake walks over and cuts in.
"Listen, this is getting us nowhere," Jake says. "I've sat there listening to you idiots and I want to go the fuck home. So, where are your things? Because I'm not packing the girl stuff. Or better yet, tell me what you want from the kitchen, Edward," he looks at me and says, rolling his eyes and mumbling how Jasper and I sound like women.
I look over at Jasper but his eyes are solely on Jake as he shoots daggers at him. He practically growls Jake's name, but Jake just rolls his eyes again and continues looking to me for an answer so I take him into the kitchen and show him what needs to be packed. I grab the box Tanya had gotten to pack our kitchenware in and hand it to Jake. He starts opening up the cupboards and pulling things and I leave him there, packing and head back to the bedroom area. Jasper is still throwing more of my things on the bed with his back to me. Whenever his eyes meets mine, I can see the anger in them. No doubt my attitude is pissing him off but I can't help it. It's just how I feel.
I sit on the bed with my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. I look up, watching Jasper before saying, "It isn't that I don't want your help or that I'm not happy to see you, because, believe me I am. But this is dangerous. You are about to ruin your life on a whore and you don't even see it because all you want to do is help."
"That isn't all I want," he says with his back to me. "I've told you before and I'll say it again, I want more from you, Edward. But how are you going to learn anything if you keep running away? I'm right here. I'm here for you. Can't you just have a little faith in me? I know your parents' attitude and they treated you was fucked you up, but I need you to do something that may seem impossible for you."
"What's that?" I ask as he turns and faces me, leaning against the chest of drawers.
"I need you to trust me."
Before I can answer, Tanya walks in. "What's going on here?" the way she says it, is all too obvious. She knows something. Tanya doesn't do surprises. The thought of this sends me spiraling into a rage again.
"You knew about this, didn't you?!" I yell.
"I saw them downstairs," she says, shrugging her shoulder. Jake quickly moves over to her grabbing the food and taking it to the kitchen. He moves to open the bag and Tanya spins toward him and says, "Don't…you…dare." He moves away from the bag like a scolded child and goes back to packing.
That's weird. What the hell is wrong with him?
I take it all in, wondering what's that about for a one minute before my anger rises at Tanya. "So, you couldn't have led him back downstairs."
"You know what," she says as she looks at me in disbelief. "Whatever. Jasper, where are you so far?"
"I'm on his clothes," he replies, showing her his hand full of my things.
"Let me get mine." She moves to the duffel bags in the corner and throws them on the bed, purposely hitting me. Jake scoffs in the kitchen and Jasper smirks as Tanya looks at me with fiery eyes.
Everyone goes about their business, packing while I sit there and pout. I'm being silly. Before I'd said anything this would've been what we'd be doing by this weekend so why am I being an ass now? So when Jasper tries to get one of the packed duffel bags zipped, I get up and help him.
"Thanks," he whispers, kissing me on the lips before moving away.
I touch them as they tingle and smile before heading in the bathroom for the things there. When I walk out it's just in time to see Jasper jumping away from the top drawer as if it burned him. Tanya is laughing her ass off at him and instantly, I know what drawer he's in. The supply drawer. It has two dildos, lube and some condoms in it. Jake runs over to look while I try to stifle a laugh and he bellows out his laughter while walking back to the kitchen. Tanya composes herself and starts to joke about how I'm exactly like my boyfriend when it comes to surprises.
Everyone stops laughing after that. At least, Jasper and me stop laughing. Jake and Tanya only laugh some more.
"Wait, he hasn't said it yet?" Tanya yells to Jake.
"Nope! Well, not out loud," he replies.
"You two," Tanya chuckles, shaking her head at us. "How can you both not see it?"
"I do, but a relationship with me will only hurt him, despite what he thinks," I say sadly. Jasper whips his head around to me so fast; I swear he's given himself a whiplash. But before anyone says anything to me, I walk away without another word.
~~oo~~oo~~
By the time we're through, the food has been shared up between the four of us. Jake wanted more and Tanya had to promise to get more carrot cake for Jasper. Jake was acting very weird around Tanya, but it made me laugh. I was so used to men falling at her feet, it was now laughable.
It's now three hours later and Jake and Tanya just went down to Jasper's car with the final bag. I look around the place that saved my life one last time before walking out and closing the door behind me. I follow Jasper down the stairs. He greets Embry and pays him another hundred bucks before he walks over to the car.
After we all get in, Embry bids Tanya and me good bye and strolls back to his corner. Jasper starts the car and drives off. As he passes Tanya and mine's spot, he grabs my hand, wrapping it in his own. I squeeze back and Tanya rubs my shoulder and sighs.
We're really leaving.
There isn't much talk for most of the ride and by the time we get to where we're going, I start to feel my anger rise.
"We can't stay at your place!"
Jake and Tanya sigh and get out of the car before Jasper cuts the engine and opens the back. They start to unload it while Jasper turns his attention to me. "Why not?"
"Doesn't Alice visit you? What if she tells them?"
"I broke up with her," Jasper says before getting out of the car.
I follow suit and grab a bag after he does as we make our way to the elevator. We ride up to the loft in silence while I stew over his stubbornness.
Once we're inside, Jake grabs Jasper's keys and asks if that's the last of it. I tell him yes and he grabs Tanya's hand, shouting that they're going to get something to eat. As soon as the door closes, Jasper's lips are on mine. He grips the hair at the nape of my neck, sweeping his tongue over my bottom lip, begging for entrance which I grant. He deepens the kiss as he backs me up to the couch awkwardly as we stumble over the bags until I fall on the couch with him on top of me.
In the back of my mind, I know I should be saying something but I can't. Not right now. Not while having his hard body on top of mine feels so good. I grab his ass and push his erection into my crotch wanting to feel the effect I have on him even through our clothes. He groans out and thrusts against me.
"Ugh…oh fuck," he grunts out. "I want to fuck you so bad."
"I want to," I moan out as his mouth finds my neck, sucking and biting. "But we can't."
He stops and pulls away. He sits up and adjust his crotch making me groan. We sit there until our breathing gets back to normal before I say, "Why did you break up with her?"
He chuckles before replying, "Because she was a part of my mother's plan for me to be normal. I am normal and I have met a great guy that I want to date. So what's the point of pretending anymore?"
"Okay," I whisper. "So is this where Tanya and I will be…"
"No. I already found a place for you guys and I hope you'll like it," he says, smiling. "It's not far from here actually."
I laugh at that. "How convenient for you."
He moves over to me and kisses me once more before saying, "Tell me you quit."
Sitting up, I look at him as if he's crazy. He holds my stare but his expression looks hopeful as he's just waiting on my answer. I laugh. I let out guffaws before I take a deep breath and answer him. "Before I say that, what's in for me?"
"Me. Isn't that enough?" he smirks.
So I smile and say, "I quit."
"Alright then," he says. Getting up, he moves to sit in front of me on the coffee table.
He stretches his hand out for me to take and when I do, he says, "Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Jasper Whitlock and you are?"
I sigh and smile at him before shaking his hand and saying, "I'm Edward…Edward Masen." It's been so long since I've said that and it feels so fucking weird to say it to him.
"Well, I've seen you around and I've finally worked up the courage to come over here and ask you if you'd like to go on a date with me this Sunday?"
I see what he's doing. He's wiping the slate clean. He's allowing me to have a chance to meet him under normal circumstances, so I accept. "Well, Jasper, right?"
"Yes," he replies with a smile.
"Even though the weekend looks to be a busy one," I say, eyeing the bags behind him. He looks at them and then back at me and smiles before I go on. "But, I would be out of my mind to turn down your date. So yeah, I'd love to go out with you."
"Good. I'll pick you up at seven," he says shaking my hand again but he doesn't let go. "I know we just met and this might be a bit forward, but I'd really like to kiss you."
I nod and he leans forward, bringing his lips to mine. His mouth moves against my own languidly before I run my tongue along his bottom lip seeking entrance to the haven of his mouth. He opens it to me and our tongues collide, battling for dominance which I relent as he pulls me closer. Someone clears their throat behind us and another person coughs. We pull away and I glance over his shoulder at Jake and Tanya by the door, smiling, with pizza and beer in hand.
"So, we're staying?" Tanya asks me. I nod yes and she squeals out before running and jumping in my lap, kissing me all over my face. Jasper laughs and leans away from us. However, he wasn't escaping Tanya's glee as she immediately stops and moves from my lap to his, doing the same.
"Hey!" Jake shouts. "I got the food." He fucking pouts causing me and Jasper to laugh as he stalks over to the table, placing the food on it. Tanya jumps up from Jasper's lap and runs over to Jake tackling him and showering him with kisses. When she stops, she jumps down, smacks him on the ass and says, "Let's eat!"
Jasper pulls me up from the couch and quickly kisses me and says, "I don't think I'll ever get tired of doing that."
He pulls me over to the table and we sit down for a dinner of pizza and beer while teasing Jake about being starry eyed for Tanya. Tanya remains silent and does something I don't think I've ever seen her do before.
Blush.
Thnx to vbfb1 for working her magic on this.
Next: Edward and Tanya's place and the boys' first real date.
