Chapter Twenty: Unrequited Affair

[Two months ago]

Julien was sitting in his room, staring into his mirror and removing all the make-up he could. He frowned at his reflection when his eyeshadow remained, but he knew that no amount of scrubbing would ever get rid of the dark black ink on his lids. He remembered the pain of getting the color tattooed there, trying hard not to cry because Clemson would hit him if he messed it up. It was just another reminder of who he belonged to, that there was no escape. That the world Clemson had put him in would always be a part of him.

Speak of the devil, loud thumping footsteps were rushing towards his room. Julien stiffened, but didn't turn. There was no where to run. There never was; not from Clemson. Soon enough, a very drunk Clemson stumbled into his bedroom, slurring curses as he staggered towards Park Zoo's main dancer. He'd just come from the 'business rooms', and judging by how intoxicated he was, he'd probably just missed out on some sort of big (illegal) deal.

"C'mere," Clemson hissed, tripping despite his clear path.

Julien rose to a stand, only to be yanked back by Clemson who had a sharp grip on his hair. Julien winced and resisted the urge to cry out, knowing that the loud sound would only piss off his lover more. Julien kept his stare trained on the ground, as if guilty of whatever it was Clemson was going to blame on him this time. It was practically ritual by then.

"You're shit at dancing." Clemson snapped. "I lost a lot of money tonight, 'cause you just didn't want to spread your legs a little further."

So that was what this was about. Julien inwardly sighed - he'd gone through the dance routine that Clemson had given him. It was a pointless thing to blame him for, but he did nothing in response, only waiting for his punishment. Clemson was heaving deep breaths by then, glaring at Julien with such intense hatred that no one would have ever believed he felt anything more than contempt for him.

"I'm sorry," Julien whispered.

Clemson backhanded him with a snarl. Julien was thrown to the ground from the force of it, where he purposefully crumpled with more submission than necessary. He knew better than to show any sense of control. Still, he couldn't help but whimper a bit in honest pain, biting his lip to avoid the sob that wanted to arise. He'd have to borrow some more foundation from Marlene to cover up the new injury.

"You're pathetic!" Clemson shouted, and he kicked Julien in the ribs hard enough to bruise. "You're lucky I keep you around, you know that? Without me, you'd be nothing. You better fucking be sorry!"

Julien bowed his head, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. Basic emotional manipulation; after seven years of being in Clemson's abusive clutches, it had gotten almost stale. Julien could predict his every movement, his every insult. It didn't make it hurt any less, but it was good for him to step outside of himself and recognize that Clemson wasn't speaking factually or with remote logic. Seven years together and Clemson didn't know a thing about Julien.

"Clean up your act." Clemson spat as one last sentiment before he stomped away.

Julien remained in that position for several minutes, listening astutely to ensure that Clemson was indeed far away. When he was sure that he was alone, he allowed the burst of tears to leave his perpetually painted eyes. His ribs hurt like hell, and he knew that it would upset Maurice deeply if he found out… The older man was just so saddened by what the two of them had to put up with for survival's sake. He'd tried to stand up for Julien in the past, but then Clemson had just threatened to kill the both of them and be done with it. After that, Maurice knew neither of them were in a position to speak up against Park Zoo's charismatic owner.

Julien sniffled for a little while, and wiped his tears in hopes that it wouldn't agitate the black eye that would soon be forming. He needed to be beautiful if he wanted to keep his position of worth within this godforsaken establishment. Without his pretty face, no one would give him a second glance, regardless of any of his other assets. Two degrees and yet he was only a sex symbol.

When he finally felt safe enough to move, he shifted to pull a small, discreet bag from under his bed. Inside were dozens of pictures, some worn from having been held countless times over the years. They brought a sense of calm within him, to which he settled and his tears faded altogether. He got lost in their depth for a moment or so, reminiscing about a life that could have been, a life he'd never have.

"You all right there, doll?"

Julien whipped around in surprise to see Parker standing in his window, balancing on it's sill. Parker hopped in, grinning in a pleased manner to see his secret boyfriend. Julien gasped, and discreetly tucked the bag back under his bed. He shakily rose to a stand.

"Parker! What are you being here for?" He exclaimed in a hushed voice. "How did you get up to the third floor?"

Parker came forth and brushed Julien's hair behind his ear, sincere in his actions. "I came to see you, sweetheart. Check up on you… I couldn't stay away."

Parker leaned in and drew Julien into a kiss. He pulled back, and before Julien could speak, punctuated his affection with a peck. He then repeated.

"Just couldn't stay away."

Julien looked away from Parker's unrelentingly sincere gaze, the twinges of guilt fluttering behind his consciousness. "You are very sweet. But… If Clemson was to be finding out… He'd be very angered. You know how he can be getting."

His face throbbed, a grueling reminder that Clemson was not someone he wanted to infuriate.

Parker leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I know, believe me, I do. Doris has been more and more clingy lately. I don't think she understands that I only pretended to like her to convince her to get a job here… She thinks we're serious. I don't see how she'd believe anything like that, with a brother like her's."

"Being led on isn't very fun." Julien commented, kissing Parker's cheek in response.

"Did someone tell you that?" Parker laughed dryly, more a joke to himself than Julien. "Oh, it can be fun. If you're far gone enough. Enough so that you just don't give a damn."

The two of them stared at each other for a handful of seconds, before Parker took notice of the forming bruise on Julien's cheek. Carefully, he brushed over it with his knuckles and concern flitted over his visage. Julien's gaze dropped to the floor. He hated when people confronted him about Clemson's abuse. There was nothing he could do or say to escape. That was the point, wasn't it?

"He will get mad again if he finds you here," Julien murmured, not bringing his stare to Parker's.

Parker huffed and pulled him into a passionate kiss. It lasted for longer than Julien would have wanted, but he allowed it. He held in the sigh that was forming when Parker tugged him closer, his shaking hands running up and down Julien's arms. Parker was an avid lover, someone who got lost in the touches the moment they began. Julien wasn't unaccustomed to this sort of behavior. Parker drew back only to offer a suggestion.

"Do you want me to make you feel better?" He cooed, in a way that indicated that he more or less wanted to make himself feel good, regardless of his true intentions. Maybe he convinced himself that it was for Julien, but Julien knew the truth. Sex was not a selfless act.

Julien wished he could be free, for one moment, to cry and scream and pull away from the world of sleaze he'd become a part of. He wished that he could push Parker away and tell him that he didn't want to have sex, he'd just been backhanded by his boyfriend of seven years for christ's sake. He wished he could tell Clemson that he hated him and everything he stood for, that he hated Park Zoo and that he hated the debauchery and how they'd defiled the art of dance by turning it into something to be hidden, something laden with crime and manipulation.

He smiled gently, and nodded.

Parker was elated by this, his eyes lighting up with lust as he embraced Julien once more. Wrapping his arms around Julien's waist, he pulled their torsos together and drew him into another vigorous kiss. Julien allowed it to happen. One of Parker's arms coiled back around so that he could caress Julien's sore cheek, and Julien brought up his hand to remove Parker's rings. Parker kept poison within them, and Julien wasn't entirely keen on getting pricked by them, no matter how much he detested the life he lived at that particular moment. All his life, climaxed by this particular moment? No, thank you.

Julien managed to both satisfy and distract himself with the reminder that if Clemson knew that Julien was cheating on him, he'd be furious and hurt. Clemson slept with others all the time, but Julien was the one he considered 'his', the one who belonged to him and no one else. It would be a devastating blow to his self esteem to know that Julien, Park Zoo's benevolent treasure, had been unfaithful. This made Julien, at least, slightly smug as he attempted to disregard what he was presently experiencing. Clemson would have hated this, and therefore, Julien didn't dislike it nearly as much as he could have.

Parker didn't seem to mind his inattentive behavior, instead getting wrapped up in Julien's sensual aura. He pressed into Julien, bringing him towards the bed and setting him down against the extravagantly comfortable sheets. Julien, once again, allowed this to happen. There wasn't much he could do to stop it, and he needed Parker for his own uses, so he wasn't about to do anything to upset him. Besides, Parker wasn't an inherently bad individual, even if he was on the other side of the glass. Julien didn't even hate him, not really.

He could tell that Parker was beginning to get more emotional with each kiss, as they grew more fervent and desperate. This happened every time Parker surprised him with a visit. A quick chit-chat, and then Parker would make some sexual advances, and then he'd get so caught up in Julien that he could hardly control himself. Julien knew the routine, was used to his lovers and how they worked. Parker was nothing special.

Julien kissed back, lightly fluttering against Parker's skin as the trained assassin stripped them of their clothing. Parker pulled back suddenly, staring into Julien's eyes with raw adoration and agonizingly profound sincerity. He looked as if he wanted to cry and laugh and make love all at once, and Julien felt Parker's heartbeat quicken against his own chest.

"Tell me you love me," Parker whispered, voice caught in his throat. If he spoke any louder, he might've sobbed altogether. "Only for tonight… Tell me you love me."

Julien's eyes fell. "Parker…"

"I know." Parker squeezed his eyes shut, his arms straining as he held himself above his lover. "I know, I know. Just… Tell me you love me. Just… For right now."

Julien looked at him. "I love you," he lied.

"Thank you." Parker allowed his forehead to rest against Julien's, sighing in great relief.

Julien nodded and ran a hand through Parker's hair. Parker continued to feel him over, grasping and touching with unbridled need. Parker kissed all over his neck, and in his murmurs, he repeatedly whispered 'I love you' again and again. Julien allowed this to happen, too.

That was just business.