Thank you so much for all the reviews last chapter! I love them all so much! Some I have not been able to reply to yet due to my awful internet connection but I will do that ASAP, I'm so sorry if I haven't replied to you!

Sorry about the wait, though I did warn you ;)

Please forgive any mistakes :)

NB – this song was written largely due to songs by My Chemical Romance and 30 Seconds to Mars, bands I don't usually listen to – because a friend recommended some specific songs. Because I was writing more than listening, the only words that really sunk in were the chorus and there was one song that seemed to fit Fíli's feelings throughout a lot of this chapter and it is called "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance (I think), hence the chapter name. I don't think the rest of the song particularly fits (but I haven't really looked at most of the lyrics so I wouldn't know) but the chorus certainly does, as do the words 'I'm Not Okay' (though I'm always hesitant with the word 'okay' when using it actually in Middle-Earth based stories because it doesn't seem to fit really.) Anyway, blabbering, sorry!

Read. Enjoy. Review.

Chapter Forty Seven # I'm Not Okay #

Beorn led the hunters through the thickening trees around them as the night darkened into the very middle of the night. The air was alive with tense calls between more animals than Fíli could name, but each of them sounded incredibly distressed. Every so often Beorn would release a low, rumbling growl in response to a particularly desperate call and at one point a doe stepped out onto their path. The young dwarf's eyesight was particularly good even in the dark and he had easily picked up the fear in the creature's eyes before Beorn had grunted and she had darted off back into the woods.

She was the only animal they saw at all, with the others keeping their distance from the resolute company, though Fíli noticed Bilbo's eyes flickering uncertainly to the woods whenever a wolf's howl sounded too close to them. Nevertheless, there was a steady determination in the hobbit's eyes and not once did his mouth open in protest or fear. His jaw was locked shut and worry filled eyes stared darkly out from his pale face, though interestingly there was no despair or panic in the hobbit's expression. Much like Fíli had, it appeared that Bilbo had got his emotions under control as they tracked their missing loved one through the darkness.

Giving in to despair and panic and fear and sorrow would be tantamount to giving up entirely – Fíli knew all too well the destructive effects of panic in the place of good, solid common sense, and he had forced himself to fall back on the years of training he had received as Thorin's heir to keep himself calm and steady.

There was a strong desire to despair running through his heart as the light of dawn began to seep into the forest, though Fíli quenched it with some difficulty. Kíli had been out all night, but they had taken him so they must have wanted him alive. They would save Kíli. There was no other option.

Suddenly Beorn stopped, sniffing the air for a long moment and Fíli tensed. The enormous bear shuddered and then shifted, his limbs merging into that of a man's once more – the morphing looking all the more eerie in the faint sunlight of the dawn.

Beorn wasted no time at all. "Straight ahead through these trees are a small cluster of caves. Our quarry is there."

"Are you sure?" Bofur worried quietly. "How do you know?"

"I can smell them," Beorn replied gravely. "The scent of dwarf is distinctive and the stench of fire and blood still clings to them."

Fíli swallowed, forcing himself to keep calm.

As far as he could remember, no one had been bleeding.

"So what's the plan?" Nori growled, fury at their faceless attackers lacing his voice as he glared through the trees. "You said there were four of them - we outnumber them."

"There may be more than four," Fíli argued softly, years of tactics and counter-tactics filling his brain helpfully. "We cannot assume that they are not part of something bigger, or that all of their party took Kíli– assumptions could get us all killed. That being said, we don't have time to delay – we should attack now with the element of surprise and watch our backs – without assuming that there are only four of them. We must keep our minds open to every possibility."

Beorn frowned slightly as the others nodded grimly. "If I attack in the form of a bear I will have little control over myself – there is more instinct and less thought in that form – and in battle I cannot guarantee that I would be able to tell friend from foe. I will prowl the perimeter and ensure these villains are alone. If something happens and I do charge at you, drop your weapons and fall to the floor – that way I will eliminate you as a threat even if I am in the shape of a bear."

"Drop weapons, collapse to the floor," Fíli recited with a sharp nod, drawing both of his swords. "Well then, let's get a move on."

Beorn nodded and strode back into the trees, changing form midstride and vanishing into the trees within seconds. Without another word, Fíli began to prowl through the trees with the others right behind him, creeping closer and closer until the trees thinned out to reveal a small cluster of caves jutting out of the rough landscape. Two brown haired dwarves were leaning against one of the caves, chatting amicably with each other as the sun rose.

All of a sudden a long drawn out scream of pain sounded from that very cave and Fíli winced as if he had been stabbed himself, his eyes opening wide and his lips forming his brother's name, though no sound could escape his frozen lips.

"Kíli," Bilbo whispered from beside him, his fingers clutching Sting as his face flickered between utter torture and sheer fury.

As Fíli watched, the brown haired dwarves started laughing and he breathed in through his nose, his hands shaking as he drew his swords.

"Wait!" Elrohir began, putting a hand on Fíli's arm even as he drew his own blade. "Remember that we can get information from them – if they live."

Fíli nodded tightly, barely even noticing how furious each and every one of his companions was - it was all he could do to control his own rage. "Bilbo and I will head straight for the caves."

"Two between four?" Elladan murmured, stroking the arrow already nocked in his bow. "That's hardly fair – we have to share!"

"There may be others," Fíli continued in a hushed voice, well aware that he would have been amused by the grim elf's serious complaint if he were not so tense. "They could be anywhere. Let's go…"

All it took was a unified nod from the entire group and then Fíli burst through the trees, a battle cry of pure rage ringing loud around the clearly. The two brown haired dwarves looked up in shock and dove for their bags, narrowly dodging an arrow from Elladan's bow. For a moment the larger of the two strangers grappled in their bags before drawing out something that looked suspiciously familiar to the flash flames that Balin would make for –

Boom!

Fíli threw his arm up to cover his face as the ground to his left exploded into flames and Bofur and Nori let out a string of curses that would have shocked even Dís. Trusting in his friends to defuse the threat from those two dwarves in particular, Fíli forced himself to continue charging for the mouth of the caves with Bilbo by his side.

Ducking into the first cave Fíli was just about to jump over the remains of an old fire when another dwarf rounded the corner with a fierce battle cry, swinging his sword up towards Fíli's face even as he turned and planted a kick onto Bilbo's chest. The hobbit flew backwards with a startled cry but Fíli was a far more skilled fighter than the hobbit and he roared in fury, countering the attempted strike to his face with his left sword as he swung at his opponent's exposed neck with the weapon he held in his right hand.

Unfortunately the black haired dwarf fighting him was a rather accomplished fighter and he countered Fíli's attack quickly. The two dwarves backed away from each other and began to circle slightly, though Fíli refused to let the older dwarf anywhere near the exit. By now Bilbo was back on his feet, standing behind Fíli, unsure of exactly how to act.

"Where is my brother?" Fíli growled fiercely, twirling his swords threateningly.

"Dead!" the other dwarf spat, spinning his own sword around in his hands. "And soon you'll be going to join him!"

Refusing to believe the stranger's words, Fíli ducked down to avoid the charging dwarf's attack before lashing back with a brutal counter attack of his own. A sickening sense of satisfaction overwhelmed him when his sword sliced clean through the dwarf's right arm under the elbow and his attacker dropped to his knees with an ear-piercing shriek of agony.

All of a sudden, Elladan darted into the cave and grabbed the dwarf by his thick, black hair hair, dragging back out of the cave with a nod to Fíli that the prince could read as clearly as words.

I have this one, go!

Wasting no further time, Fíli tore around the corner only to freeze in horror.

Battered and bruised and bloody, Kíli was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, but to Fíli's utter horror the dwarf standing above him had forced his sword into Kíli's open mouth.

"That's it," the red haired dwarf said coldly. "I'd be still too if I were you – you cannot touch me unless you want your baby brother's blood splattered all over these walls."

With a sickening surge of fear, Fíli realised that it was true - even if he managed to whip out a knife and throw it into the dwarf's chest before the villain could react the sword would still drop and Kíli would be dead in seconds.

"Now," the dwarf growled. "Put your swords down and go and sit by that wall over there."

Slowly Fíli bent down and lowered his swords to the floor, seeing Bilbo do the same out of the corner of his eye. Making sure that his movements were slow and steady, Fíli began to head towards the other wall.

"You realise that you cannot get out of this now," he said slowly. Perhaps his words would make things worse but maybe, just maybe they could save his brother's life. "If you let him go we will spare your life. We are not alone…"

"You'd be a fool to think I haven't thought of that," the red haired dwarf spat, kicking Kíli's shoulder. The young dwarf moaned in pain but did not move, his eyes now fixed on the hilt of the sword his attacker held. Fíli's heart began to race faster and faster as their red haired foe continued to speak. "There no way out for me now, not since Balder was obviously mistaken. However, I can and will still finish the job as slowly as I can. Now, sit down or I will drop this sword this instant!"

Holding his palms up in surrender Fíli lowered himself to the floor, his heart rate increasing as his racing mind failed to come up with a way of saving his baby brother.

Bilbo, however, did not sit down. Instead he shook his head. "I-I can't do this."

"What?" the enemy spat, and the hobbit just shook his head, his haunted eyes resting on his son.

"I'm sorry, Kíli I'm so sorry." With that, Bilbo vanished.

"What the-?" the red haired dwarf's eyes widened and Fíli froze.

All of a sudden the blade in Kíli's mouth shook and then flew into the air against the red haired dwarf's will, causing the attacker to cry out in shock and let go of the hilt. As the blade shattered to the floor with a small spray of blood, Bilbo reappeared with a large rock in hand and he smashed it into the large dwarf's head with a fierce yell.

"You-"

Smash! The dwarf staggered back and lifted up his arm to protect himself.

"Will never-"

Smash! The rock found its target past the dwarf's arm and collided with his skull once more, sending him straight to the floor.

"Touch-"

Bilbo fell to his knees to smash the rock into his enemy's head again as the red haired dwarf reached for the sword that lay mere feet away.

"My son-"

Thwack! The hobbit dropped the rock in favour of his fist and punched the dwarf beneath him right on the face.

"Again!" Bilbo finished with a fierce yell, punching the motionless dwarf one more time.

For a long moment no one moved.

Then Fíli scrambled to his feet, darting across the cave and crashing down to his knees beside his bleeding brother. "Kíli, Kíli!"

"Fee…" Kíli whispered, his pained eyes glistening with wonder as his bound hands grasped Fíli's arms. "You're not dead!"

Breathing heavily, Fíli shook his head and drew his little brother into his arms, causing Kíli to hiss in pain. Instantly cursing himself for not checking Kíli's injuries first, Fíli let go and began to push his brother away but Kíli whimpered wordlessly, collapsing against Fíli's chest and that was all it took to prompt the blonde to wrap his arms around Kíli again.

"No, I'm not dead," he murmured soothingly into Kíli's hair, feeling his younger brother shivering in his arms. "I'm here, you're safe now. You're safe…"

"Bilbo," Kíli choked, resting his chin in Fíli's shoulder and looking over at the hobbit behind them. Fíli felt Kíli's arms reach out for his father over his brother's shoulder, the coarse rope that bound his hands together scratching Fíli's neck and infuriating him with the very idea that someone would restrain his brother such a way. Fíli leant his head against Kíli's slightly as Bilbo fell to his knees and grabbed Kíli's hands, hugging Kíli around Fíli in a manner that was physically rather awkward, though none of the three could have cared less. "Bilbo…"

"I'm here," Bilbo whispered, his voice shaking. "Oh, Kíli, Kíli, I'm here…"

"The others?" Kíli choked, shuddering.

"They're all alive," Fíli forced calm into his voice, rubbing circles into Kíli's back. "They're fighting the other kidnappers."

Kíli swallowed and nodded, breathing heavily as his body went limp in Fíli's arms.

"Alright, nadadith, come on," Fíli pushed Kíli back carefully without fully releasing him, gently removing Kíli's hands from Bilbo's and pulling them in front of him, drawing his remaining hunting knife from the brace on his arm. In a few short moments, Fíli had sliced through the coarse rope without so much as nicking Kíli's skin and the younger dwarf massaged his wrists for a moment before moaning and slumping slightly where he sat. Instantly Fíli grasped his shoulders. "Kíli, Kíli! Look at me, little brother, look at me!"

Slowly, Kíli raised his pained brown eyes up to meet Fíli's. "I…I…"

"Listen, Kíli," Fíli said firmly. "You are not allowed to be in shock, do you understand me? If you are exhausted or hurting or sick you tell us, but you must tell us exactly what is going on. Promise me, Kíli!"

Kíli nodded head slowly, his haunted murmur almost missing Fíli's ears. "I thought you were all dead, I thought… I… It…hurts… I'm so tired, Fíli, so tired… Why can't bad things happen after we've had a good night's sleep?"

Fíli made himself chuckle lightly at Kíli's weak joke and leant across to cut through the rope securing Kíli's feet and Kíli instantly scrambled back towards him, throwing his arms around Fíli tightly.

"I love you, Fíli!"

Fíli closed his eyes, grateful that his brother's face was nestled against his neck – the last thing Kíli needed was to see Fíli crying. "I love you, too, Kíli. Always."

For a long moment Kíli just squeezed his brother but then he released Fíli and pulled Bilbo around into his arms. Fíli did not hear the words mumbled between the hobbit and the younger dwarf but he did not try to listen either, unwilling to invade Kíli's privacy, though he doubted that Kíli would truly mind if he did. Instead he waited for a moment, listening to the sounds of the fight outside with a surge of apprehension. There had only been two dwarves outside, plus the now armless villain that had run out at them. The red haired dwarf that had threatened Kíli was not moving any time soon – if he ever moved again – so why was it taking so long to disarm the remaining two enemies?

"I…I have to t-tell you something!" Kíli stammered suddenly, grabbing Fíli's arm with a look of pure desperation flaring in his eyes. To Fíli's shock Kíli's breaths began catching in his throat and his stammers came out like sobs, jumbling his words together. "Th-they said that he…but I didn't, I didn't believe…didn't believe… I c-couldn't believe it b-but it was t-true, h-he was h-here and I-I-"

Sharing a quick glance of worry with Bilbo over Kíli's shoulder, Fíli put his hand on his brother's arm and forced his brother to look him in the eye. "Shh, Kíli calm down, just breathe…"

"It's important!" Kíli choked, his eyes growing wider, and to Fíli's alarm his brother's sobs came out faster with growing distress. "He-he-he-"

"Not this important, Kíli, breathe, just breathe…" Fíli ordered, putting a hand on Kíli's cheek. "One thing at a time. Who is 'he'?"

Taking a deep breath, Kíli glanced at the hobbit and then looked at Fíli. "Th-the one who o-o-ordered th-this, who c-came and told them to f-finish me!"

"You know him?" Fíli frowned as Kíli nodded his head. "What's his name? Tell me, Kíli!"

Kíli shook his head, a sob breaking free from his clenched teeth. Tears began to fall freely from Kíli's cheek and fury surged in Fíli's heart. Whoever had made his brother so afraid - so hurt - was going to pay dearly for their crimes. "F-F-Fíli, I…he…he…he-"

"It's alright, Kíli," Fíli promised. "We'll find him and we'll make sure he never comes near you again. Just think about how furious Thorin will be when he finds out! He and Dwalin will make that worthless scum wish he was never born."

A sharp wail tore from Kíli's throat and he fell forward, his head crashing into Fíli's chest. The dark haired dwarf shook with violent sobs of what could only be described as anguish and Fíli enveloped his brother safely in his arms, looking fearfully at Bilbo.

The hobbit looked just as horrified as Fíli felt and he came closer, stroking Kíli's hair wordlessly. What did I say? Fíli begged the hobbit with his eyes and Bilbo shook his head hopelessly.

"Kíli?" the hobbit asked quietly.

"He…I s-s-saw him, Bilbo, I saw him!" Kíli cried. "He was th-there I s-saw him and h-heard him and he s-spoke to me and-"

"Who, Kíli?" Bilbo pressed worriedly.

"Dwalin!" Kíli sobbed and fell away from Fíli, clenching his eyes shut and wrapping his arms around his stomach. "It was Dwalin!"

Fíli froze, certain that he must have heard wrong. He barely noticed his shocked whisper fall from his lips. "What?"

Kíli's only answer was a long, keening sob and Bilbo pulled his son into his arms in an instant, ignoring the blood on his hands. As the hobbit began murmuring quietly into Kíli's hair, Fíli caught sight of a glitter of metal near the ashes of the fire in the cave and he looked at it carefully before retching.

It was Dwalin's prized hunting knife – the one Fíli himself had forged for the warrior's 160th birthday not four years previously.

No, he thought desperately. No, Dwalin, wouldn't, he couldn't, he'd never –

Kíli's pure despair made sense now. The fact that his baby brother was a total wreck after less than twenty four hours in captivity was due to the fact that Dwalin, one Fíli loved like an uncle, had betrayed them in the worst possible way.

No, no, no, why, why, why?

"F-Fíli, I-I-I-"

Fíli looked to his brother's face, feeling tears spill out of his eyes and onto his cheeks despite his previous efforts.

"I'm sorry, Fíli, I'm s-sorry," Kíli sobbed, clutching at Bilbo's arm and Fíli sobbed himself.

"You have nothing to apologise for," Fíli covered his face with his hands for a moment, taking a couple of deep breaths as his brother cried.

Climbing to his feet and stumbling mindlessly towards the mouth of the cave, Fíli prayed that Kíli was wrong, that he had been fooled somehow, but if there was any hope at all Kíli would have offered it. Kíli Baggins; the sunny, friendly, loving dwarf that his brother had become, would not have sobbed out Dwalin's name with such certainty and difficulty if he had the slightest inkling that there may have been a possibility that the situation was not exactly as it seemed.

Dwalin had betrayed them.

Fíli fell to his knees with an involuntary cry of frustration and pain. The fierce, stabbing pain of betrayal had never been felt so fiercely by Fíli before, and now he wished that Kíli had never said anything. If Dwalin – the most loyal person Fíli had ever known – wanted to see them dead, how could anything ever be the same again?

As his mind whirled and his stomach sickened with 'why's and 'when's and 'how's and 'why's, Fíli's world grounded to an absolute halt.

"Fíli, we've finish…What happened?"

Fíli looked up at Bofur who was standing in the mouth of the cave staring at him in horror. Realising the conclusion that Bofur must have drawn upon seeing the blonde prince kneeling on the floor with tears trailing down his cheeks, Fíli looked up and shook his head.

"Kíli's alive, he's alive…"

Bofur sagged in relief for a second. "Then what's the matter?"

Fíli opened his mouth to try and put his torment into words but for a long moment he just opened and closed his mouth stupidly. Finally he managed to choke out the three incomprehensible words. "It was Dwalin."

"What?" Bofur's mouth fell open and Fíli shook his head again with a sob.

"Kíli saw him, and heard him," Bilbo supplied, his voice sounding thick with tears as he slowly got to his feet, helping Kíli up.

"What did he say? Are you sure it was him?" Bofur demanded, denial screaming from his tone.

"It was him," Kíli took a staggering step and Fíli leapt to his feet, looping Kíli's arm over his shoulder.

Bofur swallowed. "Let's get you out of here, lad."

Fíli felt like he was in a daze as he walked out into the growing sunshine. Clouds were beginning to form on the western horizon and smoke was rising around the area where the fight had been and Fíli glanced to the side to see the two brown haired dwarves that had been standing guard lying face down on the floor near a large boulder. No further inspection was needed to ensure that Fíli knew they were dead.

The now armless dark haired dwarf that Fíli had fought was shrieking through a gag but it looked like his arm had been wrapped in a tourniquet and he was in no immediate danger – from his injuries, at least – and he was being largely ignored by the others.

"Kíli's alive," Bofur called out, and Elladan, Elrohir and Nori looked up in relief.

To Fíli's mild horror, Elrohir was tending to a rather deep looking wound in his brother's shoulder, but Elladan's pinched face contorted into an attempt at a smile at the sight of the brothers.

"Kíli, it is good to see you alive, mellon."

Kíli nodded weakly. "Are you alright?"

"I will live," Elladan sighed, glancing at Elrohir who was beginning the wound. "A knife was thrown that I did not see coming. Now to more important matters, where are you hurt? Elrohir-"

"One moment, Elladan!" Elrohir snapped, and Fíli knew at that moment how afraid Elrohir had been when the knife had embedded itself in his brother's shoulder. "I have almost finished."

Bilbo coughed, his voice thick with emotion as he spoke loudly enough for Nori and the two elves to hear. "Apparently we were wrong. D…Dwalin was behind all of this."

"What?" the trio hissed in unison.

Kíli moaned and fell against Fíli slightly and the blonde shifted, catching his brother easily. "Easy, Kíli…"

"Fíli, if you lean against that tree could you get your brother into a comfortable position?" Elrohir asked professionally, tying the bandage around his own brother's shoulders.

"Of course," Fíli nodded, his voice almost as quiet as Kíli's, sitting down where the elf had suggested and easing Kíli down with him. "Come on, Kíli, that's it. Where are you hurt, I don't want to make anything worse?"

"Everywhere, Fee," Kíli whispered.

"Alright," Fíli swallowed before pulling Kíli onto his lap the way he had when they were little children. Automatically Kíli shuffled slightly until he was comfortable and Fíli rested his chin on the younger dwarf's head for a moment, drawing what comfort he could from his frightened baby brother. "Are you comfortable?"

"Very," Kíli sniffled, speaking quietly so as to avoid being heard by anyone but his brother. "Fee?"

"Mm?" Fíli hummed, not trusting his voice not to break.

"Wh…what if Thorin-"

"No!" Fíli's voice broke but he shook his head, holding Kíli close and squeezing his eyes shut. "He would never do that to us, never. He would die first."

"But so would Dwalin…"

Fíli did not reply – he could not reply – and he looked up tearfully as Elrohir came closer. The elf tended to Kíli's wounds silently, save for occasionally asking Kíli a gentle question as to how he got a specific injury, and it only took a few minutes for Elrohir to treat the numerous burns, lash marks, bruises, cuts and scalds on Kíli's battered body.

To Fíli's relief Kíli's injuries were not as severe as he had feared – it appeared that his kidnappers had been trying to cause intense but relatively brief pain as opposed to permanent damage.

"Do you know either of those two?" Fíli cleared his throat and gestured to the brown haired corpses, looking towards Nori and Bofur.

"I think I saw them in Dain's army but I can't be sure," Nori shrugged. "Never took much notice if they were. Took us longer than usual to finish them off – they used the fire to their advantage."

"They turned a battle into a dance of shadows and fire – it was all illusion and trickery, there was little skill involved and as soon as we saw through the flames they were doomed. There's another through those trees," Elrohir nodded towards a cluster of thick trees. "Elladan's attacker."

"Hang on," Bofur's voice dropped to a bare whisper that held more tension than Fíli had ever heard in the cheerful miner's voice. "I know those axes…"

Wordlessly both Fíli and Kíli rose, their eyes wide and their hearts pumping as they looked through the trees to the unmoving corpse Elrohir had pointed out.

Fíli stumbled closer, step after staggered step until he was running through the trees. In seconds, the prince was standing over a bloodied corpse.

The dwarf's body was sprawled facedown against the forest floor in a pool of blood with one of Elrohir's arrows impaling his neck through his hood. The cloak he was wearing was nondescript, but Fíli's heart raced faster and faster as he noted the scarred and tattooed hands before he even glanced at the weapons strapped to the warriors back. No breath disturbed the blades of grass near the dwarf's face, and it was clear that the dwarf was dead, despite the fact that his hood hid his face.

The lion hearted prince of Erebor sank to his knees once more with a roar of betrayal and agony and grief as the bright metal of Grasper and Keeper glinted in the sunlight from their place on the back of a dead traitor.

I feel so evil :)

I hope you enjoyed that chapter, as depressing as it was, I quite like it but goodness knows it's taken ages to write :S

For all you readers that don't like angst – while this minor plotline is not even nearly finished, it won't be this angst intensive for the rest of the story, I promise :)

I'd love to know your thoughts and feelings, btw - and I do love Dwalin, I really do! I promise all will be revealed with the next chapter.

There may be a wait before the next chapter, I am very busy with studying, but I will do my best.

Thanks for reading, please review.